"My mind is everywhere right now.. [it] isn't focused on one thing when I have so much going on right now"
I know deeply. I know best, outside of it all. Trust me, it pains me every day.
From the sweet messages to our time together, there is an emptiness I can literally see. In you, between us: I can feel your pain, I can literally feel it, like it's filling my veins. I do truly feel it all.
It's never not on my mind, the struggles you go through.
The pain you feel.. I felt yours, while I still have my own. I embrace you, not knowing how or why, but as if it were the only thing I knew to do; like it was alwasy meant to be, meant for you; to be calm, to give you a place of reprieve.
Even if just for a moment I could give you some sense of peace, or even joy, I could know you will be okay. To see you smile, to hear your laughter, but in spite?.. I know, everything will be okay.
But until that moment, until a time when the dust settles and some sense of normality or goodness can be had without the sense of dread burning down the lines that keep one's bridges safe and secure, I can never be truly satisfied, or content, or even happy, on my own. Not that I would be incapable, but I would not choose to feel that without knowing you do too.
I would not leave you behind, I would not set you aside, I will never ignore you. Because, I've seen your soul; I've touched your aura, I know your kindness, and to watch an angel burn like that instills this rattling pain that resonates through me, entirely. It hurts, more than anything I've known before. It hurts me to know you're struggling; the indecisiveness and foggy mind..
In secret places you still remember, I know it whispers to you softly, all the things you wish you never had to know; and it breaks my heart over and over to know yours could ever be so broken right now, too..