happy,
motivated.
life, is moving at a different speed.
not as before,
not moving forward;
just standing still, like time has no patience.
talking to myself,
crying in bed.
not curled,
just distressed and messed up in the head.
inexplicable,
unrequited.
don't know how to describe,
bring to life, the possibilities of me and you.
i used to be...
headstrong,
innocent;
naïve, yet mature.
now, those well-written descriptions,
can't fit,
won't work,
no, just isn't what it used to be anymore.

i want to run away from here,
i’m unwanted and viewed as eternal emptiness.
i knew it in my heart that I should’ve never cared,
Because the reason for our fall always ends here.
For thinking you were the one,
For once,
I am wrong.
Overthinking too much,
I assume where we went lost.
Took too long to reply,
My heart is shriveled up and dead, and I can no longer move along.
Just a look in your eyes,
Brings memories to my mind,
I love you so much.
I wish that I could remove the flaws hidden behind us,
A trail of unrequited love.
From afar, I see that your footprints cross my heart,
Too much to bear, I sit and stare at the clock.
Too numb to feel something that felt so real,
Maybe you weren’t the one to heal,
You were just a temporary deal,
Just like everyone else.
I could’ve been yours,
Our perspectives are too **** drawn,
Can’t you see?
We’re falling apart,
pretending to be something we’re not.
We’re nothing at all, I understand...
I wish that we could’ve lasted forever,
Instead, you abused the pact and treated me as whenever,
Oh, I just wanted you all to myself.
Reassurance and security,
Both things that met when I was with you.
Call me a selfish girl,
A cruel fool,
But my emotions will inevitably choose you.
I will miss you my dear,
But, you were the cause of our downfall.
Running away from my problems again,
goodbye my friend.

My breath shortens
it gets harder to breathe
I feel like cutting
I wish I was at ease.
My dad says he understands, but I think not.
Because if you did, he wouldn't be calling me a girl.
Why hasn't he, I thought.
My mind is screaming at me
WHY WAS I A GIRL
WHY CAN'T I BE A GUY
WHY CAN'T I USE THE BATHROOM WITHOUT BEING SPAT ON
WHY CAN'T I HAVE SOMETHING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS
WHY CAN'T I HAVE NO *******
WHY CAN'T I HAVE FLAT HIPS

Where I'm from, turbulence is arbitrary and the top layer is a dream
Violence and suicide hidden by pastel pinks and blues
A fragile frosted shell

Where I'm from, dark secrets come from a college in Santa Monica
Where someone drank too much
And no didn't work enough
My dad was in custody of the state 9 months later

Where I'm from, we pride ourselves in Edward Rutledge
Who picked up a pen in 1776
How does a single signature outweigh
A blurred auburn plantation in South Carolina
The sweet scent of fat, and the relatives I'm not allowed to meet
The men under another red, white, and blue flag

Where I'm from, pills are passed out like candy
Anxiety, depression, take your pick
My second cousin, she jumped off a bridge
We don't talk about her

Where I'm from, my cousins are bi-racial
I take pride in myself, and will never fall back
On racism, sexism, words that make my skin crawl
Where I'm from, I'll never stay silent again.

I've heard skin described as porcelain or mirrors
Sometimes scratched, but smooth and unique
Well I guess I was left to be heated too long
I can already see my distortion breaking out

At the end of the road
Who will be there?
At the end of the line
Who will still care?
If it’s not like the end of the rainbow
Who will still love me all the same?
In even my darkest hours
Who will be there to comfort me
and guide me through it all?

All of my poems these days seem to be about you as if you actually care or something

If only we could start over
Not middle school start over
Just start over to that cold, dark school bus
Where I think you stole my affection first
And I told you how great you did
Even though you got last place
And you smiled and so did I
And it was all downhill from there
But in a good way
Because that smile you gave me was intoxicating
And you continued to give me that smile
In the halls, in the selfies you sent me, at my play, when you met my family, when you graduated..
I want to go back
And relive that bittersweet moment
That was so scary, and it went so fast
When you held my hands with that concerned look
After I gave you that note
In front of the comp teacher’s door
And that day you texted me
And told me we could only be friends
Because you were leaving..
But did you ever leave?
You’re just a friend
Just as I’m just a friend
We’re just two friends who happen to love each other