Hold tight. White knuckles.
Buttered hands, oiled pole. Stand strong. Tall, proud. Shaky podium, slippy shoes. Stay sane. Fake smile. Maniacs room, door ajar.
Life in front of a TV screen
Isn't a good place to be Blowing up like a balloon, Your life slips away too soon With eyes glazing over And days growing somber What are you living for? Reality shows? ****? There's no wake-up call In that screen in the wall Telling you to get up And start living.
is this what support feels like?
a stranger tapping on my back helping me gather all of the things slipping out from my fingers that I never even noticed were missing
you stare at the door like it could hurt you
walking in certainly would maybe standing here for a moment longer just a second to relax could help you face your fears well you stood there, alright the shock in your face as people marched through so easily, they opened it and closed it with pleasure walking in wasn’t the hard part for them, was it? one more minute you wait there standing as the door falls once she releases her grip calm down, there’s nothing to fear is there? just open the door and force yourself through you feel your heart start racing is this is a stroke? you hold your wrist to make sure you don’t slip through the cracks you place your hand steadily and feel yourself go faint a whole body going limp over a door, a door this can’t be real it’s only a door you decide to let go of the handle consciously making the choice to wait out there one minute more and you hold your wrist to make sure you don’t slip through the cracks
Time is an unusual concept
Perspective I have yet to understand Current washing us clean of everything Seconds slipping through fingers like grains of sand
In the hourglass of life
I am sorry for ways I've treated you bad
It was myself Not you Making me mad Over my rage have no control You suffer unfairly for the darkness in my soul I do not mean to take out my insecurity On anyone else It can be too much for me Sometimes I am bothered to the point where I snap In black and blues paint on my thighs a detailed map So everyone sees how I got to where I am Somewhere between point A and point B stopped giving a **** On my flesh insanity artistically explained Story written myself not in shades of ink But pain Come closer so maybe you read and undestand My efforts did not work out as planned I do not have what it takes to improve Instead of striving I hardly move Trying to make your problems less difficult than they are Another layer to the puzzle already too hard I do my best Hold my tongue instead of cuss and yell No words could convey why being with you is hell I do not get my irrational emotions either I try to calm myself You won't let me take a breather Because you are convinced I will do my health harm Do it for me accidentally with restraining arms I vainly attempt to maintain my composure You start flinching and it's all over If you say I am crazy Crazy is what you'll get How you speak about me makes me upset When I work my *** off Be perfect and chill Make me out to be a psychopath still Your idea of me clearly set in stone You only are with me because you fear being alone I am writing my thoughts as if it will matter You won't read between lines scattered It is easier for you to act as if it's all in my head I have no reason to ache and should be satisfied instead You may be right about mental state and such I only flip out because I care way too much You cannot create more passion than you actually feel Quit deceiving both of us and for once be REAL Your love for me the only thing of which I have no doubt It is all the other ******* I am unsure about If I am your best friend won't you confide? Closeness we used to share must have died Or maybe made that part up as well So confused at this point can no longer tell To avoid your displeasure try to be tough It literally kills me knowing I'll never be enough Do not ask me why I'm sniffling from now on There exists no right answer because each is wrong I am the reason behind everlasting pain It really doesn't make sense to complain I just wish knew why you manipulate and lie Say you just want my happiness then do things that make me cry Be honest I don't supply what you need Don't expect commitment if you can't return the deed I am losing my mind You're slipping away If you know what is good for you you won't bother to stay
A three page poem i wrote to my best friend and lover
My favorite kind of song
Is not the lazy love ballads It's the crashing ones The catastrophic ones The ones with the voices Crooning gently To whispered guitar Before the solo hits And you drive off the bridge And crash your car
It's the kind of song you commit suicide to. It's the last thing you hear before you slip away.