how do i undo
the feelings i have for you
when clearly you got no clue
that these are all true

how do i undo
to cut myself from blue
though this ain't new
i wanna get over you

There is fire in my stomach
And smoke in my throat
And soot in my brain.
So hazy is my life,
Overwhelmed by guilt and shame.
So heavy is this burden,
I want someone to blame.
So disgusted I am with myself,
I want you to be the same.

Oh God,
I will not complain about my life
And my woes;
Instead
I tear myself up from the root and
Pull my brain out through
My nose.

I want to die but,
I don’t want to burn,
Even though I am burning
On my own.

Leave me alone, lock me up
And throw away the **** key.
Take my consciousness far away from me.
Let me die without being dead so
I don’t have to feel the
Scorching heat of my actions.

I know I don’t deserve heaven so
As mercy undo my existence and
Put me back to sleep.

the image of Cheeto Face can’t be unseen
glaring at us through the tube
spewing forth random worthlessness
infringing on all who watched
how do you undo such nonsense

Brian Hill - 2020 # 269

A fable lesson learned
After every immoral step I took
Something valuable I earned
As all the pages I have burned
Nothing I could undo...

It feels like something unwanted stuck in my throat,
Preventing my voice to be loud and clear,
Making my breathing difficult,
My brain keeps on telling me to cut it open,
That unwanted thing is better gone.
Once I cut it open,
Will I be freed too?

i have felt
the rush of blood
pounding in my veins;

surrendered
to over-reaction,
cursing the same


NCL September 2019

how are you meant
to know what to do
with this one life
which you cannot undo
there is so much
to this thing called reality
getting everything right
seems far from practicality
i'm doing my best
like so many of us are
i just need direction
before i travel too far