Is there a feeling worse than regret? Knowing you’ve done something against yourself and only you are to blame? What’s more poisonous than being able to live and relive the events of the past? Than being able to see the rippling effects your actions have? I cannot imagine anything worse Than to be stuck in my own body Than to experience myself so intensely Knowing what I did Knowing who I hurt. I cannot imagine anything more frustrating Than making mistakes and then knowing How I could have done better and Realising the limits of my own cognition And the stupidity of my own ego.
I ask myself why But the question only drives me mad. I spit at my own reflection and Cower into a corner and long for A few seconds of non-existence. I am ugly, Ugly in the soul, Ugly in the bone, And no These mistakes are not normal. How can I be my own victim and perpetrator so easily? And then wake up with dread that I’m not necessarily safe for myself? I am stuck. I did know better But I didn’t do any better, So what the actual f*ck?!
Let me support you , while you hang from the cliff edge . Let me congratulate you on destroying every past thing said . As if it meant nothing from the start . Creating misery across life, like it was art . Who knew you'd go that far . But guess what , I'm still here . How do you explain away the scars ? Do your stories , only match the ones You deemed greater then us ? Do you give their life pain with the feelings of distrust? So why only me Love ?
It was so beautiful Like we've known each other I wanted to hold your hand But, of course I couldn't
I just wanted to hold you Wanted to embrace, Wanted to touch your face Feel the heat of your skin Hear the beat of your heart Ready to be teared apart But, of course I couldn't
I was so close, so close to do, to do all of this! Was so close to you, so close to lean and kiss your lips! Wish I could, how I wish I did! I asked myself, right said should left said shouldn't And of course, I just couldn't...
I wake up in the morning and I look into the mirror wandering why I'm still alone You used to be the most familiar face And now you're gone And I'm thinking back on all that I've done trying to remember what I did wrong But you know that I can't cause I did nothing to you, you just gave up I'm curled up in the middle of the room, sitting on my knees, my face in my hands, my heart begging please... 'Someone fill me up I'm incomplete' And my daddy never liked you but you's still got along He warned me bout you, but I thought he was wrong Babe you had me fooled right from the start, I hate you for breaking my heart One day, one day I'll get you back.
There are days where I’d like to think I don’t remember you at all But memories stay and when I think, our memories are all that I recall No matter how hard I refrain from thinking your name my train of thought comes to a halt
My sub conscious collects change from the strange silhouettes that remain stationary waiting for their stop to be called They act cautious as my brain begins to strain and forgets what’s true or false anticipating for the top to come off