I was mad at him,
My best friend.
He abandoned me to hang-out with the girl the destroyed who I really was and wanted to be.
You left for the girl next to her,
you loved the girl next to her.
I got mad and now all I have is the thought of you.
You hate me now...
I can't stand this hate.
(I tried to **** myself later that night)
I can't stop asking myself,
Did I do something to hurt you?
I probably did.
Sorry for being a mistake.
(I tried to **** myself again)
We are all sat at the table together,
You poke me to get my attention,
I am still mad,
I slapped your hand away and stared you down.
You now don't sit with us.
You won't answer me.
I tried to ask, "Do you hate me now?"
Your silence told me, "Yes, I hate you"
I had a friend ask you
you didn't respond,
Why hate them too?
I don't feel bad now.
Your views were twisted anyway,
"Women have to shave, and cook, they shouldn't be strong."
Your views were twisted.
I will forget now just like you have done to me.
I lied by the way Andrew
You weren't the seventh person to leave me
you were the fifteenth to leave
Addison, Carly, Alaina, Emma, Mackenzie, Zoey, Leah, Chase, Trent, Sophia, Kaytlen, Doug, George, Emily, And you Andrew
Some of these people had no choice to leave me,
some lied to me like Addison and Carly,
they lied for years.
I gave up because of them.
Now I cry because of you.
I counted these people,
all of them
I count the days until everything becomes drowned in light and everything is finally ok.
But Addison started all of this,
I can't hate her forever,
but I can be mad now and I have something to say,
I have wanted to say this for a long time,
I am sorry if I hurt you, I forgive you though, good luck Addison.
Andrew why her thought?
You recognize her name on that list right?
I don't see how or why?
I have scars because of these people my arms are a battlefield of scars and cuts.
I saw you as a brother, you lost the nick-name Mikasa.
I cry because I can't live like this anymore.
I shut myself away to hide my real self.
I created someone to take your spot, that's how bad things have gotten.
Her name is Rose.
She is my psychotic side.
We are both sociopaths
I dreamt of killing people.
I came up with 14 different ways to **** that I didn't get away with
and 3 different ways to **** that I got away with.
I am not ok.
I was never ok.
I create characters that are perfect and ones that are exactly opposite,
I ran different scenarios of what I could have done to salvage what little I had.
In real life, I took the wrong route.
Sorry Andrew but I can't take thinking about caring now.
Because you were the 15th person I am locking my real emotions away, so you know I will lie because of you and those others.
Is this what you wanted?
This is a reflection of what happened over the about past two weeks. These are all real people and this is all true. They know who they are.
Sorry everyone I care about.
Rose told me to write this to tell you everything since you won't talk to me.