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Welcome to
this house
so long
so desolate,
no air
nor life
breathed for
so many years.

The way
to and from
seems so far
from an actual world.

Dust and cracks
abound collecting
as the spiders
desperate for prey.

No sounds
only chills
as winter remains
trapped
even within
the outward time
and ways
of summer.

The entrance is
vacant,
the past is
lost,
time here is
trapped.
Written while I had Katatonia stuck in my head.
Listen one more time
to the notes you think you know

Time too can be generous.
A simple expression for when music grows on you.  Felt going on further would be forcing it.
To truly write
and transform what was once
sheer excrement
into a jewel
that others treasure
making so many wonder.

How I desire to achieve such.
To all of the songs
that creep upon and seize me
vanquishing the world.
The universal therapy
a common, household medicine
crafted by collaborations of talents
and celebrated by siblings far
in distance, near in heart and mind.

If ever a religion existed
which all would embrace,
a movement to seize the fires
and conjoin hands
to spread and span,

If winds had a literal way to speak
to our simple minds,
if anything could drown us faster
than the rising expanse
of miles upon oceans
and make irrelevant
the laws of land, gravity and life...
Very much a work in progress.
A quick word
about Beneath the Surface
by Dream Theater.  

The song is beautiful
first and foremost.  Depressing
but beautiful.  But
it also scares me.  I don't want to
experience what it describes, but
I also have a horrible feeling
that it will eventually, inevitably happen.  

It'd be even worse
if it also happened to the other person
I'd be involved with.  Not only am I scared
for myself, but for them.
I don't want to be
abandoned, left in the dark
shrugged aside like a mute.
I hate to think that I'm capable
of doing the same thing
to someone else.  That scares me.
This is my box,
home to contrived chaos.
I open and close it
many times a day.

Beside my box
are other boxes
bigger and smaller,
all of them surrounded
by an even bigger box.

And if you left this box
you'd see a field
of boxes
sprawling the land
further than eyes can see.

And how odd is it
--the mere idea--
that all these boxes
adhere to this sphere
we reside upon
like a collection
of living magnets.
I enjoy this
overcast
morning breeze
it is cool
but not chilly
for if it was
I'd surely be shivering
shriveling in my skin
instead I am tranquilized
so my senses can escape
so briefly
but just long enough
to forget
and to breathe.
rain morning breeze cool calm ease
An era has been marked
as we gaze upon a burning sky
reigning with fiery rainfall
spat like bursts of anger
reducing calm lands to
wild orange rampancy.

Seeker I would be
for that final person in our final moment
yet overtaken I am
to the walls a newly traumatized world conjures

Cross once, for a moment
and the end shall bitterly meet me.

Surrounded I become
finality in my isolation
a warmth normally fulfilling
now stings beyond comprehension
one of objective peace knows not
of true pain before subjection.
Taking a bit of power metal inspiration.  Not quite fully realized, but it's a gradual process.
Luminescent screen
oh how you constantly shift subtly.

Your shiny frame grows heavier
with every passing picture.

Images appear on repeat
a reminder of the grim we occupy.

Do not desire to witness
cruelty on display, depravity glamorized.

I will let you live
so the others know what happened


Pages copied and pasted,
channels twisting the same story.

What a dull situation;
why glorify what's poised to divide us?

We all see the attack on faith's establishment
so who shall be the ones to prevail?

Can the faith in each other overcome
or shall we be infected by what's cruel
and hateful?
In light of the Charleston church shooting, here's what I have to say about the entire situation.
I must say
those of arts
writers and painters
so often trivialized
too often

how ironic then
for those who sweep us under
since we--
of words and lines
however similar or not
--are not the ones at expense.

Where's the magic
neither seen nor experienced
in reality,

and where's the escape
from your homes of present
but from us?
the minds who labor away
without showing
but upon the page, sheet or canvas.
Coffee and tea
where would I be
without thee?

Half dead
still in my bed
whether or not
by one too many
a shot.
Here rests a future
Untouched and eager
for light
Wanting to exude its aromas
of which I neither looked
nor cared.

She handed me the match
fresh, burning bright,
a new sense in my familiar room.

Baffling confusion
overtook as I blew her match
so stubborn
to extinguish
in a faint stream of
smoke still thinning.

Was I
the stubborn?

Subsequent darkness
overtaking
Once a sweet home
Now a paralyzing loneliness.

Match burnt, candle gone
future still…

Will another offer to
light my dark corners
--myself willing,
with a newfound scent?

A day may come
to end my night,
but I only care to see
the one I once hid from.
Deep in the chest
Bones crushed within.

No blood
No screams.
All halted.

A sinking anchor
Chain's crowning jewel
The throne resides below.

Sink a little further
It shall pass

not before
breaths escape
to traps of waters
blackened by their virginity
to the light.
Get that **** out
don't let it stay in
building up, soiling
inside and rotting
like the mold on a loaf of bread
ignored on the shelf
for two weeks
too long.

Get that **** out
for what seems to come out
of your ******* to you
may just be that
lost, buried treasure
another has finally found,
and oh how they might worship it
your magnificent ****.
Felt like having a little fun.
A relationship's ultimate prospect
is a part of a greater whole.

A single's life, however,
yields the promise of individual freedom.
We so seldom stick with what we plan.
It's a reason many who attempt to lose weight
gain it all back again.
We're quick to desire and even begin a necessary change
but we're just as quick to revert and recede
back to the state and place we're currently in.
We become comforted by our mundane discomfort,
slipping further and further into lethargy
until all we have are words
with neither action nor thought to speak of.
life redundancy change lethargy world issue
Music is the air
And listening ears my heart.
If I'm deaf, I'm dead.
Dear Life,

Can you drop the charade
and numbingly bathe me
in the musical fantasy I seek?
I fear reality has too many hooks and shards
for my light, thin balloon to handle.
I would rather fade with Mother's breeze
than burst underneath
this deep, dark ocean.
We all know this feeling
upon certain loss.
Our essence, our vitality
vanishes as wood does
upon the death of the fire
that burnt it before.

We become hollow,
Doubting any substance remains
within our closest, tired caverns.
What's unleashed can't be physically seen
and yet it trivializes
the most gruesome of bloodbaths.

At times--even all times--
we wish we would bleed
rather than cry
so our hearts could donate what we lost
to the dry, coarse dirt.

But don't wither yourselves so,
for none should crack
with the frailty of a shell.
The roots may be ripped,
yet the seed may still be planted.
And with no sunshine,
a sunshine we begin shunning,
the rain of our tears can never cease
to allow our true pedals to finally blossom.
There's no other path
that this gravity will take

Supplanting
my air, my breath
as every sense drowns
within a distorted atmosphere

The walls
rise on and up
As I feel this weight
wiring to my mind

Fuses so short
I never notice the sparks
until the last one pinches
and scatters the emotions within
my now-broken shell.
For me, dreams don't come
I must find them, create them
Or lay blank and stuck
Caught myself amidst the wilderness
Where I was neither born nor raised
It always appeared so, so strange a place
No place for a child

My heart resided in the certain and familiar
Now I wonder where it longs to take me
Desire's inbound with unflinching insistence
But perceived reasons stake me to the ground

Curious odors, pulsating flashes, prickling noises, voracious appetites
The atmosphere overwhelms me senseless
Am I here to enjoy or to observe?
My chains answer with invisible weight

Now comes the rainbow-colored mist
Is this a magician's home--a flourishing disguise?
Sparks and shadows scatter into the expanse
All I see is a vista like the blessing skybox

Desire will you take me?
Lead the boy out of his crib built by the safe
Who are one and the same
Sitting, allowing the box for forge us

A light of the mist careen's my way
Its pleasant sting spreads, boundaries finally disintegrate
Remains litter the ground, I'm finally free
I'm finally lost
My drug, my escape
my gravity,
You are what I lean on
when wind beckons
shrilling of the whole world
amassing within
such small confines.
My air would still
upon silent panics
without you
my constant dosage.

My head is the mount,
my ears the hungry mouths
voracious their appetites, finicky
their tastes.
A hungry duet
yields no isolation.
Fuel the diet
or suffer endless
distraction.

My solitude
won't arise
from elusive
silence, only
multiples of white
noises shall supplant
the unknown absence.
Prepare these notes
as artists do
strokes on a painting,
each their own masterpiece for
the uninhibited mind,
deliver me
a melody, and abstain
the malady.

Grace will unfurl
to and from
when the blank that is
limbo besieges.
Remove all, allow
me to nurture my own
joys of rainfall,
sorrows of sunlight
so I may be spared
relentless storms, those
sandy blizzards,
for their pain
is mere
chaos.
Trickles in the pond
Did a rose or a stone cause it?
Night too dark
For naked eyes
Strained futility.

Your wilderness sings so foreign
Words and melodies blend
As all victims do
In their final, eternal mattress.

The ripples in my pond
Build and crash
Where and when did this collapse begin
Will I find shelter, home or solace
Lost out here?
Standing on the hillside
Stilled winds blanket my skin
I close my eyes and embrace
Worms born of skies and clouds
Blank are the colors they inspire

Lying on the hillside
Earth's feathers caress my limbs
I close my eyes and imagine
My bed sinking beneath the ground
Under may I breathe better than above

Falling down the hillside
Sunless upon the town, small and wilting
I close my eyes and remember
Sensations akin to this, akin to innocence
Come the end of my fall, will either of us stand?

Before this old hillside
A body still as corpses about the air
Open eyes shimmer, puddles of rain
Ashes, dirt and dust swim about this sprawled figure
Clothing for naught, now flesh sings with Her whole
All our distant memories
are like stars
in the nighttime sky.
If thoughts could speak
freely without intrusion
from our language
constructed as
a large structure
rife with walls
converging
top to bottom
side to side
echoes dead
or dying further.

During those walks at night
spontaneous and empty of purpose
I fertilize my best thoughts
the kind one doesn't simply return to
calling and commanding upon
like some song's familiar reprise.

How I could speak
if they simply came out
with need for neither pen
nor paper, just to save them
in their fresh purity
but when I come back to
the clear beautiful glass that formed
has been cracked
stained and collected dust
over the course of generations
or so it feels.
What's in a color?
A mere shade, a simple hue
Fooled I feel, fooled I was
Always have been
We're the only ones to fall

Am I destined
to forever swallow the water?
Healing skin, stinging the throat
It has a body
and I claim one as my own

Waiting as the fisherman does
I'm absent when my reel tugs
Ignorant, distracted
Excuses

Now I wind back
I'm left empty and alone
The sea has never been my ally

No partner
When I am, in fact
The foreigner

To understand is to struggle
Against more than just the current

Sails ripped and torn
Through storms aplenty
Will this night finally yield peace in the breeze?

There's a floor I've yet to explore
and it exists far below
Survival cannot be
Therefore I seek inevitability

I may search, I may chase
Yet I cannot promise
Any more than the next eon
An era I'd struggle to obtain
For none but her.
I lived a never-ending nightmare
Until I said the words I thought would seal me

Common life never stung so painfully
My faith was lost, gained and now is lost again
Routine's turned into a tragic play
Every image flashes as a poignant nightmare
Spontaneous and on repeat

My essence wasn't wholly offered
Succumbing to bottled desperation
I blinded my internal being

Through inexperience we all become audacious

Now the nightmare from before has returned
The true nightmare that withers me whole
An eternal nightmare that neither flashes nor stings
It never hurts, it only numbs.
I am empty
Like a wasteland I am empty
Desolation should've yielded comfort by now
Left without time to call my own
I am not even my own person
How can I be another's?
It seems a simple desire, to belong
Yet I've never fit

My life is one of internal isolation
Can that separation and life itself exist, harmoniously?
As always, I hold doubts and withhold hope

Nihilism, pessimism...it all blends the same stench
I am with the crowd in my saturation, if nothing else
Perhaps more are empty than I thought

I estimate myself as beyond all others
Inner capacity poised for pain and self-conflict
What is my mental pain, so toxic, in the wake of Hell's disasters?

Please, I need a true companion
Romance would be the unexpected bonus, if possible
Hear me, comfort me, be there for me
I admit to my utter weakness and frailty
Now I bare myself in an attempt to finally strengthen
Now I need a mentor, a true mentor

Are you out there?
Just thinking, out and (hopefully) loud.  Sheer expression.
So far the ground appeared
never thought I would see again.  
World seems so much nicer
from afar.

All it took was one sparkle
from one star.  
Clouds swept through
and through--
a transparent bloodstream
casting me into delirium,
dancing the sky
carelessly.

But flight isn't my course,
I cline with
the wind's will
and wisp.  

This descent
all too familiar.  
I will not return to
what grips me down,
that which grips us all.  

Let this coming clenching
have but one final victim:
My breath.
Allow my exhale
to rise in its departure
so it may stay
lost in the cloud,
a haven I forever seek.
Initial draft.
What's up is the sky
and I'm up for the stars
and down for a cave expedition.

I'm game for a used copy
since time is literally killing me
while I got pizza in one hand
and an energy drink in the other
so the tree that is my life goes
chop chop chop.

The only chip on my shoulder
is a potato chip
because I got a dozen for every dime I spent,
which is a drop in the bucket of change
I'm saving for Coinstar.

My son Jack has made many trades,
from CDs to movies to videogames to trading cards
and he just so happens to be a Pokemon master, thank you very much.

Resisting a piece of cake
is no piece of cake,
even when the recipe
--complete with a photogenic picture--
is comprised of over a thousand words.
Don't cheat on your diet,
the spinach is always watching
and that Rolex will feel so tight
you'll be praying for thousands
of slaps on both wrists.

When things get hot
you can bang against a clock
to see how long you last.
Just don't crack 'em up too much,
clocks are fragile devices.

My motor's a Cobia
yours is an Evinrude
but otherwise we're in the same boat.

Whenever I fail I don't go to the drawing board,
I get out my scrap book.
I prefer its texture and it is,
truly,
the first square.

When my frustration becomes too much
I might have to beat the bush instead,
after all
it can't be a sightseer forever.

Don't throw me a bone,
I'm not dog,
merely a curious cat
still on his seventh life.

I'd rather be close
than be stuck with a cigar--
smoking's bad and I hate the smells.
If I'm left with nothing, I'll cry like a wolf.
Wolves are hunters, wolves are survivors.
I don't want cruelty
I don't want pain without purpose
I don't want my eyes to water from a heart left dry

I don't crave some deliberate infliction
I don't long for hidden scars that never heal

I don't search for loaded words
I don't prepare for harmful intentions
I don't seek a path that pushes me underground

I don't look for confusion
I don't desire confined spaces
I don't enjoy advantage at another's disadvantage
And I don't give out points to those who play with dishonesty
Where the whole that was
has finally
fragmented,
descending in an open, unremarkable blaze.  

And so pieces of me shall collide
with the ground,
implanting fractures
few shall discern.  

And the winds of days
and nights will continue to
persuade the dirt unto me
so my morose roots will not grow,
infesting a world undeserving
of my inadvertent pollution.
I just want to know there's another chance.
There are always other chances out there.  Millions, in fact.
Not with others, but with them.
We both know that's unlikely.
But there's a possibility?
There's always a possibility, but they'll probably find another before giving you another shot.
What if they don't find somebody else?
Then you might.
What if I don't either?
Then, based on how you both think and behave, they'll be content and you'll be self-defeated.
How could they content all alone?
They are their own person; they're fine with themselves.  You, however, are not.
Should I be?
*At least consider it.
I'm just experimenting.  If people seem to like it I'll continue and post subsequent parts.
Sometimes I still do
I don't because of the pain
My loved ones would face
All I wanted was to be with you and suffer every day
There are no flowers on your grave
Willing to die and I will, after you for what I believe
Life betrays, but I keep going
And as long as I'm alive I won't be free
'Cause on time fate calls out to us.

In my dreams I can hold you, and I wake so alone
It's not too late for me
Things I must die for
Soon I'll be knocking at your door.

Walk me across the water
Shine your light, be the beacon of hope at night.

There's no time to waste
Our quest will last forever
Two hearts should meet
The wheels are in motion, together we turn them.
Am I losing all track of time?

Free to the end
It's a hard won place of mystery.

Realize our full potential
How can we ignite the flame while missing the true spark?

Gravity is finally giving in
Down to the detail
It's meant to be, I see the signs
Pictures of something we lived.

If you follow the flame you end up in the dark.

Let's imagine this beautiful paradise before us rise
Endless, our dreams carry on
Living in our hearts
Some say it's like autumn breeze
The night will be our day
Far beyond reality
And I wish the sun would slip away
Will it make me see?

I breathe as hard as you as I end my day
Now forever falling down.

Whatever dreams we're reaching to claim
Twist and shake
It will never come back again.
Inspired by "Life Story" from David Shields.
Here's the grand illusion...

I was the evasive shadow

But we have only just begun.

Tell me, isn't that strange?

Every day feeds this moral decay
In the strange game of life.
Now we can feel the winter.

Solitude's upon my skin
Waiting for the rain you're bringing.

Communication's broken, phantoms are far away.
Now the leaves are turning red
In a time of hope and desperation.

So I wither
Out the dark into the fire below.
Here I hear
Those foul voices
in the air.
Spitting putrid
Toxic to the ear
Nearly as much
as the mind.

Purification expensed
for the sake of inner chaos.

There's a storm I face
Night upon night
When the vacant spots
must be filled.

Desire yields growth
for these cavernous seeds
Roots sinking
every passing moment
Left to waste.
the lone survivor is on
his raft at sea
creaking and swaying
in a tide that can't decide
calmness or turbulence

the sun is out yet
the clouds are endless
together in their gray
unison like a blanket
of dust

his eyes greet the waters naught
but opaque and black
were it not for the navy streams
from the poor muddled light
overhead
Might add to it.  Wanted to make a more metaphorical poem.
Ever become lost
until any desire to find
or be found
dies with the sunlight?

That shone world
suddenly distant,
further than
small dying memories.

Better to be
separate and away,
for I am not them.
I am not
you.

See, these eyes prefer
darkness,
the blank sheet challenging
to create light.
So shut them
to see.
Secrets once known
Secrets still unknown
Secrets forgotten

Inside is the youth
Inside is a struggle

Feelings of innocence
Thoughts of guilt

Old warmth dissipates
beneath a newfound shell.
Obsidian frost.

Mystery without clues
Mystery with no answer
Mystery with myself

Questions and doubt
only strengthen what contains
my dwindling flare.

Home once my solace
Home my haven
away from tranquility.

The growing cold stings
my heart
suffocating
my sense.

Extinguish the flame,
for one is contagious
and many are
dangerous.

Welcome the dead desire
Welcome the surrender
Welcome a reminder

Sensation awakens
when the ice melts
before rekindled flames.
The first time
I know we both recall
Filled with lights and laughs
Promise was in season
That summer night

My ever-lurking void
Soon filled by you
Excitement, pleasure
Filled by both you
And the idea of you

Yet which was greater
I realized all too late
Which still felt much too soon

I ended us
Cut us short
Nothing changed
Only my vision

And yet
My heart and my life
Have been left a-longing
I can't have the companion
It's "too soon" to start looking
I can't endure the solitude
It's gone too long
And returns in an instant

How much of you
Shall I truly miss?
It is one of those days
where I get stuck
in my pit

struggling to climb
needing to escape

Soon may be too late
late will be too long

Can someone lend me a rope?
I shan't hoist myself
not yet.
Send it so you may
safely descend
not to stay
only to visit
so I have company's comfort
here in my pit.

Maybe then they'll understand
why I slip so suddenly
and help me remember
there's always a way out.

The time will come
when the climb is
self-attained.
But I can't
not now.  

So the rope might still reside
lost to shadows only I could be
seeing.  
I just hope you carry a glimmer
of what's left of the world's lights
so this climb
and (m)any others
will be eased.
Then will come my ascent
yes, this time my own
when I won't need another
for each gradual advance
back into that
twisted little reality.
There are some days my mind becomes my worst enemy, my biggest obstacle.  Days I only want someone to be there.
In a world of birds
you're the queen of swans
and I'm the common crow

how I wish
we could be a pair of cardinals
Clumsy creator
scribbling whimsical impulses
silently crying with desire for bliss;
the one-sided dream of popularity.  

Such history
angst protrudes
endless words repetitive
for all shades to a single
melancholic emotion.
Comfort comes from discomfort
past and present.  

His tales err
each day a page
littered with blemishes,
the next forever blank
until written so.

Don't dwell too long
correction's left to
what the future promises;
more room to fill
than a page growing
ever so occupied,
worry growing rapid
like a child to a parent.

Despair
long the struggle
you must overcome.

The weather for any path we take
realized by our mind's forecast
our eyes the screen we sense.

Solace may come
when rain falls heavy
yet the sun shines
promising growth with
the earth long overseen;
beauty cannot forever cling to
nights and overcast days
while light permanently contrasts

So please
embrace balance.
I know they're not
accurate.
The fact I frequent
creative results
may be
more or less
coincidental.
After all
who am I
compared to
Jon Stewart
or a Greek
philosopher?

But maybe
I don't care.
Maybe I take them
just for fun.
And who can complain
when they are compared
to Charizard
and Winnie the Pooh?
The melodic entrance begins
I'm undone like a spell
Willingly bewitched
Indulge me

Please sing; no voice, no soul
Even those lost have something to offer

Silence intrudes upon removal
Everything's suddenly missing
As I wander the world
No meaning but what my ears are subject to

Play another and make it count
One wrong pick and I'm disrupted

Make it count.
When speaking
of intimate prospects
please
don't put the impossible
scenarios into my head.  

I do enough of that
myself.
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