I grew up in a house of closed doors and retreating footsteps, so light I wondered if anyone was even there. A house of ghosts, defined by a thick layer of dust on the couches, and doorbells that were never answered.

I grew up in a house of silence, the only signs of life: coffee mugs in the sink, and leftover crumbs on the kitchen counter. Silence so palpable it wraps itself around my throat until it becomes comforting. The microwave cannot reach zero here.

Birds chirp incessantly on Sunday mornings, and the weight of their music sits heavily on my chest. Plants reach for a slab of sunlight trickling between dusty window shades. I can hear their leaves straining, and I want to tell them to stop.

A patch of sunlight reaches the floor, and my cat purrs loudly and unforgivably in it's warmth. Sitting at the edge of my bed, there are hushed footsteps down the hallway, a door softly shuts, the silence is broken.

My throat tightens, and I shrink away from the light. To be unseen and unheard here is to be safe. There are five ghosts in this house, and I am one of them.

I have to throw up walls...
I have to refuse...
I wish I didn't have to,
But that's not possible;
At least not with you.

I love you and I've learned.
I can't give you everything.
Or you would just use me up.
The frustrating part?
You're unaware. Or your not listening.
It's the same either way.
It's for my own good
And yours too

Your reaction confirms I'm doing the right thing
Or you'd never respect my answer
(not that you really do now)
but I respect myself enough to say it.

I've been too lenient with you.
A realization that comes too late.
Like a mother and her child
Realizing her mistake during the tantrum.
The realization comes with the knowledge that you present understanding until met with opposition.
Contradictory texts and I now realize, painfully, you knew it was a big ask

....you just weren't expecting me to say no....

You don't respect my time. That much is clear. I just wish I realized it sooner.

All the best again, dear Sis
You, I am gonna miss
All the time you were here
Never did I miss a gear
While driving the car of my life
Even were it never free of strife

Whether it be the tea you made
Or the pastas and noodles you cooked
Never will the memories fade
No matter how hard Satan tried
To put a spanner in our works
Very endearing, are your quirks

Your presence, did I almost take for granted
Because, no matter what
There was nothing you missed
Including meeting our neighbours and their cats!

You turned Despair Into Hope
Even if the devil in me
Tried its best to make me mope
You turned Hatred into Love
And never was there a problem
Which you could not solve
And finally, you turned Stress into Peace
With a remarkable ease

Always, was there a smile
On your beautiful face
Because you went the extra mile
To help us achieve inner peace

You, I am gonna miss badly
But all that matters
Is that you should be happy
And unless were I mad as a hatter
Always, will I love you
And always, shall our bond be thicker than glue
So, wish you all the very best
Sure am I, that you will face a stern test
However, equally am I sure
That, everything shall you endure
As ever, with a smile on your beautiful face
Irrespective of the place

Shoes crunch onto the trail
Between the fences
Shortcuts, one of the wonders of life
Like discovering
the taste of a marshmallow

School is ahead
People, large hulking guys
Sweet smelling women
Teachers, mostly nice
Children mainly rousing

Stir fears, challenges
Sensations like one gets
When discovering a compelling
Book at the city library

Hand-in-hand
Meeting the day
Sibling love
Even better than marshmallows

From her lessons in independence we learnt that everyone leaves,
Abandonment as sure a fact of life
                                                                ­                                            as death.

We learnt that love was transactional,
A currency,
A receipted ***-for-tat tete-a-tete.

At the altar we were shown lies,
In the white dress a million yes’s but the question was never till death.

I could walk through darkness without worry,
I’d never been shown the danger,
Been encouraged to see an enemy in calories but not strangers.

We learnt to lie to avoid bruises,
Wooden spoons used for more than stirring soup,
The salt burning streaks down our faces when the *** boiled over the stove top.

Truths ignored and lies inelegant
We learnt to wield fists with tongues  
Sparring for our lives.
Cautiously awaiting the
whistle pop
truth drop
wished unsaid
upon
impact.

I've spoken to my brother
It sure had been a while

I've spoken to my brother
Using cards from a pile

He gave me a little pick me up
He told me I should have more fun

But Mischief and Mayhem were long gone
When the springs of his clock had sprung

He recognized this and came with advice
"The memory of my mighty leap is dead weight in life"

He said so and I replied thus
bro what the ****

~
Weddings and honeycombs.
Why do they give us the hives?
The keeper knows.

There's a buzz in the air.
It belongs to
the rudimentary happinesses:
The minor miracle of father's smile,
a morning breath of honey,
painting toy lips with
blood from mother's finger.

Deathless protagonists,
Mom and Dad,
our propolis.
They love us from afar.
They love us with what they are.

There's a buzz in the air.
There must bee!
They can't help loving
us little monsters,
who sting
and then say goodbye,
sting and say goodbye.

A linn begins to form
in the corner of their eye,
as wheat fields sway in the wind.

The innocent
and the beautiful
have no enemy, but time.
~