As her filthy eyes explore my broken body, they painfully infect my fresh wounds and scars... "What have you done to yourself?" I look down, expecting to see my body, but I can no longer see it. I can no longer see her. I fall to my knees, drowning in self-shame. I no longer pity myself - I only hate, I only hate.

"Who are you, honestly?" I can't tell if she's asking me or if I am questioning myself. I am not ashamed to admit that I don't know who I am anymore. I haven't known for a long time and I am desperate for answers...

I NEED ANSWERS.

"Tell me the truth." I would if I could, but the poisonous problem is that I am a stranger to myself. I pay close attention to what I say and what I do, all day every day, and yet I still haven't learned a single thing about myself.

"Tell me, tell me now." I can't tell you the truth if I can't even tell myself... I can not face it, not today. I am not ready, not today.

"I need answers." Is that not what I've been saying all along? Aren't you listening to me? Why aren't you listening to me?

But that's just it... No one ever listens... Not until it's too late.

"What have you done to yourself?" I look down, expecting to see my body, but I can no longer see it... I can no longer see anything. It's too late, it's too late. And do you know what? I still do not pity myself - I only hate, I only hate when it's too late...
And it's too late for me,
**today.

"I am so proud of you."
It's been a while since I've heard those words directed towards me.
I am truly touched.
I walk away, with a confident grin stretched across my face.
I'll seeya tomorrow buddy!

The truth is that I am proud of him for even being around to stand there and say those words to me, *as cliché as it sounds.
I am also incredibly grateful that he took the time to share his secret with me.

He is one of my best friends, regardless of everything that's been happening lately.
I know that he will be there for me in the years to come, as I will be there for him.
What's two years of difference with a connection as strong as ours?

He inspires me, he flatters me.
He makes me feel better about myself, in my moments of weakness.
He supports me, he cares about me.
He embraces me, in multiple ways, so I hug him right back...
And, suddenly, I don't feel all that weak.

As fallen leaves crackle and crunch in the gentle autumn breeze, they are unafraid to whisper their darkest secrets to the world... Do they get a response? Of course not, for people are as self-involved as they always have been.

Will anyone rise to rescue us from our own selfish minds? I think not. It takes more than just one person to stand up to the world.

If I stood, would you stand with me? Would you stay by my side in sickness and in health? A promise is all I need to rise above all else.

If you were to commit to me, autumn's whispers would be revealed as the definite loudest... If you were to commit to me, whispers would turn to voices and voices would turn to shouts... otherwise known as our opinions.

We would be free to speak our minds without fear of any judgement at hand... We would be free to say or do anything we pleased. Say the word and I'm free... Free to be yours. Free to enjoy the autumn,
and the rest of my life,
**with you.

You think you're so cool...
Bad boy, detached.
Nobody knows you
like you know yourself.
Leather jacket, crooked grin.
Only few deserve it.
Pocket-watch, single hoop earring.
Vintage, vintage...
How did you get so great?
Perhaps you stole the lost souls
of fragile beauties.
Perhaps you aren't so great after all.
Perhaps...
Or maybe
you just got so sick of hating yourself,
that you decided
to hate everyone else instead.
Maybe...
Or it's possible
that you lost your own soul
in the eyes of a fragile beauty...
And it's possible
that you're too far gone
to be saved.

See a familiar name on a birthday card
My parents hand me one that I soon discard
They didn't write a thing on the envelope
But that's better than giving me false hope

Their envelope is full of lovely gifts
Not an empty gesture, at least I don't think (so)
Because they know that she's a memory
And I am grateful but that won't stop me

It usually goes a little like this:
Intro, body, bridge, body, body, outro

The body is the most important part
Or at least so we think at first hearing

But personality and words are equal

And your melody is lyrically smooth
As your tempo bounces along my stave

And my vocal chords strum into crescendo

You are my ****** note

Ascending to my neck
Descending to my heart

I yearn to be someone's hand to hold

Someone's ostinato
To transfer into a lower key

If I could be your vibrato

Shake me, shake me, shake me
I love you

I rise up out of my seat
Out of my body

As I make my way towards the outro
And scream:

"YOU DIDN'T KEEP YOUR PROMISE!"

But kiss you, anyway
Because honesty was never your forté

And I love the words that escape your lips
And I love your body

**I love you

I should have known...
You always preferred
The smell of fresh coffee
To the smell of a fresh start.
You never wanted anything more
Than company...
Than attention...
Did you?
Just being friends could be fun,
But I'd rather taste your tongue.
You know how much you mean to me...
Stop teasing me.

I may never truly learn how to love this chest of mine, but I am sure that I could learn how to love what is buried inside of it.

I cannot draw on the moon... Cannot let my admiration literally shine down onto you, through the darkness. The moon is a poem within itself, but even the celestial beauty of that planet could not compare to the music that is your smile.

If I were to speak with a passion as warm and as slow as this, I assure you that you would listen... You would believe me. I would rather not deceive them, but it depends on how they perceive me, versus how I perceive my-definite-self.

Because I may be who they know me to be, but that does not make me what they presume me to be.

So call me strange, call me queer... Just know that you can call me any time and I will still be here, for you. I will not disappoint, nor shall I ever disappear, from you.

Because my heart is a compass and I am more than willing to travel all the way to 'Destination: You'. What an exciting journey! Alas, I can only go so far before feeling dehydrated... Yet I shall go on, for I have faith that you, of all oceans, will have the power to quench my thirst.

You are my seven seas, my poetry... My music, my long-lost lullaby... But you are more than just a masterpiece, darling. You are my sense of direction, for you are not only my art, but my heart... And you cannot help but stop beating, when I hear even so much as your greeting.

You wonder why... Ha. Je t'aime, ma chère, je t'aime... À bientôt, ma chère. I have not found you yet, but I am getting there.

The permanence of the effect of our existence and actions terrifies me. This contemporary mood swings both ways, however. My love for love outweighs and overthrows my need for food, for sleep, for air to breathe... And you, I am in awe of... My eyes do not see anything else. My heart does not desire anything else. Forever blinded by pretty girls, my naïve eyes and thoughts are focused on you. My naïve heart beats just for you. I am way too full-on, far too all-at-once, but you admire that about me and I deeply, deeply admire you.

Remind me
To find the
Courage to
Talk to you

About things
No one brings
To me when
I need them

Uncertainty fills the air
And suddenly I'm not so sure.
Nostalgia begins to decay
But why?
Heavy, heavier...
I inhale and sigh with, what, exasperation?
Creation?
These are all mere distractions
To prevent myself from colliding
With myself,
With how I feel.
Emotional trauma, Part I -
Coming soon to a childhood near you!
We laugh it off
But it does not leave us.
Nothing can leave us
As easily as you walked away
That night.
I will not forget what I saw.
Engraved in my brain
Causing me to crumble
Tumble, tumble...
**Crash.

How could one yearn so badly
Yet not strive for said desire ?

My purchases are less of a luxury
But more of a dependency

And my heart is set on a necessity
So, as much as I will cry in wait,

I will need assistance in motivation
Please help me save (for) myself

I slowly debilitate into nothingness
For never before have I known this

Losing my appetite and my mind
Leaving my comfort far behind

Blinded by beauty, oh your smile
Could make this life seem worthwhile

There is nothing that I wouldn't do
For a chance to relax, just us two

Laying outside, beneath the moon
That shines but half as brightly as you

You ask me what it is,
So I tell you about it.
You frown and you question,
Until I start to doubt it.

"Why was that so hard for you to say, our dear?"

Well, because I know that it's not what you wanted to hear...

"You're right,
It's not what we wanted to hear,
But you should never fear,
Because we'll always be here,
for you."

You may be there for me,
But do you really care for me?
Can't help but hope you do,
I hope you were telling the truth.

I just need you both to love me,
No matter who I have to be.

"We love you."
Yeah, I hope you do...

I am not lonely
My thoughts go everywhere that I do
Always watching over me
Wanting me to watch them, constantly

They want attention
and more
I give it to them subconsciously
Without putting up a fight
of any sort

I'm easy, flexible...
You can count on me
Even if the favour is never returned

15, 15, 15...
I was always lonely
Searching for the missing part of myself

I always suspected that it would be a boy
or girl
That filled the void...
Not this
This is not love
Yet

But I can say that I've stopped searching
And maybe it is from lack of motivation
From depression
Or lack of depression?
But I feel less afraid of being alone
Less afraid of being me

I'm becoming happier with myself
I'm changing, changing all the time
And feeling less empty with each day

Is it because of this?
Well I'm not all that sure
Yet
But I suspect it

For I haven't even considered romantic attraction
in some time
And maybe loneliness was what stirred
My need for intimacy before
And maybe now I'm not so lonely
Maybe now I'm finding peace

Within my own intimate thoughts
Within myself
Within this...
15?
15... I think I love you.
**I do.

My eyes
They feel tired
My lashes yawn, quiver
I am weak, as I lay down
I enjoyed myself
It was good, it was nice
Everyone was so nice, to me
I dream the friends back to me, now
I pull them closer
But, really, there is no one here to pull close to me
So, I readjust my body parts
My external organs
And trudge through the emotion
The thick over-exaggerated feelings
I rest myself
Then hold my head up high
I am not afraid, tonight
Foolishly, I joke about them
Your new "friends"
For they do not know you
(Not like we know you)
It's just not the same, nowadays
And yet I had a nice time
I had nice company
Your aura was sweet
As were your lips
Foolishly, again, ours meet
And I am calm
And I am glad
That we have each other
That we are friends

My vivid imagination dreamt up
Ghosts in my eyes, in my ears.
I did not leave my home that day.

I could feel the children staring,
Could hear them screaming at me,
But I could not tell you why.

I tried to listen, to help them out,
But they were out of sight before
I could confirm anything at all.

This was separate from the occasion
On which they helped us both out.
I guess it's a love-hate relationship.

You make promises after you've already planned to break them, I know, but your tongue is as sweet as God's forbidden fruit.

I love you... I love you, so why can't I have you?

You kiss me and I am yours... Until I wake up, of course. I need you in my life.

Everyone knows that you are golden, but only I know that it is simply painted on.

You are hiding the weak, rusted boy you truly are with these false shades of gold.

So get out of my dreams and get out of my life, because I do not want you... I may need you, but I do not want you.

Take your beloved *** of golden paint with you when you leave and promise me that you won't ever return.

Please don't look back at me over your shoulder... No, never look back.

I hate you... I hate you, but I do not want to upset you with my tears over your departure.

Don't look so lost, golden boy. I'm just sad that I'm losing the one thing that I genuinely need. I'll get over it.

I hate you... I hate you for being so false, yet so irresistible.

You are not a man, golden boy. You are nothing but an imposter...

So tell me why **I love you.

I have to say goodbye to children I never even got to greet
And let go of somebody so dear before we'd got the chance to meet

I need to rethink all the decisions that I swore I would pursue
But, in doing so, I have to also close the door on birthing you

I don't know if I could ever gather the words to express my woe
Because my body will change and it will then refuse to let you grow

My heart will break and it will not return to its original self
And, although you'll certainly forgive me, I shall not forgive myself