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You can't catch me sleeping,
I keep myself awake.
I balance myself
in this unstable world
with every breath I take.

With every evil deception
of the powers that seem to be,
I won't stop shining on
from sea to distant sea.
I won't stop loving my fellow beings
nor deny the Divine in everything I'm seeing.
Oh no..
You won't catch me sleeping!
Traveler Tim
He met me in my mess
When I was wrestling with my flesh
With hopes & dreams started to crumble and crash.
On the verge of breaking under stress
He met in my mess.
Lost in Oblivion
I ran into paths Unknown.
To ease the ache inside my chest
When tribulations put my faith to test;
When guilt won't let me rest
I cried unto Him
Until I shed no more tears to face the fears
I found God in my mess.
🌼
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." ~ Matthew 11:28
He cried, “Out!”

(In the darkest corner of a small wooden landing at the top of the steps to the fenced back yard of a rented home currently occupied by a trio of underpaid shift workers whom, as a kindness and in response to the predicted overnight cold snap, have taken into their foster care a destitute stray, a man of roughly 40 clearly hard worn years kneels doubled over and wailing mournfully to himself, his head tucked in and down toward his chest in an undeniably penitent posture similar to the pious prayer of those who heed the daily call, and face Mecca. Apropos of nothing, he just so happens to be faced to Mecca at this moment. This is, however, purely coincidental, as our pitiful subject here is not a man of clothe, nor one of great or even minor faith, much less a man of daily prayer or mindful meditation. Quite In contrast, He is a drinker and a drifter; drug-addicted, disaffected, dissatisfied, and dismayed. Yet he is also a dreamer of the highest order, completely convinced of the attainability of a singular salvation of creative elucidation, a dream he has been chasing unrelentingly for more than 20  years; and which he has just this very evening seen how truly attainable it is. Merely moments ago, In a vision of clarity which came over him unwittingly, and uninitiated by anything within his purview, our vagrant interloper has seen a crystallization of artistic inspiration which envisioned all the interconnections within his disjointed philosophical treatises, which he has spent the better part of three decades  composing, and in that moment he was overtaken by the sudden uninhibitable need to bleed the pressure wellingup inside his chest and his lungs began to squeeze. The noise they made directed itself toward the realm of sorrow. It is a wail of a desperation; not unlike one you might hear from fathers who’s lost there cherished sons, from lovers who’ve lost their lovers, and from children having a tantrum who need to eat and then to sleep, but refuse. He was at that moment all of these things in essence; a man rejected and alone, beset by turmoil of his own making, and both exhausted and famished; but his noise came joyfully, as it was the expression of something deep within him which he had recently freed; and so no effort was made to sequester or quiet the cries that he now seethes. It is simply the gasp and exhalation of soul which desperately needed to breathe.)

A soft wail arises quietly from silence to an open mouth, a single note, unbroken and controlled as much as one can control such a sound. From this beginning after a moment, almost a minute but something less, if you were to count; the wail completes with a sharp cutoff instead off dying back down. It ends, from an open mouth to clenched teeth and the tongue cutting off the sound. It makes a word but he did not consciously say it; it’s just the only word that could come…

Out.

GET OUT!
GET OUT OF ME!
Go the **** away!
I do not need you
I do not want you
I will not hold you
You have to leave
There is no place for you in here any more
Get. Out.
Get out.

GET THE **** OUT OF ME!

PLEASE!

(As he spits these curses and pleads, something moves deep with in him. he convulses and every muscle in him begins to squeeze and he feels as if he’s imploding and but his eyes are about to explode out, and in this seizing state, he feels the expelled energy escape, physically, through the center of his mind and forehead, like a boiler valve exploding with steam in a movie. It goes out and up and away and silently it leaves. A calm settles over the whole scene as he stills his body, still convulsing, and then he sees swirling among the phosphors on the back of his eyelids, where it burns an impression when one stares at bright light too long, something coalesce: an impression of an Iris, pulsing and folding into itself but without edge, as if his minds eye were right in front of him. He stays there penitent and quiet and keeps his eyes closed, in order not to lose it, because whatever it is he needs to know it; what ever it is, he cannot deny he sees it. He stays perfectly still while it’s centered in his vision, as if it were a wild animal he intended not to scare away, and silently he studies it and stares and considers what has just opened in his vision and what, preceding that, had thusly broken away. Slowly realization comes, as it’s elemental name is spoken silently from behind,
         “I am the one who sees,
            I am that which drives
         I am you, and you are me
                 We are together,
                   A single being
                         but You
                  are part of me”

and upon the realization solidifying, without hesitation he addresses it, directly and in a docile tone…

I see you
I see you there
staring back at me

I know who you are
I know you are me

It’s good to see you
I’ve missed you
Where did you go?

He lifts his head just a little, just so he’s holding it with his neck, it’s the first movement he has made beyond the minimum necessary to say the words he had to say and to expand and contract his lungs enough to breath. As he opens his eyes, the vision persists and he’s now staring at it outside of him, nestled into his unknowingly cupped and folded hands, like one would make to receive the sacrament of communion, which is ironic yet somehow perfect for this experience is the only religious thing he’s ever felt or known or seen. Now, with eyes open it looks to be an orb of energy without a glow, and he folds his hands closed around it as if to hold it, and he stands up with eyes closed; as yet unwilling to lose the vision and let it go. He turns slightly to the north, away from the darkness he had hidden in before and opens his eyes hopefully for the first time in ages.

He stares distantly into the foliage of a few scattered trees that occupy a greenway next to a drainage ditch called “flood street” to the people
that know, and in those last late autumn leaves still hanging on with incredulity, he sees the inner eye again, still staring back at him, and in that moment he already knows- it’s not going go, it is part of his mind, which now he’s opened it will be ever-present, even if unseen. He shifts his gaze over to the corner of a house not too far away and again he sees it shimmering, superimposed. It’s not external it is like a lens through which he sees now, and he becomes joyful.

He lowers his eyes in peaceful pause and starts to take off his clothes, he sheds his jacket, shirt and socks, flinging them to and fro and descends the steps into the yard and squeezes the grass between his toes. He presses hard down through his feet, to let the ground know that he is there and he will not sink. His stance widens. He loosens his shoulders as he reaches down between his feet, and sets his palms flat in the grass, exhaling deeply as he folds. Then breathing deeply in and upward he raises up towards the sky stretching everything inside, reaching as high as he go, and there he sees the Cheshire smile and he greets the moonlight glow

Hi how are you, I’m glad you’re here too

And then he begins to dance with it, in Meditative and intentional movement. He makes a show for the moonlight and the minds eye and he moves every muscle under his control, twisting and turning in soft ecstasy releasing decades of unwanted tension; finally letting all the build-up go. He lands down in the sweet smelling grass on his belly, arms folded and in his vision are two small flowers swaying slightly and only them, no leaves rustle because no breeze blows. It seems to him that they danced with him and he will remember this for the rest of his troubled life, though it should be a little easier now knowing what he knows.
Another short for Footnote

12-24-23 Christmas Eve
I was homeless, ostracized from the family, high strung out, sad, salty, smelly, sleepy, but indoors by the grace of  a good friend, and on the verge of being as sick as I have been in a very long time. The next day would be spent entirely in bed ill with a flu like I had never seen. It was the worst Christmas pageant ever… but the night before I was able to distill this auto-fiction from an experience that with the exception of the names of streets, happened exactly as written, it was a very poignant experience for me, and its details were summarily seared into my brain.
I know that our efforts all come to nothing. Analyze life, tear its trappings off, lay it bare with thought, with logic, with philosophy, and its emptiness is revealed as a bottomless pit; its nothingness frankly confesses to nothingness, and Despair comes to perch in the soulI know the end of us all is nothing, I know that at the end of Time, the reward of our toil will be nothing — and again nothing. I know that all our handiwork and all our ideas will be destroyed. I know that not even ash will be left from the fires that consume us. I know that our ideals, even those we achieve, will vanish in the eternal darkness of oblivion and final non-being. There is no hope, none, in my heart. I know, No promise, none, can I make to myself and to others. No recompense can I expect for my labors. No fruit will be born of my thoughts. I know the time — eternal seducer of all men, eternal cause of all effects — offers me nothing but the blank prospect of annihilation. So, my dignity is broken and weak, in recognition of my impending defeat.

The man who is alone, who stands on his own feet, who is stripped bare, who asks for nothing and wants nothing, who has reached the apex of disinterested­ness not through blind renunciation but through ex­cess of clear vision, turns to the world which stretches out before him as a burned prairie, as a devastated city — a world in which no churches, asylums, refuges, ideals, are left — and says: «Though you promise me nothing I am still with you, I am still an atom of your energies, my work is part of your work; I am your companion and your mirror as you march on your merciless way. But I owe nothing to any one. I would be responsible to freedom alone.
Bekah Halle Feb 14
Connectivity drives us, compels us forward,
Technology, used unwisely, is the dark king of this age; that proclaims hope in wires connected underground and
Invisible signals shoot through the air, trying to share the signals that we care, but
Ultimately, it severs us from reality and each other over there: digital Babylon.
Heads down, thoughts inward,
We don’t see the lost on the street,
We don’t see the lady lying in pain, covered in shame, trying to re-cover herself and start over again,
But, effortlessly, we switch off from that kid searching our eyes that he matters,
When we keep looking at ourselves, our next selfie: selfie addicts!
If we don’t post our newest vain attempt to connect, we turn to other drugs to numb the pain,
That our brain is craving to solve;
The receptivity issue.
So we need to switch off to switch on again to our indelible source of
Connection with real life within and with others out,
Who says spirituality doesn’t matter: it’s not for this day and age,
It divides and fuels us with rage,
But it does!
It is,
And it is to come.
Connection to the forever dimension, the reason for the ascension to
Reconnect us back to the truth again.
I am going on a digital fast for the next 40 days in the lead up to Easter, so I reflected on the poems I have written and saw this one. I had forgotten about it, and in re-reading it I feel the charge of emotion as if I was there in that moment again. Wow. May new revelation arise over the next 40 days.
Is there a way to eliminate all Fear?
Can we be Happy and live with Cheer?
Can we stop Worrying and living with Stress?
Can we eliminate Anxiety that makes our life, a Mess?
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

Is your life filled with Depression?
Do you want to make your life a Celebration?
The culprit, the enemy, is your own Mind
It’s robbing your Peace and Bliss, you will Find!
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

All our miseries are rooted in Thought
When in toxic Thought, We are Caught
Then, we are filled with Rotten Thoughts that are Junk
We lose our Peace, can’t live like a Monk
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

We all suffer this Triple Suffering on Earth!
These miseries are for all those who take Birth
But there is a way out of this Mess
We can eliminate Fear, Anxiety and Stress
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


To find Peace, Let’s get to the bottom of the Root
To be Blissful, we must Realize the Truth
The Mind is a crook, it acts like the King
But in fact, it causes all Suffering
Let’s discover the secret of Peace and Happiness!

Not one or two, it’s fifty thoughts, a Minute
The Mind bombards us and we are Lost in it
Then it becomes our boss, rides our Life Horse
We are controlled by it, this is a big Loss
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


The first secret is simple, move from NEP to PEP!
From Negative to Positive, Take this First Step
Then, we must move from Mind to Consciousness
And live a Life of Peace and Happiness
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


How do you do it? Try to find the Mind
Where is the Mind, You cannot Find!
Still, this Rascal makes us Blind
Let us discover the Truth, leave the Mind
Behind Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

What is the way to **** the Mind?
It is simple, we must still the Mind
The Mind with the Ego, becomes the ME
Then from Misery, we are not Free
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


The ME creates Anger, Revenge and Hate
There is Jealousy and Anguish at our Life’s Gate
Together, the Mind and Ego, ME, make us Cry
We then look at the sky and ask, ‘Why?’
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

Those who Realize that Life is just a Drama
That everything is Karma, for them, there is no Trauma
They realize that Suffering is nothing but a Choice
They choose to be Happy, they choose to be Wise
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

The fact is, we are not the Body, Ego or Mind
We are the Soul, this Truth we must Find
The Soul never suffers, it radiates Peace
In Consciousness, there is no Sorrow, Miseries Cease
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

Those who think that Success is Happiness
They run behind Pleasure, live with Anxiety and Stress
They don’t realize that the Foundation is Peace
Where there is no Peace, our Sorrow will Increase
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

The Secret teaches us to go beyond Entertainment
It gives us Ultimate Bliss with Enlightenment
When we Realize, we are the Divine Soul
In Eternal Bliss, we achieve our Goal
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


The journey starts with Illumination
Then there is Purification and Realization
From Misery, there is Liberation
In Bliss, there is Divine Unification
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

There is a way to be Happy, all day
We can eliminate Misery, take Sorrow away
Though the skies are Cloudy and Grey
We can be Happy, whatever comes our way
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

So, let’s start and remove all the Junk
Tame the Monkey Mind, make it a Monk!
Let’s make the resolve to Suffer No More
Push the Mind out and Lock the Door
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

What is the way to Eternal Bliss?
It is living in Truth Consciousness
When we overcome the myth and Realize the Truth
Then Peace and Bliss will fill our Root
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

There is no need to live with Fear and Stress
Remove Anxiety and Worry that is causing the Mess
Live in Consciousness, live in Peace
When there is no Mind, Miseries Cease
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!
I am being born
again
and again
From above
Not from the will of men

And in these births is one aching desire
to connect with you
my sister, my bride
I'll never have another Lover
I've always had infinite lovers
My awareness has contracted
In order to expand
explosively

Come and drink with me
Let us have our fill of love
Intoxicating
Our spirits touching one another
tenderly
and willingly

Let us open one another
To the vulnerability
That love requires
Throwing down our shields and weapons
to see the fruit of our desires

Oh, the pangs of this inexpressible love
Come away with me
Come away and drink with me

It is with my blood that I write these words to you
My blood is spirit
My very life
I will never lose a single one of you
Friends and lovers
We could never lose each other

Wandering alone through Maya
all along, the illusion drawing us together
This is our primal nature

Forsake the law
And repudiate morality
This is our very destiny

Let us be naked
Let us expose ourselves
Let us share ourselves freely
Let us connect completely

What is the law
if not only
the darkest magic
We have ever found ourselves enslaved to?

Hyper-rationality
Fed good and evil from the same tree
Enlightenment Apollo
Darkening our Dionysian revelry
But it was for a purpose
Transcending means including
But with equality
Why should Apollo rule Dionysius?
Why should Bacchus yield to the hammer of Hephaestus?

Can you see we've always been completely innocent?
Do you still imagine that Love includes any imperfection?
Can you see that we are One and only One?
And that the One is always absolutely perfect?

Oh, our folly
Of free will and control
Don't we know that we are each and every one
A multitude?

I am a community
I fulfill the law of my community's desire
And care for all of them tenderly
But I do not exert control
I am community

Come commune with me
We'll express the inexpressible
Playfully
In turn
We are each communities
Let our communities partake together
Of this Dionysian revelry
Making love from dusk till dawn
Then making love again

Let us leave the law and moral code
For other women, other men

Love under will
And fulfill
the law of
do what thou will

Only Love can thus possess you
But know that Love, this Chief of Daimons
Had possessed you before you ever thought of Her
Her name is
Being, Consiousness, and Bliss

Have I merely drunk too much?
No, I cannot ever have my fill
Let me dream of friends and lovers
Let me love under the Will
connection
A longing, my dear stranger

expression

Put it all back together
I know it fits
We fit

Spiral dynamics
The mountain and
Its wet reflection
Reflected back to heaven
Upward, onward
Connection!

You're in my visceral section
I'm in your sacral area
With one heart between the both of us

Severed up and down
Sectioned side to side
Earth and Heaven
Male and Female
How long we bore this cross
This vivisection
Restore! Make whole!
Connection!

Pouring myself into you
Is exactly what i needed
Today
Tonight, i receive you
Interpenetration
Not up for interpretation

Coronal crown
life, so virile
with this eye
I see
we've overcome
Tomorrow, as though it were yesterday

The sacred serpent
Like a trumpet
To our lips
Writhed himself into us at the tip
And received our fluid chemistry
Producing musical harmony

what have we become?
when mastubation's lost its fun, my sweetest friend

connect

Connect

CONNECT!

HOLY
Holy
holy

Past, present, future
A single tapestry
Woven of a single fibre
Our very being
connection
burn me down
like Babylon
consume my flesh with fire
unquenchable
Desire

Raze me to the ground
scatter every brick
To the four winds
bury me
like Osiris
divided
divine sectioning
seconding
Sacralizing

phallicizing
Pour your living waters
down my throat
into my belly
and up from beneath

holify me
gushing, rushing
Living Water
sacral ******* water

energize me
Wholify me
receive me
willingly, this sacrifice
please me
please me
pacify me

resurrect me
Holify me
living waters never quench
Holy fire
Lavafy me
Molten living metals
running through every channel
veins, arteries, capillaries, nadis

Open me
i, the channel, emptied
eradicate me
Split me up the middle
reverse my topology
Outside like the Inside
precisely as the Inside

I receive you
Open me, Penetrate me
lava flowing up Inside me

like the infinite Outside
show me
the unbounded Abyss within
mirror still
Lake Placid
reflecting
Perfectly
not a ripple
but still vibrating
Energy
forever on fire
Lake Salome
the gushing wet birth
of the twenty-four-sided Jerusalem
forever on fire
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