The bottom of the glass again,
Through the crystal design,
An obscure vision,
The world blurred and unaligned.
The sight i see,
Though new today.
Seems all but too familiar.
I obscure the things surrounding me.
I cause them to defect.
Again i left her in her in a place I always seek escape from.
Though unwillingly i must assume,
Perhaps my will transcends me.
It seems more and more that though i see my actions as innocent in my design,
A haze of rose must cloud my judgement.
It leaves me wondering this night.
Am i what i think of me.
Or perhaps here i do not critique myself with any impartial merit.
Yet my lack of pride,
Strange it seems,
Blocks me from another apology.
I often feel my sorries carry less weight than the breathes they ride on.
What worth is a word.
When no-one wishes to hear it.
What worth are my words.
When she may never see it.
I guess in here i address myself,
A man willingly broken.
All anger leaves me now,
In the damaged night i rest in.
And in walks more regret,
And out the one i was blessed with.
Am I wasting my time waiting on you?
You're so valuable to me and yet,
You choose to damage yourself as much as possible.
I am unsure of you, more now than I have ever been before.
You're foreign to me for once.
There's nothing I can do but sit back and hope for the worst.
We've never been this far from each other.
Please, I don't ever want to be this way again.
I don't ever want to feel this far from you again for the rest of my life.
Even if we hate each other,
Even if there are no words to be said between us,
Please, I beg of you, don't give me silence. At least let me know how you are.
No matter what, I will care.
You have been my top priority always,
And nothing can ever change that.
You mean so much to me...
And it makes me sad to see you so upset....
I'm sorry for everything I did.
I am sorry.
I will not rest until you know that I am
My eyes will not be dry,
Until you understand how bad I feel.
I am tired.
I haven't slept.
I won't sleep until you pick up the phone
So I can cry and apologize profusely.
I love you so.
I'd do anything for you,
And I'd never intentionally hurt you.
I'm sorry I brought him up.
I know how protective you are.
I am sorry
I am sorry
I am sorry
I feel like I must say it,
Over and over again,
Even when you accept my apology,
Because I will still feel bad.
I will still be sad,
Even though I am glad
I may even be mad
Because I knew better.
I knew what to do,
I knew what to say
And yet I failed you anyway.
Apologies for the apology.
The backpedaling from foolish mistakes.
Traversing the sincere to the desperate,
Watching this world crumble around me.
Sincerely though I'm sorry.
It gives me no right to expect redemption
Nor do I, for I know the damage caused.
And truly that's why I wish this apology.
Could do more than just fill air.
I’m sorry, am I dirty now?
Please don’t look at me in that way
It feels awkward when you stare at the wounds on my legs
And do it with such an empty face
I’m sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?
Your good little girl is suddenly, wrong
The only reaction you had when noticed my hurting
Was to tell me it doesn’t come from God
i wish i could be indistinguishable
out of sight
because having a decent fine smile
& beautiful brown long hair
won't help you much
the only thing they care for is to turn you on
choke you when they kiss you
& just simply fuck the soul out of you
so i swear
i'd be selfish for once
if it's for me to be obscured
out of the world
out of people's eager lust
i'd turn my back on everyone
& i apologize in advance
I met you 3 years ago.
5' 2" and terrifying.
You never got any taller, but your rockstar personality shot right to the moon and back. And you never let anybody bring you down or tell you what to do. I admired that about you.
I remember the dumbest things about our friendship. I remember working with you on a group project we both didn't care about. I remember becoming friends with you like it was an easy thing, like we both knew we would be friends eventually.
I remember the first song I ever sent to you, and not expecting you to like it but you did anyway. You told me the song would even get stuck in your head. I promised to send you every song I would ever write.
We were close. I would always make time to talk to you. It didn't matter whether or not you were interrupting anything, I would set anything aside to talk to you.
We shared our jokes, and our pain. Our laughter and longing, we were good friends and we never let each other down.
And I will admit that this is my fault.
Please don't place all of the blame on her.
She may be guilty, but so am I.
2 out of the 3 problems were caused by my impulses.
I can handle 66.7% of the blame and consequences.
I can do that.
You can hate me if you want.
You tell me you don't want to talk to her anymore.
I tell you I respect your decision and that I will be here if you need me.
I am sorry.
I know I screwed up our friendship, and I wish I could take it all back.
I wish you could remember me as the innocent songwriter who held out arms of comfort instead of words of contradiction.
I am terrible.
And you don't need me.
But if your heart finds enough forgiveness to see past this.
I will give you a way out.
And if you choose not to take it.
Then maybe you believe that I am worth taking back.
That our friendship is worth fixing.
So tell me:
If I am worth that much...
Are you okay with the idea of starting over?
Because I want to make this better.
You don't have to be around me if you don't want to.
But if I can start over.
I will live through my life thankful that I got a second chance at all.
To the girl I wrote the song for:
I shouldn't have said what I did over the February break. Sometimes too much truth is just as deadly as one lie. And maybe that's what shot your silence across the ocean.
Even though you told me I shouldn't be sorry for the way I did things, I will continue to to apologize for everything I did. And if I have one request for your next decision, I can only hope that you don't hate me.
Because I can't forgive myself for what happened.
To the girl who watches TV with me:
My impulsive behaviour on that March night was my fault.
I knew what I was doing, I knew people would get hurt, and I did it anyway.
I will admit, the rush was not the worst thing in the world. But it came with too many consequences.
So please, with every episode of a TV show that we both enjoy, just remember that we will never be what we were.
...And I will never let you be sorry.
To my brother:
You were the first person to find out what happened and I asked you to keep me safe by keeping my secrets in your chest. I prayed you wouldn't let the words fall from your heart, I begged you not to tell our parents.
I shouldn't have put that kind of weight on your conscience.
To my parents:
Telling you what happened was the hardest thing for me to do. But I can only hope that I haven't lost all of your trust because of what happened.
To the bodyguard:
Actually.... you are the person I really don't want to apologize to. But I am still sorry.
Mostly for my actions and because what I did hurts the person you love most, and that I can accept that as my fault. I know somewhere in your soul, you hate me. And that's something you and I have in common.
But I can live with you never forgiving me. Because you are just here to protect the people you love. And I am sorry I threatened your comfortable life. I didn't plan on hurting anyone... but I did.
Just promise me this:
Be good to her.
Because if you don't do that...
Then what the hell are you doing?
I cannot be sorry for you.
I can promise you that these next few days will be some of the most painful. And to a point, I am too much of a masochist to care. You will want to punch brick walls and bleed for your mistakes. You will want a perfect stranger to beat you close to death and walk away like it's no big deal.
You will want to apologize every single day until you blow out your vocal chords. You will want to suffer.
But you will not cry.
You will believe that crying is not worth it.
You will choose to be silent, you will choose to become numb to all of your pain. And I will not be sorry for you.
I will never be sorry for you.
But I will tell you that you are not going to feel this forever.
So do me a favour and walk.
Walk with your regrets and live on.
Work for your trust back, and maybe then you'll have a chance to start over.
I hope you find what you're looking for.