I am trying not to blame you
For what you cannot change
You are more than a paper doll
With pieces to pick, pull apart, and exchange

Your words are smooth satin
Can't help but suspect your nonchalance
Know I can be standoffish
It's simply an automatic response

Patterns I am used to
Behavior I am around
Have me guarded for great reason
Heartache all I have ever found

It is not your fault you hurt me
Instead it's mine for expecting you to keep
Promises when you have shown before
You will only break them and make me weep

No noticable change in behavior
Don't know why I'm surprised
Don't know why I thought anything would be different
Need to accept a future of secrets and lies

I meet new obstacles daily
Alibis I have to chop down
I think I've finally given up
Only a matter of time til I drown

Weeks passed since any bliss touched our lives
With each day that goes by we deepen the space
Driving ourselves insane with obsession
Madly in love with you, but you only love the chase

A game of tug-o'-war neither can win
Love has us struggling to get along and agree
It is time to realize I'll never change you
Just like you cannot change me

We loved with careless enthusiasm
Your touch cooled my burning chest
Out of melancholic monotony
Embraced flaws and silent distress

Warm skin the ultimate compliment
Formless bodies seeking relief
Yet the mind mine was so connected to
Overflows my thoughts with grief

And I see the mess I've made of us
Cry because I know it's my fault
Pouring darkness into your body
Leading you into assault

One moment you were everything
Couldn't stop love I felt
Next found myself wanting space
With time passion began to melt

The feelings I relished dwindled with grace
Rehearsing lines of the part I'm trying to be
All that's left is only a trace
Of the magic once fueling our love story

I need to stop comparing pictures of the present to polaroids of the past
Memories of first day we met to the reality of the last

Thank you both for everything
It means a lot
To know at least two friends
If nothing else we have got

You invited us into your house
Helped any way you can
Were truly there for us
We had no other plan

You let us use your Jeep
So we could travel around
Or took us yourself
Til own ride was found

You let us eat food
Though money is tight
Patient and understanding
It'd been easier to fight

You have loaned us many dollars
We had not a single cent
Don't think we've properly conveyed
How much the money meant

You treat us like relatives
Without keeping track or score
Not because your motive is to gain
That's what friends are for

We may not show it
But are grateful to be here
I thought this token of gratitude
Would be pleasant to hear

Do not ever doubt that your kindness
Is a gesture we appreciate
Just hope we all can show it
Before it is too late

We could not do it without you
You continue giving each day
That means so much more
Than words could say

Having trouble adjusting
Constant loneliness
Experienced it before
Never in excess
A dream the closest I get to someone
Search for a face but still see none
Easy making reasons for why I am alone
Much harder ignoring truth already known
It pushes my ribcage so I can't breathe right
Gladly suffocate to keep it out of sight
It comes into peripheral without my permission
Against eye sockets allegations beyond admission
True stories block from my view just in time
Deciding to turn and climb
Is that urgent buzzing I hear in my ear?
With shake of my head I make doubts disappear
They fall hard
They land in my heart
Can no longer deny we are from now on apart

I think you look but fail to see
What's right in front of your eyes
The problems steadily harassing me
You don't seem to recognize

If it was up to you we'd live
Like this forever I suppose
Mistake after mistake I forgive
Staying through highs and lows

But you keep saying things will change
I'm a fool so I believe
Stupid how I find lies strange
After all this time why am I still naive?

Looking down on my lack of will
When I can't follow through on my word
Your promises you don't try to fufill
The hypocrisy is absurd

I wish I knew how you felt about me
Wish I could read your mind
When I ask you simply ignore my plea
So your feelings remain undefined

You say you love me just as much
As you did when this began
But something feels different in your touch
I honestly don't understand

My attraction for you increases every day
No
Every second that passes by
More and more you are pulling away
While I'm left here asking why

I work so hard to fix this mess
So both our wounds can heal
Going in circles
Make no progress
Like a hamster running a wheel

But I'll never give up hope
I'll remain devoted and strong
Even if we reach the end of our rope
I'll continue holding on

Expenses are accumulating around us
Trying to remain calm, I crumble, can't save face
I apologize sincerely for falling apart
And for putting us in this tough place.

If my assumptions about him are right
It is going to take more than friends for him to see the light
Jumped gun without stopping to take a second look
Scared before I had a peek under the cover of his book

It is hard to believe I am 24
Where have years all gone?
I've tried and tried to stop time
Hours continue ticking on
This short life is precious
Existence goes to waste
All the good this world offers
I have had only but a taste
I love watching every sunset
Hate what they all mean
Wish I was still young
Thinking what could've been

Winter flakes fall, alive, alone,
Bright like ivory, cold like bone,
Peaceful and silent, they ride the wind,
Brushing snow-swept faces, chapped, skinned.

Icy sidewalks lay and stare,
Smooth glassy pathway reflecting brisk air,
The sky quietly murmurs a shade of bluish-grey,
Clouds block the sun, dulling this December day.

Trees stripped bare by merciless freeze,
Unwrapped, they suffer, nobody sees,
A lifetime of labor hangs from every limb,
Waiting for Summer to begin.

Mountains far off watch in greif,
For greenery's sake pray for relief,
Blistering rage unharnessed, free,
Is a predator gobbling all it can see.

Winter's love and hate collide,
As unpredictable as ocean's tide,
Moment by moment, fading away,
The beginning of tomorrow, end of today.

You take my breath away with just one sweet smile
When sad all I have to do is punch in your number and dial
It has been so much better since you entered my life
People do not understand why I want to become your wife
It is not because I am scared of being alone
But for joy you give the world we own
Momentarily deflected by everyday trouble
The difficulties made worth it every time we snuggle
I admit I didn't know when you captured my heart
That you'd keep the whole thing, not just part

I am a good person but I do bad things sometimes
Complicated I may be
I am beautifully disastrous
You can see it in my eyes
Human
I'm imperfect
I struggle
I'm ME

I hope you are happy with me around
Tonight can see you're not
Your voice sounds tired and low
Feel like a ghost you forgot

Know you are growing irritated
Put me down sometimes for no reason
Act like I am just being crazy
Your cold shoulder and this winter season

In front of friends we share
You should be sensitive
I am trying to be reasonable
I am weak-my soft spots are quick to forgive

Want to be as fun and carefree as you
Isn't as easy as you make it look
Under your smile I sense something else
What will bring back joy that I took?

Under weight of obligation
Around me
Closing in
Can't breathe the intimacy rising
With the moon pressing light on my skin

Wrapping in pretend happiness
Giving the slightest glimmer of hope
Tell me you'll never give up on me
Stars are afraid you won't

You cannot comprehend the fact
Heart is no longer yours
Wriggled loose from your grasp
Spiteful shouts and banging doors

I withstand worsening suffocation
To bury negative thoughts deep
Seems like in darkness they flourish
Finally out of my mouth they seep

I am sure you'll hate me forever
No more reasons growing to pretend
You would just listen to my words
Realize this is the end

I guess I'll have to be firm
Tired of feeling hopelessly down
Why can't you accept the inevitable?
Can't you see we are unsound?

Beams shaking from resentment
Falling down with a crash
Collapsing emotions loud and shuddering
Love's rafters blown across ground like ash

I am still here picking through the ruins
Obligated to give it my all
Mistakes are what caused us to break
Responsible for letting you fall

It is as if I signed a pledge or oath
Caught in a paperless contract
"I love you" my verbal signature
Written on your heart in black

Again and again try for you
Looking back seems like a waste
Forever a cycle of inadequacy
Repeating mirrored expressions of blatant distaste

The feelings flee further the more we fail
With each missed chance to succeed
I am too messed up to help anyone else
I'll never be all you ever need

Chaos around
Catastrophe within
You are dreaming the cage we are living in
I do not tell a soul
In solitude stand
Fearing they won't understand

Is it fire seen flickering in your eyes?
Calls out to me in the frozen midnight hour
Mistaking your raging inferno for warming embers
Hate discovering how wrong I was

You body was hot to the touch
Your passion lit my soul in scorching flames
Our love was fire

But inside your chest your heart was black and charred

I feel like society stupider with each year that passes by
In an ocean of tears "cancel culture" has bred to cry
Going deeper and deeper into debt
A diving submarine
Deeper than bottom of world's largest explored ravine
No oxygen to saturate lungs because we keep cutting down forests
Is it just me or does it seem like to Earth the human race is nothing but tourists?
Just the smoke of warfare lingering once the end is reached
Solution that will save our planet is one we choose not to teach
I feel it is too late to make this sinking ship float
No light at end of tunnel
No safety net
No lifeboat
I don't believe in God above so there is nothing to rescue me now
Just shallows which are strewn with sharp rocks anyhow
Where the price of living increases quality of life plummets fast
Predators prowl
Disguised politicians controlling crowds amassed
Nights filled with sounds of crying infants and gunfire
Cats and dogs euthanized in shelters
Number growing ever higher
The majority of generation too busy clubbing to care
How come only a couple of us are aware?
Treating less fortunate like carpets on the floor
Unless happening to them issues are easier to ignore
Miniscule portion of millennials are willing to ***** their expensive boots
Rather dance to mindless beats
(That is until someone short-circuits and shoots)
That's what it necessitates for them to focus on what matters
Oblivious up to the instant their sensory defenses shatter
Then victims share their harrowing account
False sense of security revealed
They tally up the body count
Experiences that in past would change character for the greater
Now shrugged off with a wave
(As long as there's a compensator)
And the judicial system mostly for show
Judges and prosecutors more corrupt than population could know
I'm searching for tangible proof this is truly the "land-of-the-free"
If I establish this message until echoed will I have weapons pointed at me?
Our government abandoned us
Requests are seldom heard
Self-protecting entities whose morals are all blurred
The people stumble through mud looking for a light
Darkness used to divide us pretending there's only black-and-white
It's one extreme or other
Exists no in-between
Stuck inside the matrix distracted by a slow-motion routine
Cycle repeated historically at such length it's difficult to recognize
This facade is choreographed right in front of our very eyes
Meandering as if we are born lost sheep
Badly deficient of guidance
***** we're climbing too steep
We require a little push in the right direction
Declaring difference between patrol and protection
Each of us is so immersed in the pursuit of our own bliss
Don't realize in the process of grabbing we also fall into the abyss
And pull others with us so at least there's company there
When you're alone failure is much harder to bear
Reality is a ticking bomb nobody wants to face
If we don't figure out an answer eventually mankind will be erased
For things to become better we ALL must take a stand
Stop acting selfishly instead lend those suffering a hand