nihiliti 12h
upheld

facing heaven
facing the music

angel choirs are nothing like the devil
down in Georgia
far above the level of
love
into a stratospheric stratification of
hope
and seven levels of adrenaline beyond
dope

dopamine dreams drip
slow
soothing control
like a lighted window in the
snow
glimmering like gold
but so far gone
the meaning is
lost

and I wander
through my own house
wondering why this isn't home
wishing to the stars to go
away into the unknown

but I'm snatched back

and I switch back to passing
myself in the mirror
and screaming Bloody Mary
because I'm home
but gentle hands
know

how to love while being played like a fiddle
how to sweetly play it off as
close enough to god to
know

yet I am home
and the stars align so I do find
refuge in the music
and make a home in
dreams made doped
coaxed by my own
two hands

too late to come down
Shoot up for the stars, land in oblivion.
Gray 1d
He is ill today.
He needs to sleep.
He cannot for he isn’t feeling okay.

His mind is drifting into the deep.
Everything he is imagining is distorted.
Perhaps it wasn’t a wise idea to count sheep.

His unreal body is slowly being contorted.
Why are things going this way?
This experience is truly horrid.

He was ill yesterday.
He needed to sleep.
Yet doing so made everything less okay.
Gray 3d
I laugh because it’s over, I joke because it’s over for now.
I laugh and joke so others don’t look at me with pitiful eyes, their pitiful glances with eyes glazed over.
I am not a pity project, I am and will always be “recovering” but that does not mean I am weak.
This could have happened to anyone, my brain did not choose to be ill.
Even if I did not chose this I decided to laugh.
I decided to joke so you would not look at me though pity.
I realize this is a hot mess, my dearest apologies.
Simple Jun 5
It's a
Wednesday.

Soft hair,
breezy winds,
light whispers
and
sunny
silhouettes.

A perfect day
for a dreaming knight,
a perfect day for yummy pies.
A perfect day for red butterflies
flying in the sky.

Mother sing me sweet
lullaby's when I cry myself
to sleep.

Because I can't
keep the demons
away while I prise
my words to keep.
hmm yummy pies
Yes, I see people
Near and far
Getting closer to me
Too close, as if they care me
More than I care myself

They pretend
I accept, even knowing it

I am peaceful, but
When I’m ill
People irritate me

They ask,
The same nonsense question
How are you?

I don’t have that strength to speak
Though they want to hear
The same,
Their sense wished for

I wish I could answer
The truth, accordingly
Don’t discuss nonsense
In front of me

When I’m ill, I just want to
Be vacant, be next to
The loved ones.
Genre: Clinical
Katelynn May 18
How can you not hear it?
My heart,
Racing.
My mind,
Screaming.
I can’t hear anything else.

It comes from nowhere,
And everywhere.

It begins with the slight shaking.
Hiding my hands,
In hopes no one notices.

Breathing becomes irregular.
Take deep breaths,
Yet it comes out so shaky.

A smile stays plastered on my face.
Everything will be alright?
It won’t

Quickly to excuse self from the area,
Hoping no one will notice.
Keep the smile,
Hide the fear,
No one can see you break.

The room is quiet,
Mind definitely isn't.
But it's going to be okay?
Right?

Never know for sure,
Can't focus,
Too much shaking,
Screaming,
Racing,
Yet the room is so quiet.

Words are coming,
Too fast.
They're never good.

Vision blurry,
Mind screaming,
Hands shaking,
Heart racing.

someone’s coming

Breath hitches,
Hands hide,
Can’t let them know,
How broken it is inside.

They ignore the signs,
The fear,
The hiding,
They never notice.

After time,
Mind whispers,
Hands steady,
Heart rest.

It’s over,
But never know for how long,
For now it doesn’t matter.

Smile returns,
Finally return back to group,
No one notices the absence.
They never do.
This poem is about panic/anxiety attacks
Lauren Dolbow Oct 2017
On a sunny day in October
my life would change forever
for I waited for a girl, who now is my world
she showed up at my door so confident and mature
I seen this intelligence standing in front of me
it was pure natural beauty
I have never laid my eyes on such a beautiful surprise
oh how she pulled me in with those gooey brown eyes
I thought for sure I was going to die
for my heart would give out at any second
oh how i've never seen this kind of obsession
everything about her I just adore
the way she looks at me makes me love her even more
oh how the freckles dance across her face
or how her smile catches at my taste
I crave her everyday
I miss her even when she is not away
oh my love, I am so glad I met you
no one could ever be as special as you
for you have qualities that in this decade have almost completely dissipated, but with you I am so elated
So because of that sunny day in October
we can spend this rainy day together.
Written by Lauren Dolbow
Danial John May 4
Evil in a needle
Evil in a pipe
Evil in the veins of people
Evil that gets you right
To the man who is up all night,
Who some never see.

Isn't it lovely to be?
To be paid to just to watch them sleep.

So peaceful in their slumbers.

You rarely have a thing to do.
Yet you are paid none the less.

But the job costs more than it pays...

And your jabbering keeps haunted minds alert and on guard.

And its hard for you to be alert too...

When you need to be.

For appointments, errands, social activities, and such.

You take care of us...
But you must take care of you!

Oh mystery man who does not sleep.
Be careful my dear.

Someday it may be you,
Restless in their beds.
“I’ll get over you”
I whisper to myself through the nights
memories haunt me
and your voice that taunts me.

But there are tears on my pillow,
tears on the ground.

My tears flow like the ocean,
dripping in slow motion,
scraping my skin
and bringing me down to my knees.

I find myself turning into a storm,
howling like the wind.
Clutching my heart
as though it was ripped apart.

I am unable to escape from the pain and ache
The constant search for your face
in the passing cars and soaring clouds.

My breath is stolen and gut twisted
at the sight of someone similar to you,
face turning to the side your name is called.

When will these feelings end?
When will I escape
from the shadow
that lurks in my mind and heart?

The loss that ran deep,
breaks open through resonating heartbreaking songs.

But I know the pain will wash out
and you will leave me
like a distant memory.

I’ll pick myself up
and won’t be feeling blue.
I know I’ll find love again
if I start loving myself.
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