The clock ticking cuts through my soul
You are only seventeen
Am I really too old?

Gates of heaven are locked
I checked em before I ran next door and knocked
welcomed in before my hand even hit the door
make yourself at home you've been here before
ain't that how it always goes
take what you can get when the other doors are closed
had a fair share of all time lows ya know
but how do you know when it's the ultimate low
hell's always open, gotta find the key to the other place
because they don't let in just any pretty face

one coffee down
an energy drink too
the only thing that keeps me awake
is the thought of you

I tell him I love him
Only one month in
The thought of him not saying it back scares me
I don't want to hear nothing
The shallow air as he hesitates
Because he's lost feeling

I told him I love him
Only one month in
I'm scared I will regret it and never be able to recover
I don't want to be hurt
Or even worse, hurt him

everything moves too fast
the shelter of this bubble
is not slow enough
needles poking and prodding
it's about to pop

water dripping
outside my window
tell me does she fill your dreams
or does the weight you carry
keep you awake
just like the rain

You are behind me
I don't want to be your friend
We had our time
But it's come to an end

I was only fifteen
I knew what I was made of
Distance wasnt made for me

The name pops up on my screen
It's been months, but I never leave you on seen
It's a habit I just can't kick
And you're a person I hate to miss
I close my eyes and feel it all
The years of tears
From laughter and love
To heartbreak and hurt
All from you
And you always pop back up
Texting to talking to drives
To parking spots and rendezvous
It's always you
Then yelling and screams
More tearing at the seams
You'll never hear my name
And be able to close your eyes
And not see me
Or hear me
My words in your ear
Hands on your face
In love or pity
In passionate routine
A forever
That you thought was me
Is only a cycle of names on a screen
And I'm not the one that goes back
I'm the one that's gone back too
It's not me
It's you

Argue argue argue
But do you ever win?
I see you so different
Than who you think you are
But I know I have you figured out
And when I told you how
Your jaw hit the floor and your eyes got wide
A child
A deer in headlights
Bewildered
That someone has let themself inside
Your mind
And knows
Exactly what your next thought is
When you try and win
Think again
And I'll be there in your head

My friends tell me of their days
Same as mine
Texting, scrolling, napping, eating
Eyes glued to a screen till three am
The new night
Told it will end in two weeks
But there's no true end in sight

My ceiling never changes every night I find myself staring
Just these past few weeks I feel as if it gets closer
I see a film of my life and everything that never played out flash by
The reality I wish could be
But it's far from what is happening to me

You may know you are better,
But that can mean nothing,
When everyone thinks you are not.

You look at me with pure joy
A smile ear to ear
Hopelessly in love
My biggest fear

I woke up in a dark room
and sat alone
thinking that i was alone
feeling like i was alone
but with all of my mind
and you on it

I try to close my eyes in peace
But my thoughts never cease

I don't know where to go
My friends are all fading away
Popping pills to avoid being awake
Can't something else take their pain away?

I should go to sleep
I get my dose of nicotine
Try to push you away
But you crash into my dreams

Drop anything for you because you're my priority
You say you'd do the same for me
But I can't call you when you're at a party

His soft skin on my fingertips
eyes flickering in his dreams
arms twitching around me
how did I get so lucky
to see this man asleep