I want to be your sunset eyes, those blue skies, you're perfect starry night.
I want to be the shore kissed by the sea, I want to have everything causally, I want you and me.
I want to be the waves when they dance alone, the midnight tone, I want to be your back bone.
I want to be your perfect scent, your missed rent, those days you feel you need to repent.
I want you to listen to these cheesy rhymes, feeding me these sweet lines, be together all the time.
I want to be your dark brown hair, the place back when we didn't care, the memories only we share.
I want you in all the ways I can say.
I'll want you forever and always each and every day.
Tell me about your lavender eyes and your vanilla hair.
Tell me about you sandalwood smile and coal black stare.
How does the rain wash away your hatred for other so easily?
But the soft breeze in the summer fuels your fire?
Tell me about your wandering mind and your benevolent heart.
Tell me about your gypsy spirit and harnessed passion.
How does the ocean calm sadness so easily?
But the autumn smell makes you cry in the night?
Can you tell me why it's so easy to fall for you but so hard to make you stay?
And you're ******* mean.
I loved him carefully; from afar I liked to watch him grow into the man I knew today.
I loved him carefully; I watched his moods making sure the outrage stayed as far away from me as I could.
I loved him easily... It wasn't hard when his green eyes watched your every move and his lips held pretty words that danced through my ears.
But he loved me recklessly; he came at me with full speed ahead on marriage and lack of trust.
He loved me dangerously; so much that became afraid to love me at all for fear I would be his all.
I loved him carefully and it was too easy to fall apart when he walked away.
He loved me recklessly and it had become to dangerous for him to keep me around.
Can you tell me where the alcohol is? The cheap watered down ***** you're drinking to pretend you're drunk? The cigarettes you smoke to pretend you're cool?
Can you tell me who the girl is in your bed? The girl with the red hair down to her perfect ***? The one you slept with the forget about me?
Can you tell me where the ******* is? That fine white powder? The one who keeps you Awake at all hours and makes you feel invincible?
Can you tell me how it got this bad? How you ended up in the hospital at 3 a.m ? How you mixed the wrong chemicals at the wrong time?
There was never a better day for a party at the wrong *time
Staring at sunburns from sunsets-- we watched the waves crash around us.
Bagels and wine; don't even dare to judge us.
With bittersweet goodbyes we washed the sand from our toes and walked home.
Staring at sunburns from sunsets-- we watched the birds fly above us gracefully.
Pizza and ****** beer; don't act like you're better than us.
With bittersweet goodbyes, we danced home with no shoes in the city lights.
Staring at sunburns from sunsets-- we talked about our deepest fears.
Orange juice and tacos; don't act like you know us.
With bittersweet goodbyes we let the wind sing us one last song before we went home to the place we hated the most.
I like your lips pressed against mine.
Hard and desiring.
I like the taste of your skin on my tongue.
There's to much I want to do.
I'm ****** up from the inside out.
****** and rude.
I like you.
Do you like me too?
Lately I’m obsessed with the black and white photos of the world. The way they bring out the details you didn’t think you’d see in your life.
Lately I’m obsessed with the hidden greyscale of my life. The little spots or blemishes I didn’t know I had in between the cracks of my mind.
Lately I’m obsessed with knowing all I can know about how to forget my past. How to find those ancient remedies or dark coffees and fruity teas that will stop the pain in my heart for a little while.
Even though these obsessions seem so tiny compared to my big thoughts and wild dreams.. I can’t stop thinking of what’s next. Mystery lies on the horizon of my new obsession & how I will handle it.
Buried treasure and hearts made of stone; I will search for you in mermaid waters.
Foggy nights in lands of the unknown; I will fight for you forever.
Islands filled with palms and soothing sounds of the wind through the trees; I would **** for you in a heartbeat.
Passion flowing through my blood, I'm always aiming to please; I will carve your name in the concrete.
Silver and gold, black and white; I will draw you until I go blind.
Peace and love, always wanting to fight; you will always be on my mind.
Red lace covers white skin.
Perfume and candles; ******.
Kissing leads to touching, touching to begging.
Tell me your ready as you breathe down my neck.
Tell me you're hungry for more as my lips move down your stomach.
Lace off and memories fade as we fall into a lustful splendor.
Rough hands on soft skin; touch me one more time.
Tongues meet as we kiss deeply wanting to take all we can from each other.
Tell me you're ready as your legs entwine with mine.
Tell me you're hungry for more as we move together as one screaming ecstasy.
Skin on skin, rough to slow.
Heavy breathing, heavy touching.
It feels so real sinking into you...so real.
You remember when we planned out imaginary weddings? We picked out the dress and the location.
We were so dumb.
You remember when we walked the river in middle of the night?
It was freezing and nearly winter and we put our feet in anyway.
We were so dumb.
You remember when we ate cold Mac n cheese in your parents living room drinking till we couldn't think?
We laughed till we cried.., then we couldn't stop crying over each other.
We were so dumb.
You remember the 4 times we have tried, the endless, sleeveless nights?
The morning of regrets and the nights of pain? The day you left and moved away? The day I fell head over heels? The day you fell out of love...
We are so dumb.
I am so dumb.
Wandering, aimlessly trying to fall in love with the idea that you love me.
Chaos came and went with each passing breath we took.
Because loving you was beautiful.
Because loving you was madness.
Wandering, treacherously falling apart with the idea that you still love me.
Hope came and went with each rising of the sunset.
Because loving you was the only thing I knew at the time.
Because loving you would be my death if I let it.
Wandering... Aimlessly.... Wishing you still loved me.
I wanted your bright green eyes.
I wanted them right when you woke up; when they were still foggy from last nights dreams.
I wanted them when you fell in love; not with me, but with your passions.
I wanted them when you were angry... When you stared at me hard and cold knowing I couldn't dare stare back.
I wanted them when you looked at yourself in the mirror, never seeing what I saw in you.
I wanted them mostly when you told me you loved me... Because they got sad and compassionate...
And I wanted them when you told me you always thought about me, but that it wasn't going to work out.
I wanted your bright green eyes.
I will love you even when you're no longer young and beautiful as Lana del Rey once asked.
I will love you even when we are working our ***** off the pay bills we shouldn't have. I will love you when you can't wipe your own **** and when you're grumpy and old.
I will love you when you hate me and tell me I drive you crazy.
When the passing sun and moon go right on by... I will still smile and think how I've loved you all the while.
When the earth stops rotating and our world starts to end... I will remember the days we shared together.
But just remember I will love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
Who knows where this came from besides the fact that I love this song ^_^
It's 2 am.
Babysitting and watching old Disney movies-- nostalgia.
It's 2 am.
I can't think of anything but How I Met Your Mother.-- nothing good happens after 2 am.
It's 2 am.
Sending flirty texts to boys I just want *** from-- unacceptable from a girl right society?
Why am I awake?
It could be my lack of faith or the fact that this rose quartz has yet to bring me the love it should. It could also be my lack of self acceptance but I will never admit that.
I hope you when you're driving down the interstate, closing in on the exit you seek, you remember I'm not that far away.
And I hope one day you'll wake up and know that I would rather be anywhere with you than in this summer heat dying for the rain.
It could be my lack of faith or the fact that this emerald didn't bring me **** for luck. It could also be my lack of self esteem that brings me to his bed dreaming of you.
One day I'll wake up and wish the best for you and your new life... And one day I'll wake up in my room sober instead of drunk and lustful night after night.
And I hope one day you'll wake up and remember that I'm not that far away... And you'll wake up and know that if clean my **** up if you would just stay.
I can't help but wonder why we are pretending like it's Woodstock and 1969 all over again?
We pretend we know something about peace.
We act like we understand what it's like to be women and have no rights.
(Ladies you have more rights than you think you do)
We act like we know how the men and women in war feel when they come home to protesters and hatred.
(Stop hating on people who are risking their lives to save our country!)
***, drugs, rock n roll.
Peace and love.
We don't know anything.
We are so young and naive.
I am the same as the rest of you.,
I pretend like equality and legalizing drugs will make this world different, but it won't.
I like the idea of peace and love.
I love *** and rock n roll.
But I'm just a ****** up kid from the 90's.
I love too much.
I live too fast.
I'll die to young.
I like the idea of weaving flower in my hair & I love the Beatles.
Maybe 2014 is 1969 in a more obscene fashion?
Not sure where this came from.
I'm really not political or invoked in feminism don't hate on me. Just trying something new!!!
I want to paint the skies with the fire in your eyes. I want to use your passion and your taste for the lasting things in life. I would use every color available to me.
I want to cause volcanoes to explode with the tension we know is already there. I want to taste your lips against mine. I want to show the world what the definition of lust is.
I want to make you smile and I want to make you laugh. I want to watch as you fall slowly and madly in love with me. I want to watch your mind sway like the wind.
I want to cause a hurricane in your head and fill your lungs with water making it impossible to breath when you're around me. I want your bones to shake like there's an earthquake when you watch me undress for you.
In a world of nature vs. nurture, I want to watch your nature come crashing into mine. I want to nurture the passion and fuel the fire above until we burn up and all that's left is that lasting memory.
Shimmering mountain and bright lakes call my name into the great unknown.
I have wandered to far to get caught in a crossroads with no right answer.
If I go right towards society my life will be scattered and I will fall back into the viciousness of routine. I will fall backwards towards the life I ran away from.
If I go left I will find the wild trees growing into the clouds and the forest ground covered in moss. I will eventually hit the ocean where I can sit upon soft white sand wishing for sunsets with answers.
If I turn around and go back the way I came... Well ... I suppose I will have made this journey for no reason except to get lost. I will have wasted valuable time most would say.
But who said at a cross roads you had to pick a path already created for you? Who said you couldn't... I don't know, make your own path?
Bright, shining water and clouds so white and scattered across the sky like your favorite watercolor. I said forget the norm and made a new path.
You said i would know
When the time came to **** you
But I'm not ready
that the one man to tell me he loved my body
was the one man
who was the worst for me.
that the one man I wanted to give my heart too
decided destroying it was easier
then loving it.
that the one man who dedicates songs and poems to me
is the one man
who I can't seem to fall in love with.
that the girl who needs me to love her
is the one person
I can't seem to find love for.
We have a lot of made up, Hallmark type of Holidays don't we?
We have so many things we are told we have to celebrate our whole lives.
May is here - Mother's Day is here.
But what about the dirt-bag mothers?
What about the mothers who don't care about their children?
What about the mothers who gave their kids up?
I know it's selfish- it's childish- but you weren't there when I needed you.
You were drowning in a bottle of ***** in your bathtub.
I know it's selfish- it's childish- but you still haven't been there.
You are too busy living in your own issues to remember you have children unless it suits you.
I remember living with dad and my stepmom- she raised me.
I remember grandma helping us with homework- she raised me.
I remember calling my dad when I was sad- he raised me.
I remember asking you where you were after 6 months of not hearing from you - but you couldn't even answer that question.
After years of picking up pieces and telling people I didn't have a mother here I am.
I am 25 years old with a stable job and stable home.
You are 47 with nothing to your name except some **** and a broke down apartment you get free from the government.
I am 25 with my **** together- paying my own bills- working for a living.
You are 47 taking pain pills as if your life depended on them.
I hear a lot of people telling me to forgive you, but I am just now coming to terms with how messed up I am.
I hear people telling me " that's your mom" but I am just now realizing the extent of my mental problem you have left me with.
All I have to say is thank the world for my father and stepmom and grandmother-- the only family I ever needed no thanks to you.
It will always be you at two in the afternoon when my wandering mind finds your face.
It will always be you in the moon in the middle of the night when I toss and turn waking to an empty side of the bed.
It will always be you when my heart stops beating and my words start repeating the things you used to say.
It will always be you that cold drink of water in the summer when it gets hotter and I want your ice cold charm.
It will always be you at two in the morning the memories of your obnoxious snoring and the way you played it cool.
It will always be you I hope and I pray you'll show up back at my door, where I'll kiss you and tell you to stay.
It will always be you... No matter how hard I try to forget and move on... You will always be there in the back of my mind.
It will always be you.
I've been falling asleep in the back of the bar lately & I am not sure which way is up and which way is down.
"He" leads me down the stairs to the parking lot and rips my dress off me like its ***** laundry... But who he is... I don't even know.
It's been long enough for me to move on and get over you but there's something in the way the light shines against my hands that makes my heart ache.
You aged like wine and I aged like moldy cheese but we never found the perfect combination to keep us together.
I've been falling asleep in bars... And the bartender told me I can't come back anymore.
"He" took me home... But where that is.... I don't even know.
I don't think we were meant to end quite yet but you took two steps back with each one of my steps forward. I leapt before I could even crawl let alone walk.
You are still perfectly unhappy and I'm still researching the meaning of life... And even though part of me doesn't want you back... The other part of me still wants one last kiss.
I've been falling asleep in bars since i returned back west & I don't know if I'm just exhausted or miserable these days... But man... I hate beer.
She tasted like cigarettes and whiskey... she wore red lipstick and a tight black dress.
I didn't feel a thing for her except envy when we first met.
She told me with a smile I couldn't handle my liquor and I laughed in her face and swallowed that Whiskey straight down.
She grabbed my hand and we were gone.
The next night she tasted like Vanilla and Chai.. she wore black ripped jeans and purple lipstick.
I didn't feel a thing for her except humor.
I told her with a smile she couldn't handle her liquor and she laughed and swallowed that Scotch straight down.
I grabbed her hand and ran .
One more night and she tasted like bubble gum and spice... she wore a black sundress and combat boots.
I felt like maybe I was falling in love with this girl.
She told me with a smile that we should get some drinks since we both can't handle out liquor.
I laughed and grabbed her hand and we walked off to the bar.
I want to spend my mornings drinking tea in the early English fog.
Spend my afternoon at the foot of the Eiffel Tower being touristy drinking dark red wine.
I want to drink beer in Germany and head on over to Ireland for dinner.
I want to get sunburns from sunsets in Italy.
Talk to the deadliest animals alive in Australia and swim in the blue ocean near New Zealand.
I want to pic flowers in Thailand and eat sushi in China.
My heart will never stop wandering.
My heart will never be still.
I need to travel again.
It was always that Peppermint White Mocha.
It's so funny that a simple drink... one that I choose every single time.
A drink my friends and I have turned into a small inside joke.
A drink that tastes like Christmas ( which you know I hated) and Joy ( but i was always too pessimistic right?).
A drink that no matter the weather I still choose that one single drink.
Don't get me wrong, I've tested other flavors.
I've tried it iced.
I've tried it blended.
I've tried it at a local coffee shop in every city I go too.
But nothing compares to the original.
Funny how this started with you.
Are we even talking about the drink anymore?
We find ourselves always stuck in the between- the middle of a breakdown, the middle of a fight, the middle of a decision.
In the grey's instead of the blacks and whites of life.
In the undeveloped part of the film; the damaged part of the film.
Have you ever sat in the middle of your living room with a bottle of wine and the windows slightly open in the middle of winter thinking about life?
Have you ever sat in the middle of the street in the middle of the night and wished silently to yourself this would all end if one car just turned that corner?
There's that word again... "Middle"
Which is such an **** word the more I sit here and type it.
I want to be at the beginning of something.
I would even settle for the end of something just so I could restart again.
I have a hard time focusing on the present, which is also the middle of your life.
I'm always stuck in the past or wishing for the future...
Then again... I am the damaged part of the film.
I am the negatives that will not get developed for another couple years.
I want to fall in love with strangers on rooftops and smoke cigarettes till sunrise.
I want to drink moonshine in the fields and take rides on tractors just because.
I want to feel the soft sand between my toes and feel the salty air in my hair.
Watch the sunset over the mountain in Colorado & drink tea on the Mississippi River.
When I'm feeling blue and lost I plan trips to distant places.
When I'm missing your lips against mine, I trace the roads that will bring you home.
I want to wake up happy and go to bed happier.
Chasing you was like trying to chase a tornado... I was headed towards total destruction and unspeakable beauty..
My only problem was that I wasn't going to make it through the destruction to see that beauty you hid within.
Chasing you was like chasing a hurricane...I was headed towards terror and unimaginable wonder.
My only problem was... I wasn't going to be able to live through the terror long enough to wonder if I would swim or drown.
I like the curves of your shoulders and the strength in your spine.
I like the softness in your lips but the roughness in your hands.
I like the sparkle in your eyes and the sarcasm in your smile.
I like the pieces of you that you hide away under layers of thick skin.
The sadness you try to hide when you bite your lip and look left.
The laughter you feel when you shake your head and glance down.
The irritations you know when you roll your eyes up and to the right.
I like those things more than you'll ever know. But the things I love about you could never be explained in poetry.
The fire in my eyes has burnt to ashes and my skin is as pale as the moon above me.
You stole my shallow heart and filled it with hopeless dreams and gorgeous promises that will never come true.
You took my hands and held them to your heart telling me love was the only option.
There is smoke in my lungs and alcohol in my liver and I have no fear of dying any longer.
You were so blatantly rude whenever I asked you to explain why you were leaving.
And the worst is you never had a thing to say.
Or better yet the worst is probably that I believed you actually gave a ****.
Now the time has come for me to say farewell and good day.
Because I've lost my self respect trying to chase you begging you to stay.
So over this year and this loss of motivation. ****.
It's gotta be hard loving the girl with make up smeared across her eyes from crying all night.
It's gotta be hard loving the girl who writes ****** poems about loving you.
It's gotta be hard loving the girl who hates herself more than she can describe.
It's gotta be hard loving the girl who stays up till 3 am trying to find some answer... Any answer that will make sense.
It's gotta be hard loving the girl who can't explain why she feels so empty.
It's gotta be hard to be you right?
I am cursing the rain in bright black and grey ink in beautiful cursive writing. I know you're questioning how black and grey can be bright but If you don't know, you'll never know.
I am painting sunsets on canvas but with pastels instead of neons. It's almost a bit too sad instead of a bit to happy; so fitting for a sun that's disappearing, right ?
I am swallowing pills mixing them with liquor, testing out theories to see if I can find the right way to write. All I see is blurry candle light and a dragon on my wall telling me my writing *****.
And it's sad to think how pessimistic this poem started but how within a 15 minute drive home I've come to see....
That all the rain cleared up the night sky and out came those glimmering ***** of fire we call stars. I've caught myself staring but I always have different emotions with each glance.
Tonight..I guess the world isn't so sad after all.
Summer breeze through windy trees, I'm falling in love again..
I miss the air when we didn't care, but who am I to speak of your sin?
Love was lost at a high cost, I watched you drive far away.
I wanted the part where you gave me your heart, but I lost control in the stormy night.
I wanted the day when you didn't have to say... I would always be there to fight.
Summer nights you held my hand so tight, I'm falling in love again.,
When it's not so sad anymore I will show pictures of us to my future children.
I keep them hidden in 7 different folders on my computer to try and hide them from myself so I don't get weak and want to look at the better days.
I deleted you from social media, I blocked you, but as we all know that's a temporary solution to the bigger problem.
I always find love for you even when I hate you deep down inside- hidden under 7 layers of skin and memories.
When it's not so sad anymore I almost wish we would run into each other on the streets.
Maybe it won't be so awkward, I'll have moved on and you'll have moved on but maybe there will be a small spark still there.
When it's not so sad anymore, I will eventually delete those pictures from my memory and my computer.
I will find a way to permanently erase your love one of these days... maybe 7 months from now, maybe 7 years from now... someday.
I sometimes pretend you were just a vision-- something I made up to keep me happy.
But I remember it all so vividly-- your red pants, that grey shirt, the cologne you wear and you leaning on the wall waiting for me.
Did you move around a lot trying to find the "right" way to stand on the wall? Did you get nervous when I arrived? Did you feel the pressure I felt?
I'll never forget the humidity and the way I stared at you when I first saw you again.
I'll never forge the butterflies when I tried to smile but frowned instead. I'll never forget the way you asked how my trip was and I replied awkwardly how I needed coffee.
I'll never forget the way I looked at you... Knowing we had only one week and then it would be over.
And I'll never forget how by the end of the week I lost myself completely... And let every wall I ever built fall down for you.
you kissed me goodbye... And meant it.
The sky was so clear this morning I could have connected the dots from the Little Dipper to the Big Dipper.
As I drove home from the cafe on the corner... I remembered something I couldn't quite believe I forgot.
I remember the way the morning air felt when we walked across the lawn. After the rain had fallen so hard we could smell the freshness the next day.
I remember the brightness in your eyes when you looked at the map and pointed at this random dot with some strange name and said this was to be our next big adventure.
I remember the smell of your hair as we cuddled under the stars on a clear night just like this morning...
I remembered this because you were there... You were the reason I could connect the dots of constellations so far away.
You were the reason I wasn't afraid of random dots on a map.
You were the reason the rain made me smile...
I just smiled and drove home to think about you... And I hope you're doing okay.
I swallowed 36 pills today and just laid down ready to die.
You told me my sadness was beautiful... Like a flower drowning in the rain.
I laughed... Because all 36 pills were evenly counted out for the things that made me feel this way.
1. For the headaches, the nightmares and the lack of sleep.
2 for the memories of you kissing me.
3 for the heartache, the way I watched you walk off with her under your arm.
4 for the screaming, the fighting over my weight each day.
5 for the way my family just never understood the way I didn't wanna talk about my feelings.
6. For the long nights I cried myself to sleep for being so **** no one would want me.
7. For the days I didn't think I would survive at work with a mental breakdown.
8. And last but not least, for the way I could never make myself stop worrying about everything. The way I couldn't figure out my future. The way i couldn't stop hating my entire existence.
36 pills hand counted and evenly distributed down the back of my throat.
Do you still think sadness is beautiful?
She sat in her kitchen in her underwear, eating left over Chinese food contemplating when life got this hard.
She couldn't remember the feeling of skin against skin or lips against lips. She couldn't remember the heat of someone else's body touching hers or if there was more than just involved.
She sat there with a blank piece of paper and a purple pen in hand... Contemplating if she should write a poem or her final goodbye note.
She couldn't remember a time where she didn't feel undesirable or ****. She couldn't remember a moment where self hatred wasn't causing nonstop fear of being alone forever.
As she sat there in her kitchen, eating leftover Chinese food, staring at blank papers she started to cry. She started to wonder when things would eventually look up.
There is something brilliant hidden under the words you say when you're mad.
When you say "I"... You say it was such conviction! Such passion is in that one letter making it know that YOU are serious.
When you say "don't" you start to lose that edge and I can hear you shaking under your breath... Not as convincing here.
When you say "love"... I hear pain. Nothing but sad, unnerving pain. I almost can't handle it.
When you say "you"... I can't tell if you are talking to me or yourself. You have at this point lost me on whether you're serious or not..
When you say "anymore"... This is when I have officially stopping believing anything you say. You've at this point started looking at your shoes as though they know the answer.
And when you say "I don't love you anymore"... Then I would have to assume you probably don't love me anymore.
We found gypsy dreams along the waves of the clouds that fell upon us that sunset of a night.
We found wander and adventure in our souls as we stared at the fiery skies above and the deep oceans below.
You told me once I needed to fall in love again.
We found mystery along the tops of trees and found cool air brushing our make believe wings.
We found belief and structure in dancing around our fears until they were to uncomfortable to stay.
You told me once I needed to remember what love was.
We found memories on the forest floors and in the jungle vines.
We found hope in the eyes of children and animals who showed us the path back to our roots.
I have remembered one thing about love and that's to love myself before loving anyone else.
Clean endings never exist and I can't breathe when you're around.
I get stupid; I get dizzy.
You're like a bad taste in my mouth, I'm doing everything I can to clean you out.
You're every ****** word on the tip of my tongue.
Wounded birds have more fight left in them than I have standing in front of you today. I am a wimp in my own sense and fashion.
I can't think when you're around.
Do you understand the emotional breakdowns that go on inside my mind when you're around?
It feels like a blind person trying to read a book. Like a roller coaster flying off the tracks.
I love you more than I can explain in any sense. So much that I need to you get away from me before I end up insane.
Her skin smelled like peppermint; it wasn't love more like infatuation.
I liked the way she wore her hair; long and colorful.
I liked how her eyes always fit her mood; always changing.
I liked how she never seemed to really care she just went with the day.
No, this wasn't love, but she made me curious.
She made me wish I could be her.
That I could have that smooth confidence, or those perfect teeth.
She made me want to dress differently and talk slower with more care.
She always smelled like peppermint, it was always refreshing.
She was a good girl who everyone thought was a bad girl.
No I didn't love her, but I was infatuated.
She danced through wildflowers and wove lilac in and out of her long hair. She smelled of lavender and pine and she never went anywhere without a smile.
Dancing alone to the harmony of the wind and the beat of the rain hitting the ground softly she began to remember a better time.
A time before the hassle of growing up and before the sun stopped shining just a little to bright.
A time before she was afraid of sitting at home and just relaxing.
Remembering the smell of coffee and peppermint throughout her grandmothers home.
The idea that one day she would grow into someone she could respect and love.
She was strong and fierce but also slightly soft and simple.
She was wild and free but contained by walls of society she hasn't quite broken through yet.
Yet she continues dancing through wildflowers and spinning daisies around her finger tips.
She continues humming to the sound of the ocean and falling in love with natures secrets.
She continues to grow into someone she can respect and love- finding her own the only way she knows how.
I wanted to be there when your mind stopped wandering and you remembers who your real friends were.
I wanted to trust that you would come back to me because this is how things worked.
But love and family and friends only go so far these days.
Betrayal and lack of honesty is what will come out to play.
I wanted to see you remember that there was a time you were happy but I was wrong.,
Because even though he broke your heart you ran back every time.
And like a worn our recording of your favorite song... The record skipped a few beats so I could sing on.
You were my best friend and now your just dust in the wind.
I hope a boy was worth the end of a friendship.
I'm hard to love.
I am stubborn and I never take compliments.
I'll deny you every chance I have just because I'm scared.
I'm mean and indecisive and sometimes I make irrational choices.
I don't like being told what to do & I hate admitting when I'm wrong unless I know I'm wrong.
Sometimes I drink to much sometimes I cuss to much and sometimes I cry too much.
I may be hard to love and a bit cynical sometimes but given the chance...
I will love you harder and stronger than anyone else in the world.
I will show you compassion and a deeper side of me than anyone has seen.
I will be your best friend and lover....
I may be hard to love but when I love I go hard.
I miss being really in love...
When all is said and done I guess this was my fault. I teased and I flirted.
There are emotions and feelings and yet when you're around they cease to exist. You lose the words you know how to say; it could be nerves.
I lose my interest; it could be selfishness.,
When this is over I know I'll never be forgiven. I am sorry for the teasing and the flirting.
I know there is something to connect us, I can feel it when you're around. But then things get awkward and I can't handle awkward right now.
I can't handle relationships.
I can't handle myself.
When you go home and I stay here, you'll never be the same and I'll always be afraid of committing to the unknown.
I'm a terrible person.
It was hot... Almost to hot.
Hot in a sticky wet way that made me want to run away.
I was from this high and dry desert town; we complain about dry heat but the humidity is by far the worst change I've ever experienced.
I walked down those airport stairs contemplating where I could get some water or coffee; I mean it was 6 in the morning!
I remember thinking how angry I was going to be if you weren't waiting for me.... I know you hate mornings.
And if there is one thing I'll never forget for the rest of my life is the way you stood at the bottom of the stairs in that airport terminal and the way you made me catch my breath.... I almost forgot that humidity that made my skin pour and my hair frizz.... I almost forgot I needed that coffee or that I had just been on a plane for 6 hours....
But I sure didn't forget how I was so enamored by every single piece of you.
Will you take back those phone calls and the texts you used to send?
Take back the "I love you's" at two a.m?
Will you take my heart when it's been beaten and suffering from abuse?
Sew it back together and watch the blood still pour out over you?
Will you take back the kisses and hugs you would steal in the middle of the night?
The way you'd wrap your legs around mine and hold my body so tight?
Take my memories, take my heart and just let me die.
Because I'd rather be a "me" if there can't be a "you & I ".
Why the **** do I miss you?