We paid, through the nose, I'm sure
complete business bathroom renovation
they took us through the tour
providing, alcohol libations
The stone tile was super perfect
it had that new tile, sheen
it covered all the surfaces
the cost per sqft, obscene
Upon the final inspection
as chunks, expelled or blowed
on the very last selections
my knees down, at the commode
I just don't understand
granite, upon the counters, walls
they kept all the used toilet seats
from the previous, older stalls
Lately, I have been suffering
From being slightly absent-minded,
Forgot to flush the Lav last night
Which almost left our lass blinded?
You dirty old sod!
You’ve forgotten to flush the chain,
Staring into the pan, she says
Looks like the remnants of your brain,
A genuine mistake possibly,
Fear will always be reminded of my error,
Her normally very passive tongue
Was now raging words of terror?
Yet I can see an escape route,
Or shall we say a viable excuse,
To explain my left deposits
Which were a little loose?
I know it has been a while my dear
Since you last visited the traps,
So I thought I would leave you a reminder
Then maybe just perhaps,
As it is over a week,
Since you last had a show,
I also detect a hint of jealousy,
Cos at least I can go!
Poop slidin out ma ass
Squirts of liquid and spurts of gas
Constraining my face
To push it out and away
That lil turd hangin from ma hole
It's almost like it's got a soul
I shake it off quick
That big black stick
And then it goes plop
Down in the poop pot
Wash it away, with tears and say
"Urrrrgea, that was a big one aye?"
Then flush it down
And watch it fade away
Shadows of grumpy old MANisms
run through my channels
flooding my fjords
overrunning my shorelines
and scaring the kiddies
the chaff and the raff
The kisses of clouds
upon my four bared cheeks
as I fall to the Earth again
explore the memories
that we shared together
while cloaked in mist
The gray twilight shades and tones
take over like gentle music notes
soothing away the agitation and the
frustration of an aging mind
that I myself would run from
if I were still able
your memory gets farther away
and so does the toilet
If I were a gal, (all though I am not),
I'd leave the seat up, when leaving the pot!
For by SOME men, without even causing a frown,
accidents DO happen to a seat left down.
And one day, as you hastily take a seat,
reminded you'll be of the mentioned feat.
For on the seat, where you just had a sit;
you then discover, it had happened to it.
Therefore, everywhere, this lesson do cry:
leave the seat up, and keep your bum dry!
Many of the most profound pieces of poetry
May not have been dreamed and transferred
In particular manners professional,
And many of the most practiced writers
May not have been as noble nor indicative
As their readers would imagine and preach.
This concern thus produces a humorous conclusion
That through probability, possibility, and realism,
Many of the greatest and most inspiring words
Passed down to our misguided generation,
May have been conceived, scribbled, and explored
From the humble origins of atop a toilet.