Young child,
Remember the promise,
The contract signed in
your first heartbeat.

Your first breath was not easy
And it never will be.

Young child,
You did not open your eyes
To live the rest of your life
Dreaming;
In your very first speech
You were screaming -
Young child,
You came to us
Squealing
Asking:
"What are these feelings I'm feeling?"

And I told you
This is pain,
You are alive,
And your promise is
Struggle and heartbreak
Even while you smile,
Young Child,
Your promise is death
For a while.

I’ve felt hell
In the centre of my chest,
Scorching heat raised
In the tunnel to my mouth.

I’ve seen hell
In the loneliness of my existence,
In the ambivalent ambiguity
Of evil persistence.
I’ve seen its fire
In the confused laughter,
Its sparks sparkling
In a ruptured rapture.

Its smoke fogs the mind,
And leaves all traces of heaven behind.
And I was left perusing it’s mirage,
Mapping arbitrary patterns on a whim,
Subjectively assuming objective meaning
Perverting the ideals of heaven,
Tearing and rearranging the truth
Limb from limb.

Have you heard of hell?
The scent of burned flesh masked
In floral perfumes,
It’s brightness casts shadows
On those who are doomed?
Hell you know,
The one you revel in,
The one you prefer
The one you preach,
The one you measure,
The one you’ll reach?

I’ve been in hell
And yet I still doubt its existence.
Its hot breath brushes on my ear
And I have dropped all resistance.

What is wrong with me?

How can I see what I have seen
And still welcome the possibility of demise?
How can I afford to compromise my fate for the pleasures gained from a state of denial?
How can I put myself on trial?
How can I withhold the urge to gain heaven’s wisdom?
How can I be satisfied in man’s kingdom?
How can I deny myself true freedom?
How can I see who the devils are
And still want to be them?

Life
In itself is not a means to an end,
But a means to the end,
And in the end
All is left are my efforts
And its fruits.
And I cannot afford to be my own
Bearer of bad news.

Your tear
Trickles and drips
Into a sea
Of blood.
Chains left
Red and blue stains
Around your wrist,
Around your neck.
Mirrors show a reality
You cannot accept.

You scream
Watching the growth of
A rotten seed.
What else do you do
In the wake of
The ugliest deed?
What else do you do
In the wake of
A limitless greed?

Your tear
Trickles and drips
Into a sea of blood.
Ripples grow
And reach out
Far and wide
Tainting streams.

The blood boils.
The blood hears the chains
Rattle in this
Mortal coil.

Too ******
and impulsive.
Too selfish
and deluded, ignorant
and submissive,
wearing a veil of falsehood
in order to feel protected.
So inconsistant
to my promises and my solutions.
Too eager for a better me
and a better life,
but too greedy to truly see myself,
too blind to be truly kind,
too sad to strive,
too happy to move on.
Too bad,
I'm too human.

In my chest
I carry your pain.
In my eyes
I see your light.
A newborn star,
Your youth is treasure,
A nebulae,
Your wisdom is dynamite.

My love for you is innate, instinctual.
I have hope your future will be bright.
Your beauty surpasses the physical,
You are unlike any creature in sight.

In my head I hear your thoughts,
And with my arms
I will hold you tight.
A baby bud,
Your cry is powerful.
A willow tree,
you stand firm with might!

I let my gaurd down and you slither
between my cracks, wait for my consciousness to whither,
"Perfect", you so viciously whisper.

You shut the lights and cast shadows,
and I don't see these arrows
pointing at me in full view
while I'm blinded by the assumption
that I can trust you.

Shot in the heart,
the lights turn on,
with regret I stare into my blood
for the things I haven't done.

I did not come into this world alone.
I was brought through the choices of my ancestors,
as they embody a time where I was not yet born.

I did not come into this world alone,
no.
Instead I came to a people I did not choose,
whose unspoken duty is to be tolerant and trustworthy
and so is mine
and so is mine.

I came into this world alone.
What's in my mind is mine,
and what I share is for the world,
and how I feel is always concealed
behind the masks of unspoken words.

The question is
how much of me is for me,
and how much of me is for the world?

I want to create a masterpiece,
become a masterpiece:
to live in mastered peace,
to die a master in peace.
For that I master peace,
and die piece by piece,
to become a master.

I've been caught grim.
There were lies and deprivation.
My lights were dim,
and in their faint spark I drew a constellation.
I mapped out my purpose
and with my focus
I paved my path towards death,
measuring each breath
that they are worthwhile.

"I'm going to die anyway,
I'm going to die anyway!"
The future is none of my concern.
A present from the present is mine to earn;
and from the past I grow to learn
that I always had a choice,
to flourish or to burn.

Would the question still be beautiful
If you knew the answer?

Once upon a time
There was a passion,
Like burning fire,
Boiling water,
Saturated with desire.
The thirst of needing to be seen,
To be heard,
To be free as a soaring bird
Was unquenchable and
Unquestionable.

It was so clear
It ruled out the anxiety
And the fear
Of being judged
Being wrong
And being crushed.

Now that passion has burned out,
Drained,
Pale;
What is left is the anxiety
The possibility
To fail.

Hands shake, my eyes gleam.
It's a clear step forward,
or so it seemed.

Every night spent restless,
dissatisfied,
now adding up to what's about to happen.

But what if my foot hits a rock and I stumble?
What if with this very step I sprain my ankle?
How do I even walk again? What if I tumble?

Doubt is progress' worse enemy,
procrastination is the fake friend,
imagination is the inspiration,
determination will determine the end.

My fate cries
and I can see time rising again
as I stare in awe
at the golden sun.

It took me by surprise.
Familiarised with the forgotten feeling
That I am no longer familiar to the universe.
Conflicted with the paranoid thought
That no one ever sees the true light
Of my actions.
I suffer because of this.
Held back by the remembrance
That I cannot seek salvation in other's souls.

But I try and try again
For the mere thought of loneliness and
The permanent change
Make me go mad.

I’d rather die trying to find a place in
You foul heart, felt,
Than to die misunderstood.

I’m inspired
Underneath the cloak of the night
Before the crack of dawn.

Comforted
In the space between the walls
This soul built for itself.
Foundations set
On the comfort of the confirmation of
The truth.
Foundations laid specifically
To limit me,
Specifically
To set me free.

When the divine design is
Bare and naked,
Consciousness shows it’s double edges;
Consciousness becomes a threat and
I am conned.
Consciousness turns me into a slandering dog and I’ll fetch whatever entices your eyes
For your love becomes
My love of
I.

Desires and emotions,
Fleeting like night and day,
In a vulnerable soul.

How do I put this?

I am free underneath the cloak of night.
And you could bring the rays of dawn.
But first
Understand the light in darkness.
Go beyond sight,
Because I am free from
The expectation of
Surface delight.

Judgement day is not near,
It’s here.
Ears whisper to me the things I’ve said.
Hands show me what I’ve done.
Feet take me back to where I’ve been,
Heart sings the songs I’ve sung.
Judgement day is here.
The future is happening.
The first seed is always infinite,
Unfinished,
And the past is always taking place
Somehow.
Judgement day is here
And actions and intentions are
Never erased.
If you make a mistake you better do
Something else that can take its place.
Judgement day is here and
You verse yourself in the race.

Out of fear and into courage I run,
Between hope and despair I continue,
Passed humiliation and betrayal I go
And with every cry and whisper I know
That the goal is reached when you try,
And that I must not stop running 'til I die.

There are no friends in this life, I know.
There are only responsibilities and opportunities to grow.
So lives run with and depart from me.
I run fast through the valleys,
And slow from under the sea.
And around me I see sometimes,
As I get distracted by other's songs and rhymes,
I see their smiles and laughter,
And in that I remember my own tears and anger,
And I'm overcome by a rage and hunger,
And suddenly I want to run no longer.

But in the dark, yet in midday,
I hear you calling me to continue your way,
Be it with a smile or with tears,
With rage or with grief all through the years,
"The best is with Me, had you known.
"Despite all adversity, look how much you've grown!"
And to love
I answer,
And to you,
I run faster!

I wish you were a bit more daring.
I wish you would come and tell me how you feel instead of staring.
I wish you were bold enough to touch me.
You used to come close and smell me.
I wish you would have taken me home that night.
I wish you'd laid me down and kissed me
So that I could've felt alright.

He performs an act of deformation
Because while the world seems to be
In a period of stagnation,
Out swarms his imagination.

The process of distortion is meditative.
Something natural about using
Force on an object stubborn yet
Submissive.

He casts it on fire.
Bends it
Pulls it
Throws it
Kick it!
Hit it!
Scrape it!
Tear it!
DESTROY IT
and see it destroyed-
Created into an imagined image.

His urge completed,
He marvels at his god-likeness
To bend objects at his peril
Taken out of its feral
In a process as natural and
Disruptive as
An earthquake or a tsunami.
And yet,
He bares no blame or shame for
Mimicking life in the dead and gone.

Oh, I can't help but feel warm inside
When I think about
All there is to love,
All there is to fear,
All there is to see,
And all there is to hear.
I feel soft and gentle,
And I watch the waves of life
Flowing through me, around me,
And passing me by
With all there is to hate,
All there is to feel,
And all the scars that are left to heal.
And I love it! I'm alive! I'm living!
I can thrive! I'm floating! I'm swimming!
Oh I love it! I love it!
I'm alive, I'm living!
Oh why, I can't help it,
I'm dancing! I'm singing
With a smile and with tears;
The entirety of life's weight on my heart,
And I just fall so much deeper in love.

To be tied, to be linked;
Oh it feels so euphoric to be so connected,
So in sync.
And I would hate for this to go away,
For my swollen heart to shrink.
This playful love that I have
For a life filled with pain and grief,
For a life so preciously brief,
Oh God, please don't take this away from me.
I feel deeply blessed and gifted
When I truly don't mind how life gets,
No matter how joyful and lighthearted,
No matter how dark and twisted.

Tears are welling up.
A bit of sad, a bit of joy,
A bit of pain, a bit of peace,
A bit restless, a bit of ease.
I feel beautiful, I feel free!
I feel like I can dance with the swinging trees,
Like I can sing with the whistling wind;
While my heart is a little heavy, a little light,
A little dark and a little bright,
I feel beautiful when I can feel the balance,
I'm a delicate thing in their presence,
And I see a beautiful dystopia lurking.
What can I do but shed tears
For a prophecy unfolding?