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3.3k · Oct 2018
Tolerant
Sabika Oct 2018
I try to be tolerant,
but you repeat conversations from your head
assuming I'll play by your script
despite my lack of interest
in your need to repeat the past.

I try to be tolerant but
you won't give me a chance to breathe,
not with those dagger eyes that have been threatened,
not with that yapping mouth that has been triggered,
not with that closed mind that screams to be opened.

You view your world from your eyes and get caught
thinking your view is the best view when it's not.
You view your world from your eyes and get caught
thinking all your thoughts are true and valid when they are not.

I like you best when you remember on your own
that your limitations are limitless,
and together we live in this world of a mess
and call it our home.
Sometimes our feelings and thoughts are not valid. We are human, we can be irrational, this could make us delusional, that's why we need friends/family to give us a reality check, and tell us what is true from their view. So many people are now saying absurd things like it's a fact and we are all just sitting back, tolerating them instead of having conversations about these issues.
1.6k · Oct 2021
The Nature of Life
Sabika Oct 2021
Flesh is torn in monotone,
Hairy needles as legs pegs onto white
Sticky string,
Sharp fangs dipped in poison
Sink through flesh and *****
And crush bones with a sting.

It is **** or be killed out there in the nature you worship.
The cruelty adds to the beauty of a deep red sunset.
Vicious waves add to the elegance of an ocean,
So don’t forget  
That while you turn a blind eye to
The things you don’t like,
You tell yourself a half truth
(A good lie),
It is the perspective which alters sight.

Perhaps it’s more comforting to see
The sun as a beacon of light instead of
An orb in cruel fire,
But if you can see both,
Maybe you’ll find hope in hopelessness,
Or you’re humbled by thoughtfulness,
and maybe you’ll see the
Nature of life for what it truly is.
1.4k · Oct 2018
Mixed
Sabika Oct 2018
My blood tells me a different story to my soul.
My passport has a stamp I cannot recognize,
An accent invades my tongue that I cannot pinpoint-
I am from many worlds
And I sing the songs of many souls.

My scattered roots find a way to your lonely tree,
And in my own confusion
I become the master of empathy.
You're so called 'difficult' name rolls off my tongue
Effortlessly,
And I'll have you convinced that we are kin.
Your language
Your skin
Your culture
Is no barrier on the grounds
of those who know no bounds
To existence.
1.1k · Mar 2022
Trust
Sabika Mar 2022
Could you separate life
From the living,
The scripture
From the pope?
The teacher
From their history
Could you find that glimmer
Of hope?

Could you forgive
Betrayal?
If not
Do you have a limit?
Could you see weakness
And still
Accept it?

What if it never amends
Or if it’s never acknowledged?
Could You forgive and forget a broken promise?
Could you trust?
Could you be trusted?
Could you fix what is broken
Without the knowledge?

Maybe you could
If you had to choose between
Losing a part of yourself
And losing something dear to you.
Or if you had to choose between
Being alone
And forgiving someone who has wronged you.

And could you
Accept an apology
Of someone who
Has done something
They could never take back?
Could you accept an apology
For a pattern
Occurring behind your back?

I will not be walked all over.
I will not be taken as a fool.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
But
What you did to me,
To us,
Was nothing short of cruel.
And I don’t know if you mean it
When you said you were sorry
Or you’re only sorry
Now that you can’t hide
The consequences,
Now that I have to
Deal with this
For the rest of my life.
And I love you,
But
If forgiveness means
To trust you one more time,
I wouldn’t be able to lie.
1.0k · Mar 2022
Nothing
Sabika Mar 2022
Can’t you see me crying?
Flames gnawing at my skin?
Can’t you hear my belting cries
Deep from the underbelly,
From the darkest depths within?

How much longer must you hide from
That which you’re not willing to address?
You put on a mask in your own home,
You cannot see what is amiss.
Must I spell it out for you?
Must I make it painfully clear that I am suffering?
Baffled by the change in behaviour,
You point the finger at me and say
I am to blame!
Is there no introspection on your part?
No patience when asking questions?
No curiosity when seeing my pain?
No time. No time at all.
No proof to hold,
My struggle must be in vain.

Nothing.
I get nothing from you.
No warmth.
Nothing. Nothing at all.
So cold, cruel, callous.
I cry I cry
I make puddles, pools,
Still you won’t believe me.
1.0k · Oct 2018
The Truth Feeling
Sabika Oct 2018
Does the truth have any regard for my desire?
Does the truth change when a moment turns dire?
Is the truth ever outshined by ignorance's fire?
If the truth is too complex to be articulated,
then is everyone a liar?

Does the truth depend on my emotion?
Is it revealed through commotion?
Does it give a resolution?
Does it require devotion?
If the truth is too complex to be articulated,
then how can it be a conclusion?
If the truth is too vast to be situated,
then is the world not an abomination?

If only I was shown the truth, how would I know?
Would it possess a certain glow?
Would it put on a show?
If the truth is too complex to be articulated,
how would I know for sure that this is the right way to go?

I'm in a position
where I doubt the truth,
living in juxtaposition.
Diary of an agnostic
977 · Mar 2022
A Cloudy Sky
Sabika Mar 2022
A cloudy sky is a terrifying one.

See it’s subtle ripples
Through the brisk autumn wind.
See how close they come to suffocate,
As they trap the light within.
Ebb and flow,
They shrink and grow,
Patched, attached, detached,
Never-ending.
A cloudy sky is terrifying.

See the colours dull.
Everything washed over with a grey hue.
Don’t get me wrong,
I still find it beautiful.

Heads are lowered and humbled.
Travellers move faster with direction.
Chats are shortened.
Thinking “get out of the way of a rainy day.”
Like a cloudy sky is an affliction,
Strengthening the addiction to the sun.
A cloudy sky is a terrifying one.
966 · Feb 2021
Surrender
Sabika Feb 2021
A pink sunset
Shines it’s rays over a purple, calm ocean.
The gold of the sun
Shimmers like sparkling fairy dust
Over its tiny ripples.
Cumulous clouds
Express themselves as they sing
Stories of the past in all different colours.
And I stand in joyous sadness,
With a sense of helplessness,
As I surrender to the sheer beauty,
Surrender to the Almighty.
855 · Apr 2019
The Cry of the West
Sabika Apr 2019
This is no classic scene on a movie screen.
This is real life.
And it’s scenes are the most obscene.

This pain is felt first hand,
And your confusion is severe.
We look to the asphalt and to these mechanic machines and
Believe we live in our ancestors virtual dreams.
You scream:
“It’s 2019!”
And take that as evidence of progress;
Like we are closer to ‘the truth‘ now
Than when even our foods weren’t processed?

Progress?
Yes,
We emphasise physicality
And make clowns of our spirituality
So we can parade falsity.

You see,

We latch to this planet like a leach.
Manipulating your free speech
As you learn only what is deemed worthy to teach.
And that’s it!
That’s all you need to know!
Go on, throw a fit
And call it “history in the making”
While you transfer all knowledge in
A glowing rectangle,
And still mistake emotions with rationality
Yes we’ve reached this calamity!

Don’t make me laugh!
You hate war?
But you get bored of peace
And you fetishise your guns.
And this is no longer a secret,
Now you post red and caption it “aesthetic”
And laugh-cry at those who are unfortunate.

Glory is in the body count,
And ****** is just a sport.
Honour is in the gold,
And there’s no longer any justice
In courts.

Truth is
You’re building a fort
Where ignorance is at its foundation.
And while you do not know yourself
You cry “you ought!” To a nation?
803 · Sep 2021
Fear
Sabika Sep 2021
Fear screamed, “NO!”
And I went exactly
Where it told me not to go.

I said:
“Fear is a challenge,
A trial, a test I’ll take,
A curse I’ll break.”

I said:
“I fear no creation;
Fear is poisonous illusion
Usurping dignity,
And I refuse to give into tyranny.

“At the end of the day,
What are you
But threatened pride and ego?
What are you
But insecure and evil?”

I said:
“Indeed
You are small and weak,
Master of the ignorant
And the meek.”
Sabika Nov 2021
He wants to **** the scholar’s daughter;
Puppy-dog eyes by the end of the night,
Breathy voice, inching closer,
“How can a girl like you be a ******?” He whispers.
Lust overtakes his sight.
He says things he shouldn’t say,
It doesn’t sound right.
He must want to do it at any cost
Because he asks for her price
Like he has a mission to fulfil
By the end of the night.

He wants to know the kind of jewellery she wears,
The kind of positions she’ll take,
And how far she’s willing to go with a man.
He asks her her boundaries,
But he isn’t willing to understand.

Night-time clouds judgement,
In daylight he seemed weak and meagre.
I see the looks you steal from the corners of your eyes.
I see your lust, your desire
Begging me to compromise.
You must’ve thought I was just some *****-
You must’ve been surprised I was this polite.
You must’ve thought that I’d let you do as you please without putting up a fight.

So what was I supposed to do?
Give myself up to a guy who’d just ridicule my philosophy?
To a guy who’d get me to pay for his lunch?
No “thank you”, no “sorry”?
To a guy that would hit me hard,
Or grab the back of my neck,
Just to show that he has power over me,
And then laugh like he’s teasing?
Was I meant to give myself up to someone who ‘jokes’ about ******????

I wonder,
Did he think he was ‘alpha’,
‘Tough’,
And ‘strong’?
I bet with how I acted,
He thought he had me wrapped around his finger all along.

And I was out her trippin’
Over being desired and liked.
I overlooked his flaws,
Told myself: “he could change,
One day he might.”
I said this knowing
He was a giant talking red flag
And I gag at the type of girl
I was made out to be.

I lusted for you,
And waited for you to text me.
I baited you, and butterflies flew when you said you missed me.
I wanted you,
Wanted you to hold me,
Kiss me,
And we did all that,
But it meant nothing without security,
And it’s not worth selling my dignity.
683 · May 2021
Old Skin
Sabika May 2021
You have overstayed your welcome,
Oh entity of past lives not lived.
Your stench of decay still lingers
And seeps from my fingers.

Abandon me old skin,
You have become nothing but the skeleton of past sins
Haunting me when I am most vulnerable.
I’ve befriended an enemy and
In turn, I have become intolerable.

Yes, I have been the oppressor.
I’ve whispered, I’ve swayed, I’ve lusted, I’ve preyed,
And although I have one foot out of the door,
Old friends whisper to me,
“Come on, how much can it really hurt
If you did it once more?”
678 · Sep 2021
Certainty
Sabika Sep 2021
You cannot fear the uncertain
If you want to be certain.
672 · Feb 2021
Seized
Sabika Feb 2021
A lake
Running deep
A line stretched
To its core.
What is it that makes me so
Unsure?

A hand
In a trembling fit
Reaches towards a heaven,
May I be free forevermore.

A threatening warmth in my centre
Drowns my soul,
Permanently stuck in a winter
It’s futile to wait
For the passing of the cold
So I am stuck
In my own
Quicksand.
Stuck
Unable to understand
The magnitude of it all
And so I fall
And a certain numbness takes over me,
A certain bewilderment
Because I have been seized and
I do not see.
654 · Dec 2020
Who Knew
Sabika Dec 2020
Who knew that this scarf on my head
Could make the rope that will tie my noose?
Who knew that this stone that
Kisses my forehead could turn into
The ammunition to crack my skull?
Who knew that my loose clothes could
Let in enough air to tear it from my body?
Who knew that my enemies would have the power to define me, judge me and sentence me?
Who knew that love would label me guilty?
This poem is about the oppression that Shia Muslims face not only by non-Muslims but also by other Muslim sects. It’s hard enough to be a Muslim, let alone a Shia.
642 · Jun 2020
Pigs, Bats & Rats
Sabika Jun 2020
Pigs carry giant whips
and shoot bullets
and spray their spit
at bats.

Bats fly and bump into rats.
Rats claim they are cousins
yet eat some bats and
become poisonous in their speech.
Bats cry out that everyone can have
a slice of the freedom cake
take one piece each.

Rats are hungry
because there's a hole in their tummy
so they tell the pigs to steal the whole cake.
Bats bat their eyelids to the darkness
realizing their alliance
was fake.
Sabika Dec 2020
I close my eyes because
I want to sleep through the darkest nights
Of December,
Sink into the depths of my consciousness
Who doesn’t remember
The events of earlier today.

They’re trying to **** me.

Polluted my mind,
Body
And soul.
Left me to rot, freezing
In the bitter cold.

Poisoned me with pure
Lies and deception.
Almost made me believe there is
No solution.
Almost made me believe I
Have no power in this situation.
So yes,
I should cancel my endeavours?
And wait until the damages are reversed?
So yes,
I should stay inside and
Keep my head down
Staring into the
Darkest glowing light
And get ****** into an abyss and miss
On what it truly means to be free?

You almost made me believe it.

I close my eyes in hope of a reset.
I worry if my future will be plagued
By regret.

The soul of my civilisation is infested
With worms and centipedes from the root.
My generation have been bent, burned
And broken into submission.
My elderly in ambivalence die neglected
In isolation,
My needy bite their lip in frustration
Because yet again they have to get
Used to a new brand of corruption.

And we stay silent and lower our heads
And keep our tails between our legs
And say “yes do whatever you please”
And hope that finally they have
Our best interest?

Is this madness?

This is a form of sick, twisted art,
But when did this level of manipulation
Even start?

And there comes a point where
I have to ask myself:
In all this mess,
What is my part?
Why is the government not asking the people, the citizens how they can protect us? And why are we okay with them making decisions without them consulting us? They are spreading lies about everything from the origin of the virus. You want normality so bad you are prepared to sell your soul and still in the back of your mind you know you will get nothing in return. This is actually a world war 3 and the funny thing is that we don’t even realise it.
598 · Nov 2020
Dance of a Lifetime
Sabika Nov 2020
One step - two stepping me,
Swirling around me in a spiral,
And I twirl,
And orbit in a cycle,
Gaining momentum,
I shine bright
As I try to catch up to your speed
And you run me down!
When did you become so sinister?

Never fixed in a fixture,
So I never got the whole picture,
Because you're constantly on the move.
So move!

Don't hold your breath
In fear that you'll never breathe again
When the difference between
Reality and a projection
Is the ink in the pen and
The lines in a book
And even then,
You cannot catch up to the speed of His
Handwriting.

Finished before you even started,
Cycle after cycle
I am reminded.
597 · Oct 2021
Running Away
Sabika Oct 2021
I want to go
Somewhere far away
Where neither the rays of the sun
Nor the shadows of darkness can reach me.

Rip this skin of mine,
The confines of these structures,
Failed and toppled,
Never renewed.

The mirrors show a pleasant sight,
One I cannot portray.
So I wonder what you see
In the glass shards inside your pupils?

Running away,
From what?
Myself?
Where can I go?
At the end of the day, where can I go?
It would be no different,
Whether in green or in blue,
I’ll stand alone and petrified
Of all I have to lose.
Sabika Nov 2020
Ignoring the thoughts of warning,
I listen to praise and ridicule,
I listen to who I seem and
Not who I am or
Who I want to be.

Ignoring the thoughts of warning,
I listen to desire and shame,
I listen to the self-evident lies
That attempt to free me from blame.

Ignoring the thoughts of warning,
Ignoring the ticking of the clock.
I delude that I have time,
And that whenever I want it will stop.
And if I ask it will extend to me its hand,
And that if I only plead,
Time shall make sure that I succeed...
Somehow.

Ignoring the thoughts of warning,
I forget my inevitable destination:
A place and time where my actions can no longer be redeemed,
A place and time
Where everything is exactly how it seemed,
And my mistakes upon mistakes
Will look out to me in shame
Behind the shoulder of my thoughts of warning
Who emphasize
That I am only to blame.
583 · Mar 2021
Comforted
Sabika Mar 2021
I am not my own.
I should remember this
Every time I cry alone.

I was surprised to know
That I can feel comforted in your arms.
I can feel soothed by your words,
You can keep me warm.

I’m not enough for myself
If it’s not safe to be inside.
I realised that when there’s a storm
There’s no place to hide
Yet you become the shelter
I use to confide.

It’s spectacular!
All this time
I missed out on something so simple.
You’ve only ever been an arm’s length away,
And all this time
I thought there was no point in opening up
If there was no place for me to stay.

I am not my own.
I should remember this
Every time I cry alone.
574 · Jan 2022
Darkness
Sabika Jan 2022
This is the same darkness I've felt on a bad trip,
The same loneliness I've felt in the past.
No, I still cannot speak
And the darkness creeps in at last.
I wondered where it went,
If it was ever gone,
If it was ever done with me.
The joy and the beauty I've felt was a nice break;
Still,
Those closest to me are traitors,
Liars,
Hypocrites,
Unfair...
Those closest suffer
And endure alone,
And may be crying while I'm not there.
I'm protected by those I do not like,
And I'm not sure how much kindness I have left to show.
I'm reminded that I live for no one but for God
To whom my life I owe.

There's darkness in me,
In the air,
In you,
Everywhere.
And my Lord of the heavens and the seas,
Your light is all I can see.
562 · Feb 2022
God's Watching
Sabika Feb 2022
Rusted green,
Blood drops gleam
Drip by drip.

My lust is important.

"Wait."
Why wait?

God is watching.
Staring down.
Never blinking.
Hearing every sound.

So close your eyes and
Take a deep breath.
It all disappears when you're deep
In darkness.
So fall a little deeper,
Sink a little faster,
It shouldn't take long
And how much harm can a few minutes do?

Eyes are sunken.
Eyes are soar.
So agitate and play a little more
Until I am satisfied.
Is it ever enough?
Let's make it darker,
Make it more rough.
These are the good stuff.

Wait! Wait!
God is watching,
Staring down!
I can't hide under the covers when
Everything is see-through.
But how much harm can a few minutes do?

Oh isn't he sweet? Isn't he lovely?
Never wants anything to harm me.
Let me just break a small promise,
I swear I'm a little sorry.
What is God willing to do
For these minutes I choose to spend?
As long as blood remains under the skin,
Shouldn't it be okay in the end?
551 · Oct 2018
Fun Fact
Sabika Oct 2018
Who is the see-er?
This intelligence that does not speak with tongue
but it speaks.
It does not see with eyes,
but it sees.
It limits me
and I limit it
to a 3D structure,
and give it parameters
as I water it down to a name
water it down to a concept misunderstood,
because whenever I try to fit it in a box
it becomes imperfect to an inexperienced imagination,
it becomes crude to an arrogant mind,
it turns to fuel for a feud
while it remains as a fact
and we're all left behind.
shoutout to those concepts/experiences that no words can do justice.
542 · Sep 2021
Decay
Sabika Sep 2021
You do not decay when you are dead,
You decay when you are still.
When you stop moving, that’s when your environment eats you up.
Sabika Apr 2021
Is there a feeling worse than regret?
Knowing you’ve done something against yourself and only you are to blame?
What’s more poisonous than being able to live and relive the events of the past?
Than being able to see the rippling effects your actions have?
I cannot imagine anything worse
Than to be stuck in my own body
Than to experience myself so intensely
Knowing what I did
Knowing who I hurt.
I cannot imagine anything more frustrating
Than making mistakes and then knowing
How I could have done better and
Realising the limits of my own cognition
And the stupidity of my own ego.

I ask myself why
But the question only drives me mad.
I spit at my own reflection and
Cower into a corner and long for
A few seconds of non-existence.
I am ugly,
Ugly in the soul,
Ugly in the bone,
And no
These mistakes are not normal.
How can I be my own victim and perpetrator so easily?
And then wake up with dread that I’m not necessarily safe for myself?
I am stuck.
I did know better
But I didn’t do any better,
So what the actual f*ck?!
470 · Sep 2021
Steady
Sabika Sep 2021
Pleasure,
Is it a god?
Pain,
Is it the devil?

Given the wrong circumstances,
They can both be evil.
Then what is it I rely on
To help me differentiate between right and wrong?

Time,
Is it eternal?
Health,
Is it reliable?
And when things don't go to plan,
Are my consequences inevitable?
Then what is it I can count on
That's been unchangeable all along?

Will,
Is it sturdy?
Relationships,
Will they keep swaying me?

And when pain,
Pleasure, time and health test me,
What is it I can rely on to keep me steady?

Why,
I feel like a kite on a single string,
The string is a hand stretching out from a deep sea,
The hand is a lever with the note:
"Pull me!"
And I hold on and it may be fine,
But relationships,
Will, health, time, pain and pleasure
Eventually rot and turn bitter
And they let me go
And I am reminded of how
Lost I truly am...
In this vast ocean...
In this wide space...
I am reminded that in this world,
Nowhere in my mind is safe;
I used to ridicule that which I cannot see or feel,
But there was nothing of this world that was real.
All of my idols
Left me,
Scathed.
And all that’s left to
Hold on to
Are the ideals of hope
And faith.
454 · Oct 2018
Observer
Sabika Oct 2018
"What's that?"
It's the continuous sound of something familiar;
Something common in the way we all glow
and grow as the things we know
change within a different range
of perspective.

This is the time my soul goes in hiding.
And I know observing could be self-blinding,
but to hear rings of truth in the waves
Of your voice, I’m afraid
I don’t have much of a choice.

So
I keep my mouth shut and focus.
I will only speak if I know this.
And while I try to understand this familiarity,
I exist without existing entirely.
Am I the only one who's really fascinated by the huge similarities we have with different people? Yet still we are not the same.
445 · Oct 2018
The Humbling Cycle
Sabika Oct 2018
What fun this is!
To have people cheering
following
believing
in your vision!
Fueling your ambition!

It's like all the voices that doubted you
are done!
And you and your supporters
are just having fun
as you dance while you fail
and dance while you succeed,
and you just become filled
with a pleasant greed
and motivation
as you feel like you an your dreams
are set in full motion!

...
But how devastating it all becomes
when this all goes in an instant
and everyone gets distant
and bored
because they never really cared
if you scored.

In a time like this you remember
that you are always on your own,
and the only people that might have cared
were just you and your folks
back at home.
426 · Sep 2021
Conscience
Sabika Sep 2021
Pitiful,
What makes you
Conscious of your conscience
Is the consequence.
424 · Nov 2020
I Owe You
Sabika Nov 2020
I owe you my life
My wisdom
My talents
My strengths
My beauty.
I thought I knew myself but
I’ll never know me like
How you've known me.
And somehow
You looked passed the ugly
And deemed me
Deserving.
Pulled me to safety
Away from the edge
Inspired within me an urge
To give you my pledge
To serve.

When I thought I reached a peak
I was proven to be short-sighted.
When I was presented with the answers
My heart was delighted
And my soul lifted.
You are like the stick my stem is stuck to
As I grow tall, broad and straight.
You are the rope I hold on to
As I climbed and floated,
And you weren't bothered by my weight.

You’re a friend to me,
You’re the 'someone I always wanted'.
Heard me cry scream and sob
And you were patient when insulted.
And so I live by your mercy
As you've been exalted,
And I pledge to continue serving
So that I can prove to you
To myself
That I am deserving.
419 · Jan 2020
Sour Lemon, Sweet Honey
Sabika Jan 2020
Sour scented citrus,
Sweet, slimy syrup.
That’s me!
Sour lemon,
Sweet honey.

My heart burns and
Emotions rise up
In acidic scent,
Sticky, icky, stingy
Sour lemon sweet honey.

The love stings and sits on cuts.
While honey glazes and gives warm hugs
As it finds a cure in the blood
Wherever it may be
With the right combination of:
Sour lemon and sweet honey.
Sabika Apr 2019
I’m beginning to think my cries do not have a sound.
When I raise my head above the ground
I see weeds feasting on souls,
The red sky is filled with holes
And blood pours out of its pores
And the screams are like ongoing thunder
As my attention is split asunder-

Whom do I help?
I
Alone
As I am?
Should I reach the starving infant
Or cradle the abandoned child?
Should I attack the invading enemy
Or love those whose thoughts have gone wild?

Even if I had an army,
I am alone as I am
And my people follow the chains
Of one command.

I am alone
As I am,
And my limbs only reach so far.
Every wrong step
Inflicts a scar
And while you’re kind enough to
Lend me your shoulder
I am alone as I am
And I grow colder.

I am alone as I am
And when a link is cut I hang from my neck,
I hang from the hands of others
Who’ve chosen to save me!
Me from amongst the dead!
Why me?
I
Alone
As I am?
399 · Jul 2021
Misery Loves Company
Sabika Jul 2021
Take it all out onto the world
And punish the innocent bystander.
Hold the gun up to yourself,
And catch them in the crossfire.

Must I remind you
That there is mystery in the love that you seek?
There are delusions in the secrets that you keep.

Take your philosophy as scripture
And crucify the heretic.
Indeed, you've become somewhat of a prophet but
You get revelations from ego,
And I am wondering,
How far are you willing to go?

How amusing for a clump of clay to make so much waste,
For a cluster of atoms to take up so much space,
For a speck of dust to be so loud!

Misery loves company,
And you've got yourself a whole crowd!

Misery loves company,
And you have made it your life's mission
To make the miserable proud.
395 · Dec 2020
Immortal
Sabika Dec 2020
I watch the sun rise
And the moon descend,
Over and over
Again and again.

What was once
Bright and vibrant
Has become dull and dim,
Even time ages,
Yet I remain still therein.

When the Earth burns
And the stars collapse,
I'll float alone in the dark,
My eyes roll back in my skull,
I am lifted up high,
But I'll never fall.

I watch the sun rise,
And the moon descend,
Death following death,
Over and over,
Again and once again
You are convinced
Your life has meaning
Because you still haven't witnessed,
Time
Die.
Imagine if you were immortal.
385 · Oct 2018
Untitled
Sabika Oct 2018
Words are inadequate.
They break within the sight of doubt.
To get through to you must I shout?
No.
Words aren't enough.
I'll speak through the devotion of emotion,
through the fixture of a picture,
pay attention to my sentence,
focus on its capture.
Through a painting, I'd show you a rapture,
but do not ignore its texture,
it could hide a rupture.

I won't speak to you with words,
I will put on a performance,
to be seen and understood,
to see and understand.

To speak to you, I'll drag you into my world.
To listen, will you hold my hand?
Try listening to someone speak without articulating their words, it sounds very much like they're singing.
378 · Dec 2020
Chains
Sabika Dec 2020
No longer tracked in a dollhouse. A small spec from the view up above.
Heart erratic
Breath pumping
My confusions left unsolved.

No longer scavenging for booky ally ways for a quick huff and puff,
Fantasising about what I’m wearing as I **** myself,
Or when it would be most peaceful to inhale evil
Spirits.

No longer held on an invisible chain
Chained to my ‘friends’
That have accepted this mutual need
To be comforted not by what is said
But by what is given and pierced through the head,
Over and over
Again and
Again
For years
Four years
I knew not one of them,
But their smiles were kept green
And their eyes soaked in sad blood
Looking through narrow windows,
Thin lines of dim lights,
Pouring on lonely nights.
And that’s when I realised
Freedom is a slave sacrificed.

So if I must be chained
Let it be a chain
Hooked on loyalty
Truth
And love.
Let it be a chain
Flexible
And gentle
So I can find my way back
With ease.
Let it be a chain of strength
A chain that protects me.
Because I am no longer chained
To the idea
Of freedom in
Robbery.
You will not be able to fully overcome any bad habit unless you get away from the people in your life who encourage that bad habit.
364 · Apr 2019
The Seed and the Soil
Sabika Apr 2019
BEHOLD!
You are in the presence of power.
Shaken from the core,
A young seed observes
Grown aged trees
And marvels at their branches
Spread all over wide
Like wings!
Casting their shadows over her bud
As their fruits grow and ripen
And drop like bombs
Thud!
Thud!
THUD!

The soil whispers:
“You have two choices;
Aspire to inspire!
Go and grow!
Or sink deep
Into the void
And cry
From down below.”

A root bursts out
And the seed clings to the soil.
“Uplift me!” She begs,
“Don’t leave me here to spoil!”
Sometimes we are intimidated by the success of others and forget that they were once just like you.
358 · May 2020
Grey
Sabika May 2020
Within the seconds between night
And day,
In dusk and in dawn,
I dwell in the grey
And balance the moon with the sun.
Sabika May 2021
Summer’s heat.
A blazing storm.
A soft breeze.
Thunder and lightning.
Birds chirping.
Loud crying.

I can’t tell you what life is...
It could be a feeling,
Distinct and distant,
Present and close.
If I could blend all its colours
It would be the brightest of lights,
The most brilliant of whites,
Shivering in fright,
Shining with might,
Flickering in and out of sight.

How can I be here,
And you can see me?
Both of us
Pulsing like waves
Upon waves
As the perfect harmony plays.

Each pulse, a chord.
Each move, a dance;
Every emotion is a trance.
And if I bring all these sounds together,
I couldn’t bear it.
My heart may burst out of my chest,
Because I cannot possibly experience
These many faces
Overwhelming my senses
Rendered senseless.

So it is with a heavy heart that I admit,
I can’t tell you what life is.
348 · Dec 2020
The Curse
Sabika Dec 2020
Half divine, half monster,
As slow as the seasons but
As fast as raging thunder.
We swim in the air and
Look suspiciously at the world
Knowing for a fact that
There is something hidden from our eyes.
Like babies we cry and
Like gods we are worshipped by ourselves.
Like beasts we eat and we hunt
And like angels we dance and we sing.
We play with breath
And we play with fire
Yet there is this burning desire
To breathe air that is truly meant for us,
Because we live in a suffocating ballon
That floats in time and will soon pop!

Have we made a mistake in being here?

All of our devices warp reality
Yet my imagination is the only thing that is free.
We try fighting our chains
Force change
And build a heaven on Earth once again
But the beast cris
And years for rain
And shelter
From the raging storm.
327 · Nov 2020
Perfect Love
Sabika Nov 2020
Oh Being of perfect form.
Your love is not that of humans but
Of Love itself.
Your passion is not that of humans but
Of Passion itself.

My lovers risk
Their lives for me,
My lovers swear
They are with me unconditionally,
But
Oh Being of perfect form,
Oh most perfect model of Love and Passion.
The things you would do for me
Are beyond
Worldly
Expression.
And although you made me
Partially blind,
You love me still,
Knowing very well
The shortcomings and tendencies of my kind.
326 · Oct 2018
I Wonder Who You Really Are
Sabika Oct 2018
I wonder where your mind takes you
when you're silent.
I wonder what your voice says to you
when you're in bed
or what scenarios could be playing
in your head.

Do you think of something new and exciting?
Something logical or political?
Do you think about only yourself or others too?
Or do you think of something impossible to understand
but not for you.

I wonder how you approach your mind,
I wonder what secrets you hide:
I wonder about the thoughts that comfort you in sadness,
saves you from madness.
The thoughts that give you balance and guidance,
maintenance and sustenance.

I wonder what dreams you dream while you sleep,
What thoughts do you hear while you're unconscious and defenseless.
I wonder what really is in your heart,
because the answers to these questions
is what truly sets us apart.
324 · Apr 2021
Upon Reflection
Sabika Apr 2021
I will not run just overwhelm me
With the thoughts the thoughts the thoughts.
There’s a dark shadow underneath every bright surface.
Check and chase
Every nook and cranny
Track and trace
Every mistake and
Shove into my face the uncanny.

What’s this giddy feeling?
I hop, skip and prance because
Neurons are firing and I’m talking
To myself and reviewing what has just passed in such a quick speed that I cannot catch up.
Oh I know you’re not all so bad
And sometimes I need to learn so
I constantly look back to learn but
Don’t let the shadows make everything seem dark
And don’t let the light turn into an insignificant spark.
Give me the balance and the hope,
The humility that helps me to cope with the insecure anxieties and the ignorance of arrogance.

Yes but no
No but yes
What ifs and
Did you see the look in his eyes?
They said something to me
And they were quickly covered by a disguise.
Maybe, who knows?
Just do better
Next time.
321 · Jan 2020
Anxiety
Sabika Jan 2020
It hits like a bullet.
Caught off guard,
Triggered by the circumstance,
Fuelled with the negative thought,
Your mind starts to race and all sense is blur.

It hits like a tsunami.
One second you could breathe,
The next your nostrils and mouth is forced shut,
Your insides are burning,
You’re crashing against sorrows
And there’s oh so much desperation
For the need to simply
Breathe.

When the feeling is this intense
You won’t know what hit you.
279 · Feb 2021
Hell
Sabika Feb 2021
I’ve felt hell
In the centre of my chest,
Scorching heat raised
In the tunnel to my mouth.

I’ve seen hell
In the loneliness of my existence,
In the ambivalent ambiguity
Of evil persistence.
I’ve seen its fire
In the confused laughter,
Its sparks sparkling
In a ruptured rapture.

Its smoke fogs the mind,
And leaves all traces of heaven behind.
And I was left perusing it’s mirage,
Mapping arbitrary patterns on a whim,
Subjectively assuming objective meaning
Perverting the ideals of heaven,
Tearing and rearranging the truth
Limb from limb.

Have you heard of hell?
The scent of burned flesh masked
In floral perfumes,
It’s brightness casts shadows
On those who are doomed?
Hell you know,
The one you revel in,
The one you prefer
The one you preach,
The one you measure,
The one you’ll reach?

I’ve been in hell
And yet I still doubt its existence.
Its hot breath brushes on my ear
And I have dropped all resistance.

What is wrong with me?

How can I see what I have seen
And still welcome the possibility of demise?
How can I afford to compromise my fate for the pleasures gained from a state of denial?
How can I put myself on trial?
How can I withhold the urge to gain heaven’s wisdom?
How can I be satisfied in man’s kingdom?
How can I deny myself true freedom?
How can I see who the devils are
And still want to be them?

Life
In itself is not a means to an end,
But a means to the end,
And in the end
All is left are my efforts
And its fruits.
And I cannot afford to be my own
Bearer of bad news.
278 · Jul 2020
Water & Wind
Sabika Jul 2020
The tap drips onto
still waters.
Ripples echo and remind me
of my mortality,
then I am reminded of
my morality
and suddenly
I don't have much time.
Ripples echo
and remind me of
my loneliness and
suddenly
nothing I own is truly
mine.

These waters are deep
and dark and stare
into the abyss inside.
A hollow shell governed by
reckless winds,
what happens when
water and wind
collide?
277 · Nov 2020
Put Me Back to Sleep
Sabika Nov 2020
There is fire in my stomach
And smoke in my throat
And soot in my brain.
So hazy is my life,
Overwhelmed by guilt and shame.
So heavy is this burden,
I want someone to blame.
So disgusted I am with myself,
I want you to be the same.

Oh God,
I will not complain about my life
And my woes;
Instead
I tear myself up from the root and
Pull my brain out through
My nose.

I want to die but,
I don’t want to burn,
Even though I am burning
On my own.

Leave me alone, lock me up
And throw away the **** key.
Take my consciousness far away from me.
Let me die without being dead so
I don’t have to feel the
Scorching heat of my actions.

I know I don’t deserve heaven so
As mercy undo my existence and
Put me back to sleep.
264 · Nov 2020
Kind to be Cruel
Sabika Nov 2020
Shining bright,
Leaving me
Fooled.
It's a vortex
And it feeds off of my light,
kind to be
Cruel.

It taints and slithers into
Every life's necessities.
Now it wears a crown saying:
"You cannot go on,
You cannot survive
without me!"

It has become
The Judge,
Jury
And executioner
Without
Authority.

It has become
Our only means of
Expressing beauty and
Creativity
In the most perverted of ways
As it tries to
Simulate an alternate reality
Making me
A fool
Who’s Kind to be
Cruel.
262 · Apr 2020
Mortal Coil
Sabika Apr 2020
Your tear
Trickles and drips
Into a sea
Of blood.
Chains left
Red and blue stains
Around your wrist,
Around your neck.
Mirrors show a reality
You cannot accept.

You scream
Watching the growth of
A rotten seed.
What else do you do
In the wake of
The ugliest deed?
What else do you do
In the wake of
A limitless greed?

Your tear
Trickles and drips
Into a sea of blood.
Ripples grow
And reach out
Far and wide
Tainting streams.

The blood boils.
The blood hears the chains
Rattle in this
Mortal coil.
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