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Laiba Oct 2
He was in my head
Today
He was abusing me in the rain
I focused on the rain and ignored
The pain
The hurt
The exploitiaion
The rain protected me
Triggered today by the rain in London
XslyfoxX Sep 16
Never really been sober minded
Seeking life- might never find it
Lying on a plateau
Pretend it’s a mountain I climbed.

Did it all start with divorce?
Did it start with my mah?
Or when the kid molested me in the back seat of a car?
For any light in my life I caught fireflies
But someone opened and let them all out of the jar.

I can’t lie and I can’t hide
I got called out on the pathetic way I lived my life.
womanizing just pain hiding
If any of you read this- I’m sorry I’m trying.
You don’t have to forgive
I don’t expect any of it at all.
Just know that now when I look at my wife and my baby I hold nothing but hate for the person I was and just know I hate myself in my heart.

I always claimed to be Christian
I always claimed to love God.
I know I Spit in His face with my actions I don’t know how He forgive me at all.

Nearly stopped my heart a couple times
Till friends I couldn’t love stopped by
I didn’t appreciate their hearts, didn’t appreciate they love me
So I lashed out and attacked them all
And I pushed and I pushed till they shoved me.

Honestly I’m really scared
To brutally, honestly tell you the truth
I’m terrified I’ll hurt my bride and my children like I did all if you.

Wether it’s getting high off Percocet
Or **** and lying on the Internet,
Wether it’s puking in toilets from too much to drink
Or getting so I can’t see and/or speak

I’ve seen her crying real tears
So I’ve had to start to face my fears.

My mommy problems and abandonment Issues
Are no reason to treat her like this.

Hi, my name is Blair and I am an addict
Just so you all now, I’m no longer at it.
I can understand why you hate me so much
And I know why you say nothing but negative things, I know why you just can’t get passed it.

I know why still years after
You’re writing emails to my pastor
And saying all of these horrible things not believing I can change and that’s facts.

I try every day to not hate myself
Because I know that’s not how God sees me.
I know I am nothing but a pervert and drunk
Till cried for my savior to save me.

I know you don’t believe it.
I know you hate me it’s no secret.
And I admit to being the monster you think I am years ago
I promise I’m no longer in that pit.

I admit that I punished myself
I admit that I was living like hell.
I admit I was selfish and deserved to be kicked out of Homestead for not thinking of anyone else.

Those were the best friends i ever knew
They were honest, and open and loving and true.
And I’m mad at myself for pushing away
To the point they don’t even know my child’s  name.

Some of you got your payback
To the point we’re still being harassed
People are making fake Grindr accounts
Assuming  it’s me without me being asked.

I’ve made mistakes and that’s and understatement
I can’t take it back- I’ll never change it.
Please accept my sincerest apologies
And let’s just go back to being decent.

To the women I’ve burned
I’m sorry,
To my brothers,
I’m sorry
To everyone who thinks that I’ll never change
I’m sorry and I’m trying.
This holds a lot of inside information that only certain people who may never read this will understand.

I lived my life horribly and selfishly. I went after personal gain and personal revenge for being hurt.
I have always been afraid of rejection and fear that my wife- like my many others will emotionally, or physically abandon me.
I have been on a journey of discovering my issues and trying to overcome them for the best part of 4 years.
To some people that’s not a long time.
I have been told that I am not able to serve in the church because of how I acted going back to when I was a preteen.
I have been accused of things I didn’t do because I hVe a history of doing things like it in the past.
I am still a recovering pill addict and make strong attempts to stay for away from alcohol.
I understand that God’s forgiveness and my wife’s acceptance as well as the birth of my child does not equal owning and dealing with issues I caused, or issues that I have.
No matter if I’m forgiven or not, no matter if there is truly a God or not, I am deeply sorry for the people who have been angered by me, scared because of me or cried because of me.
At one point in my life, I did not care about any of those people- although I was convinced I did.
I was not a Christian I just thought I was.
I was not much of a man at all.  I just thought I was.
SAME Sep 2
Cloud shadows are cast over the moors.
I can see why the ancients adored,
their Gods,
against all their odds.

A tempest wind reminds me of my place.
I am just a visitor,
I am to leave with no trace,
forgive me, Gods,
against all my odds.

I feel bygone amongst these English Moors.
Of winds and sky, I envy you, for this is all yours.
ChestNuts roesting on an open fire
Roesting over the flames of yuor forgoten love
Ash
Burnt too a Crisp (This is what they call Chips in Englis )

Mother's' love showed me the Love I needed from yuo
England they call them Crisps
Eating Chest Nuts is scrumptous
Training my ***** in the Art Of War
Hello my deer Freinds,
I am BACK after a businiss trip on which my beutiful ***** acopannied me to the wonderous country of England. I felt this trip was neccesary because my ***** were getting a little sad here in Frenso where they have lived there whole lives on my farm and never seen the Grand Wide World. However this trip took quiet a long time as ***** are not allowed on plaines and they had to journey to England by Scuttling, across the ocean floor. At last we were reuneted in the fine town of LiverPool. I chose this destination because ***** have Livers and live in Pools so I hoped they would feel at home. Thank yuo all for yuor continued support during this trying time and I hope yuo enjoy the Art that is born from being inspired bye a new Culture.
Away, not home,
this continental heat.

The air pretends
this North Atlantic rock
is worldly

The smiles of the natives
lean manic
as we clutch at multipack lager
and disposable charcoal,
grasp at the living myth
of a cloudless sky
and give ourselves to these gods

Our worship sees us sacrifice
meat and skin,
both burnt to early hours regret
and delicate, bathroom sorrows

A sporadic bacchanal
whose scarcity ensures
that be it working week,
weekend or holiday,
feverish
we’ll pay the tithe

Sunstroke and/or hangover
prove penance for our lapse
from the frigid, three bar
Protestant norm,

but these exotic gods will beguile again
even as the blistered skin still peels
It got to 34C/93F here today. Not such a common thing, there will be casualties...
Carl Halling Jul 21
Time travel, baby,
Set me free,
Time travel got a hook in me,
Time travel, baby,
Set me free,
Time travel got a hook in me,

In disguise as a young man in the city,
But the bright young life
No longer belongs to me,
I ain’t no London dude,
I'm just a carbon copy,
Doing some travelling,

Time travel, baby
Set me free,
Time travel got a hook in me,
Time travel, baby,
Set me free,
Time travel got a hook in me,

Seeing places that I knew in ’77,
When I was young
And in love with London town,
Please don’t ask me
Where those fleeting years have flown to,
They’ve just gone travelling,

Time travel, baby,
Set me free,
Time travel got a hook in me,
Time travel, baby,
Set me free,
Time travel got a hook in me,

In disguise as a young man in the city,
But the bright young life
No longer belongs to me,
I’m a visitor
From a distant generation
Doing some travelling,

Time travel, baby,
Set me free,
Time travel got a hook in me,
Time travel, baby,
Set me free,
Time travel got a hook in me.
Completed 21 July 2020, with minor edits (22-24 July), but based on a song written ca. 1999.
Alex Scaife Jul 2
I waved Brighton away as adventure called,
My heart filled with childish enthusiasm.
The whole world spread before my eyes as the
Wind did gently rustle my sails. Away!

Three months I sailed without excitement,
Making my heart lose faith in the open sea.
In anger God let my vessel venture
Into a storm to swallow worlds and eat me whole.

I prayed and begged with clasped cold hands. "Oh, God!
I am quite dead. Save this wretched servant!"
He ****** thunder from the grey skies and laughed
As I floated. A corpse drifting aimless.

As my filled lungs spewed out the sea, the sky cleared.
I saw a shore. England! My heart flew high
Just a story
I got bitten by a spider,
but this is England.

A certain arachnid
politeness is expected,
holding back on venom,
for example,
or moving at a predictable, parochial pace
and arranging eyes, legs and hairs
to not offend.

Hanging out in bedside sleeves
so an early morning stumble
is accompanied by slow burning
pin ******
leaving mild swelling and discomfort
is just not cricket.

Don’t get me started on
those chirruping buffoons.
Mitch Prax May 21
There's still
a part of me in London-
I left it in my dingy block
on Deptford High Street.
Another part of me still
remains in St James Park,
somewhere in the flowers
and another somewhere in
the markets of Camden Town.
I don't think it'll ever leave.
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