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Sabika H Apr 2019
I’m beginning to think my cries do not have a sound.
When I raise my head above the ground
I see weeds feasting on souls,
The red sky is filled with holes
And blood pours out of its pores
And the screams are like ongoing thunder
As my attention is split asunder-

Whom do I help?
I
Alone
As I am?
Should I reach the starving infant
Or cradle the abandoned child?
Should I attack the invading enemy
Or love those whose thoughts have gone wild?

Even if I had an army,
I am alone as I am
And my people follow the chains
Of one command.

I am alone
As I am,
And my limbs only reach so far.
Every wrong step
Inflicts a scar
And while you’re kind enough to
Lend me your shoulder
I am alone as I am
And I grow colder.

I am alone as I am
And when a link is cut I hang from my neck,
I hang from the hands of others
Who’ve chosen to save me!
Me from amongst the dead!
Why me?
I
Alone
As I am?
Sabika H Jan 1
It hits like a bullet.
Caught off guard,
Triggered by the circumstance,
Fuelled with the negative thought,
Your mind starts to race and all sense is blur.

It hits like a tsunami.
One second you could breathe,
The next your nostrils and mouth is forced shut,
Your insides are burning,
You’re crashing against sorrows
And there’s oh so much desperation
For the need to simply
Breathe.

When the feeling is this intense
You won’t know what hit you.
Sabika H Jun 15
I'm in love with a lover
Who is loved by another
and I'd die just to see you
smile at me.

He's the son of a daughter
Who is married to his father
And they're all the children
Of humanity.

I'm stronger in sorrow
I carry till tomorrow
And I'm productive
In insanity

And I chase the devil
And the path becomes narrow
And I hate the incarnation
Of profanity.

Here I am.
Do you see me?

I am lost
I'm alone
Lead me to my
Destiny.

I am man.
All men are me.
And I live with this truth
Vicariously.

I'm indebted to your kindness
My lord, you are the finest
And there's no denying
Reality.

I have found my purpose
Help me to stay focused
And save me from your
Calamity.
Sabika H Apr 7
Scratches on my neck
And blood in my mouth as I wake.
Faces
I see faces,
Voices,
I hear your footsteps behind me,
Is my life at stake?

Eyes open
Laid bare
But I cannot move!
Flesh out my mouth
Snake bites my neck,
What have you got got to prove?

My mind,
A haunting ghost
Stares at me wide eyed,
Open mouth,
It’s a black shadow
Full of sorrow
And it feeds me
Guilt and doubt
Until tomorrow
Until tomorrow
Sabika H May 2
Mummified me tight in her web,
she finds it funny
that my eyes are left open.

I shake
but I cannot listen
and I cannot scream
and she stares until
my heart is broken.

she whispers and I read her lips:
"I am fate,
and you were held firm in my clutches
ever since man has fallen.

"Lay, watch, and twitch
and remember my dear,
every breath you take is testimony
that you were chosen."
Sabika H May 19
I feel such terrible distress
Like I lost something as precious
As my purpose.
All the screams and darkness
Swooping over me and drowning my senses
Fear is senseless
And reckless.
Fear is helpless
So painful it’s painless.
So dark
It blinds me with its brightness.

This world goes in circles
And repeats cycles
And I’m stuck in the middle
As I cry in my comfortable cradle
Because I am blessed to point out that
my only curse
Is having to feel
And live a life so real
It haunts me in my sleep
And seeps into my dreams.
And buries me in a grave.

Why do I cry for the future?
The present is a cloud
And fate is the wind
And I try to find my silhouette
Reflected within.

I revel in this collective fearful consciousness.
I revel in this confused toxicity and if this isn’t telling
Then I should be yelling.
Sabika H Jan 1
I want to stab a knife to your canvas
And maybe as expected,
Instead of flesh and bones
I find snakes
Slithering, swirling frantically,
Kissed by fear in their evil eyes,
In their terrible surprise
Fire has exposed them!

I want to dash red paint on that fake smile
And watch you gurgle on your own blood
As it pours
Thick, black
From between your teeth.

I want to rip out your lying, beating heart,
Blackened by your sins and selfish intentions,
And watch your hollow eyes finally
Show true emotions.

And I will not stop picking
You apart until you cry
“I give up!”
But how can I trust a
Black
Lying
Beating
Heart?
Sabika H Jan 1
Forgive me for when my eyes are shut and my hands roam,
Or when my hands are tied yet my eyes stab.
Forgive me when I am ignorant and stomp my feet,
Or when I softly step into a territory that I know is made for my demise.
Forgive me when I am a coward who thinks she is wise.
Sabika H Oct 2018
Who is the see-er?
This intelligence that does not speak with tongue
but it speaks.
It does not see with eyes,
but it sees.
It limits me
and I limit it
to a 3D structure,
and give it parameters
as I water it down to a name
water it down to a concept misunderstood,
because whenever I try to fit it in a box
it becomes imperfect to an inexperienced imagination,
it becomes crude to an arrogant mind,
it turns to fuel for a feud
while it remains as a fact
and we're all left behind.
shoutout to those concepts/experiences that no words can do justice.
Sabika H May 26
Within the seconds between night
And day,
In dusk and in dawn,
I dwell in the grey
And balance the moon and the sun.
Sabika H Jan 1
In my mind I say what I mean
And mean what I say.
But my actions could speak otherwise.
Am I a hypocrite if my mind is far greater than my own two hands?

Am I helpless if I know what to do,
But my body won’t move according to plan?

Am I deluded if I think I can
When I can’t,
Or if I think I can’t,
When I can?

Am I who I am
Or am I what I am?
Ice
Sabika H May 5
Ice
Stuck a sticker on a
Block of cold ice.
The sticker is stuck
In a frozen smile.

Maybe that smile
The resolve
The will
Is warm enough to make
Cold hearts melt.

And I drip,
Drip,
Drip.
Sabika H Oct 2018
Give me a backstory
and I'll show you a different character
each time.
Give me a time and place,
and I'll show you my morals were lies
and my standards are non-existent,
and that I've had you fooled
in every single appearance;
and I'll make you realize
that my lies
have been consistent.
Don't get it twisted, this poem isn't about me.
Sabika H Oct 2018
Foul,
rotten,
something about you gives the stench of burned flesh,
the stain of corroding steel,
the buzzing sound of a thousand insects.
When you talk I feel like centipedes crawl up my spine,
roaches swirl between my toes,
and worms pour out of ears.
My eyes itch, and I twitch
underneath my skin
for your soul
is the foulest din.
We've all met someone like this
Sabika H Oct 2018
I've been caught grim.
There were lies and deprivation.
My lights were dim,
and in their faint spark I drew a constellation.
I mapped out my purpose
and with my focus
I paved my path towards death,
measuring each breath
that they are worthwhile.

"I'm going to die anyway,
I'm going to die anyway!"
The future is none of my concern.
A present from the present is mine to earn;
and from the past I grow to learn
that I always had a choice,
to flourish or to burn.
Sabika H Oct 2018
I wonder where your mind takes you
when you're silent.
I wonder what your voice says to you
when you're in bed
or what scenarios could be playing
in your head.

Do you think of something new and exciting?
Something logical or political?
Do you think about only yourself or others too?
Or do you think of something impossible to understand
but not for you.

I wonder how you approach your mind,
I wonder what secrets you hide:
I wonder about the thoughts that comfort you in sadness,
saves you from madness.
The thoughts that give you balance and guidance,
maintenance and sustenance.

I wonder what dreams you dream while you sleep,
What thoughts do you hear while you're unconscious and defenseless.
I wonder what really is in your heart,
because the answers to these questions
is what truly sets us apart.
I'd love it if some of you actually answer some of these questions. I'd love to get to know your soul, unfiltered.
Sabika H May 26
There is no companion,
Only company.
There is no love but
They are lovely.
There is no curiosity to ask:
“What are your dreams?”
“Your secrets?”
“Your difficulties?”
There’s no desire to observe a legacy.

Maybe the protagonist is to blame.
Years were spent building
A foundation based on
Secrecy and mistrust
But I had no idea
People were happy and willing
To play along.
Sabika H Jul 27
Young child,
Remember the promise,
The contract made from
your very first heartbeat.

Your first breath of life was not easy
And it never will be.

Young child,
You did not open your eyes
To live the rest of your life
Dreaming;
Your very first speech
Was you screaming -
Young child,
You came to us
Squealing
Asking:
"What are these feelings I'm feeling?"

And I told you
This is pain,
This is life,
And your promise is
Struggle and heartbreak
Even when you smile,
Young Child,
Your promise is death
For a long while.
Is birth really a joyful event?
Sabika H Oct 2018
My blood tells me a different story to my soul.
My passport has a stamp I cannot recognize,
An accent invades my tongue that I cannot pinpoint-
I am from many worlds
And I sing the songs of many souls.

My scattered roots find a way to your lonely tree,
And in my own confusion
I become the master of empathy.
You're so called 'difficult' name rolls off my tongue
Effortlessly,
And I'll have you convinced that we are kin.
Your language
Your skin
Your culture
Is no barrier on the grounds
of those who know no bounds
To existence.
Sabika H Apr 7
Your tear
Trickles and drips
Into a sea
Of blood.
Chains left
Red and blue stains
Around your wrist,
Around your neck.
Mirrors show a reality
You cannot accept.

I scream
Watching the growth of
A rotten seed.
What else do you do
In the wake of
The ugliest deed?
What else do you do
In the wake of
A limitless greed?

Mother only cries,
And Dad cannot protect us
Anymore.
What for?

Your tear
Trickles and drips
Into a sea of blood.
Ripples grow
And reach out
Far and wide
Tainting streams
Impacting dreams.

The blood boils.
The blood hears the chains
Rattle in this
Mortal coil.
Sabika H Oct 2018
I did not come into this world alone.
I was brought through the choices of my ancestors,
as they embody a time where I was not yet born.

I did not come into this world alone,
no.
Instead I came to a people I did not choose,
whose unspoken duty is to be tolerant and trustworthy
and so is mine
and so is mine.

I came into this world alone.
What's in my mind is mine,
and what I share is for the world,
and how I feel is always concealed
behind the masks of unspoken words.

The question is
how much of me is for me,
and how much of me is for the world?
Sabika H Oct 2018
"What's that?"
It's the continuous sound of something familiar;
Something common in the way we all glow
and grow as the things we know
change within a different range
of perspective.

This is the time my soul goes in hiding.
And I know observing could be self-blinding,
but to hear rings of truth in the waves
Of your voice, I’m afraid
I don’t have much of a choice.

So
I keep my mouth shut and focus.
I will only speak if I know this.
And while I try to understand this familiarity,
I exist without existing entirely.
Am I the only one who's really fascinated by the huge similarities we have with different people? Yet still we are not the same.
Sabika H Jan 1
Once upon a time
There was a passion,
Like burning fire,
Boiling water,
Saturated with desire.
The thirst of needing to be seen,
To be heard,
To be free as a soaring bird
Was unquenchable and
Unquestionable.

It was so clear
It ruled out the anxiety
And the fear
Of being judged
Being wrong
And being crushed.

Now that passion has burned out,
Drained,
Pale;
What is left is the anxiety
The possibility
To fail.
Sabika H Oct 2018
Hands shake, my eyes gleam.
It's a clear step forward,
or so it seemed.

Every night spent restless,
dissatisfied,
now adding up to what's about to happen.

But what if my foot hits a rock and I stumble?
What if with this very step I sprain my ankle?
How do I even walk again? What if I stumble?

Doubt is progress' worse enemy,
procrastination is the fake friend,
imagination is the inspiration,
determination will determine the end.

My fate cries
and I can see time rising again
as I stare in awe
at the golden sun.
Sabika H Jun 15
Pigs carry giant whips
and shoot bullets
and spray their spit
at bats.

Bats fly and bump into rats.
Rats claim they are cousins
yet eat some bats and
become poisonous in their speech.
Bats cry out that everyone can have
a slice of the freedom cake
take one piece each.

Rats are hungry
because there's a hole in their tummy
so they tell the pigs to steal the whole cake.
Bats bat their eyelids to the darkness
realizing their alliance
was fake.
Sabika H Jan 1
Still in time.
Or so I thought.
          
           Fooled.
Overwhelmed by an emotion of unwanted desire,
Knowing there’s an island on the other side.

But

Fooled by fear
I drown slowly
In a calm despair.
Sabika H Oct 2018
Alone again,
Like how it was before I was found,
Before I could hear a sound.

My head has turned bleak.
Slowly approaching my peak,
I find it hard to find the words to speak.

And the shadows seep into my cracks
by your command
doubt and drought invade this fertile land
as my world regresses in a state of chaos
and loss
and confusion
with the fusion of hope and contempt
to my ignorance and to your method.

You held me in your palm
and hear my imperfect soul cry from across realms
that shield me from the truth.
I become sad...
Am I mad for wanting better for myself,
better than myself?
Make me better for you.
Spiritual starvation.
Sabika H Oct 2018
I let my gaurd down and you slither
between my cracks, wait for my consciousness to whither,
"Perfect", you so viciously whisper.

You shut the lights and cast shadows,
and I don't see these arrows
pointing at me in full view
while I'm blinded by the assumption
that I can trust you.

Shot in the heart,
the lights turn on,
with regret I stare into my blood
for the things I haven't done.
Sabika H Jan 1
It took me by surprise.
Familiarised with the forgotten feeling
That I am no longer familiar to the universe.
Conflicted with the paranoid thought
That no one ever sees the true light
Of my actions.
I suffer because of this.
Held back by the remembrance
That I cannot seek salvation in other's souls.

But I try and try again
For the mere thought of loneliness and
The permanent change
Make me go mad.

I’d rather die trying to find a place in
You foul heart, felt,
Than to die misunderstood.
Sabika H Oct 2018
My heart races in the thought of you.
This is not love.
"You're nothing!" I repeat in my mind.
But you're not a machine that I can control.
When I look at you, I stand face to face with life itself.
A breathing replica of all its past in one.
Unpredictable.
Your thoughts hidden from view.
To talk to you is a leap of faith,
a risk that weighs heavy on my mind.
It's so much easier to look at you from afar.
Sabika H Jan 1
Sour scented citrus,
Sweet, slimy syrup.
That’s me!
Sour lemon,
Sweet honey.

I stare until my eyes burn.
Jealousy boils up
In acidic scent,
Sticky, icky, bicky
Sour lemon sweet honey.

The love stings and sits on cuts.
While honey glazes and gives warm hugs
As it finds a cure in the blood
Wherever it may be
With the right combination of:
Sour lemon and sweet honey.
Sabika H Jan 1
He performs an act of deformation
Because while the world seems to be
Floating in a repetitive stagnation,
Out swarms his imagination.

The process of distortion is meditative.
Something natural about using
Force on an object stubborn yet
Submissive.

He casts it on fire.
Bends it
Pulls it
Throws it
Kick it!
Hit it!
Scrape it!
Tear it!
DESTROY IT
and see it destroyed-
Created into an imagined image.

His urge completed,
He marvels at his god-likeness
To bend objects at his peril
Taken out of its feral
In a process as natural and
Disruptive as
An earthquake or a tsunami.

He bares no blame or shame for
Mimicking life in the dead and gone.
Sabika H Apr 2019
This is no classic scene on a movie screen.
This is real life.
And it’s scenes are the most obscene.

This pain is felt first hand,
And your confusion is severe.
We look to the asphalt and to these mechanic machines and
Believe we live in our ancestors virtual dreams.
You scream:
“It’s 2019!”
And take that as evidence of progress;
Like we are closer to the truth now
Than when our foods weren’t processed.

Progress?
Yes we are better at manipulating physicality
To make clowns of our spirituality
So we can parade our falsity.

You see,

We latch to this planet like a leach.
Manipulating your free speech
As you learn only what is deemed worthy to teach.
And that’s it!
That’s all you need to know!
Go on, throw a fit
And call it “history in the making”
While you hold all knowledge in a glowing rectangle
And still mistake emotions with rationality
Yes we’ve reached this calamity!

Don’t make me laugh!
You hate war?
But you get bored of peace
And you fetishise your guns.
And this is no longer a secret,
Now you post blood and caption it “aesthetic”
And laugh-cry at those who are unfortunate.

Glory is in the body count,
And ****** is just a sport.
Honour is in the gold,
And your biggest fear is to be outed in court.

Truth is
You’re building a fort
Where ignorance is at its foundation.
And while you do not know yourself
You claim to know the nation.
Sabika H Oct 2018
What fun this is!
To have people cheering
following
believing
in your vision!
Fueling your ambition!

It's like all the voices that doubted you
are done!
And you and your supporters
are just having fun
as you dance while you fail
and dance while you succeed,
and you just become filled
with a pleasant greed
and motivation
as you feel like you an your dreams
are set in full motion!

...
But how devastating it all becomes
when this all goes in an instant
and everyone gets distant
and bored
because they never really cared
if you scored.

In a time like this you remember
that you are always on your own,
and the only people that might have cared
were just you and your folks
back at home.
Sabika H Jan 1
I’m inspired
Underneath the cloak of the night
Before the crack of dawn.

Comforted
In the space between the walls
This soul built for itself.
Foundations set
On the comfort of the confirmation of
The truth.
Foundations laid specifically
To limit me,
Specifically
To set me free.

When this divine design is
Bare and naked,
Consciousness shows it’s double edges;
Consciousness becomes a threat and
I am conned.
Consciousness turned me into a slandering dog and I’ll fetch whatever entices your eyes
For your love becomes
My love of
I.

Desires and emotions,
Fleeting like night and day,
Like the soul that is vulnerable.

How do I put this?

I am free underneath the cloak of the night.
And you could bring the rays of dawn.
But first
Understand the light in darkness.
Go beyond sight.
Because I am free from
The expectation of
Surface delight.
Sabika H Oct 2018
I want to create a masterpiece,
become a masterpiece:
to live in mastered peace,
to die a master in peace.
For that I master peace,
and die piece by piece,
to become a master.
Peace
Sabika H Apr 2019
BEHOLD!
You are in the presence of power.
Shaken from the core,
A young seed observes
Grown aged trees
And marvels at their branches
Spread all over wide
Like wings!
Casting their shadows over her bud
As their fruits grow and ripen
And drop like bombs
Thud!
Thud!
THUD!

The soil whispers:
“You have two choices;
Aspire to inspire!
Go and grow!
Or sink deep
Into the void
And cry
From down below.”

A root bursts out
And the seed clings to the soil.
“Uplift me!” She begs,
“Don’t leave me here to spoil!”
Sometimes we are intimidated by the success of others and forget that they were once just like you.
Sabika H Oct 2018
Does the truth have any regard for my desire?
Does the truth change when a moment turns dire?
Is the truth ever outshined by ignorance's fire?
If the truth is too complex to be articulated,
then is everyone a liar?

Does the truth depend on my emotion?
Is it revealed through commotion?
Does it give a resolution?
Does it require devotion?
If the truth is too complex to be articulated,
then how can it be a conclusion?
If the truth is too vast to be situated,
then is the world not an abomination?

If only I was shown the truth, how would I know?
Would it possess a certain glow?
Would it put on a show?
If the truth is too complex to be articulated,
how would I know for sure that this is the right way to go?

I'm in a position
where I doubt the truth,
living in juxtaposition.
Diary of an agnostic
Sabika H Jan 1
Tell me my purpose
If I was dead before I was born,
And will die when I am dead.

If death is immortal,
Eternal,
Necessary;
Yet life is frail,
Conditional,
Temporary.

Tell me why I am here
In my joy,
My fury,
My agony.

I suffer,
I change.
I am pushed to my limits and beyond
Burdened with freedom and empathy.

Tell me why I feel such emotions
That last
And alas
Here I am
Triumphant.

This is why I’m here.
This is why you’re here.

So
“Give me hell,
Give me heaven,
All your visions of life.”
Sabika H Oct 2018
I try to be tolerant,
but you repeat conversations from your head
knowing well I'll play by your script
despite my lack of interest
in your need to repeat the past.

I try to be tolerant but
you won't give me a chance to breathe,
not with those dagger eyes that have been threatened,
not with that yapping mouth that has been triggered,
not with that closed mind that screams to be opened.

You view your world from your eyes and get caught
thinking your view is the best view when it's not.
You view your world from your eyes and get caught
thinking all your thoughts are true and valid when they are not.

I like you best when you remember on your own
that your limitations are limitless,
and together we live in this world of a mess
and call it our home.
Sometimes our feelings and thoughts are not valid. We are human, we can be irrational, this could make us delusional, that's why we need friends/family to give us a reality check, and tell us what is true from their view. So many people are now saying absurd things like it's a fact and we are all just sitting back, tolerating them instead of having conversations about these issues.
Sabika H Oct 2018
Too ******
and impulsive.
Too selfish
and deluded, ignorant
and submissive,
wearing a veil of falsehood
in order to feel protected.
So inconsistant
to my promises and my solutions.
Too eager for a better me
and a better life,
but too greedy to truly see myself,
too blind to be truly kind,
too sad to strive,
too happy to move on.
Too bad,
I'm too human.
The human condition.
Sabika H Jan 1
I understand
Love to be the appreciation of
What you can give.

No, love is love for the sake of love.

But I see nothing innocent, just pure.
“I appreciate you for the way you make me feel”
A.k.A
“I appreciate you for what you give to me”
A.K.A
“I love you.”

Sure it’s a little sweet but
It’s the only time you don’t mind being
Positively manipulated,
Positively used.
And you balance the scales with:
“I love you too”.

I feed off of you,
As you feed off of me,
And we’ll call this relationship ‘healthy’
And here we are.
Bound by a verbal contract,
Constantly in contact.
And I am stuck in your orbit oblivious as
To where I am headed.
I don’t understand this.
I look for the exit,
Because you are hungry,
And I am poor.
Sabika H Jun 15
Truth is still water,
a gentle whisper,
a soft touch.
Easy to ignore
yet
persistent
consistent.
Sabika H Jan 1
Would the question still be beautiful
If you knew the answer?
Sabika H Oct 2018
Words are inadequate.
They break within the sight of doubt.
To get through to you must I shout?
No.
Words aren't enough.
I'll speak through the devotion of emotion,
through the fixture of a picture,
pay attention to my sentence,
focus on its capture.
Through a painting, I'd show you a rapture,
but do not ignore its texture,
it could hide a rupture.

I won't speak to you with words,
I will put on a performance,
to be seen and understood,
to see and understand.

To speak to you, I'll drag you into my world.
To listen, will you hold my hand?
Try listening to someone speak without articulating their words, it sounds very much like they're singing.
Sabika H Jul 27
The tap drips onto
still waters.
Ripples echo and remind me
of my mortality,
then I am reminded of
my morality
and suddenly
I don't have much time.
Ripples echo
and remind me of
my loneliness and
suddenly
nothing I own is truly
mine.

These waters are deep
and dark and stare
into the abyss inside.
A hollow shell governed by
reckless winds,
what happens when
water and wind
collide?
Sabika H Oct 2018
You approach me with curiosity I don't want to touch,
with a readiness in your voice
like you're ready to hear too much and judge;
and I'm not used to this type of care
and this kind of love.
So I shut you off
and become short
and become tough,
for I've not learned how to respond to love
as I cannot discern
your concern.

— The End —