Thought I never openly brag on it
I never found it something to dwell on
You made a gift so emotional that it could never be bought
So inspirational it must be felt and not taught
Then life happened, and so did you
Changing to somebody I could barely view
You spent your days at parties and bashes, long forgetting your truest friends
You left our messages on red and blue, and even when I waited for you
You never rung back

You greatly post about your life, as if you beg for the attention
And looking back and taking some introspection
I realize we were the sun and the moon
Always to be apart, always to have a pull and push
Always to end things early, always to say goodbye too soon
Never ready and never to see the use

I'd ping you motivation and say your eyes spark into the souls of millions
You'd see this message and reply later as if my response is vermillion
You'd say I ignore you for having nothing to work with
And yet I adored you even when you thought I wouldn't persist
Months on end a single ping from you is all I wanted
and seconds on end my response time made you astonished

Many call you out to your way of delaying friendships, to keep them on hold and return when you are in pieces
To have us piece you back together because you learnt this world is vicious
You even told me you find my concern for you so alarming, how anybody so genuine could love "****" like you
And even now I second guess before I throw blame and hit skew

You called guys manipulative and even called my lack of time a game
Yet always cried and pleaded when we called you out for the same
So determined to keep a guy on the line while lusting for another
You find it naïve of me to not act like your brother
It's saddening to think we may never find comfort in speaking again
And where I wished you at every occasion, you never wished me a happy birthday
You never told me happy Birthday

And if I grow, the harvest will be mine and only mine
Because I am my own and you are yours.

The soil does not reap the rewards of the roots which brought forth spring bloom nor autumn crop.
The cloud which carried rainfall does not demand praise for the leaves it fed.
The sun does seek praise for the flower its rays coaxed heavenward
And you will not take credit for my soul and it’s abundance.
That is between me and my creator.

you build me a castle
but you give me no room
to be myself
to feel myself

i know he's not mine
has never been mine

but i wanna be his favorite
the kind of girl he'll never forget
i wanna be the kind of girl
that you can't help but regret
i know i'm nothing special
just another ex
but godfuckingdammit
i wanna be the best

always fighting that urge for control
the urge to break a heart and hold it just out of reach
pull people in and then push them back
keep them just far enough, so they cant help but stay
without ever touching me, or breaking my heart
and turning out more and more
empty, angry, painful people
just. like. me.

She was full of life with a hunger for adventure.

Everyday she traveled to the ends of the earth to bring you back all of the happiness that you needed to sooth your racing soul.

But no matter how treacherous the journey, she always persisted, she would never let you down.

But as each day passed, each journey got harder and each time she returned, more exhausted than before and the happiness and joy that she wanted to share with you was never good enough - no matter how hard she tried.

Each song that she showed you, you said wasn’t your taste

Each accomplishment she was proud of, you were less than impressed

Each smile was never quite bright enough

Stomach not flat enough, hair not soft enough, kisses not sweet enough, each blink not quick enough, each breath not shallow enough.

Her mind was never sharp enough to keep up with your greatness.

Because you were royalty, the ruler or all, controller of time. But that is only how you saw yourself. The rest saw you as a crazed puppeteer trying to control the uncontrollable.

Which is quite the feat,
but you cracked the code.

Tell me,
How do you control the uncontrollable?

You break what isn’t meant to be broken until the point of being unfixable. But you fix them and break them like a record on repeat.

Showing them that you are the only one who can fix it, but like god you can take it away

So the girls who dreamt about falling in love walk on eggshells each day as to not **** it up.

To spare themselves from the verbal berating of
“i’m the only one who will ever care”
and the
“no one will ever love you like i do”
and the best of them all
“no matter how hard you try, you are and will never be good enough.”

When a lie is told too many times you believe it to be true.

Forever the ball and chain on the ankle keeping them grounded when the winds of someone new would come by.

Because who wants a girl who is damaged?

The instructions are shredded and in a language I don’t understand.

People come and they go, fixing and tweaking, leaving and taking parts along the way.

Forever a mismatch, an unmatched sock that you just throw out.

But someone, somewhere will help her understand her unreadable instructions

Shining bright,
Leaving me
Fooled.
It's a vortex
And it feeds off of my light,
kind to be
Cruel.

It taints and slithers into
Every life's necessities.
Now it wears a crown saying:
"You cannot go on,
You cannot survive
without me!"

It has become
The Judge,
Jury
And executioner
Without
Authority.

It has become
Our only means of
Expressing beauty and
Creativity
In the most perverted of ways
As it tries to
Simulate an alternate reality
Making me
A fool
Who’s Kind to be
Cruel.

Don’t ask me to thank you
For splintering me apart
Until I am only slivers
To pick your teeth with
Jagged are these words
And I am the one torn
Tape only lasts so long
Then you are falling apart again
So keep your promises
Your actions tell me otherwise

That night after you dumped me on the phone
I couldn’t stop crying.
My sister gave me a Xanax and my parents took us to Golden Corral.
I turned numb.
Now after 10 years later
You want to reconcile.








No.