She sits on my lap
Plump and fat
Wrinkling my dress
I pet away all my stress

(cats are not evil)

heart is pumping
you grab my waist
a tickle fight begins
and "just friends" end
as you tickle my lips
with your kisses

im not in the front of his mind
im with my best friend on a drive
we laugh and we cry

**** boys

My lips may be soft,
but the words they have for you are not.

I feel compelled to post and speak
But my education feels too bleak
Yet blacks and whites and others too
See the harm the policemen do

I am white
But I'm not dumb
I see an action so blatantly wrong
The harm that the policemen have done

The people are out and the streets are loud
They will not rest until justice is found
One name fires up the nation
Yet the harm continues, little hesitation

There are good, but there are bad
People on every side of the issue are mad
But it's hard to deny the facts
Unlawfully taken lives can't be given back

Speak up for what is true and what is right
Even if you're scared since you are white
I know you aren't dumb
Help be the change that needs to come

If he held me again today
I'd collapse into his being
In anger and regret
And thankfulness
Otherwise there'd be no change
He was once all of my heart and mind
Not only occupying my thoughts
Fogging them
I did not think of me
I thought of us
A fragile concept
One of the past

If he held me again today
It would be the last

I can't let myself hurt you
I'm scared of more than friends
Whenever there's a good thing
It ends

My most frequent lie
is my answer to the question
Are you alright?
I say,
I'm fine.
But I am thinking,
No!
I am losing my mind!
But you couldn't care less anyway.

And just like that
I am back to being everything that he wanted
Except for the fact
I am not with him
He does not get to see
This better version of me
Mature and clean
Because he had his chance
And didn't see
All of my potential
To get out of my dark space
And be in a happy place
With him
So I found
Someone without any doubts
About me
Who cares and loves
More than he ever does
And just like that
I am back to being loved
By someone thats not just mean

It will all stop abruptly
I'll be hit with a lack of presence
New cold hands
No more forehead kisses
No more late night cuddles
That get us in trouble
Because we sleep all night
And miss class the next morning
The drives around town when the sun is down
Unplanned pizza stops
With jam sessions in the car after
All will become a thing of the past
I don't want to believe it will happen
But I know that you will leave
Walk out my room, and never drive back
Exiting abruptly

Your chin rested on my head
I could tell you closed your eyes
Maybe took in the scent of my shampoo

There are days I can't stop thinking about you

The shattered gray and foamy waves take over my field of green

I see everything you want in the reflection of me

There's no words to describe the feeling of you kissing my cheek
Kiss my mouth to get me started
Plant one on my cheek to be sweet
But you don't need to be sweet with me
It's all just routine

I look back on the way my heart jumped
The way he made my love filled blood pump
And I fail to understand
I do not know how I loved everything so small, even holding his hand
How can love just come and go?
When he stopped loving me, how did I not know?
His eyes must have sparkled at the idea of leaving me
My absence was the reason he smiled gladly
I never looked for the signs of this
I was the definition of ignorance is bliss
My heart knew all along
But my brain was saying it had to be wrong
When they say trust your gut they never say which one

I close my eyes
The years are filled with tears
From jokes to heartbreak
Missing you to wanting you gone
I thought you were the one
But you were a test run
Showed me what I should want
A hand to hold in pain
Eyes liking everything they see
Laughing with, but not at
Kisses on every inch of me
All of that
Is what I need
What you could not give me

I complain about your silence
but I do not know the truth,
at least the full essence.
You won't tell me why,
what secrets do you have?
What do they have to hide?
Even from your friend?
I feel like the world knows already.
You make me worry.

compulsive liar
like a faucet with water
on and off
oops
a lifetime later
didn't mean to leave on the water

drip




drip








drip

Emotions are so overwhelming
Even in their simplest essence
They build and break and destroy
They shape and form and create
The hardest thing about emotions
Is having no control over what to break
And no control over what to create
Because sometimes
A heart can break
And the only thing created is a tragedy

My heart knew all along
But my brain was saying it was all wrong
When they say trust your gut they never say which one

my words fade
faster than  
footprints on sand
or snow on a hand

people drop like flies
if i find out the truth
is actually lies

I would never admit it
But I do think it
I know you will always be in my life
Because I worry
With all the pills you pop
That one day you won't talk to me
Not because I'm blocked
But because you won't be alive to talk

People don't really ever change
They stay the same
They have one home they go back too
One smell that brings them back when they close their eyes
There's always one lover they remember more than others
Always that one home cooked meal that they crave
One person they long to see after years apart
There's one gravestone they will fix the crooked flowers of
One old friend they wish they hadn't lost track of over time

There is always the same roots to one tree even if the branches fall off
People don't really ever change

Dreams are draining
Thoughts venting out
Yesterday's memories are straining
in my clouded mind
to keep remaining
My opinions evaporating
tongue steaming
to catch the words slipping
out of my brain  
into oblivion