She danced through wildflowers and wove lilac in and out of her long hair. She smelled of lavender and pine and she never went anywhere without a smile.

Dancing alone to the harmony of the wind and the beat of the rain hitting the ground softly she began to remember a better time.

A time before the hassle of growing up and before the sun stopped shining just a little to bright.
A time before she was afraid of sitting at home and just relaxing.

Remembering the smell of coffee and peppermint throughout her grandmothers home.
The idea that one day she would grow into someone she could respect and love.


She was strong and fierce but also slightly soft and simple.
She was wild and free but contained by walls of society she hasn't quite broken through yet.

Yet she continues dancing through wildflowers and spinning daisies around her finger tips.
She continues humming to the sound of the ocean and  falling in love with natures secrets.

She continues to grow into someone she can respect and love- finding her own the only way she knows how.

I don't want to be strangers again.
I don't want us to have to pretend we never met.
I don't want us to act like it's our first time knowing the deepest parts of ourselves as though we never knew them before.

I don't want to pass you by in the streets with a gradual nod hello.
No hugs, no smiles, just two strangers walking in opposite directions.

Love makes you weak.
Love makes you vulnerable.

I just couldn't take it and I knew that when I walked down the street passed all the places we have been together.
I knew when I wanted to see your face in every boy I ever kissed.

When I made love and pictured your hands around my body.
When I laughed with another man and thought wouldn't you think this was funny.

So when you stopped writing me back and you are thousands of miles away.
When years were still passing us by and I couldn't get through to you because of distance.

That's when I knew we had already become strangers... and I think that's what made me feel worse than ever before.

I'm not sure I'm even sad anymore by the technical definition of the word-
I think I just am tired of waking up to the same smells, the same sounds, the same loneliness that has become my best friend-

They say you get addicted to a certain type of sadness, but that could be just a lyric in a song I heard once-
I find myself dismissing the ideas of sunshine and wishing for the rain-
I find myself driving across state lines tossing my cell out the window and letting my darker than normal hair fly in the wind as I drive with no end goals-

I am sure I'm not sad anymore I just hate routine and want to disappear for a while-
My doctor wants to put me on anti-depressants but I flipped him off and screamed anarchy as I walked out that door-

One day I'll have the courage to say goodbye to everything I've ever known-
I'll color my hair and wear tight pants because I can do what I want-
I'll drink midori sours in the morning and sleep in my car-

My doctor called me reckless and insane -
My parents called me immature and needed to grow up-
My friends told me I'm depressed and keep trying to reassure me I won't die alone-
I say I don't give a **** anymore; let the wild take me and set me free-

I've fallen in love with faces on every street corner.
I've fallen in love with smiles in every cafe I wander into.

I fall in love with his eyes or that guys laugh in the mall or down the street.
I fall in love with her hands and that girls hair when I see them joking around.

Yet when I stop and take a moment to appreciate the beauty in everyone I meet; I find that I'm still a little lost without you.

I still glance up and wonder why it took so long for me to realize you're no good for me.
I still wish upon stars that maybe one day I'll love myself as much as I loved you and your flaws.

I hope to one day fall in love for real again.
To fall in love and have someone love me back with the same amount of intensity as I have for them.

Because you had such small amounts and I had the world.

We found gypsy dreams along the waves of the clouds that fell upon us that sunset of a night.
We found wander and adventure in our souls as we stared at the fiery skies above and the deep oceans below.

You told me once I needed to fall in love again.

We found mystery along the tops of trees and found cool air brushing our make believe wings.
We found belief and structure in dancing around our fears until they were to uncomfortable to stay.

You told me once I needed to remember what love was.

We found memories on the forest floors and in the jungle vines.
We found hope in the eyes of children and animals who showed us the path back to our roots.

I have remembered one thing about love and that's to love myself before loving anyone else.

You can find me skipping through the streets of Paris. I'll be the girl with the long brown hair in a black summer dress. I'll have sunglasses on and as I make my way around this foreign town I'll wonder why I ever need to go home.

You can find me arm wrestling in Germany. I'll be the girl in the shorts and the lips t shirt surrounded by angry, sweaty German men who just want to take a chance on beating me. And as I laugh my way through the match I'll wonder why I ever need to go home.

You can find me in Italy drinking wine and dancing under the moon along the cobblestone alleyways.  I'll be hand in hand with some beautiful Italian man as we kiss just because we are young and free. And as I kiss my way across the canals I'll wonder why I ever need to come home.

And if by chance I make it home to America, where the lights aren't nearly as bright and the memories aren't nearly as fun. You'll find me in a boring office working as I dream of my foreign adventures again.

Lying awake with my head on the opposite end of my bed trying to figure out what's up and what's down.
I've lost control again and I'm starting to think maybe I'm the guard and the prisoner.

They keep telling me you cannot hit lower than rock bottom and yet here I stand a little to close to the core of the earth.
Sweat dripping down my face and my eyes heavy with stress as I head straight into the magma and lava that awaits below me.

No one told me growing up would be this hard. That you would find yourself in sticky situations with money and love.
No one told me that sometimes you have to discipline yourself enough that you're stable and yet find the balance between work and play.

Tossing and turning my stomach is queasy and my head is throbbing from lack of sleep as I stare at the black ceiling above me.
Is there a way out of the darkness or should I hope that someday the answers will flicker on like a broken light bulb needing to be replaced?

No one told me growing up would be this hard.

I like the curves of your shoulders and the strength in your spine.
I like the softness in your lips but the roughness in your hands.
I like the sparkle in your eyes and the sarcasm in your smile.

I like the pieces of you that you hide away under layers of thick skin.
The sadness you try to hide when you bite your lip and look left.
The laughter you feel when you shake your head and glance down.
The irritations you know when you roll your eyes up and to the right.

I like those things more than you'll ever know. But the things I love about you could never be explained in poetry.

He told me once he would name our daughter after the places we had been or flowers he picked for me.

He said he would name her Carolina, not Caroline, and he would remember those humid summer nights we spent watching the sunset.

He said he'd name her Daisy, because he knew my favorite was flowers and he would buy her anything she desired to make her as happy as me.

He told me this once, a long time ago, back when we were young and before we really thought about life. Back before I knew what I wanted and *** to react when he said he wanted kids.

I told him I hoped our son has his green eyes and his sandy blonde, but turning darker each year, hair.

I told him I hoped our son had his spark and his sarcastic smile so I could always remember he had the good pieces of his father, the parts I laughed about.

I told him that before things changed, before we both spun out of control and closer to the flames.

Now we sit on opposite sides of the country and we talk to different people about kids and love. And we wonder, where things could have been if we hadn't become so lost in ourselves  for once.

There are always long nights when music doesn't help and alcohol doesn't help and crying just doesn't help.

There are always long days when my legs want to give out and my back is shaking and my heart breaks a little more each hour.

And there will be times in the middle of the night when I want nothing more than to call you and remind you I'm still alive.

To call and just hear your voice even through voicemail knowing you were real at one point in my life.

There are always going to be days when the sun shines a little less and the storms find their way into my heart.

There are always going to be days when I wake up happy and content and I can easily forget you were even a part of my life.

And there will be times in the middle of the afternoon when my mind wanders and I am not nearly as sad as I was a few days ago...

And knowing I am just a little less broken than l was yesterday brings me a little hope that I will move on.

It could have been a Sunday when the first glimpse of my unknown future would make itself known.

He was that mystery you never solve. The Nancy Drew case that kept you awake as a kid. The unknown if aliens are real or not. The uncertainty of who built the pyramids.

He was the first morning light and the darkest sunset you can imagine. His mind swayed from good to bad and bad to worse more often than not. He was the calm before the storm. The rain before the hurricane.

It could have been a Sunday when my life decided to take the turn down the wrong alley way on the middle of the night for him.

He was the softest linens on a freshly made bed. He was the rough hands of a man who worked hard. He was the dream I couldn't remember until you said the one word that brought it all crashing back. He was nostalgia and memories.

But he was different.
He let things change him and his past caught up with his future.
He let me change.
And my past caught up with him.

And maybe it was a Sunday... I can't be too sure when my future became uncertain.

Now if you asked me about my version of heaven if say it smelled of vanilla and lavender. I would tell you the walls were made of teal and there would never be ceilings just clouds that hung above. There would be beautiful redwood trees surrounding the ocean so I could sleep.

Now if you asked my my version of heaven I would tell you about the daisies and the piles of autumn leaves. I would tell you there was a constant nostalgia feeling.

And if you asked me about my version of heaven I would tell you that for once it didn't involve you. I wouldn't remember the smell of your cologne or the natural wave in your hair. I would never remember the green hues in your eyes and that breathtaking smile.

Because to be constantly reminded of the passion and the person I can't have is not my version of heaven.
It's my hell.

I found you somewhere between the subway to heaven and hell.I felt like we were always destined to be lost together.

I saw you staring at your one way ticket and your empty luggage with such disdain and yet such curiosity.

I saw you cursing at the flickering light above you but pacing the hot ground below you & I couldn't help but wonder if we were headed to two different places for the first time.

It Was then you saw me leaning against the wall with my ticket in hand and my empty luggage. For the first time in years you looked at me instead of through me.

You said " please know... That no matter where I go, heaven or hell, PLEASE know I never meant to hurt you the way I did."

And I said those words... The ones I knew I needed to finally say. The words that I didn't even know I was holding on to for so long.
Three words that held such power to destroy or change.


I said..." I hate you."
And we went our separate ways.

He tasted like vanilla and reminded me of sweet summer nights and old worn out leather jackets. He was the rain on a hot day; the day you're usually begging for more from. I fell in love with him fast and quick. The let down was just as fast as I heard from a friend he hopped a train out of town & he wasn't seen again.

He tasted like fall. Fallen leaves and broken tree branches. Hints of spiced tea and buttered toast at breakfast. He had dark brown hair and bright green eyes. He was the apple cider with a shot of whiskey you ached for when you're roaming for the perfect pumpkin. I lost him in a corn maze to a girl with yellow hair, he smiled and said he was sorry. I heard they got married & have a baby on the way.

He tasted like ashes of a cigarette that wouldn't quite go away. He was sweeter than expected and awfully romantic when it suited him. He wore ripped jeans and this ugly orange beanie. He was cold though.. At times like a winter storm. His icy ways hit me in the face a couple times. Last I heard he was in Chicago now with some girl names Roxanne beating her like he did me.

He tasted like... Valentine's Day. Chocolates and red wine and rose petals on your bed. He smelled like cologne and wore his hair slicked back in that gentleman way. He rarely smiled but when he did it could have lit New York for days. He tasted like... Memories. Like walking down the hallway in school; smiling with secrets only you knew. He rarely laughed... But he did... He could have made symphonies jealous with that sound.

He's married now, two kids and a perfect house. He still wears his hair slicked back and I heard he doesn't smile much at all these days. I saw him once, he flashed that grin so ever lasting and for a brief moment...we both remembered the days when it was he and I against the world.

Lately I’m obsessed with the black and white photos of the world. The way they bring out the details you didn’t think you’d see in your life.
Lately I’m obsessed with the hidden greyscale of my life. The little spots or blemishes I didn’t know I had in between the cracks of my mind.

Lately I’m obsessed with knowing all I can know about how to forget my past. How to find those ancient remedies or dark coffees and fruity teas that will stop the pain in my heart for a little while.

Even though these obsessions seem so tiny compared to my big thoughts and wild dreams.. I can’t stop thinking of what’s next. Mystery lies on the horizon of my new obsession & how I will handle it.

One day I want to see you at my door telling me the things you never told me before. One day, probably a long time from now, I hope we meet again. On the same plane to some foreign city or the train across the country. But... If that doesn't happen I hope you remember our stories.

And one day maybe when you're grey and frail and your body is giving out on you... You'll think back to when you were young. You will think back to high school and all those days after will crash back into you. You'll think about love and pain and laughter and tears. You'll think about traveling and who came and went.

And one day, a long time from now I'm sure, you'll remember the girl you left in your hometown. You'll think about her and where she's at and how she's been. You'll ask your wife about her first love and tell her all about yours. Your kids will fall in love and ask about your heart breaks and tragedies.

And one day you'll tell them.
You'll tell them you didn't really know much but you knew about her. You knew that some people were meant to fall in love and not be together.

You're the person I could write ove sings about and if I could sing, if scream them to the world.
I would tell them about your sarcastic laugh and wildly outrageous humor that keeps me in shape.
I would tell them both those shady eyes that hide those feelings so easily except you can't hold them back really.

You're the person I could write sonnets about and ballads would blush when they read my words.
I would tell them bout the lips and how they made my body ache.
I would tell them about your arms and how they held stories in your tattoos.

You're the person I could easily be with the rest of my life.
Whether it was easy or hard I would be there.
Through thick and thin.

But you're just that person I keep close enough to remember that we could be something great... If only life worked that way.

Take my hand and we will run into the woods and forever roam the wild beyond. We can chase the moon and follow the ocean because We do not live by the rules if we do not want to!

Tell me stories about your childhood and your past lives if you remember them. Tell me about your future and the plans you want to make happen when we decide we are old enough to make them work.

Tonight we are on fire with the love of the world and the mystery hidden behind sneaky eyes and flasks filling our cold bellies with warmth. With memories welling in our eyes I'll hold you until the sun rises and we return to our socially pessimistic and awkwardly comfortable lifestyles.

Take my hand as we run into the wild beyond for at least tonight... It's just you and I.

They say that once you hit the lowest point in your life you can only go up from there. I swear I've hit so many low points I just keep going lower and lower.

Who decided that "they" knew what "they" were talking about ? Who decides we should just listen to them?

I keep sitting here on this lonely beach imaging a better place... A better time.... But all I hear is the waves crashing against the sand. All I hear is the ocean threatening me with something unknown.

My love for nature grows dim & my fears begin to take over my body. Panic attacks and sleeping so much and so long my body can't react to being awake properly.

I used to be confident and strong.
I used to be in love with love and life.
Now I fear the unknown.
I fear being alone with my thoughts ringing so loudly in my head.

The ocean... There is an ocean inside my head. Filling my ears with water and letting my thoughts and memories drown me alive.

So when do things start looking up? Is it after I've already drowned all my happiness under the sorrow and contempt?

There was an odd shift in the air that morning when you called me so early.
I couldn't tell if it was sadness or defeat or even a slight twang of happiness in your soft voice.
And I couldn't quite make out the words you were saying as you spoke so fast and yet so dreamily.

I heard you say you were sorry. I heard you say you loved me. I heard you say it was time.
And then I heard the phone go silent.

I ran.
I ran through the ice and the winter breeze.
I walked.
I walked up the drive way into the open door.
I sat.
I sat down next to your already cold body.
And I cried.
I cried because "you" were me and I was gone... So what else could I do but cry?

Do you know what suicide makes you think about?
It made me wonder if the pain could have gone away.
It made me wonder why that day was the day.
It made me wonder what inside me got so hard I couldn't face another single day living in this toxic world.

I love you.
I miss you.
I'm so sorry.

I want to paint the skies with the fire in your eyes. I want to use your passion and your taste for the lasting things in life. I would use every color available to me.

I want to cause volcanoes to explode with the tension we know is already there. I want to taste your lips against mine. I want to show the world what the definition of lust is.

I want to make you smile and I want to make you laugh. I want to watch as you fall slowly and madly in love with me. I want to watch your mind sway like the wind.

I want to cause a hurricane in your head and fill your lungs with water making it impossible to breath when you're around me. I want your bones to shake like there's an earthquake when you watch me undress for you.

In a world of nature vs. nurture, I want to watch your nature come crashing into mine. I want to nurture the passion and fuel the fire above until we burn up and all that's left is that lasting memory.

BH 2015

With shaking hands and burning eyes I pour the last of the dark red wine into my glass.
I sit crossed legged on the floor in the middle of my empty living room contemplating what comes next.

I can get up and make dinner and maybe watch a movie like a normal person would.
Or I could continue to sit here facing the little bit of light coming through the window before the sun goes down.

I can't figure out why anyone would ever want someone like me... I guess it's a good thing no one actually does.
I can't figure out how anyone could tolerate someone like me... I guess it's a good thing no one does.

My hands shake with each sip I take and I'm pretty sure this is what they call a panic attack. My breathing begins to speed as my eyes water and I'm feeling nothing but numb and pain which doesn't make any sense.

They keep telling me I'll be okay.
They keep telling me I won't be alone forever.
But I'm terrified of being alone these days which is something new.
I'm terrified nothing will ever work out.

So until I get over my fears I'll be on my living room floor with empty bottles of wine alone.

My heart wanted you long before I really understood it. It knew the moment you asked me my name in yearbook class. It knew the moment you gave me your phone number.

My heart knew you would break it before I fully understood that. It knew the moment you called me a few months after not speaking to me. It knew the moment you kissed me goodbye as I flew back home.

My heart seems to know more than my head sometimes... And yet I seem to still follow my brain a but more. My brain told me you were just confused. My brain told me I was just being over dramatic.

But... My heart knew that the mountain I was about to climb was steep and unsteady. My brain told me it was just a hill and I could easily get over it with just a little more effort.

I should have followed my heart a little more...

I wanted to drown in your love.
I wanted to drown in your pain.
I mostly just wanted to drown out the sound of you saying we weren't compatible anymore.

It took me a long time and a lot of rage and self loathing to get to where I am now.
To get me to a point where I can say that my self esteem issues didn't ruin "us" but that you're lack of trust in love did.

I wanted to be ignited by your love.
I wanted to be ignited by your pain.
Mostly I wanted to ignite the fire that used to burn inside you with such intensity and joy for life.

Once I realized you would never admit your faults and you would find any possible way to watch me suffer; it was time to move on.
But each time around the start of fall till the end of winter... I dream about you endlessly.

I wanted to slow down Your love.
I wanted to slow down your pain.
Mostly... I wanted to slow down time and stop us so we had time to figure out who we were together instead of damaging each other apart.

It took a lot of rage and self loathing.
It took a lot of tears and anxiety.
But I'm finally standing taller than ever and I can easily say it was not my self esteem that made us incompatible.

Can I just take a minute to vent?

It's not often I think about you these days or the way your eyes drew me in every time. I don't like to think how your birthday is in 2 months and I'm going to pretend i forgot.

It's not often I think about the way you used to kiss every part of my body playfully. I don't like to think about the way your fingers felt in my hair.

Can I just take a minute to vent?

It was one of those days where I thought about how much fun and how many experiences we could have had. The day where I wondered if you're smiling at some cute girl the way you used to smile at me.

It was one of those days where I realized you didn't smile with me the same way I smiled when I was with you. That my thoughts were always more expansive and wider than yours when it came to us.

Can I just take a minute to vent?

It's not often I think about you these days... But something in the weather has me missing the Carolina's and wondering how you sleep at night.

Something has me wondering if you ever stay up a little later than usual and think about what could have happened if you had stopped wondering about the "what ifs..."

But don't worry... I just needed to vent for a minute.

The sky was so clear this morning I could have connected the dots from the Little Dipper to the Big Dipper.

As I drove home from the cafe on the corner... I remembered something I couldn't quite believe I forgot.

I remember the way the morning air felt when we walked across the lawn. After the rain had fallen so hard we could smell the freshness the next day.

I remember the brightness in your eyes when you looked at the map and pointed at this random dot with some strange name and said this was to be our next big adventure.

I remember the smell of your hair as we cuddled under the stars on a clear night just like this morning...

I remembered this because you were there... You were the reason I could connect the dots of constellations so far away.
You were the reason I wasn't afraid of random dots on a map.
You were the reason the rain made me smile...

I just smiled and drove home to think about you... And I hope you're doing okay.

I am cursing the rain in bright black and grey ink in beautiful cursive writing. I know you're questioning how black and grey can be bright but If you don't know, you'll never know.

I am painting sunsets on canvas but with pastels instead of neons. It's almost a bit too sad instead of a bit to happy; so fitting for a sun that's disappearing, right ?

I am swallowing pills mixing them with liquor, testing out theories to see if I can find the right way to write. All I see is blurry candle light and a dragon on my wall telling me my writing *****.

And it's sad to think how pessimistic this poem started but how within a 15 minute drive home I've come to see....

That all the rain cleared up the night sky and out came those glimmering ***** of fire we call stars. I've caught myself staring but I always have different emotions with each glance.

Tonight..I guess the world isn't so sad after all.

She sat in her kitchen in her underwear, eating left over Chinese food contemplating when life got this hard.

She couldn't remember the feeling of skin against skin or lips against lips. She couldn't remember the heat of someone else's body touching hers or if there was more than just involved.

She sat there with a blank piece of paper and a purple pen in hand... Contemplating if she should write a poem or her final goodbye note.

She couldn't remember a time where she didn't feel undesirable or ugly. She couldn't remember a moment where self hatred wasn't causing nonstop fear of being alone forever.

As she sat there in her kitchen, eating leftover Chinese food, staring at blank papers she started to cry. She started to wonder when things would eventually look up.

I don't want your annoying apologies or to hear your fake excuses anymore. I don't want your sorry eyes and charming devilish smile near me.

I don't want to fall in love with you again and again to be let down again and again. I don't want this chaotic, messy relationship anymore.

I always have believed that love should be messy. That it should be so overwhelming with passion and desire it drives you mad. That you should cry and smile and laugh with someone in the worst and best situations.

But I've now experienced the chaos.
I've had the pleasure of crying when you wouldn't talk to me for months for no reason.
I've had the pleasure of smiling when you decided that it was time to apologize again and draw me back in.
I've had the pleasure in laughing at myself for being an idiot and laughing at you for allowing yourself to say what you said.

And in all of this... I've decided...

***** the chaos.
I still want the passion and the romance but whoever said it should be messy to be real was an idiot.

I've been falling asleep in the back of the bar lately & I am not sure which way is up and which way is down.
"He" leads me down the stairs to the parking lot and rips my dress off me like its ***** laundry... But who he is... I don't even know.

It's been long enough for me to move on and get over you but there's something in the way the light shines against my hands that makes my heart ache.

You aged like wine and I aged like moldy cheese but we never found the perfect combination to keep us together.

I've been falling asleep in bars... And the bartender told me I can't come back anymore.
"He" took me home... But where that is.... I don't even know.

I don't think we were meant to end quite yet but you took two steps back with each one of my steps forward. I leapt before I could even crawl let alone walk.

You are still perfectly unhappy and I'm still researching the meaning of life... And even though part of me doesn't want you back... The other part of me still wants one last kiss.

I've been falling asleep in bars since i returned back west & I don't know if I'm just exhausted or miserable these days... But man... I hate beer.

See here's the thing is this new guy is trying to tell me I'm  beautiful and I'm pretty and everything and more.

See he told me I'm interesting and he doesn't wanna **** things up and yet I'm over here like... "Cool thanks..."

And I think the thing is... I'm bored.
I keep dreaming about you and me and how we had this wild adventure planned for our wild adventurous lives...

I keep thinking about the way your eyes looked when they looked at me and how different he looks at me.

See the thing is I know you're not coming back because I've given you too many chances and you ******* them up time and time again.,

See the thing is I want to give him a chance but I am afraid he is going to bore me to tears because he's gone and done nothing in his 30 something years of life.

And the thing is... I want to feel love again.
I want to know it when I know it and I don't think this guy... Is the one...

No he's most definitely not the one... Does this make me a bad person?

It could be my lack of faith or the fact that this rose quartz has yet to bring me the love it should. It could also be my lack of self acceptance but I will never admit that.

I hope you when you're driving down the interstate, closing in on the exit you seek, you remember I'm not that far away.

And I hope one day you'll wake up and know that I would rather be anywhere with you than in this summer heat dying for the rain.

It could be my lack of faith or the fact that this emerald didn't bring me **** for luck. It could also be my lack of self esteem that brings me to his bed dreaming of you.

One day I'll wake up and wish the best for you and your new life... And one day I'll wake up in my room sober instead of drunk and lustful night after night.

And I hope one day you'll wake up and remember that I'm not that far away... And you'll wake up and know that if clean my **** up if you would just stay.

Broken down cars on one lane highways driving fast to the middle of nowhere.
Empty bottles in the backseat with a sleeping bag waiting for my head to hit the ground.

I lost control and I ran away to the highest mountains I could see.
But decided the mountains were to high and went to the blue sea.

I lost my mind and followed it down the rabbit hole in the lush green gardens of eve.
Where forbidden fruit decided it didn't have to try to tempt me & I ate the trees clean.

Broken down cars on empty back roads leading me to abandonment and disappointment.
Drowning my fears staring at the empty bottles in my shaking hands.

I'm losing control and running away to the east coast where my heart still lives.
I'm saying goodbye to the west hoping the humidity welcomes me with open arms.

I'm losing my mind in the idea that one day I'll find us behind a picket fence and a lake so calm.
Where the fruit on the trees frowns stronger with  each passing of love.

But let's be real.... I'm just losing my mind.

We sang to remember the moments that had ready passed us by. The moments when the wind flew through our hair as we drove towards the lake on that summer night.

We laughed so hard our stomachs threatened us with a six pack & a good time. Pulling off the side of the road to laugh a little longer than we needed to.

The moments we so often forget; I live for those. Stargazing on docks, skinny dipping on rocks. Wandering through the woods in the night, hoping the Mosquitos don't bite. Deer omens and sweating a little to much; remembering the simple times, a simple touch.

To be young. To be free.
I want to live this way forever.

Summer breeze through windy trees, I'm falling in love again..

I miss the air when we didn't care, but who am I to speak of your sin?

Love was lost at a high cost, I watched you drive far away.

I wanted the part where you gave me your heart, but I lost control in the stormy night.

I wanted the day when you didn't have to say... I would always be there to fight.

Summer nights you held my hand so tight, I'm falling in love again.,

Cigarette ash on the dashboard on the way to confession-- I fell in love with a stranger down the street.

I never go to church, never been one to admit to god I was wrong or he was right.  I wouldn't say I'm much of a believer in the unknown.

I never say my prayers. Figured if the moment was right maybe something would finally work in my favor.

He walked by in tight red pants and a black button up shirt. Sunglasses on and slicked back hair.

And I swear in that moment... I headed to church to say my prayers and confess that I think the stranger was the love of my life.

Cigarette ash on the dashboard on the way to confession-- I fell in love with the stranger down the street.

I won't miss your neon signs saying cocktails
I won't miss your judgmental dive bars and ****** hipster conversation.
I'll miss the soul in your music.
The best of the drum and strum of guitar the last night I saw this town for the **** hole it was.

I won't miss your trendy beer and lines of ******* across the toilet.
I won't miss the way girls wore shorts in the snow or boots in the summer.
I'll miss the soul in your heartbeat.
The way this town never sleeps and the way we stayed up wandering past midnight wondering about life.

I won't miss those people who pretend to know me.
I won't miss the way you pretended to love me.
I'll miss the soul in your music.
I'll miss the sweet innocence and the lost wonder as I speed as far away as I can from the place I once called home.

I want to spend my mornings drinking tea in the early English fog.
Spend my afternoon at the foot of the Eiffel Tower being touristy drinking dark red wine.
I want to drink beer in Germany and head on over to Ireland for dinner.
I want to get sunburns from sunsets in Italy.
Talk to the deadliest animals alive in Australia and swim in the blue ocean near New Zealand.
I want to pic flowers in Thailand and eat sushi in China.

My heart will never stop wandering.
My heart will never be still.