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among sharp thorns,
petals blood-red, through
such uncounted pleasures,
and such unbounded pains,
our love somehow grew,
and somehow still remains...

i was told by one
much wiser than myself
(now so long ago)

even the best of loves can die

and if 'tis true,
what chance have I, with
my selfish love for you?

i cannot speak,
i cannot move...

on days such as these,
maybe for years yet to come,
i shall slowly fade,
and lie in the shade, and dream
of shadowed glimpses of your frame,
and lose myself for hours
in what never could have been.
Tori Amos - A Case of You (cover of Joni Mitchell)
Bloop poems May 12
I'm awake
Wide awake at 12 in the morning
Ready for my eyes to be heavy with sleep, but instead my eyes are heavy with tears

While my family is sleeping in the bed next to mine

I lay still and empty of life as not to wake them at 12 in the morning, when the world itself is not even up yet
I can't sleep to much on my mind and not enough energy in place to turn down the voices in my head that are keeping me up past time to be sleeping. Have a good night or day depending on where you are and hopefully you get enough sleep❤
Bardo Apr 22
I could spend my life in the supermarket, going around the aisles
Walking among the plentiful and the abundant
Looking for things to help plug the holes inside,
Looking for something, hungry for something, I don't know what
But something that probably can't be found on shelves
Something that was maybe lost a long time ago.

I seen her first among the cauliflowers
I was looking at the lettuce, but only just
Secretly, like a ***** detective, I was watching her
Beautiful blonde Venus, tall and willowy, all by herself,
I watched her buy some broccoli, then move over to where the
    fruit was
There she picked some pears and some bananas -
"Mmmm", I thought to myself, " so you're into healthy eating,
    you still strive to maintain your health
You must still believe in life and things like love and joy
    and hope".

A little while later I seen her again, she was buying a Victoria
    sponge cake
And looking rather wistfully I thought at the huge array of
    chocolate bars and sweets
"A-ha!", I thought as if I'd caught her out, as if I'd found her
     weakness, her vice,
" So you lack sweetness in your life and you try to compensate
      with these"-
Well, not to worry, sure I often do the same thing myself
Temptation Alley I call this aisle - this place
You know, and here's a thought, I! Me! I could be your little
    Sweetie and you my little Honey pie
You wouldn't need to seek this kind of comfort anymore
I could give you words, I could give you lines, O! the lines I
    could give you
Thousands of words running in syrupy streams, sweeter than
     the sweetest honey
That'd dress you up in fabulous gowns, make your eyes widen
    in awe and wonder
Sparkle vivaciously like glittering sunshine on a sea in Summer,
I'd build you up, not knock you down, no! I wouldn't let you fall
The sun it'd always be shining in your heart ".

Next time I seen her, she was in among the wines
Looking a little bit lost like myself with all the different labels
" So!", I thought, "you like to kick loose sometimes, you like to try
   and shake off the shackles that bind, the shackles of your mind
You yearn to be free and wild again, just like you were when you
    were a little child,
To escape all those unpleasant restricting voices, old ghosts from
     the past perhaps
Or maybe dark monsters this world planted inside, that won't go  
You want to make them all seem so crazy and funny and mad
I know, I know, it can get too much sometimes, can be hard to
You know, Me! I'd do battle for you I would, I'd be your brave
    and valiant knight
I'd face down those awful dragons, I'd lance them and trounce
    them, I'd show you the truth
That they were always only mere shadows without any real
    substance behind them,
O! I would".

It was funny but it seemed that wherever I went she was there
That wherever she went was some place I myself would go
It was like her shopping habits were a direct mirror image of
    my own.

She came up real close to me in the pet food section to get her
    cans of Whiskas
" So you own a cat too, I bet he sits on your lap and you ******
      him gently
And whisper silly funny little catty things in his ears..."

In the herbal bath and fragrances section, she was waiting for
   me again
"So you like to soak in a hot tub, lie back and let the whole world
    just float away,
I could get some scented candles, give you a nice soothing rub
Put on some nice soft calming music, together we'd make an
    otherworldly place
For ourselves that no one else could find - it'd be our special

I met her again, this time browsing through books in the Books
    section, she was reading the blurbs on the back covers
I could see her thinking, trying to decide which one to choose,
" I hope you pick a good one, that'll make you happy, make you
    laugh and smile
Not the kind that'd make you shiver, cast a shadow over your
I watched her move over to the music CD's...sad songs and love
    songs, still the romantic I see,
I could see her sitting at home with her cat, reading her book,
    listening to her favorite songs
Dreaming of other lives she might have had and the heroes she
    might have been,
"But we can be heroes still, you and I, heroes of our own lives
We could write our own books, sing our own songs
We wouldn't always have to be looking over at them and theirs,
We could build a world we'd love to look at and wake up to.
O! Yes...yes we could".

I grew curiouser and curiouser about her
Once she turned around and glanced at me briefly, but only for a
She had these wonderful big blue 'rescue me' eyes.

She reached the checkouts first
By the time I got there, there were other people in between us
I watched her, she smiled faintly at something the checkout girl
She looked like someone who didn't smile an awful lot,
" What a pity, what a shame", I thought, "someone who looks like
     you do".
I wanted...wanted to say something to her before she left the
I watched her fill her bags, then head to the exit door
I could feel her slipping away from me
" C'mon, c'mon", I thought impatiently as the checkout girl,
     she leisurely scanned my items,
Paying her quickly I bundled everything into my trolley and
     took off in a hurry,
Inside me a voice was shouting "Don't go! Please don't go! throw
    me a lifeline too, won't you!
Because sometimes I feel... sometimes I feel I myself I'm
    drowning, that I need rescuing too".

I could see her car pulling out, it was a small car just like my
    own, nothing fancy,
But wait! There was someone with her... a man!... another man
I was crushed/ torn inside," But I knew you, I understood
    you...better than he ever could",
And then... and then she was gone,
I was just left there standing in the car park with my shopping
Looking down at all the things I'd bought, all the things that me
    and her liked
I thought for a moment that they might magically transform and
    that she'd be standing there one more time, all vibrant & alive
But no! I guess that could never be.

So she went back to her world and I went back to mine,
I went back to my cat and she went back to hers and her man,
She had become just another thing now, just another thing I
    couldn't find.
Going to the supermarket won't be the same again. Quite sad this, a career in Mills & Boon beckons.
Lily Apr 19
I refuse to be the puppet
That you dangle on the string,
I refuse to be the person
You always count on for things.

I refuse to have everything
Dumped on me,
I refuse to always be the one
Begging on her knees.

I refuse to be lied to,
Purposefully ignored;
I refuse to be the one
Who is left out in the storm.

I refuse to be left out as refuse;
Worthless, forgotten trash
That you threw out your window,
Scattering my soul to ash.
Sometimes you have to get rid of the toxic people in your life to make some space for positive people
Pulse Apr 7
i still love you
to those who can escape from abusive families and relationships with only hate held in your heart, i envy you
Pulse Apr 1
there is a boy with a sadness in his eyes and words that hit a little too close to home.
there is a boy who is hurting more than you could ever know.
at least, that's what he tells you.
there is a boy with hair that used to be long and brown but was cut short in a sign of victory because he was finally who he wanted to be.

except that he wasn't, because he didn't have you yet.

there is a boy who wears sadness like a second skin and you would never hold it against him because sometimes it feels that's all you ever wear.

so who are you to judge.

there is a boy who laughs and jokes and then screams and cries about all the ways he is nothing and no one and hurting and wants nothing more than to leave and to die.

there is a boy who can laugh and joke with others all while telling you exactly how deep he is cutting.

there is a boy who speaks about his blood and it's colour and feel and how it drips as you panic and cry because you are doing everything you can to stop it, but it barely works.

you save him once.
then again, and again, and again, and again.
and its become a cycle.

you have become the therapist to someone who craves every last drop of your attention.

and when he says something that makes you remember some of the worst nights of your life,
despite you asking him not to and telling him how much it affects you.
you do not receive an apology.
you receive words about how he will **** himself because of the fact he hurt you.
and you spend the next week crying and stopping him and gasping for air and not sleeping because of the things that can happen in the night.
the things that did happen in the night.
and you are so so tired.

when he demands where you were you remind him you said you needed a break to help yourself and he tells you how you hurt him by doing that.

and you cry
because you don't know how to escape a friendship where the only thing that matters is the other person and where you play therapist while having a mental breakdown.

a job which you are not thanked for or questioned if you are all right,

a job which you are demanded to perform,

a job where not doing your part and making him the entire world can mean anger and resentment and a death.

or maybe just words that speak of blood and cuts and broken lives.

and your brain tells you to stop and your body tells you that you can no longer do this and you are so tired and it must stop.

but your heart reminds you of the boy with sadness and laughter who treated you like you were something loved
and you return because the supernova is **** but the black hole has too strong of a pull for you to leave now.
all the ways i cannot leave, all the reasons i've stayed. and still i remain so so tired
Em MacKenzie Mar 19
You take it all out me,
want more than I could be.
What’s the difference between friend and foe?
How thick’s the line and how far does it go?
Handcuff me to my sins, they’re attached anyway,
I see the smirks and grins, can’t hold them off at bay.
The skies are grey, and that’s how they’ll stay,
until the next break of day.

One day I should sever the ties
if I wake up, suddenly clever and wise.
To **** with history,
I’ve got it all memorized.
It’s never been a mystery,
sweetness sprinkled with lies.
There’s no prize, no highs,
no compromise, just goodbyes.

What’s the difference between friend and foe?
I give the answers to questions I don’t know.
You say you care but it’s something you don’t show,
I doubt the sentiment’s there, but it deals a heavy blow.

You take it all out of me,
want more than I could be.
Draining my energy
till I can’t stand or breathe.
The skies remain so grey,
and that’s how they’ll all stay,
I’m fighting for one single sun ray.

One day I should sever the ties
if I wake up, suddenly not hypnotized.
To **** with history,
I’ve got it all memorized.
No note, just a list for me,
to advise but the size,
exposes your true guise.

I won’t even try to pretend,
that we both haven’t went off the deep end.
So what’s the difference between foe and friend?

One day I should sever the ties
‘cause you’ll never wake up or realize.
To **** with history,
I’ve got it all memorized.
And oh, how you’ll miss me,
when no one listens to your cries,
or your sighs, or your lies,
or goodbyes.

I’ve been holding you afloat,
trying to keep you from drowning
in your tears.
I know you secretly have a boat,
but you’ve actually been dead for years.
Aaditya Mar 12
It may seem like

you're burning away  all  your  worries

                                   that you feel lighter

and it just helps you escape depression


                          but continues to eat you,

                  darken, what was once pure;

and push you more

towards the point of no return.

Ask yourself.
Is it the best solution?
Is it really worth it?
Is this the help you need?

Some things should never be burned away.
(And some things can't be.)
                                              ( i)
(: : : (___s_a_d_n_e_s_s__(;;;;
Jade Welch Mar 11
I walked myself
off of the cliff
over the edge.

And for you
it still wasn't enough.
Mihle Mdashe Mar 5
It only lasts for a limited period of time, coincidence this just describes my happiness or the beings in this life. It's crazy how nothing never lasts, I've forgotten the sound of my laughter. I fall for a temporary high, my temporary escape; what I think I need to get by . I want anything but temporary, I crave for something that will be permanent. My soul acquiesce to anything temporal, but I now renounce all that. I just despise how confidence seems to vanish right at the time you need it the most, I mean there will be days where my dear friend confidence will be there but what's the use of her when she'll just disappear the moment a remark would be made about me. Whenever that angry voice in these four walls in my mind would tell me "you're ****" "you're too skinny or too fat". I tried to recover, I tried my best to get better but somewhere along the way I realised it was all temporary. I fell apart again, I lost again and they'd laugh at me! Crying myself to sleep seems like the best option but I go with the unhealthy coping mechanism; slitting my wrists. The pain seems acceptable for awhile but what happens when you got so used to the blade that you can't even cope without it. I thought it was temporal, I thought I'd manage without it but I'd tell myself "one cut upon that wrist means a step closer to goodbye".
This is my story with self harm and how self harm became a crutch to me.
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