My eyes are forever ruined. I see too much, and what I see melts every gold and silver I have embedded in me.
I seem to know too much, but never too much to expand beyond limitations.
Limitations of what the mind can see.
I suffer, a heart of pure diamond, moulded into what others have made me.
I see intentions, crowds of people, lies, pain, truth...
But this gift means nothing to me anymore.
The healing I carry with myself.
I am not heard and listened to.
I feel misunderstood.
What can you do when you have it all?
But something is missing...
I’m smart, intelligent and driven.
Back at school as an adult to complete something important to push myself for further opportunities.
I push myself too hard and suffer defeat when I face failure.
Failure is my only fear.
It’s scary... knowing that without self discipline, where am I to be?
Please stop loving me, I am too sensitive.
I am torn, disappointed, disgusted...
Love serves me no purpose anymore.
Buried so deep inside of me is longing and confusion.
Wanting what I can no longer have.
I push away those who do
Too cold, detached from it all.
I want you, only you.
I still think about you.
But I may be wrong, for I have wronged myself into thinking that I will ever see you again.
I was so wrong
Darling clairvoyant, please stop ruining me