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eusamez Sep 12
The beating of the drum
The tidal wave crashing down
The rumbling of the earth’s crumb
Is felt in every heart beat

That thump in your chest
The lost mind can wander
It envelops you in distress
Every detail you ponder

That creeping sense called emotion
It scares you out of your wits
Thinking of what the future holds
Throws all your sensibilities into fits

The thing that is most fearful
Is when anxiety becomes your friend
It becomes your daily companion
The only who can comprehend.

Keep counting

It’s heavy, and the air is hot


Keep counting

I hear the screaming, and all the lies.

Come on girl, keep counting

1,2,3,4 snap snap

My hands are trembling I can’t quite see

But 1,2,3,4. Keep counting. You’ve gotta breathe.


That’s how many breaths you need
Count to 4. Count to 4.
Just. Keep. Counting.
This is how I handle my panic attacks. Counting to 4, and snapping on cue. Focuses the mind to some thing else. Sooner or later I’m not panicking. I’m counting, and I can breathe again.
Lost Soul Jun 13
I feel damaged, I feel broken
see depression had me trapped
At a young age
well before I had even spoken
When I was 8, I saw someone get sick
I spiraled infront of everyone
they say me as a burden so
I was sent home real quick
When I was 10, I laid in bed
for two months...
I watched the same movie
and refused to eat because the demons in my head
When I was 12, I was scared to leave ..
my house and even my bedroom
I would hyperventilate
then cry so hard I'd heave
When I was 18
I screamed till my voice was no more
my cries echoed off the walls
but no one cared to notice
what happened behind my bedroom door
When I was 19, I was too nice
I put others first
but little did I know
a piece of my heart was the price
I am broken, I am damaged
everyday I wake up
surviving the day is always a challenge
I hiss and withdraw
to the core
retreating behind my thicket
of thorns
fangs bared against
beleaguered attempts
to shred the serendipity
I've fought relentlessly
to nurture.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
Beleaguer: to exhaust with attacks
Serendipity: finding something good without looking for it
Caitlin Apr 14
Logic says to me,
"You've really gotten better!
You don't breakdown so often
You smile more."
Yeah, its the medication!

It says, "You handle things with grace
and don't fly off the handle.
You aren't so easily angered."
Yeah, its the medication!

                       It says, "Yeah, your emotions are foggy
                               but at least you aren't crazy.
                             I bet it's hard to feel things, but
                                you aren't crying all the time.
                           And you haven't collapsed in bed
                                           and begged to die.
                                  Or at least, its been a while."
                                   Yeah, its the medication.

                       "Why do you have tears in your eyes
                               and why aren't they falling?
               Does it feel like your chest is made of concrete?
              Like a sneeze that hurts but it just won't happen?
                    Can you feel the attack waiting in the corner
                    leaving you with dread and adrenaline?"
                                   Yeah, its the medication.

                                                    ­                          "Seroquel for seratonin
                                                       ­                            Buspirone to breath,
                                                         ­               and ****** to calm down.
                                                           ­               So what could go wrong?
                                                          ­          Is it bad to not be able to feel
                                      even though you know you have the right to?
                                                       And your chest feels heavy and full
                                                      like an awning with too much water
                                                         and you kind of want it to collapse
                           because you so badly want to remember how to cry
                                                And the blackness you were so afraid of
                                                              ­                            seems like home
                                                            ­                   and you're homesick?"
                                                      ­                      Yeah, its the medication.
SMS Apr 2
Haven’t had enough sleep
To handle all of this feeling.
Haven’t had enough hate
To do this much isolation.

Have had enough of myself tho
shania Mar 11
you gave me smiles
i called it love
you gave me laughs
i called it love
you gave me panic attacks
i called it love
Lieke Jan 26
I can't stop
Accelerating my the second
Salty tears are flooding my eyes
Air stuffing my windpipe
Each breath is spiralling upwards

I feel it all at once
Years of hungry pain rushing into me
The sorrow is starving for my cries
So it pulls and twists and stabs

My voice is muted
Death is craving me more and more
Longing to meet again
To bleed me dry
And drain me away
21 November, 2018
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