Can someone just help me to do my own thing?
Can someone help me to forget the past?
Can someone help me to be quick as lightning?

Can someone help me to even bother?
Can someone help me become wise?
Can someone help me to try harder?

Can someone help me to get a clue?
Can someone help me be confident?
Of course, once I do it all just for you...

I get out of my tent and brave the crisp frigid air,
The crystal clear skies all but beckon to me,
I see into forever an envisioned trance of stare,
This is the endless realm that was here for all to see.
Every last star sparkling,  Orions belt,
Even small stars are clearly set in stone,
To see what was beyond the unknown
Or how it all made sense the way I only felt alone,
To others so vain who want to do nothing but rob,
Rob her of creations, of all of her treasures, to make
Away with precious truths, take away what's
Left of the mysterious innocent love and pleasures.
To see her coming back to life like a sparkling
Phoenix rising in that gorgeous night sky,
This is what it means to be here, grasping this flash light,
Heading for a dark enough place so I can be farthest from
The blaring bright man-made light,
In a moment one can only imagine why
There is such an open loving sky,
In a world of death and decay, of war and hate,
Of madness, still innocence here remains. So alive...
To see the beginning of the end, to see all this
Under the vast and endless night sky, sparkling
Like glittering gems in her adventurous, playful eyes.

Bastiana as me, being this lady truly that you see,
Within my solemn being, I am a love-a living dream.

You can not keep me from the light,
I am always a part of life, though not in plain sight.

Have a few or two lily's and put them aside,
I give this to the well and cast the spell-bide my time.

I tried the name Sebastian on for size, no lie,
But found myself in love with Bastiana, I can't deny.

Bastiana as me, I know I'm Alan to some degree,
But when all is frozen in time-don't you know?
My love, Bastiana...why this name...it is the one true me.

There is a study of some interesting production
That says that continents drift, but I disagree,
Listen if you will to my theory it's of a sort
That is of a very different decree.
In the beginning a planetoid smashed into the earth,
It would later become our moon, it was larger at first,
This matchless form of damage caused a great impact,
From which would later be whole continents birth.
The lava that flowed would be enough to make
Whole parts of Pangea sink, and huge amounts of
Ocean would poor into, eventually be. But this is my theory,
Why when the damage was done the magma flowed
So much from such areas, it formed what is now the
Colorado mountains, as well as the whole of Australia,
Japan, and the Polynese. I know this is just a theory, but I'd put
All I have into simply wanting to believe. The truth is always
Out there, and this is simply what ideas that I conceived.

What is this bizarre strange artificial magic that

Surrounds us in 3D neon colors man-made

Amidst this dream theory of some sort

Of tasty goods that await me (not bait)

Smashed in between two slabs of meat

That are thick hands which are said hold the

Way to get all we could want or need

This absolute promise that it's all worth it

Being placed before me only just to see

I hold my sandwiched slice of meat

With cheese and pickles high

And shout for joy that it's mine to eat!

I always have loved you. Maybe when the time is right
100 years from now, or 20 years, who knows?
In a future life of inconceivable delights,
I will find you again somewhere, amid sparkling nature,
Living on and on you wonder why you can not die,
Like a crystal that will withstand the test of time,
Though you can not ever be the only one,
Be this moment always like this love of mine.

How often are we torn apart by love? Love triangles ruin everything fun.
How often do we get into fights? Arguements and of course I'm not right.
How often do we lose ourselves in blame? Now it's my fault, such a shame.
And why do we do this? Our soul purpose in life is? Will we ever move on?
Of course, into oblivion we fight with all our might to be number one.
When someone is happy, we make sure their work will never be done,
By pushing buttons we can make even the strongest fall short,
By hitting below the belt we can make progress the "last resort."
Why do we fall so short of love and honesty? And where did all of these "Perfect Winners" come to be?

Various things surround in this dark room...
lost in the buzz of the whirring fan motion.
It slowly draws one into trance state, I'm like a
glow in the dark skeleton, silent darkness, and so on.
The forest path that guides us to a clearing,
whispered hushes and quiet anticipation
of the next story to be told, going from
one to another, a bead, white gold.
Starry skies endowed with crystal droplets cloud,
the moons face in the misty shroud. Woven by the hands
or fate, this way or that, the future can not wait.
Whatever this is become now, please love, set me free.

From some spell, life has changed. The darkness used to scare me.

Over-run by Christian perfectionists, all I can think of is ***,
Someone please save me from myself, save me from this hell,
Let me be different or chop them off, I won't be needing them,
I'll just make them go away and disappear, I'll need a knife as well.

My short and useless life will be over soon anyway,
I was certainly given enough guilt I can not hide,
No one will want to be my friend, not day to day,
Not if I'm the one that's got to be the eccentric "lie."

In the end the rest of us are stuck in this abyss,
The one where it's an evil thought to let nature grow,
Allow her to flourish (and why should we let her live?)
To be the one to sew the seeds, but we will never know.

It's a tricky path I'd rather have never been put on,
When I was a kid I thought everything was fine,
Then I grew up and found out I was different,
My train is on the tracks, I'll never make it on time.

And so I ask the world to answer, everyone just laughs,
They tell me I'm going to need to move out of the country,
I'd give anything to leave, but there's no clear set path,
Maybe I should have been born into a different family?

So my friends wish me well, my unborn children already dead,
I don't want to be this way, carry on and sewn shut in tears of red,
I'll be back again to ask for help and they will all just cringe,
I guess they've made certain that I shall be the "embodiment of sin."

Windy torrents of water and thunders echo
against a silent brown house,
It's large grey doors open, shrill voices sing,
chandeliers burn...
more sounds are heard outside, like a hailing.
chandeliers burning the ceiling...
statue wax ivory figures melt, burning in their
passion, melting turned violet red they have become
hopeful, promises of painless joys, power over
wars, famine, disease and all things of darkness
are whispered in hushed sincerity and prayers
but still vague and opaque.
Even now a banging of hail, leaves upon a pane
all the doors blow open now
and with a shriek all of wind in the drops are
scattered drenching, so even the mid morning rain
can still drip earth upon the clear white figures
revealing their true origin
rendered **** by what once made them.

I so love the wind
Blowing through the tall palm trees
In sleepy cool shade

Aligned with all plain and normal
And love is a way of regression
'Tis your season to be frugal
For once we'll teach youth a lesson.

A broken rainbow
Traveling light reflected
Within a smooth stone

Just in for this season, darkness and light
They cascade over the hillside, that drown in
Moonlight. The jewels that fill the sky are
Scattered remnants of a pretty dream, one
That apparently won't come true. This is the
Meaning, never use the words "I do," unless
You really know you're ready to.

You can not grasp the concepts I speak,
I accept gay people for who they are,
You hold on to your dreams and weep,
Then shop the avenue with tacky stores,
You are the one who breaks into song
When there was a villain who died,
You are always there ready to go to war,
Blank faced death as you boldly stride,
You were a pillow that I would lay my
Head on, now I run from you for my life,
You were a rainbow I had wished upon,
Now there is nothing but shame all the time.

*I was the one who had a childhood to explore and dream,
Now if I am not eternally busy, work restless 8 hour days,
I fall upon my sofa and knock out after I get home,
Finally find a little time and space, there you are
To tell me I'm nothing but a complete waste,
For I'll never work out in this world until I have
Lived up to becoming a slaved out tool for money's pay.
Perhaps on the outside I seem like a disgrace, but in truth
More like a dog who never learned the tricks of the trade.

Gurgle**
I think I just found out that yesterdays
Tex-mex just found it's way into my throat,
That and mixed with a side of burning hot
Jalapeno mixed with a peachy fruity overload.

Circles and circles...
My head is buzzing...
I can't even think straight...
It's that time again, my friend!
Such a spicy sweet morning treat!

I think I found myself lost, maybe.
You're just a girl...yes a lady.
You just were around me and
I felt the hairs stand on end.
Heart beating quickly.

I the pretty dolled up one,
I lost all my self control
I said I loved you and...

Why? You for such a simple cute girl, a lady,
"Not in blue-dressed in pink,"
Could have such huge boyish brown eyes,
Yours was short raven hair, "or like a wildcat" I think,
It grows now full all around your sweater.
I am of the impression that I could fall
Into them all, and be swept away a feather.

Yes I fell, I was "mad idiot" and I lost,
Just to a simple short girl,
With colorful beads in lace,
You could hold me in your embrace,
So much where my heart belongs.
And one like lightning could strike me,
Just you...being so very wild...so strong...

The parasite that bites, that always bites in the night,
The parasite that does so fright, it bites who it will, whoever it might,
The teeth so sharp the tongue that hangs, it ***** and ***** and *****
Again. It's the parasite that bites, tasty thrills are it's delight,
The eyes that blink the watering mouth, the open lips,
You are the one the parasite decided was the best to pick,
Salivating and drooling, it just can's wait for it's turn to take a lick!
It's all about when you've gone to sleep, they go to work,
They feed and feed you're all they need, you'll do quite well...

And all the while you are supposedly evil and you're going to hell!

Father, I have a confession, I admit I smoke one joint weekly,
Father I have a confession, I admit I think about having of ***,
Father I have a confession, I admit I question authority,
Father I have a confession, I admit I sometimes write improper text,
Father I have a confession, I admit to being wild at my bachelor party,
Father I have a confession, I admit to being by myself when I'm alone,
Father I have a confession, I admit I have partied hard at the fraternity,

Father I have a confession...that I confess to you things I wouldn't
Need to confess to any stranger, and I don't even know you like this
At all, and how do I know FOR SURE that this is all confidential?

Right...I get it...YOU JUST DO...sorry, whatever, my bad!
Still this is the creepiest confessional that I have ever had.

Addiction to this
Way of life, this country pride,
While others love it

Buying a car, driving, that's a privilege,
Owning a gun is a right,
So why is it that we all had the "fair right"
To free marriage, it wasn't for gays to decide?
It's strange how you could get a gun,
Purchase it with little concern for WHY,
Or where you intended to use, or if you'd
Had a mentally unstable mind,
But yet if you wanted to obtain a marriage,
You'd have to show them you were "in the right,"
Indeed this was never a free country until JUSTICE
Was finally done over such a great amount of time.

Carefully I speak, then silenced in trance of fear,
That you will not be mad if I let out an idea
Nobody here ever seems to want to hear?
Your older and have the money, so but of course,

You fix our food,
Clean the house,
Make the beds,
**** the mouse.

When I want to let my "evil ideas" out,
And tell you what worries me, I must be lost.
So is your world all anyone cares about?
When your "chosen" mess up, I pay the cost?

You do the dishes,
Clean the stove,
Feed the Baby,
Carry the load.

So who ever needed me anyway?
All I do is take up verbal space.
The "world" now "knows that I'm nuts,"
The "wolf" must be me in any case...

I am a dog, I am naked and alone.
I'm not the only one.
This is it, my expensive 11 square feet
I like to call my empty home.
I guess there's something to be said
For this "stupid dog" who will never *EVER
Get to "see anyone" real but might just get
The lucky joy of being ******!

Cradled in her care, life begins young and fair,
Somehow over space and time
We seem to know  what's really there,
And when we die we are strewn
Like fallen angels made of dead leaves,
Around the yard of nature to be raked,
No matter what we want to believe,
Through all the years that it will take.

No matter how far we will traverse,
Even with unquestioned religion well rehearsed,
Renewed in morning dew, mile after mile,
All become the fruit of a compost pile.*

But that's not true, is it?
Life began with one quick sentence,
A crack of light-it must be legit,
Moulded clay, a rib from Adam,
In the end we all just turn to dust,
Hell will freeze over if it must,
So you can never ever trust us again,
New-age science is just stupidity then.

Verse 1
Hello toilet, my old friend
I've got to go now once again
I've been waiting for a great while
This time I'm going the ex-tra mile
With a force that few have ever known,
Sheer will alone,
I'm taking...the ****...enormous

Verse 2
In truth it feels more than I can take
I could pass out-and yes there's no mistake
That this straining-it is as such
Upon a mountain where lightning struck
Where I felt the challenge
May be well beyond my strength
What it might take
Attempting...the ****...enormous

Verse 3
And in the end I can now feel
This force of nature makes me reel
Pushing a boulder of such great size
Pushing a stone so big-one can't deny
Making a log-giving it your all-one may survive
Yes-in all my life
As this was...the ****...enormous

Verse 4
By my word-I feel-that this is it
Upon this toilet throne I sit
An overwhelming explosion from inside
With no place in my mind left to hide
As this was-unreal-yes, you can take my word,
The gigantic...****...enormous

Verse 5
And my goal it now seems in sight
I give it all with all my might
In a strange vision this very moment
As this an unreal bowel movement
And soon I feel:
Like the clear shaking in the earth
That as making n' breaking waves
I'm stunned and dazed
From taking...the ****...enormous

What shall I write about?
So of what shall be my account?
This or that? Shall I take you on a magical
Journey through time and space?
Shall I take you to Mars and we can
Explore the rocky red place?
Is there some kind of time machine that
We can get in and find out what will
Happen in the future that might take place?
Maybe I will write to you of my real life, how I feel,
This would be an empty poem, so I shall impress
My audience with a pretend show. I'm really not
Going to be rich or famous unless I put on that
Endlessly addictive yet unreal neon glow...

Thanks society! Thanks prudes! Thanks extremists! Thanks money!

There are thousands of cars everywhere, parked,
Some to the sides, others facing each other,
The outside a gloomy dark grey haze,
The sun casting a pale empty light over the
Desolate, bleak landscape of sand far away.
Hundreds of empty cars, an end-days scene,
This dark tunnel unbelievable as can be,
I'm looking for a cause of all this I'm seeing,
Suddenly these angry glossy eyes of "the thin one"
Right before me, in an instant I see him staring back
At me, like a preying mantis? It's something unreal.
*But this is how I found out about them in my dream.

What does one grain of sand get you when you
Are missing a beach full of good times?
Maybe the thing to do would be to leave the
Plain social behaving life behind.

If my dreams were made of ice and I had just one wish,
Someone at the top has already set the cities fire to full blast,
Turning everything I hoped for to a puddle, melting it.

What's the point in this life when everything you want
Depends on if they will open the door for you? It seems
To me we are only doing what the rich all would want us to!

Though this sounds like a stupid rant, but notice if you will,
How much it costs for cops to go to a house simply
Because of a stupid argument, REAL justice unfulfilled.

It's happened before and it will happen again, these tools,
They who make all of my dreams disappear with a snap,
The one who has the least integrity is often the one who rules...

Sometimes I get the feeling that I am
not really alone. Somehow I doubt
that it's ever going to change, same life to live.
What happens talking with the wind?
And what now, just weeds, or seeds already sewn?
I am under the impression that we walk back
to the house to take a moment to write, on our own,
and you sit with me by myself even when I'm
the only one home.

Nothing is really there when you look for it,
if at an empty spot in the page I lose sight
of the fact that life has quit. It stopped working
once all of them found a reason to ditch.
I guess we'll never know because within me
there is an undying itch. False without you,
let me be free to be alone with me...

They dedicate their lives
To discovering things, being king of the hill,
So that all who notice their hypocrisy,
Their lies and deceit, their lack of principals,
Shall overlook them still, they are all about nothing
But "meat and potatoes," their means of existence,
And only pretend to be about love, honour, yet
Don't believe in the need to lose pride nor to
Go about the ways of dignity or of patience.

So we're all free, eh? If you start thinking outside the box,
Going against societies grain, then you are snuffed out,
Never heard from again. You can "whine and moan" all you want,
But you'll soon be cancelled out, bad manners are a fine reason
To throw you into the frenzied crowd.

Freedumbs indeed

Your days of voicing your thoughts are through, they've "solved
Everything" by letting laws even go into motion that simple sanity
Can disprove. These laws they always pass, your voice is never heard,
Democracy manifest's evil will soon turn your life over to the birds.

Muslim women are ejected for standing up to Donald Trump.
This is what America is made of, most support this kind of
"Mature" activity. Many have lost what little wit or decency
We know of, and are hypocrites who actually SPEAK about
What they call patience and *Universal LOVE.

You see the writing, the truth in life,
Behind the painting of joy, none can say.
An empty room, a seat wherefore to write
Things that come to mind in full light
Are burnt by the light of the world's day.

You feel like you're going to pop,
Hold on it's quite the same as when you
Were a kid, you're just watching empty
Drama and behold, after all you're just a 'clay mold,'
This is the rest of  your life. Do as you're...

No going back, you see the clock count
The endless hours of one meaningless
Waste of natural beauty as it will someday decay.
This is all that's too come, soon at least they will
Earn a fortune in time, all that's left of the sun
And the stary night sky...is 'Ashen Gray.'

If it is not a popular dream, they will dispose of it.
About the only thing this country has ever proven,
Is that on their best days they are about this:
A straight couple, with children, sitting in a
"Brady" home with their girls play with dolls,
Boys play with toy soldiers and football,
This is it, everyone!
The death of the Progressive Era, may we all become drones,
In the best known words of the Borg in Star Trek, Next Generation:

"RESISTANCE IS FUTILE..."

And we'll all be assimilated.

Two knocks at my door,* I get up to answer-a shadow in the darkness,
A voice asks if they can come in, I don't even recognize them,
I left the door open a little too much last time, I learned not to do that.
Why, you ask? Because I was all alone and on my own then.

I walk towards the door, the voice sounds blurry, kind of faint-
As if dizzyness and despair seems in the air, I clutch the door,
Ready to open it and then without warning "something" comes
To life, I can't seem to see as "it" moves around on the floor!

Then I finally turn on the light, IT'S MY CLOTHING?
I shake it until the bag is still, it's alive somehow what do I do?
I check for the cause, I'm in the cabin loft, I can hear childish laughing-
Chanting again and again-"WELCOME TO THE BEDROOM!"
My head is reeling, I'm wide awake-is this really happening...?

Each day the world grows less sane, less safe,
Each day the pollution fills this world with dry air,
Each day children are subjected to noise pollution,
Smoking, cars, madness and broken households,
Each day the world grows more careless of these things,
More unwilling to change, less interested in actual solutions,

This moment all will come to an end with an endless sky

Every moment less pollution increases her will
Every moment the moon's halo is becoming vivid
Every moment the clouds are smooth as silk
Every moment we take one step closer to saying goodbye
Every moment we are given more air to breath, greener hills
Every moment is another step closer to nature, to life*

After 2000 years, such irony, so much beauty, such amazing truth...

There was a doorway I wanted to go through,
The darkness and heartbreak blocking the way,
Flooding me with memories of pain
And I never thought I'd see you again.
Through the town we drove with our friends,
Painted ourselves naked with words of love.
It's lovely to be different, and good to depend
On the people you know are not hiding above
In towns and streets and houses and valleys,
You could almost have known them but never seen.
And then the piano I was starting to play
I found lovers and friends listening
And I saw you and called you by name,
You answered it was you, your eyes glistening

Verse 1:
When Trump got in the white house-he was just a town mouse-promised a devotion to
Help people out, then why the people have'to start protests on and on.
Trumpy got an angry plan to fulfill-the thing to do-with all the hater walls to build-no matter what "I'm not listening to you..."

Chorus A:
But in another life, you and I would hate, ruin it for the immigrants-send all of em' away,
In another life, we'd take over the world, rule it with an iron fist our flag of doom unfurled,
Flag of doom unfurled...

Chorus B: But in another life, you and I would hate, hell with all the peoples dreams-be us against the gays.
In another life, we'd take over the world, rule it with an iron fist our flag of doom unfurled,
Flag of doom unfurled...

Verse 2:
A group of people who feared sometimes Trump might lose, couldn't put the Trust in voters right to choose, if anything should happen poor Trump'will be singin' the blues. (boohoo)
Then the demonstraters started cursing his ways, Trumpy was trying to educate-that anyway
For "so-called safety" had to keep certain travelers away.

Verse 3:
So Trumpy noticed some football stars-at the national anthem-didn't have hand on their heart, and he said "these guys have got to go...(WOAH)
Then later when that didn't work out, Trump decided to make a statement-without a doubt,
It's fine what they think (a players devotion wouldn't be part of the show...)

Bridge:
Trumpy didn't fix the economy-NO
Trumpy wouldn't free us from strict conformity-NO
Trumpy can't get away with anything-NO
But then I PAY THE PRICE...

If I had a dime for every poem or song I wrote
That never made it, I'd be a millionaire,
If I had to survive by my own creations,
Be my own boss, I'd be a total dead scare.