i'm here,
saying all the things you don't have the guts to say,
here i am,
facing the elephant in the room,
setting it free,
it's about time for a goodbye to be made,
even if you are trying to avoid one.

Yesterday night,
as I was crossing the
bridge of the past,
your name was
barely floating underneath,
I looked at it as it was
half submerged,
half breathing,
and my hand didn't reach out for it,
instead, it reached out for my heart,
listened to its beats,
they said walk to the end of the bridge,
and I did,
my hand reached for my hair and cut
two strands to make a ribbon to tie the past,
you loved my hair after all,
didn't you?

you taught me
how much love
truly resides in me,
how capable I am,
of loving, being loved,

but you also
reminded me,
of why I had
built walls around
my heart so high,
that even I couldn't
get a peak.

I know Earth still orbits around the Sun,
because I know that your heart continues to beat on Earth
as the thought of you constantly rotates inside my head...

I am sorry I let someone touch
the outline of your lips,

I am sorry I let someone trace the
goosebumps on your arms,

I am sorry I let someone whisper
poetry to your ears,

I am sorry I let someone
break your wings.

my mind has declared
war against me as it  
wanders to places
and times
that make me unable
to sleep before daylight
enters the premise,
and as long as the
thoughts triggered
won’t make a peace
investment in me,
i am forever
incarcerated.

It's not cool that you did that,
why are you always contradicting yourself, on purpose?

I have come to realize that the hardest thing
to do is not picking out an option from two that
are very similar in nature, but rather putting myself first.

I'm still here, why are you crying..
I'm still here, why do I keep on crying too..

I'm still here but it's hard to imagine I'd be leaving this place.
Leaving those people behind,
Ditching the memories,
The good and the bad ones.

Are those tears of joy or sadness?  
Am I happy to leave, and begin a new begining , and discover new things and go on adventures.
Or  am i sad to leave, never seeing those people again, because everytime I think of it, I start crying.

What is the moral
behind cancer that
is not even identifiable,
a crime yet to be startled
by another failure,
when you pray for the
pain to go away,
but then the blood is shed
out of your skin in silence,
I think something inside of me
exploded,
No I didn't feel it,
but the traces don't lie,
I'm dying.

when your words don’t mean much to them,
stop talking, stop arguing
when your actions can’t be seen by them,
stop trying, stop wasting your energy
when your emotions start to groan,
don’t let them build,
you know they’ll eat you up alive,
when you can’t get to a target,
even though you try over and over,
start looking for meaning in the path instead,
when you can’t get over someone,
start reminding yourself that you can,
because you know you can.

steps to mend
a broken heart:

1. take a good look at your heart,
assess the damage
2. pick up every piece, dust off the pain
3. call a cab, rent a storage room for the unrequited memories
4. let the clock twirl its magic a couple times
5. undress what hurts, damp what you escape from facing
6. hold the weapon that fractured you and bathe in its every fraction
7. collect every fragment left in you, there is strength in unity
8. remember that self love is the only way to win this battle
9. crash in your favourite sheets, put your heart to sleep
10. take your shot at life, assess all of the possibilities

take my secret
and bury it in
your chest,
you can visit it
every now
and then,
just don’t give
it too much
attention,
it feeds on and is
greedy for
grudges,
it will not hestitate
to steal the
spot light from
your heart.

I still remember the first time your hand reached for mine,
I still remembering my hand going numb upon the touch of yours,
I still remember the sight of your eyes trying to trace my eyes as your hand reached for mine,
waiting for a reaction, an expression,,
I still remember the echo of your accent flowing through my ears,

Thinking about the future
makes me want to stay
in bed all day,
pretend that I don’t have to
get up and face the world,
yet the facts are drawn on
the ceiling of my bedroom.

once upon a winter,
a storm made a victim out of you,
and so you sleighed to warm embracing arms,,
but they called your feelings out as faulty,

you tried to supress the past,
indulged the present,
and disregarded any grudges into spring,
but you didn't linger for warmth anymore,
your heart ached in ways it hadn't before,
you doubted the only soul residing in your body,

sleep was your only escape from reality,
but your dreams were forearmed,
trapping you back to a survival
which you felt unfortunate to have,
next thing you know,
you become a living metaphor for, "can this get any worse?",

I wake up when the morning takes its first few breaths and it guides my lungs along,
it says;
breathe, breathe child,
it's true you're in the bottom bulb of the hourglass,
but it's not the sand you're drowning in,
it's your thoughts.

here's the thing about looking
onto windows at night,
you suddenly come to realize the world
in its separate yet inescapable three dimensions,
you see not only your own reflection,
but over and beyond,
you pause from blinking
and for an abrupt of an instant,
your life flashes before your eyes,
you see all of the scenes so clearly
acted out by a vivid yet an accurate reflection,
you start to remember the meticulous shade
of a sky that your cheeks were touched by,
the thickness of a boy's pride that made you
wish the world existed in only one dimension,
you feel the pain that filled the veins
of a cracked floor you once walked on,
your lips lift to form a smile a stranger
threw at you from a stage you wanted to be on,
and in this peripheral gazing,
you exist in two dimensions
stuck in between what the window
entails at day and at night.

You speak,
but I don't recognize the words,
at this moment,
I don't even recognize my existence,

My mind is somewhere between the
waves of the ocean,
playing between the grains of sand,
swirling like the princess it is,

a princess that will
trap you with her offer of kindness,
******* over and over again.

My dreams and my writings are both the worlds filled with grief and sadness , but not as much the world my reality is in.

I dont’t need a man to
love me to feel loved,

I just need a man to prove
to my brain that I can be loved by one.

i am jealous,
but please make it stop,
i know i can't be your only friend.

All those people, they say they care.

They say they'll be there for me, they say they believe in me.

They tell me that I'm beautiful, and that Im a worthy to live.

But those people , I do not believe.

Their words and their looks of sympathy , makes me lose hope in myself even more.

this mind grew tired
of feelings of helplessness,
this body cannot endure
the pain,
these hands can no longer
afford to tremble in weakness,
these lungs involuntarily
pump life into me
as these years slowly
escape from thy
inward eyes.

Being with you isn't easy,
but it's worth it,
it's right,

Being with you isn't a choice,
it's a need,

Being with you

happy news penetrate
through my fading
soul like a wave
washing the
traces off
sand;
                            easily.

the more i let myself go
the more i pull back,
the more courage built
the more fear fed,
the more i give
the more i grieve
the more emotions involved
the more thoughts escape,
the more i know
the less i want to know.

What is so bad about reality, conversations and confrontations?
Why can't you ever seem to mix these together?
How am I supposed to know what is so good about us,
if I can't even find the truth, the words and your heart?

my thoughts
have invaded
continents
long before
descending on
this mind
of mine

you look like
the one who
left me behind,
but you smile
just a little wider
and my heart
already feels
a lot warmer.

I bought myself a pair of wings
and convinced myself that I was now able to fly,
so I jumped off the tallest limit I've had set
in the first couple of seconds,
I felt free, in control and weightless
but then the weight of reality fell on me
and I was left on the ground
with a broken mind.

My feelings are as delicate as smoke,
they too shatter like ash does.

My thoughts take me away,
and then they disappear,
back in the atmosphere of my mind.

Sometimes all I need
is my lion-print blanket,

ice in my coffee,

and isolation from my thoughts.

They say remove toxic people from your life,
but what am I supposed to do with this toxic heart of mine?

Tell me how
I only break
to be strong and still,
how I only
take from me
to give to others,
how I get disapprovals
on my own pain,
how I wake up as
early as 6 am,
yet can't get up
until the regrets of
time gone to waste
hit at 2 pm,
Tell me how
to stop.

i don’t trust you
to love me through
thick and thin,
when you’re
holding my hand
and when the
distances grow
unplanned,
to think of me
always and
not just when
you need a fan,
when you know
me by heart
but not understand,
to give me space
and not let me
push you away,
when i need your
presence and
your silence as well,
to help me through
my mistakes but
not ease the pain,
when you share
who you are with me
and i don’t get scared.

Touching those walls, seeing those people, realizing that this will be the last time I'll be here.

I don’t crave revenge and grudges,
my soul doesn’t feed on anger,
it feeds on confrontations as
it only craves the truth.

when the possibilities become infinite,
so are the lessons that come along,
every experience suddenly has more to it,
boundaries have a different meaning,
you get to dip your finger into the unknown,
taste it, heck even jump in it,
and once you settle back home,
your mind wanders to all the places
whose background you perfectly merged into,
you can shut the thoughts out,
but you can't build a wall,
the blinds are always open,
nothing is definite.

Your silence is the only part of you that still speaks to me,
and when I can't hear your voice anymore,
the fog reveals the distances you aren't willing to travel,
what's the point of reaching out to someone who doesn't want to be reached?

im not going
to compete
for someone
who is not mine,
that is not the
game for me.

your hands were on my shoulders
just a little bit above
where my heart was overwhelmingly beating,

I made a little prayer,
that I'd stay scared,
because your embrace felt like home,
and I guess you could say
I was too scared to leave my new warm home.

Your fingers fell on my hand,
a mistake,
I thought, I now love mistakes.

The closer and closer we got,
the more distances I wanted to
travel to get to you.

I swear
if this isn't meant to be,
I promise it wouldn't be much of a surprise,
I swear it would be just
another day,
another person,
another feeling
that doesn't want to stay,

some reasons,
I'll just never know.

I wish I could
stop the distances from growing,
make my mind reside back in my body,
turn reality into a dream so it could hurt less,
feel better when I cry,
erase the borders between us so we become one,
dry the oceans so I could cross them,
fill them again with my tears
and maybe jump in,
test how deep the damage in my mind,
distance myself from crying again
and reside in a dream.

how do I make you jealous
when jealousy is a hostage
in the basement of my being?

how do I let go of jealousy
when sometimes I look at it and it actually is unrequited love
and other times it is just bad timing..

It is true that those are
my hands on the steering wheel
at all times,
but what direction is never, meant and to be?

living in the moment
lasts for the moment,

loving myself
requires living every single moment

I pick me,
I choose me,
I love me.

Happy one year anniversary
to my scars,
to my once wounded heart,
to my healing soul,
to all the little-broken memories
that I still stumble upon till this day.

It seems that
I like that
I can't have you,
but when the
challenge is over,
so are my wants.