I may not feel your emotions, but I can still feel mine
I do not say these things to you, do I?
And for the record, I don’t enjoy it when you cry
I am merely satisfied
That you get what you deserve
For treating me so poorly
And playing pin-the-blame, while claiming you were justified
In screaming, yelling, throwing hands
While I sit watching patiently
Face blank, composed, while you insult me
Pretending I don’t shake inside
Pretending I can take the noise
pretending my breathing is still steady
Watching you with perfect poise
Frozen in my peaceful stare
As you berate me for things beyond my control
Waiting until I cannot bear
Then striking back without a care
Or so it seems, as I rip you to shreds, and you scream and cry and I brace myself
For getting blamed for fighting back, for standing strong
Because I refuse to be bullied
Still pretending I don’t care
Pretending I am an inferno
Instead of a dying candle
Crushed in angry hands
Blown out by icy wind
Of those who claim to take care of me
I am not a psychopath
I am the only stable one in current company

You're literally a psychopath
For making me feel like that
And thinking that it's ok
And that I'm gonna forgive you

I'm amazed at the audacity
For thinking you'd do that to me
And not feeling bad at all
And thinking I'd still give you

The time of day
And not send you on your way
Like you deserve
Because consequences don't exist
And in your head I know you're sick

And maybe I feel bad for you
And everything that we've been through
But I'm telling you this is it
You're gone, deleted, with one click

I quietened the couple next door,
so you could sleep.
I swallowed the crackling fire,
so you could sleep.
I made the bed and
fluffed the pillows,
so you could sleep –
after burying the bodies
of the dogs who no longer yap
or the children who
no longer scream.
I absorbed the night-time freeze
and the searing warmth
so you could sleep.
And you kept sleeping.

I am a freak, that’s what I am. That’s all I am and all I’ll ever be. (I have to embrace it)
Haven’t you been told so? Haven’t you been warned?? Huh???
A rebel from birth. A mental, emotional and spiritual abomination, I pray upon my physical appearance.
Whilst making my image rot from the inside out and from the outside in.

I’m going through phases of my own. I have dark times myself too. Very DARK.
I hate the very sight of this world. I have taken on monsters at times and they've beat me. This time for good.
I can’t take this anymore. I can’t go through this another day, another hour, another minute, another second.
It seems that all I ever do is done in vain. Nothing’s really going to change. Nothing will ever get better.

I’ll end up getting killed by my own stubbornness. By my own rebellious stance and natural lack of self-control.
They say free will does not exist and I agree. We are human-machines in a mechanical universe.
Our fate has been decided. Long time ago. By gods who were unjust. Disgusting. Immoral
How do you expect me to be perfect in a world who has only showed me its ugly face?

Wandering through life without any purpose. Without any kind of cause. Without a calling of some sort.
How am I supposed to rise among the world of men and women and win against them? Like this? Weak?? Defeatist mindset on the go???
I’m so sick of people at the same time. I want to **** everybody. I detest every living being and life itself.
I hate to go on living. I just have to accept that my life will carry on being a shitstorm, like this from now and on.

Who the **** made me like this?? Who messed me up so badly?? Who did it??? ****! (Crying)
Somebody ****** me up real good! Some people ****** me up for life! I want to find out.
And the best revenge would be for them to be annihilated! For life! Yeah! That would be good!
Stupid imbeciles. I hate you. They time will come for when I’m going to rise from this restorative sleep of mine and then you’ll see for yourself. Who the **** am I!

Will this fight ever stop man? I’m tired of going against the grain. Swimming against the river.
Tell me, Oh wise man, what have you learned from life? Is it worth the effort? The pain? The tears??
I don’t know if I’ll ever win this game. Again I don’t know where I’m going or what I want out from all of this? Where do I stand in all of this madness???
Maybe I just need to let all hell to break loose and let go of inhibitions and rules. To imbue my body and actions with the eternal magic, of my darkest self.