There are days where I embrace sadness
The years of torture as my heart beats
The liquid poison I drink to forget feelings
There are nights I embrace the misfortune
The cold and lonely air wrapping itself around my broken body
The way my lungs continue to fill with the polluted gas I call oxygen
There are moments I feel sadness and moments the room fills my mind with memories
Little miss sadness destructive yet so pure
I wrote this about myself when I was going through a toxic and dangerous time. I was out a lot and drinking heavily. I got into some crazy situations and thought I wasn’t going to even make it past 2019. It’s more about self reflection.
Believe it or "Not"
We're ******* ungratefull for "Every"
Little things and "Story"
that's we "have"
Till the "Endings"
You want perfection
While I hold your baggage
But can you hold mine
For just a second
Oh wait you can't
Also do you want to
Remain blameless while
I hold all the stakes
Well that's fine too
Let me spoil you
Even with you
Sitting on my back
That's that true real love
I doubt there
Ever be a tipping point
As I carefully hold it in
With no spaces
As I smile
the calendars get tossed out
and the funeral cards
I sit and wonder
where it all went,
the connection that is,
deforming and reforming
with glimmering threshold
as the past becomes a dream,
love becomes a sudden tragedy
and the music continues to play
through and through.
You flip your fingers through your ever shining locks and gracefully saunter through the halls
The heads turn as the masses gleefully greet and smile at the beauty of how your pieces are placed together oh so precisely
You held power, plenty of it
And I was in the way
It was strange to see the reactions on the faces of familiars when I told them of the crushing things you could accomplish.
None wanted to believe that such a beauty could hold such a bite.
And I tried to convince myself of that too.
Plentiful years have passed and all have moved on
Yet I stay stuck in these empty halls
Wondering why your bite took so long to become infected
Wondering what remedy could treat this ancient ailment.
What if you could go back in time
to a certain moment in your past
hoping to alter your life’s grand design
and maybe change your future’s forecast?
Would you go back to the day your family fell apart,
or when your favorite childhood dog ran away,
or when your first love left and broke your heart,
or when you finally gave up and chose not to stay?
Ever wonder how different your life would be
if a few of those chapters could be rewritten?
Or if you accepted a few branches off the olive tree
instead of letting your *** of grudges thicken?
People say not to focus on what happened back then
or that the idea of “Everything happens for a reason” is true
but if I had the slightest chance to visit my past again,
I'd do everything in my power to erase you.
I sat down by the tree in the center of the cul de sac
and I stared straight ahead for what seemed like days.
There was a brand new mailbox and front door,
but my ten year old handprint is still on the driveway.
My favorite dog, Louie, used to lay on that windowsill
and patiently wait for me to come back from school,
and behind that front window was the formal dining
room where my dad first taught me how to play pool.
Just behind that was the kitchen where Momma used to
make meat patties and gravy, her hands covered in flour,
and the upstairs middle window was where my sisters
and I used to argue over who was first in line to shower.
The upstairs window on the far right was where my
neighbor used to throw small rocks to get my attention.
Eight years later, that friend is now in a cemetery and I think
about him and his family more than I can even mention.
The memories of my entire childhood are embedded
into each brick of this two story house in Candlelight Hills
and knowing that my white picket fence past is now
nothing but distant fond memories gives me the chills.
These walls in front of me shaped me into who I am today
and as I sit here on the curb reminiscing on my own,
I know in my heart that no matter where I live
or how many years pass, this will always be my home.
Frozen in the past of my mistakes.
Trapped in the presence of my regrets.
Shuttered by the future of my failures.
Your love keeps me warm, as life grows colder.
I miss the sweet innocence of my youth.
Why did I have to grow older?
Can’t say you’re the best thing I’ve ever had.
But you’re the only one that’s remained.
It is said that somebody precious always leaves a mark.
Guess you never left, because I can still feel the footprint.
Your love surely fills the void in my heart.
Your beauty so perfect, correcting the errors of my misprints.
I don’t promise, I’ll never let you down.
But I know for sure, I’ll never let you go.
One of the Hopes we sing to each other's love buds.
I am a living memory of you
For as a sculptor
Slow and methodic with the clay
You have shaped and molded
My very being
And all can see
Your impassioned mark on me
A testament to kindness
Tried, and true
Pulled from something a recently wrote (and posted). Sometimes the pieces are better than the whole.