I had a dream
That I was star gazing
And all the stars fluttered away
Like lightning bugs
From a disturbed field
And my true path was revealed
Then I woke up
And forgot everything

©2024

You sit on a throne of lies
Watching me struggle with your ladder of deception
Eyes don't always look for the disguise
Your particular ugly's deep under the skin
I fell for your generic guise
Can't help but fall in lust over and over again
Another broken heart is my prize
This is not love,
This is a forbidden sin
The apple I should have never bitten

©2024

Dangerous fleeting thoughts
That return far too regularly
Create the impenetrable bars
That keep my mind in captivity
That keep me afraid of me
That make me my own worst enemy
If I had a penny
For every
Scary thought
They'd be what buries me

©2024

I love you
But fuuck you
Oh,
And I'm done too

©2024

You;
Lying,
Trifling,
Conniving,
Betraying,
Dual facing,
Manipulating,
Two timing,
Heart breaking,
Neglecting,
Affection lacking,
All taking,
No giving,
Love of my life,
Just know this one thing...
I'm awaking
To the wrong doing
I hope you realize what you are losing

©2024

The grass isn't always bluer
On the other side
But tomorrow WILL bring with it
Greener skies
mmmmhmm

©2024

How much pain in liquid form
Is acceptable to release at night?
What if it starts and then can not be stopped
From bleeding into the daylight?
Arguments are conflicting on whether I should try
It's been a bit pointless, try as I might
I've mastered keeping it silent
And my eyelids put up a good fight
But once that seals been breached
It's often an embarrassing sight
"It's okay, go ahead, let it all out"
"You have every right"
Even with hopeless hope
And diminished trust
I take the bait and bite
Then,
Same as it's always been,
It's used against me
Absent minded with plenty of foresight
"Maybe you need a good cry"
The relief from the release is slight
I know I've the inability to get it all out
Here's to hoping one day that I might
...CHEERS...

©2024

"I wish I may
I wish I might
Have this wish
I wish tonight"

What is the wish I wish,
To a mostly empty sky?
There is none
There's never one
I instead hold up
My carved up wrists
Eight feet high
And I don't wish,
I cry the question why
To no reply
"Same as last night" I sigh
Then wish the moon well
Before my last goodbye

©2024

Waste not these salty tears
On bygones and yesteryears
For moments when the past steers
It often veers
In and out of easily rekindled fears

©2024

Thoughts berate with little truth
While memories choose when to lie
Often words spoken change nothin'
Though time and time again they try
Feel free to take your unspoken to the grave
What is spun by the victor is sung forever
A good liar proclamation should have been taken as a warning
But judgment sees through even the best of pretender

©2024

I sit down to write
A particular piece
I don't want to keep writing about pain
My muse and I fight
We don't find any peace
My desire buckles under the strain

©2024

My heart gets crushed
And cracks once more
It leaks through from the ducts of the eyes
As it makes it's way down
The carved out paths on my face
I can't forget to remember the painful why's

©2024

I'm not afraid of death
To be completely honest
I'm more afraid of life
That part has been the darkest

Tomorrow drags behind it
Anxiety of the unknown
And leaves it at the doorstep
Of the temple ruins I call home

A heart does not regrow, no
Where pieces are ripped out and stolen
Damaging words and moments fill in
What's left stays threadbare and broken

If I've said it once
I've felt it twice
The thought of nothing
Has long enticed

©2024

I don't like how much I cry
But I feel every drop
They are such a constant
I don't know if it'll ever stop
I also don't know what to say
All I can offer is a bucket and a mop
Due to the fact I'm the cause of each one
A truth I have to cop

©2024

How do you tell someone
That you've made it further in life
Than you thought you could,
Than you might,
At times,
Have even wanted to,
Much less thought you would?

©2024

I've worked myself out of a hole
Deeper than the dead
I know this goes against
Most of what I've mostly said
I just never stopped,
Pushing past every thought repeated in my head
And what pulled out ahead?
My promise to you,
Proving to be the strongest thread
"I'm still here son"

©2024

I leave her alone
To give her the time
To feed her desires
'Till her own passion expires
And she falls asleep...
...in her preferred alone
So I can then come in
And kick the same tires
Left to fight the nightmares
Of my expressed fears
Of again being unwanted
And then try to sleep...
...in the worst type of alone

©2024

The tiny tears dry
But every
Miniscule memory
No bigger than a single,
Thoughtful penny
Resides in the residual
The old me?
A buried time capsule
It gets so heavy
As the new visual
Builds up quickly
Until you
Don't recognize who you
See looking back at you
In the rearview
You're not too
Be looking at anyway
All you see
Is all you've gone through
And it's not visual trickery
You know it to be true
You feel the change inside too
Within the replaced imagery
You can no longer find you

©2024

What happened to my recall?
The damp grass that tickled my bare feet as a youngin
Now feel angry and sharp as actual blades slicing in
What happened to the wonderful?
The warm sand I loved to feel embrace each individual toe
Now grate my every individual nerve as I find there's nowhere it won't go
What happened to the whimsical?
I frolicked with grasshoppers
And blew dandelion wishes
Today I'm annoyed by those buggers
And stare resentment at the weeds through the window while washing dishes
What happened to the critical?
A breath of fresh air
Can hardly be had anywhere
And I wonder over and over again
"Is this supposed to happen?"
"What happened?"

©2024

What is this,
This twisting thing my face is doing
It feels so unnatural
My lips curling this way is disturbing
And they're doing it all on their own
What is this?
The corners seemingly defying me,
Lifting and contorting
I can't seem to stop it
People are reacting,
Though not retracting
What is this?
Ah, nevermind,
There it goes,
Quickly spoiling,
Back to all stale looking
Back to the real thing
Let's promise to never do that again
No more of this...
...ever

©2024

Would my last breath
Bring you more relief
Than grief?
With the sod replaced
And me underneath,
Would you feel like your life
Was returned by it's thief?
Would your heart
Match your belief?

...please respond...

©2024

There's no light
There's no end to this darkness
I still fight
But I no longer proclaim, "I got this"
Out of spite
I continue this meaningless process
In spite of
Just about every swing being a miss

©2024

You want to fight?
Alright
Let me get your gloves
And tie my hands behind my back
Because there's no point in a counter attack
You don't care
That's fact
Every word i say to you is just thin air
Arguing that all your low blows are fair
And your violence twords me?
It's all acceptable crazy
And my "FUUCK YOU!" retort is blasphemy
i have to accept your every issue
Acknowledge what you have and are currently going through
And for the most part i do
But when it comes to anything to do with me
All of a sudden you can't see
What happened to "we"?
Conveniently disappearing quickly
Replaced with a lowly "me"
This isn't a reality that i want to live anymore
So this time when i paddle out i'll sink the ore
There'll be no more attempts to return to shore

©2024

I stay silent
Too often my own words betray me entirely
I keep quiet
To eliminate any possibly of my past tracking me
Must calm the riot
Internal conflict in turn turns reality iffy
Must stay strategic
My mind gets creative trying to beat me down completely
Can't be complacent
Not while losing my footing on this plain of reality
There's no enjoyment
Living with a cranium teetering on the brink of insanity
Fear becomes a constant
So it never occurred to me these walls shouldn't be up permanently
I remain hesitant
When there's no certainty I can take down these walls safely

©2024

I've heard I can have anything,
Do anything,
Be anything,
If I'm willing to sacrifice everything
But here's the thing,
I have nothing to give
So nothing is what I'll be getting

©2024

Just slide the blade already
You're already killing me
Is it that you enjoy visual agony,
Carving up your trophy,
Watching the tragedy?
Maybe the key to your kink is "slowly"
Like you don't want to catch up with destiny
But can't pull yourself away from the debauchery

©2024

Mindless cliches
Are used to soak up the blood
After they fail to help
Get me out of the prior hole I dug

©2024

I have no tongue left to bite
A gruesome sight
It's been cannibalized
From accepting your lies
That hit a raw nerve
"That's what I deserve"
You know that's on my mind
Hit with my own issues on the side that's blind
You take advantage of my choice
Willfully giving up my voice
But now this one sided desire
You set on fire
And blame it on me
Because it's so...
Friggin'...
Easy

©2024

Due to
Virtue
And a feeling true
I would die for you
But,
Why would you ask me to?

©2024

Later,
When I drop the ball
Do me a favor,
Stand over there
As I teeter
Between take it or give it all
And "why even bother?"
I've made the call,
No answer
So forever I will fall
Screaming into the ether

©2024

Thoughts have stopped being my own
An unknown finger presses play
And when I get surprised by an original
That which I think becomes difficult to convey
What I want in life and from life
Has no meaningful connection with the following day
Forced into this empty role
No two cents in the character I display
Prewritten by something else
No angel but not a devil per-say
Rather an capital punishment believer
With zero concern for my welfare either way

©2024

"Things could always be worse"
By that same token,
They could also always be better
"There's always a silver lining"
That being said,
It's amidst an endless dark clutter
"Negativity never helps any"
It's not mentioned,
Positivity presents a similar answer
These responses aren't shallow, they're empty
Can't help but notice
Mindless cliches can not hold water

©2024

This habitual
Hypocritical ritual
Keeps me cynical
The biggest battle's internal
A raging war roaring eternal
To vile for an example
Dying inside is literal
Allowing the visual
To be topically minimal
Though the condition is critical
A pitiful cry for help comes out in a trickle
Subliminal and lyrical
The unusual becomes typical
With the refusal of a label
There's no removal of the painful
Every attempt has been futile
Life is miserable
When love is conditional

©2024

Don't tell me that's it,
That vague speck over yonder
A classic rabbit food metaphor,
Dangling in my line of sight forever
A couple clicks past my ability to care
And six feet beneath every single nightmare
I sense it senses I'm past the point of repair
And headed nowhere
It mocks my thousand-yard stare
The hidden damage from trying to fight fair
Habitually a day late and a dollar short of the right fare
But you know what they say about fair

©2024

It never stops
Like Seattle rain
Enormous drops
Engorged with pain
Choking crops
A new forever stain
Bogged down
I struggle with the terrain
Tightly wound
I burn out under the strain
Parts are lost and never found
How much of me could possibly remain?

©2024

If you still love me
I beg you never let me know
Refrain from turning around
Let me find my peace in watching you go
The moment you're lost to the horizon
Reclaimed by the setting suns glow
I'll mutter to myself out loud
"Now you can let the tears flow"

©2024

A wrong way trend setter
In my own personal time line
Can't say I didn't know better
Each decision was mostly mine
Goals for someone not a go getter
Become the shackles that bind
Having to eat my words for dinner
I fear sitting down to dine

©2024

It's no surprise
A sorrowful reprise
Plays as the soul it hides
Gives in once again
To the echo of lies
And familiar lullabies
That ring as it cries
To the cracks that appear
Like lurking spies
Before it withers and dies
Leaving empty eyes

©2024

An unwanted prize
That's what lies
Beyond the reflection of skies
Behind these blue eyes
Past this gentle disguise
Child like but wise
Keeping from view what would give rise
To a litany of farewells and goodbyes

©2024

If I had to guess
I'd say living's my weakness
A doomed quest
From my first breath
Breathing's an utterly useless
Skill to possess
Too easily stolen by stress
The designs a mess
No one in their right mind
Would choose this

©2024

I must let go
Or I'll lose you
But if I do that
I'll lose myself too
...I don't know what to do...

©2024

I know one day
The other foot's gonna drop
And I'll be underneath it
In my final resting spot
Do my deeds, both good and bad
Stick with me through the rot?
Will I be chained to the scene
Or get too haunt a plot?
Will I recognize the deity
Deciding if I'm good enough or not
I wonder what happens
To every thought I've thought

©2024

Living is dying
That's why it's so painful
Loving and hurting
They say to be grateful
Remembering to be forgiving
I'm so very forgetful
Beginning and continuing
Both have been my downfall

©2024

This mangled heart of mine
I've had to start retraining
Teaching it to feel once more
Encouraging it to love
Without replacing the core
Stop keeping score
Don't forget player one
That character
Looking back from the mirror
No need to fear the next beat
More than the one before
Reassuring we'll find the shore
We still have one oar
Emphasizing no two moments are identical
Learn from the past,
Accept what's in-store
Hurt stops at nothing
But look how far you've made it while sore
Battles have been lost
But make sure
To stand tall amidst the war
Don't be your own saboteur

©2024

The air feels thick
Like a wall of brick
A platform 9 3/4's trick
Can't KoolAid man this ****t
Afraid to sit,
But I do,
I'm forced to,
So I stew on it
Desperate
I try the old Wile E Coyote bit
That classic ACME shtick
But what quality "tunnel black" paint kit did I get?
Some off brand garbage,
Now it's twice as thick

©2024

Absent minded
Amidst an unfamiliar zone
Heading head first
Into the great unknown
Like a dog
Chasing a leaf
That's being chased by the wind
Into the road

©2024

Yesterday,
It wasn't an easy game to play
I don't care what they say
I felt like prey
And when I try to stray
I get pulled back straight away
Forced to pay
Then play
Me vs. an even harder today
I need to end the fray
Before I'm betrayed
By the better tomorrow cliche
Hell, I think I may
But I only know of one way
And I'm crushed
By just how much
That thought has begun to weigh
Even as I grey

©2024

Post quality over quantity
Or
Practice makes perfect?

I mess up a lot
For example;
I got off the ***
And then I ****t
Believe it or not
But that was after this thought,
"I don't have a shot
At the life I want
The break I need
Will never be caught
It must be written into the plot
So wether I like it or not
This is my spot"
And that matches up
With what I've been told
And what I was taught
You get what you get
I got what I got

©2024

Can't break
This figure eight
So as of late
I've been leaving it up to fate
To reveal a gate
Before my plate
Folds under the weight
Transforming me into living bait
For thoughts of hate
Directed straight
At a lone inmate
Inside this prison-esque estate
Skull bone real estate
I was forced to create
Became a red flag trait
And looking back it's probably innate

©2024