Do I wanna leave? Or do I just wanna stay with you? What’s the point of this whole thing if I don't know what I’m gonna be? What do I do with my life? Where would I be without you? Think my health’s important, but how important could it be if they’re shoving homework down the throats of kids at 17?
I know I’ll regret staying in this whole thing, but when it ends they’d all love me. Doing it all for the wrong reasons. Maybe one day I’ll know what’s right. But what if it’s wrong to leave? What if this is what I’m meant to be but I might come out of it dead. Just wanna see what it’s like. Could **** me just to save time. It’s not worth the time if it cuts out years of my life, due to stress. The only reason to stay is for the "what ifs" and nothing else, so maybe I should leave. Not that that would be saving my mom any money But it’s whatever, I suppose. I’m better than I used to be, but I wasn’t built for this life. Is it self-hatred to say I wouldn’t make it? or is it protecting myself from death by mental illness?
I’ll think it over, I still have some time. Just feel like I’m misleading everyone, not that they thought that this thing was for me. But what if it was? Not that it has more positives than the opposite. They asked me if I’ll leave and I said maybe. I just turned 15, and I think I might leave ib.
I cannot process a heartbreak that I have yet to begin. Not a lover, but a friend that left my heart in two. 15 years of memories, laughs, secrets, and sleepovers. From grade 3, yet you still found it in your heart to leave.
Do you know how it feels? Acerbic. I just tried to show you the red flags yet he convinced you that I was one instead. You chose a man that cares for nothing more than getting in your pants, over a friend that only wants you to be safe
Was it easy for you to give us up? You made the decision so suddenly that the knife of numbness is still stuck in my heart. I'm scared of what I'll feel once I try to remove it. For now it's fear of what will happen when you're left with just him.
I look at myself and wonder if I'm a bad person for letting you stay. Then I look at pictures of you and remember you decided to drop me. Yet I still pose the the question "Am I the *******?"
Based off of 15 years of friendship down the drain faster than water from a sink. Also inspired by the title of the subreddit "Am I The *******"