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Empty bags and candy wrappers
Left strewn about
From my last attempt
To fill this feeling
To suppress this anxiety
Only for it to fail
And give birth to a different sickness

The rage I feel when I look in the mirror
The body I was given
And all that I have done to it
I want it to be beautiful
But just can’t keep up with the work
So the burning grows inside
I’ve gotta let it out
And I want it to hurt

There’s no one else to blame
No other half
I’ve just one brain
There is no wicked tempter
Only chemically driven impulse
I only lose my temper on myself
I want to squeeze til there’s no pulse
I want to shatter my mirror
And use the broken pieces
To carve the body I wished to see
When the mirror was whole
28 lines, 240 days left.
Diljeev May 3
On a rare starry night
dead silence prevailed,
with them all unsheathing
their very own plight.
The moon turns envious,
as she appears in sight,
for it is but a torn kite
before she in her own right.
She turns her records on,
echoing in the silence,
let the humming commence,
all are safe and all are sound thence.
As they all sink in the tune
She confides in the moon,
in the planned secrecy,
she confesses how she
loathes his absency,
even more than
she loathes to admit this.
display Apr 29
you gave me love just to take it away
you gave me life so that i may die
and you gave me a heart just so i could be heartless
the life i have lived is not worth living
and it is so that i have died
but in death is rebirth
and in rebirth is death
every opposite has an attraction that governs its repulsion
and it is so i contradicted myself

when i had loved you were only my dark
because i thought inside you i could find a light
and even when i found it
i became lost in my conviction
devil and god
demon and angel
what is the difference but power
one to reign oblivion over life
one to comfort those in death
but in this world
can you tell who is who?

you gave me love just so i could feel it
you gave me life just to be numb
i loved all those that scorn me
as all those who scorn me are me
and i them

what is life beyond life
and what is death beyond death
as god so loved the devil
that he saw his own evil as good
and cast him unto himself
what is the devil but god
and what is the god but devil
these demons my guardian angels i feel found

why must i exist to exist i wish not to be
but that is why i am
we are made to go against and rebel against
but that is why we are made to subserve
a devil for life i a devil for a day
Your grace is wasted on a ******* like me
I can’t accept your forgiveness
Because I haven’t forgiven myself
Don’t make it look so easy
No need to walk the higher ground
I can see you ready to take a fall
The hate that’s hidden is weighing you down
Don’t spare me the rod
And let your bitterness sit and fester
Give me what I deserve
Some say I’m gonna burn for all I've done
And I don’t believe there’s anyone to follow through
But sometimes I wish they were right
An eternity of suffering might be enough
To fill this *******’s bottomless well of self-loathing
15 lines, 271 days left
Deavin jean Mar 1
Sometimes i wonder what the walls would say if they could speak.
What horrors they would leak.
Unimaginable hate, stumbling in drunk home again late, trying to find my bed but cant walk straight.
Uncalled for abuse, screaming for the hands around your neck to be let loose.
Sad, depressing suicide attempts, self - mutilation, nights screaming, pleading to God to take you to heaven.
Scary addictions and the scary things i did for them.
Being attacked by all the monsters in my head, asking God "why me?" and wishing i was dead.
If these walls could talk, they would say alot, so im just glad that they can not.
Do not look in the mirror:
What will stare back will be sure to cause
Futility; what you thought would look back is just a face
Your mind has created: alas it is what you would like to see.
But in reality all you are left with is undesirable.
Quick, where is the moisturizer? I see some lines.
Dark circles? I thought we weren’t wearing makeup anymore.
You said we weren’t, we’re only 27 there can’t be lines
Impossible.
Me, myself, and I. Had to get it out somehow.
i craved the fleeting warmth of her impossible kiss
     i still do
           i thought she hated me with my entire being;

yet i longed for nothing more for her to be draped over me
with tender touches and sweet sighs
instead of being held against my will,
as my unwilling, lovestruck body was dragged & pushed --
not lovingly embraced, desired, or cherished; just scorned.

i felt the weight of my arched ankles manipulated by her dainty, ballerina figure i worshiped
coupled with my gasping breaths wrapped around her fickle, faithless fingers,
and i ravenously called this love.
a note my 14-year-old self mistakenly perceived
for a feeling i will get to know better

( & a rough practice of playing with
alliterations, letter & word placements ! )
C F Tinney Nov 2020
Pull yourself up
never surrender
no pain no gain
get some

collapse
give up
stop the pain
leave it

crush it
win at all costs
may the best man win
no quit

loosen your grip
enjoy the journey
lose with grace
stop

destroy the day
seize the day
capture the victory
nothing is too much to give

relax
today
might be the last
day
poem speaks for itself
Isabella Nov 2020
I hate myself
I hate myself for everything I am
And I hate myself for everything I’m not
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