All its weight is on my head

As I lie awake in my bed

Feeling I’d be better off dead

But that’s not what the doctor said



I get the feeling that he lied

To rid my tears and hush my cries

At the end of the day his hands are tied

Would it just be easier if I died?



To float up from the bed I lay on

And travel to whatever’s beyond

One final breath without yearn or long

And all of a sudden the weight is gone.

if you can be anything
be kind.

we are all just humans.
we laugh at cute cat videos,
hum little songs,
eat raw cookie dough and laugh when it makes one giant cookie mass.

life is made of these moments.
people deserve so much love.
how often do we remind our families we love them?
is it often enough?
how many days do we think only of ourselves.
human nature is beautiful and terrible and stunning.

somehow hate seeps through the cracks of time and makes us bitter and angry.

and it's fine to be angry.
just don't let it consume you.
remember sometimes that there
are old folks out there who still tease each other,
there are babies who giggle when you play peekaboo,
there are dogs with slobbery tongues who need head scratches,
there are children spinning and laughing when they fall.
humams are important.
we are special.

even people we say we hate.
i thought i hated my mom
but i know she cares
and i have seen her run when she thought i was in danger.
i have seen her break into tears at getting a DUI and trying to explain to a child that she might lose her job.

being human is tough.
our hearts harden trying to protect ourselves but
we end up locking people out.

in trying to avoid being hurt
we hurt the ones we love.

please never forget that each person you meet has more than just facet.
people are stunningly complex.
don't judge someome til you've walked two moons in their moccasins.

humans are worth so much.
i don't know what i am saying
but i mean it with all of me.
i love you.
you deserve so much.

My bunny
does not comprehend
the vast size of the
universe.
My bunny does not
ask questions like
"Why do we exist?"
My bunny is a simple
creature.
But it seems so much
more peaceful
not to wonder these things,
not to stay up late
wracking your brain
at the mysteries of life,
that sometimes,
I wish I was
a bunny too.
Is ignorance truly bliss?
If I was ignorant,
I wouldn't have to ask this.

Oh, what a brilliant man!
I love everything about him
I wish that were me
But it could never be
Because
Because
Well I don't really know

I just don't feel free
Free to feel my soul
We've lost touch

And I feel terrible
Because
I haven't been looking
And I know it's been wondering
When I would come around

And now that I'm being smothered
And my vision is going out
I can only unleash
A pathetic shout

A cry for help
To my lost love

And I deserve to be lost myself
My echoes should go unheard
Because
Because
I know I've ignored
Those cries for help

And let them fade

I've been neglecting the mirror
Haven't given it a glance
Now it's all dirtied up
And I see nothing

damp grass from the hillside
is cold on my feet as I walk
hands in my pockets and head looking down
legs leading slowly downhill
towards the sea.

There's something about going for a walk
that makes it easier to think
even if you completely ignore your surroundings
or don't go very far.

The sand surprises me
the soft white powder that shifts between my toes
and my feet slip a little with every step.

For the first time in a while, I look up
the sea is darker than usual, it's turbulent as well,
but I stop for a moment on the edge of the water.

Imagine If I fell in
I'd probably turn into driftwood and then just float off
until the water pushed me up onto some deserted beach
and then pulled me back in
and then pushed me up again
eternally caught in the space between sea and shore

the space between here and there
between is and isn't
between impulse and inactivity

I'm already there.

I thought I had a lot figured out
I never anticipated this self-doubt

Clouds rolling in
Darker than I've ever seen

I remain sheltered
Alone and afraid of

What that storm could do

Dark.
Quiet, quite.
The fan blows cool air on my skin.
Cats yowl nearby, the shuffling of cat litter
Makes sounds like oceans waves,
or so thought Mr Crick.

This is the witching hour.
310 and the mind starts to wonder,
Screens flicker, thoughts bicker.
314 and other transcendental numbers,
Infinites and clocks and super-tasks.
315 and the demons rise from the red room
Existing only in minds and movies.

Surely this is nearing the time that
I last rose from slumber
All those nights ago and begged for forgiveness
Metres from sleeping bodies?
Did I see it then?
Do I trust them?

I wonder still.
The chromosome lights
Flash like neon signs
Briefly spelling out notes
With no context or chronology.
Cats, Pi, oceans, light, ***, but only in passing.
Every seven seconds is surely impossible.
Pink elephants she told me not to think about.

So random. No context.
Nonsense without meter or rhyme.
Is it the point? Maybe.
It doesn't to anybody except me.
And when I die I will take all meaning
And leave none
For you will have to make your own
Like everybody else.
Like I did.

Are we alone?

All I can ever seem to do
Is write poetry about depression
I can talk about how I've done nothing today
And forgot to do my laundry
Or anything else productive

In the past ten hours
I've left bed only a few times

I'm thinking about my hobbies
How I think I have so many
But all I do is spend time
Wishing I had something to do

I think I'm a passionate person
But passion doesn't sit around
Sulking and
Dreading every second

Who even am I?
I don't know if this vacuum resides in me
Or I in it
Or if I am just that vacuum
An absolute void

The depression rips away the joy
From living day to day
I know this
Everyone knows this

And so my poetry
Is like a broken record
Skipping, but never missing a beat
Leaving none for me to hit

And I can keep going
Like that broken record
But I'd rather just stop