Staring at sunburns from sunsets-- we watched the waves crash around us.
Bagels and wine; don't even dare to judge us.
With bittersweet goodbyes we washed the sand from our toes and walked home.

Staring at sunburns from sunsets-- we watched the birds fly above us gracefully.
Pizza and ****** beer; don't act like you're better than us.
With bittersweet goodbyes, we danced home with no shoes in the city lights.

Staring at sunburns from sunsets-- we talked about our deepest fears.
Orange juice and tacos; don't act like you know us.
With bittersweet goodbyes we let the wind sing us one last song before we went home to the place we hated the most.

Will you take back those phone calls and the texts you used to send?
Take back the "I love you's" at two a.m?

Will you take my heart when it's been beaten and suffering from abuse?  
Sew it back together and watch the blood still pour out over you?

Will you take back the kisses and hugs you would steal in the middle of the night?
The way you'd wrap your legs around mine and hold my body so tight?

Take my memories, take my heart and just let me die.
Because I'd rather be a "me" if there can't be a "you & I ".

I want to fall in love with strangers on rooftops and smoke cigarettes till sunrise.
I want to drink moonshine in the fields and take rides on tractors just because.
I want to feel the soft sand between my toes and feel the salty air in my hair.
Watch the sunset over the mountain in Colorado & drink tea on the Mississippi River.
When I'm feeling blue and lost I plan trips to distant places.
When I'm missing your lips against mine, I trace the roads that will bring you home.

I want to wake up happy and go to bed happier.

You said I was pretty -- in a not so average kind of way.
You said I shined-- but not as bright as the sun.

You said a lot of things I can't quite get out of my head.
You meant a lot of things... I can't quite pin which one meant the most.

But you are like coffee- bitter and somewhat sweet when I add a little sugar.
You are you... And I'm still learning to accept this.

I wanted to be there when your mind stopped wandering and you remembers who your real friends were.
I wanted to trust that you would come back to me because this is how things worked.
But love and family and friends only go so far these days.
Betrayal and lack of honesty is what will come out to play.
I wanted to see you remember that there was a time you were happy but I was wrong.,
Because even though he broke your heart you ran back every time.
And like a worn our recording of your favorite song... The record skipped a few beats so I could sing on.
You were my best friend and now your just dust in the wind.
I hope a boy was worth the end of a friendship.

At 1 am, he tasted like cigarettes and was over 6'3 in all black.
I didn't know his name & I didn't care.

At 2 am, he gave me ****** beer and held my waist and taught me how to kiss.
His eyes held secrets, I'm sure, I didn't want to know. And his smile said I'll -****-you-up in a **** kinda way.

At 3 am, he was ready for more and I craved another touch, another kiss from this bad boy at the bar.
Drunk off who knew what and this overwhelming urge of lust.

At 4 am, i had bruises on my arms and lipstick across my face left in a ***** bathroom with no shirt.
He tasted like cigarettes and I wanted to puke.

One day I'll wake up with happiness in my stomach instead of worrying what the day will bring me.
One day I'll wake up not paranoid and terrified that you'll try to ruin my life again... Or that I'll let you do it.

One day I'll find the strength to tell a cute boy I think he's cute and not worry if he will tell me how disgusting I am.
One day I'll be able to look into a mirror without crying myself to sleep or thinking of every part of my body j want to cut off.

One day... I won't write such terribly sad poetry.

I'm hoping one day we walk down the same street, maybe not at the same time but together nonetheless.
I hope you feel what I felt that day.
I hope you see what I saw that day.

Wind blowing in your hair, trees swaying so high above... Magic surrounding us.

One day, I'm hoping we meet again. I hope it's under new circumstances and new lives ahead of us; our past so far behind us.
I hope you know what i knew then.
I hope you remember what I said then.

Shy smiles, distant eyes... Beauty and serene wonder surrounding us.

I'm hoping for the one day the world lets us finally be together. If that day never comes, then I hope the world will only let me remember the good, and no longer the day you gave up.

I wanted your bright green eyes.
I wanted them right when you woke up; when they were still foggy from last nights dreams.

I wanted them when you fell in love; not with me, but with your passions.

I wanted them when you were angry... When you stared at me hard and cold knowing I couldn't dare stare back.

I wanted them when you looked at yourself in the mirror, never seeing what I saw in you.

I wanted them mostly when you told me you loved me... Because they got sad and compassionate...

And I wanted them when you told me you always thought about me, but that it wasn't going to work out.

I wanted your bright green eyes.

I swallowed 36 pills today and just laid down ready to die.
You told me my sadness was beautiful... Like a flower drowning in the rain.

I laughed... Because all 36 pills were evenly counted out for the things that made me feel this way.

1. For the headaches, the nightmares and the lack of sleep.
2 for the memories of you kissing me.
3 for the heartache, the way I watched you walk off with her under your arm.
4 for the screaming, the fighting over my weight each day.
5 for the way my family just never understood the way I didn't wanna talk about my feelings.
6. For the long nights I cried myself to sleep for being so ugly no one would want me.
7. For the days I didn't think I would survive at work with a mental breakdown.
8. And last but not least, for the way I could never make myself stop worrying about everything. The way I couldn't figure out my future. The way i couldn't stop hating my entire existence.

36 pills hand counted and evenly distributed down the back of my throat.

Do you still think sadness is beautiful?

Chasing you was like trying to chase a tornado... I was headed towards total destruction and unspeakable beauty..

My only problem was that I wasn't going to make it through the destruction to see that beauty you hid within.

Chasing you was like chasing a hurricane...I was headed towards terror and unimaginable wonder.

My only problem was... I wasn't going to be able to live through the terror long enough to wonder if I would swim or drown.

One day you'll understand....

Why....I'm to afraid to take that step off the cliff.
I'm too scared to tell you I want to buy a plane ticket and come see you.
I'm to afraid of the sadness that lingers in my heart.
I'm afraid to fall in love with you again and again.

One day you'll understand....

How... You broke my heart in thousands of pieces.
I can't find them to put myself back together again.
I'm falling apart whenever you tell me you miss me.
I'm dying when you tell me you love me.

One day you'll understand...

What.... You do to me when you smile.
You are asking of me is to much.
You aren't doing has consequences.

One day you'll undersrand...

Who... You are and why you make me feel this way.
Who I am becoming.
Who we need to be.

One day you'll undersrand...

Where.... You left me is exactly where I never want to end up again....

You're a cold walk in December when it's snowing and I forgot my coat.
When I'm shaking and shivering running into Walgreens because their heater is on.

You're a brisk wind and a fast paced argument that happens on a Sunday afternoon in church.
You cursed in front of your god for me not believing your beliefs.

You're a Saturday afternoon breakfast because I woke up to late and hungover.
When the food got cold because I couldn't find the asprin and broke down in tears on my kitchen floor.

See you're the reason I fell in love and the reason I drink to much of the hard stuff instead of tea.
But you don't understand that yet, which is why you still watch cartoons Saturday morning, and I cry alone in bed.

You're a cold walk in  December  when it's snowing....

I remember looking across the Golden Gate Bridge thinking... This was it! We could never be who we used to be.

Wind in our hair as we drove fast on the interstate... Just you laughing at me and me smiling at you.

What joy to be young and dumb and in love with each other and life.

It was a cool California night, we drank wine under the moonlight and roamed the city with brown paper bags in our hands.

You arms around my shoulders your lips against my cheek... I couldn't help but think this was it! We could never be who we used to be.

There's something about the city at night with its lights and the thought that danger could be around any corner.

But this was exactly where we ought to be... Just you laughing at me and me smiling at you.

You came at me like quicksand and all I could think was after this there wouldn't be a single piece left of me if this ended wrong.

You were supposed to stay away ( no matter how much I wanted you). You were supposed to be strong enough to let me go... Because we both knew I wasn't.

You came back so suddenly I didn't have time to comprehend what was happening. I can't even stay mad at you when I want to!

You are a ******* disease.
You are the reason I'm so dysfunctional.
You are the love of my life
& for that I'll always forgive you even when I shouldn't.

I like the idea... Of falling in love strangers who don't know me.

Who don't know what I've been trough or my favorite book. Who don't know how I like my coffee or what my favorite food is.

I like the idea...of being someone to somebody new.

I don't want you to know my ***** secrets yet, or my lack of showering every day. I don't want you to know I hate not blow drying my hair after a shower or how I hate walking around naked.

I like the idea... Of new beginning With new people.

I want you to get to know me for me. I want you to ask my favorite color or why I prefer white chocolate instead of dark. I want you to ask me why I take too many pictures or cry for no reason sometimes.

I like the idea of falling in love with someone who doesn't know me at all.

I thought about the weather a lot today and how my moods keep changing with the seasons.

Summer came quickly, too hot to handle. Lit me up to make me sweat and watch me fall exhausted alone and sad.

Autumn came without a warning with a chilly breeze and bright colors warning me of the coming storm I knew I couldn't stop.

Winter was faster though, ice cold, chilled me to the bone. Made me stronger though! Walked through blizzards to make it home.

Spring... Well there was never a real spring. We didn't have pastels and romance. We didn't have soft winds and warm nights... We skipped spring this year and went straight back to summer to die.

Once I stayed up watching the darkness hearing water all around me.  Once I watched the stars fade to darkness hearing the silence fall around me.

Once I loved someone with all my heart I let my walls fall around me. Once he let me go & it hurt so bad I built walls around me.

Once I told my best friend she was weak and I let our friendship fall apart around me. Once I decided to tell my parents they didn't care & I let their love fall around me.

Once I stopped caring, that day came sooner than I thought, and I let me tear crash and burn around me...

It will always be you at two in the afternoon when my wandering mind finds your face.

It will always be you in the moon in the middle of the night when I toss and turn waking to an empty side of the bed.

It will always be you when my heart stops beating and my words start repeating the things you used to say.

It will always be you that cold drink of water in the summer when it gets hotter and I want your ice cold charm.

It will always be you at two in the morning the memories of your obnoxious snoring and the way you played it cool.

It will always be you I hope and I pray you'll show up back at my door, where I'll kiss you and tell you to stay.

It will always be you... No matter how hard I try to forget and move on... You will always be there in the back of my mind.

It will always be you.

I hope the rain stops and the leaves change from green to red for you.
I hope the fog fades and the sun comes out to shine down on you.
I hope when the morning rises and you're tired eyes awake you feel peace...

I hope the night stays a little longer and you find that sense of adventure again.  
I hope your eyes stop hurting and your lips stop cracking from the days you've been crying.
I hope when the morning rises you feel love again.

It's gotta be hard loving the girl with make up smeared across her eyes from crying all night.

It's gotta be hard loving the girl who writes ****** poems about loving you.

It's gotta be hard loving the girl who hates herself more than she can describe.

It's gotta be hard loving the girl who stays up till 3 am trying to find some answer... Any answer that will make sense.

It's gotta be hard loving the girl who can't explain why she feels so empty.

It's gotta be hard to be you right?

Party time-

Can you tell me where the alcohol is? The cheap watered down ***** you're drinking to pretend you're drunk? The cigarettes you smoke to pretend you're cool?

Party time...

Can you tell me who the girl is in your bed? The girl with the red hair down to her perfect ***? The one you slept with the forget about me?

Party time!

Can you tell me where the ******* is? That fine white powder? The one who keeps you Awake at all hours and makes you feel invincible?

Party. Time.

Can you tell me how it got this bad? How you ended up in the hospital at 3 a.m ? How you mixed the wrong chemicals at the wrong time?

There was never a better day for a party at the wrong *time

I said do you remember the way out hands touched on the bus as we sat down in separate seats?
- you said no.

I said do you remember the first time you told me I was beautiful under the rainy skies?
-you said no.

I said do you remember when I told you I loved you and you smiled as you out your arm around my waist?
-you said no.

I said do you remember the day you decided you didn't love me anymore?
- you said yes... And walked out the door.

Buried treasure and hearts made of stone; I will search for you in mermaid waters.

Foggy nights in lands of the unknown; I will fight for you forever.

Islands filled with palms and soothing sounds of the wind through the trees; I would **** for you in a heartbeat.

Passion flowing through my blood, I'm always aiming to please; I will carve your name in the concrete.

Silver and gold, black and white; I will draw you until I go blind.

Peace and love, always wanting to fight; you will always be on my mind.

I always find myself thinking about life when I eat Thai food alone.
And I can't help but wonder why it's taking so long for one person (myself) to get their meal to-go.

The people at the table next to my seat are laughing at me.... And that's okay.
As they pretend to be engaged in a double date conversation I'm listening to the sounds of pianos and flutes play softly in the background.

I'm taken far away to the highest of clouds where life doesn't seem so bad.
Then in a flash I'm back on the ground running through the wild woods searching for my one true love.... But he's not real right now.

Black flashes over white and in an instant we are stuck in a photograph.
That's life...you said.
That's life... I whispered.

And in that moment that my food arrived and the memories of you and I fade... I realize....

That's just life.

Tell me about your lavender eyes and your vanilla hair.
Tell me about you sandalwood smile and coal black stare.
How does the rain wash away your hatred for other so easily?
But the soft breeze in the summer fuels your fire?

Tell me about your wandering mind and your benevolent heart.
Tell me about your gypsy spirit and harnessed passion.
How does the ocean calm sadness so easily?
But the autumn smell makes you cry in the night?

Can you tell me why it's so easy to fall for you but so hard to make you stay?

Wandering, aimlessly trying to fall in love with the idea that you love me.
Chaos came and went with each passing breath we took.

Because loving you was beautiful.
Because loving you was madness.

Wandering, treacherously falling apart with the idea that you still love me.
Hope came and went with each rising of the sunset.

Because loving you was the only thing I knew at the time.
Because loving you would be my death if I let it.

Wandering... Aimlessly.... Wishing you still loved me.

I want to be your sunset eyes, those blue skies, you're perfect starry night.
I want to be the shore kissed by the sea, I want to have everything causally, I want you and me.
I want to be the waves when they dance alone, the midnight tone, I want to be your back bone.
I want to be your perfect scent, your missed rent, those days you feel you need to repent.
I want you to listen to these cheesy rhymes, feeding me these sweet lines, be together all the time.
I want to be your dark brown hair, the place back when we didn't care, the memories only we share.

I want you in all the ways I can say.
I'll want you forever and always each and every day.

I will love you even when you're no longer young and beautiful as Lana del Rey once asked.

I will love you even when we are working our ***** off the pay bills we shouldn't have. I will love you when you can't wipe your own **** and when you're grumpy and old.

I will love you when you hate me and tell me I drive you crazy.

When the passing sun and moon go right on by... I will still smile and think how I've loved you all the while.

When the earth stops rotating and our world starts to end... I will remember the days we shared together.

But just remember I will love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.

I like your lips pressed against mine.
Hard and desiring.

I like  the taste of your skin on my tongue.
There's to much I want to do.

I'm ****** up from the inside out.
****** and rude.

I like you.
Do you like me too?

You ran across the tracks losing sense of time and balance in the process.
I found myself staring at the clouds saying a final goodbye to those Reno skies.
You called out to me in a panic as I stepped aboard that impatiently waiting train.
I found myself stuck sitting next to a man who smelled like beer and cigarette... Thanks Reno for my final goodbye.
You waved and banged on the windows trying to get my attention one last time before I left.
But I was already daydreaming of big cities and distant places.
You did the best you could.
I did nothing at all.

You tasted like cinnamon.
Bitter and sweet; you told me once cinnamon was disgusting.

You smelled like rain.
Misty and like wet cement; it was nauseating.

You are the only thing left connecting me to this town we both hate... And yet you've already gone away.

You are the reason I am afraid to turn the corner of the streets; scared I might randomly see you.

You looked like the sun.
Bright and dangerous; back when we first met.

You sounded like a violin.
Stringy and loud... To loud for comfort some would say.

I loved you. I loved you more than words can easily explain.
There aren't enough similes and metaphors to describe my love for you.

But you taste bitter now.

It's 2 am.
Babysitting and watching old Disney movies-- nostalgia.

It's 2 am.
I can't think of anything but How I Met Your Mother.-- nothing good happens after 2 am.

It's 2 am.
Sending flirty texts to boys I just want *** from-- unacceptable from a girl right society?

It's 2am.
Why am I awake?

I like you early in the morning, before you even open your eyes to a new day. I like you in the middle of the night when you're mumbling nonsense and making weird noises in your sleep.

I like you in the afternoon when you can't figure out if you're hungry or not. I like you when you're upset, seeing your brown crease in frustration over some minuscule problem.

I like you when you're yelling about something and I like you even when we disagree. I liked you when you walked into my life and I liked you even when you walked away.

Even though you've walked away without a decent explanation... I still like you anyways.

When all is said and done I guess this was my fault. I teased and I flirted.

There are emotions and feelings and yet when you're around they cease to exist. You lose the words you know how to say; it could be nerves.
I lose my interest; it could be selfishness.,

When this is over I know I'll never be forgiven. I am sorry for the teasing and the flirting.

I know there is something to connect us, I can feel it when you're around. But then things get awkward and I can't handle awkward right now.
I can't handle relationships.
I can't handle myself.

When you go home and I stay here, you'll never be the same and I'll always be afraid of committing to the unknown.

I loved him carefully; from afar I liked to watch him grow into the man I knew today.
I loved him carefully; I watched his moods making sure the outrage stayed as far away from me as I could.
I loved him easily... It wasn't hard when his green eyes watched your every move and his lips held pretty words that danced through my ears.

But he loved me recklessly; he came at me with full speed ahead on marriage and lack of trust.
He loved me dangerously; so much that became afraid to love me at all for fear I would be his all.

I loved him carefully and it was too easy to fall apart when he walked away.
He loved me recklessly and it had become to dangerous for him to keep me around.

One step at a time I watched you shake with ecstasy-- lips quivering at every touch.

One breath at a time I watched you inhale with hope and exhale with passion and comfort.

One word at a time I listened to you begging, wanting, nothing but one more ******-- leaving me breathless.

I took advantage of your feelings for me. I took advantage of your love for my simple lust.

But I sit here now, watching you get dressed, watching your body move slow and easy, and I can't help but wonder... Maybe this isn't just lust.

Clean endings never exist and I can't breathe when you're around.
I get stupid; I get dizzy.

You're like a bad taste in my mouth, I'm doing everything I can to clean you out.
You're every ****** word on the tip of my tongue.

Wounded birds have more fight left in them than I have standing in front of you today. I am a wimp in my own sense and fashion.

I can't think when you're around.
Do you understand the emotional breakdowns that go on inside my mind when you're around?

It feels like a blind person trying to read a book. Like a roller coaster flying off the tracks.

I love you more than I can explain in any sense. So much that I need to you get away from me before I end up insane.