Pick up on your textbook grace
Install your happy face
Remember life is both for sinners and saints
Go on, put your white dress on
Sing with your purity song
Too delicate to string along

Wear long sleeves and hide your face
Don't squeal on the man to blame
It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong
Go on, put your red dress on
Dance with your impurity song
Don't be ashamed to cry all night long

Pick up on your textbook grace
Roll up your sleeves
Fix your face
We always sin while learning how to be saints

Remember your textbook grace
Remember your happy face
Don't let a stupid boy define your fate
Please don't put that black dress on
There's no solace in the dark
The dead tell no lies
Please choose to stay alive
Choose to stay alive
Stay alive

Roses, bullets, and a Bible
Guided my life
A shine for my light
My happiness was never trifle
My smile was bright
My heart was kind

   Roses, bullets, and a Bible
   Blind my light
   Pervert my sight
   Not prepared for Blue
   Not by a mile
   But lost, through and through
   Youth's too cruel
      
      Roses, bullets, and a Bible
      Broken shards
      Build my scars
      Happiness is only trifle
      But maybe I'm still good
      I hope I can still be good

How can anyone know me
When they don't even know my name
How can anyone teach me
When all that they crave is fame
They don't know how my world destroyed me
They don't know the monsters I struggle to tame
They don't know me
They don't know my name

Once upon a time
The man I trusted lied
Hair clad in blue dye
'Twas the night my soul died
He took my body and ran
Overwhelmed me with his span
Legs and mouth open wide
'Twas the night my soul died
Now it's almost been a year
I thought I'd overcome the fear
Yet when I wake I fear his smile
Getting my soul back will take a while

i'm always naked
sure, it's beneath my visible clothes
and yeah, when i'm in the shower
and more or less every time i'm home alone
but there are other times
other whimsical nonsensical times
when i'm fully ****
and nobody even notices
when i'm raw
when i expose any facet of my idiosyncrasies
when i fall
when i suppose i'm in pain purposefully
when i draw
when i paint with a purpose to show my sadness and rage
when i write
when i put words to use in the way conversation betrays
people react to ****** in various levels of extreme
some get aroused
some get repulsed
but nobody seems to appreciate the nakedness of my raw mind
completely exposed
full frontal
appreciate it or just don't look

Everyone coming and going
Right past me
Not realizing
I pay attention to everything

I am somebody’s son.
Isn’t that just
Unfortunate.
That I can bear the weight of,
The sins of,
The cries of,
A father,
A mother,
A sister,
A brother.
Someday, I’ll be something else.
Forgotten, perhaps.
Or remembered as a martyr.
How ironic;
Through my freedom,
My crisp clean kingdom,
I am trapped.

In the dark of the night
I go to bed
And feel purgatory drawing me in
Say no more

      In the dark of the night
      I don’t trust myself
      Alone with my hand
      When I should stand up to Him
      Say no more

            In the dark of the night
            The storm drain overflows
            I should really get going
            So I don’t drown
            Say no more

                  In the dark of the night
                  I call all angels
                  Take me closer to Heaven
                  And farther from Him
                  Say no more

            In the dark of the night
                  In the alleyway running
                        Please forgive me
                              For not being brazen
                                    Please forgive me
                                       For not being brazen
                                             I will say no more

Nothing short of a miracle
Can deliver what the Blue-Haired Monster
Took from me
Don’t stop me now
I’m on a roll
All I hear is no
Will somebody say…

Nothing short of a miracle
Can deliver what the Blue-Haired Monster
Stole from me
Don’t stop me now
I’m on a roll
All I am is no
Please say…

Please…

Let me in
Give me warm clothes
And a bed
Don’t say “no” again
Somebody, say “yes”

Somebody, please take me home
Get out of here fast
Somebody, please make me whole
Make me want to last
It’s like living under a street light
At late nights
Too scared to survive
Someone, get me some healing
Get out of here fast

Somebody’s gonna have to love
Get out of here fast
Somebody, please gain my trust
Make me want to last
Somebody’s gonna have to love
Get out of here fast
Whoever did this to me
Pray for forgiveness
I’m not going to last

…Wait
…Wait
…Wait
…Wait
You don’t have to leave
…Wait
…Wait
…Wait
…Wait
That’s not ok with me
I can’t live if you leave
…Wait
…Wait
Wait for me

Pity
A dangerous weapon of choice
She let Him know
They shared a common voice
He became addicted to her

Heaven
He felt like an angel in Heaven
Every night when she lay with Him
But is it true love
When your soul is long gone?

Danger
What she felt every night by His side
She knew He’d do it if He saw her cry
Finger on trigger
He pointed to his head

You’re gone to me
And your two-faced hidden agenda priorities
Will never take me down anymore
Maybe if you skip the pass
You’ll even the score
So play your melody,
O Brother of the Blues,
Play so clear
Those melancholy tunes
Play that song like never before
Play it like you’re trying to breach
A closed door in a shallow pool
Of memories gone
Like you’re drowning
And the door won’t open
Because it never opened
Please open…

Draw the curtain
I’ve learned my lesson
To keep little dreams
In plain sight
Spin the clay wheel
And find your real deal
Keep little thoughts
In your mind
Of Little Heaven
Family, star-side

The Monster With Blue Hair
Jeers as I cower in the corner
But she’s coming
He’s won
I’m done
The Other will be happy
They’ll be fine and dandy
But she’s coming
And she has her Blue Shield
And a Sword forged for intense war
War on a Blue Field
The Monster With Blue Hair
Will die
Someday
Like His wicked brother of Red
She’s here now
He’s fled
She saved me
Now it’s time for bed

Tonight
I want to learn
How to cry
Let me see
How it feels
To burn my wings
I crave to hear those voices
In the dark
Let me see how it feels
To be insane
Letting it out will be a sin
So I will keep it in
Teach me now
Then disappoint me again

Just caught outside
Still broken inside
Never have I seen
What true light is like
Just caught outside
Still broken inside
I pay my dues
To Father Time

Here I stand
A nomad

Cracked road, broken road
The place that I call home
This perfect place I’ve seen
I’m undeserving
Cracked road, broken road
The only road I’ve known
The one mistake I’ve seen
Is trying

Here I stand
A nomad

I’m on my own
With no one’s heart to hold
A lonely place to be
It suits me
I’m on my own
With no one’s heart to hold
Only now do I see
This is all that’s left for me

Here I stand
A nomad

So long, my heart, so long
If lies could heal
Spoken English would ****
Telling the truth
Never lasts for too long
Maybe someday you’ll try
And learn how to cry
Like you really mean it
Feel how I need it
It only lasts for so long

So long, my love, so long
If hands could heal
Calluses would ****
Emoting for you never lasts for too long
A hug
A kiss
Feelings I miss
Is it asking too much
Just to feel a real touch?
It only lasts for so long

So long, my trust, so long
Though you’re almost gone
Your shadow won’t linger
Next to me anymore
It’s been faded for so long
Return beyond
Throw in the towel
Never come back
For this day, I’ve been prepared
For so long
You’ve been gone so long

I don’t know why I stopped dancing
I’ve still got steps to learn

When my bare feet are prancing
Sweet lessons I can yearn

Don’t let my fear stop you
Call it stripped and bare

I relate to the forest
I’ve got enough to care

Here I am, mouth breathing
There I go, running swift

Escaping from real life taunting
Taunting myself to slip

Pause
One beat
Two beats
Three beats
Four

I’m empty
I’m bleeding
I’m carnal
I’m sore

Five beats
Six beats
Seven beats
Eight

My sins
Can’t win
But I’m already late

You hurt
Yet not with blood
Yet still you breathe
At least you breathe
Keep breathing
Please

You shake
And shiver
A fearful lone quiver
Yet still you breathe
At least you breathe
Keep breathing
Please

You live
You survive
I hope you can thrive
Forgive my lies
For you, I’ll stop breathing
Stop breathing
Stop

You hurt
I hurt
I’ve cried through the times
You’ve cried through my lies
The Blue Man is coming
For me to stop breathing
Stop breathing
Stop

At least the Blue Man
Isn’t coming for you
I’ve lured Him to me
With my silly false truths
You just keep breathing
Keep breathing
And someday
I’ll breathe again
Too
But if I don’t
I will always love you

Hey, Mister Man
Tell me why
You chose to steal concentration
Because of you,
I am in perdition
Vengeance is mine
Says the old and wise
But I can’t discern
When love fogs my eyes
So, coming down
The man in the Blue-Haired robes
Because of His brutal choke
Tonight, the choir sings
Of your deception
And my depression
So, coming down
Say something
Coming down
Do nothing
I can’t sleep while my soul
Cries at night
Hey, Mister Man
You’re coming down

Gather near
Young and old
A story of Winter to be told
The Blue-Haired Monster smiled at me
Then stole my soul with wicked glee
He knows my name

Gather near
Boys and girls
The Blue-Haired Monster’s tangled curls
Warned me of the danger
Yet stuck in the remainder
It knows my name

A child,
Yet still a man,
Last at deep sea.
His hands
Such rust.
His feet
So clean.
He did not know
When he screamed,
I heard.
Through his tears,
I sneer
For I am awake.
Dangerously near
Yet far, far away.
Dangerously near,
Centimeters away.
But you can’t see me.
I’m tricky that way.
I love you.
I love you.
And my love will,
It will,
Yes, it will.
It.
Will.
****.
The white-hot death
Frozen in a scream.
Never shall you leave
My embrace,
For I long to forever caress
Your face.
You’ll never know my true name
Though I am the source
Of your deepest shames.
The Red Man is gone,
Dead by your blade.
Perhaps it’s time for Blue
To stake his claim.
You won’t see me coming,
When you do it will be too late.
I’ll be having my fun.
When you see my wicked face,
Run.

I’ve been gone a long time
Wasting the sunlight
As it glowed on me
I’ve been losing track
Of the path
That the moon herself delivered to me
I’ve been slack in seeing the way
Not everything can turn around
I forgot to love
At the speed of sound

Now I love the way you’re there for me
The way you’ll always remember me
The way you touch my dreams every night
You lead me out
And I win the fight
Now I know it’s not just you
It is you
To you
My home
I return to you

I will return
Please don’t wait around
Just listen for that sweet sound
Just play me that sweet come home music
That makes my heart and soul
Step in time
There’s nothing keeping me from coming
Home now
Just to see your face is all I need
To survive

You’re all I need
You’re all I need
You’re all I need to survive

On this pathway you’re the light
That shines in every daily plight
Remember that I’m only a traveler
When you call I crave to hear you
I can see you
Though the lights dim
I won’t forget where I’ve been
Or how I’ve been
All I need is this sweet return home music
Found inside of you

I just want to live that love song
Play it loud as I press through this throng
I’ve heard it all my life all along
It lights my way
Shows me right and wrong
And I see you
All of you
Inside
Waiting to welcome me home

Sweet, sweet come home music
Makes my soul
Feel strong and whole
Singing and dancing
Long past the woe
In this house
There is room for one more
I love you all

Marching ahead
Broken paths we trek
Dare we try again?
Onward, Homestead

Let us trudge ahead
And never bow our heads
Even in death
We’ll make it to the Homestead

Wait
These aren’t my hands
These can’t be my hands
What are they doing?
No!
Stop!
Cry!
Repeat!
I’m ok!
I didn’t do it
He didn’t do it
Who listens?
It glistens
The pearl of sin
Nobody wins

Wait
Those aren’t my eyes
They can’t be my eyes
The horrors they’ve seen
Never gazed on by me
Surely not
Look away
No!
Stop!
Cry!
Repeat!
I’m ok!
I didn’t see it
He didn’t see it
Who scoffs?
It stops
Time itself
Puts lies on the shelf

Crash!
Who’s there?
With torn hands
And vile eyes
A terrible stare

     Drink
What?
     Drink.
No
     Drink.
Please
     Drink.
It’s poison
     Drink.
I’ll die
     Drink.
Why do you want me to die?
     Drink!
I want to live
     Drink!
     DRINK!

     Drink from the broken cup
     Filled with lies I spew while you sup
     Now you know the cruel tale I spin
My love, I hurt
     Such a cruel
     Cruel
     Whim

I ran away
To better days

     Don’t stop singing for me

So far away
And almost gone

     Don’t stop dreaming

I ran away
To seek better days

     Keep me in mind and on your heart

I hope you’re sorry
For turning things around

     Don’t stop thinking of me

Maybe someday
I’ll come back around

     Don’t stop fighting through

Maybe I’ll come home to your sweet sound
And I hope you’re listening for sweeter sounds

The price to be paid for seeking residual gain
Is the lost ones never come back the same

I ran away
And I got lost and hurt

     Don’t stop

Breathe
In
Out
Again

You’re safe
You’re warm
You’re home again

You’re safe and sound
You’re still around
Your soul is found

Bent low on the ground
Your face became shroud
But the water
Her water
His water
Their water
It loved you
It cleaned you
It sailed you home

The clearest water you’ve ever seen
The perfect temperature so keen
Your thirst is gone

The familiar man in the distance
Clad in Red
You’ve escaped his vengeance
His game is dead
Dead by the wondrous sword

You stare at him
He stares back so glim
Then he bows
Accepting your win
Then he’s gone
Gone forever
Happy endeavors

There it is
Can’t you see it?
It’s shadow sits
The moon to see
A house so grand
None can reveal
The glorious splendor
Not one can steal
It’s pristine white
I lived here once
Then I took flight
Cowardice love
But who’s to say
That through my forsaking
I can’t love it more
Yet still I am aching
Don’t know if they’ll greet me
I’m scared of the door
Is love still behind it?
Will it find me once more?
It was here where I lost it
I fell down to red
Sweet like white chocolate
Yet lifeless and dead
Can this house revive me?
Do I still have a soul?
Just ring on the doorbell
One ring then you’ll know

They’re just walking by
Idle sticks and logs and twigs
Wayward trees passing to and fro
In their forests of isolation
The birds don’t sing there
If they do
Then each tree hears its own tune
My tree is cut
Just a stump
Just my luck
I have no birds to sing anyway
Accept for this one wayward jay
It’s less of a song
More of an ironic cackle
Laughing at my stump
Chained to this rusted shackle
There used to be a song
Sweet like sugar
Bitter like sole cinnamon
But harmonious
Lovely
Divine
Mine
Now I’m just walking by
An idle stick
A log
A twig
A wayward tree stump
Just my lonely luck

Don’t cry for me, dear
Save your crystal tears
For now we celebrate
Smile
And cheer

Her flowers fall
Her wind is my song
Her rain is graceful
So rest
And be strong

His task is done
His sword has been run
His muscles sore now
Relax
Adjust

For deep in the white
Someday I shall be
Glass oceans calling me
Wait
And see

Deep in the white
Forever we’re free
We’ll sing together
So
Don’t you leave me

Dance, my son
Dance in the grass
The pavement is constricting
It leaves you numb to true feeling
So dance in the grass
Dance in the grass
Be snazzy
Be jazzy
Create your own craze
The grass sings to your bare feet
True joy for days
The pavement is for those
Who follow the path
But those who invent their path
Dance in the grass
The pavement walkers will stare
But when you’re dancing you don’t care
A tango
A waltz
A rhythm your own
The grass understands
The pavement can’t atone
Barefoot and fancy free
Dancing in the grass
What a sight to see

Driving up slowly...
Park across the street.
Nobody should know where we meet.
Walking up slowly...
Wishing I was drunk.
At least that would explain my funk.

Now I’m peering,
Peeling off my skin.
There’s no healing;
It’s a game you can’t win.

Now I’m driving up slowly...
And making myself go home.
The things I do,
To let myself roam.
Now I’m driving up slowly...
Two hours before I’m home.
All this effort...
And nothing to show

Writing silently...
The words aren’t coming
Like I planned.
I pray someday that someone understands...
Because I don’t.

Driving alone,
Driving alone.
Home is not so lonely...
When I’m driving up slowly.
So, I’m coming home.
Yes, I’m coming home.

I’m listlessly restless
It’s not fair
The show
And the crow
Took the crowd
In a shroud
Now I stare

All of these strawberry people
I don’t care
Flavors
Can’t savor
The name
Of blue pain
Don’t you dare

The hatred I feel in the yield
You can’t bear
But I can
And I stand
Upon broken glass
Bristled clear sharp grass
Barefoot skin to tear

I’m listlessly restless
So ugly it’s yet precious
How quaint
How base
Such fate
Worthy of anyone who cares
Call themselves a good person

Listlessly restless
King of the fail
Such sweet painful woe
Begone, the loved one
Onward, set sail

We tried it sweet and low.
We tried to step in time.
No one needs to know,
We own the sky.
We run too fast,
For everyone else.
We’ve got nothing else to lose.
We’ve got our strutting shoes,
Strutting down the lot.
And for all else, prepare the noose.
We’ll let them hang down low.
They’ll sink to the ocean floor.
We will be ourselves,
And nothing more.

Now harmony’s locked down,
Everyone’s looking out.
Don’t be too late for the show,
The best in Tinsel Town.
Deep water never drowns.
Our drive for all to know,
Our conquest of this contest.
Stand up tall and dress your best.
Pick your frame.
Write your name.
Glossy black and white pictures.
Love’s the greatest mixture.

This time’s for free,
So sing sweet jubilee.
Soft and sweet by design.
Sweet and low,
And it’s not for show.
You and me,
We can fly.
Dancing in one accord,
Just my type.

He’s crazy
Don’t talk to him
Feed him what he needs
Then he leaks
Like a drug
He’ll make you crazy

He’s loud
You can’t ignore him
Try to run then he gives chase
Then he fades
Like abundant silence
He’ll make you loud

He’s hurt
He’s damaged on the inside
Smile at him and he’ll melt
Down into the sewers of solitude
Until he’s completely gone
You did that to him
It will make you hurt

You’ll hurt
So much
The pain will be crazy loud
I love you

Did you know that I would say no?
I only asked for a brief flash
A beacon
A sign
That refusal is acceptance
Now this hatred is mine
The light was bright
An instant of white
I asked for it yesterday
Now it haunts me tonight
Tonight
Tonight is the night of the monster
I slew him once before
Now he plagues me from outside
External at my door
Tonight
I smile?
I die?
Maybe both
Death to the reprobate
One last time, say hi
If I’m to truly live
A piece of me must die
My monster lives forever
With me side by side
All these things I’ve seen and done
Shows me now the light has won
But just one question plagues me so
Did you know that I would say no?

What does it mean to cry
When feelings stay locked from the
Surface
Emotions I fear
Crammed into small tears
The tears that I make myself
Forfeit

What does it mean to hurt
When the scars are from those
Who don’t know you
They’ve watched you grow up
And you feel their love
But they don’t know the real you

When I’m asleep I run
Down a path in a gold
And green
Meadow
And someone’s out there
With true love to share
Then I wake in the real world
Feeling alone

Alone
I’m home
That shouldn’t be so
Where’s the log to my fire?
Because I’m working for me
And I’ll never retire

Bring on the thunder!
Bring on the rain!!
There’s no true life
Without some small pain
So I’ll be the thunder!
And I’ll be the rain!!
I know how to cry now
So I’ll work through the pain

If I’m coming alive
I acknowledge I hurt inside
My tribulation brought me to salvation
I had to suffer to write
I don’t need you to understand my plight
Just know that I’m coming alive

In denial of the homicidal
In my mind

Who did I ****?
Eternally enveloped in ectoplasmic ethereal Blood
That’s not really there
It returns to the air
There’s no body here
Oh no
I’m empty I
I
I
Wait
He didn’t die

What did I ****?
I can’t possibly be aroused by empty notions
That’s not really true
It remains in the air
And the pieces are here
Oh no
I’m full I
I
I
Wait
Those aren’t mine

I sit and shine
With a smile inside
Fat with the deeds that abide
So say it
Shout it
Scream

I killed myself

Double homicide
I can’t deny
It’s not what you think
The old me long dead
The new me is too
The only me is now
Morning
Night
And noon

What’s hard is easy
What’s easy is hard
Just like slitting a finger
On a wayward shard

What hurts comes easy
What comes easy hurts
It comes clean to us all
Like a secret to blurt

What hurts can be hard
What can be hard hurts
It’s a long tug of war
And it’s never your turn

You have a choice
Make it
Either way it will sting
I just hope it’s the right one
So we can hear you sing