My anger is like a demonic possession
I have no control over this powerful obsession

Here I go, once again
Returning to paper
The ink directed forth is
My only real saviour

The one thing
Preventing me
From losing my mind
Is for me to write down
Things better left behind

So I remind
Myself
Upon the past I dwell
From the present I yell
To the future I sell

These lines, as messed up
****** up
As the creator who wrote them
Once again
Do you understand
Why I write these songs my friend?

Another day, another song
In my mind I'm the only one who sings along
As trees burn, and embers swirl
I stand alone and yell!

Pump out these lyrics
With ease and admitting
My failure to really
Sing but do you hear me?

That voice in your head
That tells you what I dread
And you relate but scare yourself
When you go to bed

I don't mean to be a nightmare
But with my words I do dare
To share
What scared me
And made me so **** angry

So I hope that you know
That these words are free-flow
And be strong, do no wrong
Find your strength when you sing this song!

Another day, another song
In my mind I'm the only one who sings along
As trees burn, and embers swirl
I stand alone and yell!

From the pits of hell!
From the raging storms!
Can you hear me yell?
And if you can then sing along!

Another day, just another song
From the readers perspective it's just a poem
When I walk alone, amidst the chaos
I wonder if then you'll admit all is lost

I scream out in silence
And the world doesn't hear me

Funny isn't it?

Constriction,
Restricting your airway
Throw you down the stairway
Violence made my mind break
Oh wait!

You think you can escape?
Leave me after you played your game?
The silence was a mind-****
And now you try to escape?

Why the **** are you doing this to me
Am I your ******* experiment?
Just another play-toy, just another boy
Only this time this one rises with the decision to destroy

Why'd you **** me over like this?
What I did wasn't this bad
I become obsessed, it's true
BUT NOW I ******* HATE YOU!

Yet I still want to talk, God knows why
When clearly you've made up your mind now I gotta decide
Whether or not to fade away, turn to grey
The mist through the hills on a cold and rainy day

Or stick around and get ****** over more
WHY THE ******* MAKING ME ANGRY FOR?
I demand answers, I need some ******* answers
I have too many questions and I never was a dancer!

So stop waltzing with my conscious around this God-forsaken floor
Find a better one, a cleaner one, before I'm missing you when I destroy it all

A fire in our hearts for our every desire
A match, some kindling or perhaps a lighter
Waiting for an incident, an accident or worse
To light them up, die out and wind up in a hearse

Death is what we  dread, death is our end
You can pretend to be immortal, but you can only pretend
Life is what we cling to, our unreliable friend
But when your fire dies out, life will only send

An inferno, a tornado, circling flames
Burning deep within ever since I was made
Forced into this world, this world of chaos
Wandering the streets hoping that I'll get lost

Sometimes I look up into the sky
And burn brighter than the Sun, though I'm dark as night
Praying to God oh no, God please help me!
God save me, God you made me, God just take me!

And I hear nothing, nor do I see sign
Of He who lives above, He so divine
Abandoned by the figure who claimed to love me!
No-one left, just my fire and me, so I'll wait till I cease to be!

Got Hollywood Undead just stuck in my head
Playing on repeat, the words I dread
"Pull up my sleeve and see the pattern of my cuts!"
Just playing over and over, my brain is fcked

I used to wonder how good scars look
On the front page of this self-serving book
But now I know better, they just show weakness
Sometimes I look in the mirror and ask why I did this

It was because I felt the need
Suffering at the hands of my own greed
A red line drawn, a stinging pain
And a smile on my face again

But scars aren't all good, I mean they all have a story
How would you tell your friends, that you were falling
Fck that, how would you tell your kids?
"I was messed up and that's why I did this?"

"I thought a scar would look good, but I became obsessed
With the idea that my wrist should be dressed
All up in red, my own pretty doll
A dimple on the cheek and a blade that stole?"

I don't think so

I had become obsessed, with the idea
That to cut myself was no sign of fear
So I did it when I was angry, when I was sad
Yeah that's right I did it when I was mad

Usually at myself, but sometimes at others
Made myself believe they'd go running to their mothers
After I'd finished with them, knuckles cracking
And a grimace as my flesh opened to cutting

Sometimes I'd be sad, so sad and depressed
Stuck in old habits or just down and messed
Either way, it was my way, my only way out
Turning to the razor when in any doubt

But I got ugly scars, on my torso and shoulder
On my leg, on my arm and places older
I can't remember them all, there's just too many
And I regret them all, and'll stay till I'm twenty

And some for longer
Although I certainly hope not
For these scars, these scars so horrible
Caused by a kid who in anger got lost

Moving downtown as quick as I can
I'd name myself the Joker, or maybe Funny Man
But they're already taken,
I know I ain't mistaken,
With these names in mind I move as quick as I can

I'm just after a little good time
And maybe a girl that I could make mine
But I know I can't do it,
Never gone through with it
Just after a little good time

Because sometimes I can't stand it
The way the voices make me feel like sh*t
They're yelling at me,
These devils within me
And sometimes I can't stand it

I collapse on to the pavement
These voices hit me like cement
DO IT, DO IT, DO IT NOW!
DO IT, DO IT, DO IT NOW!
I pull myself up on to the edge and fall over it

Will anyone miss me?

A grey and rainy day
A day to wash away the pain
Clean the slate before fate decides
The pain is here to stay

A person to specialise in fixing my problems
When I myself have trouble trying to solve them
A psychologist for someone as messed up as me
Can they really fix it?
Well I guess we'll see

I got so much anger
Yeah it's balled up deep within
Massages don't do **** for me
It's deeper than the muscles under my skin

It's all up in my mind
And a part of my anatomy
Can you really fix my anger
When it's coded in my chemistry?

I'm not too sure
But I really hope it works
Because if it doesn't I'll probably collapse
Either that or go bezerk

Down the other alley
Is a depression so deep
You can almost taste the water when
You're drowning in your sleep

But asleep or dead
I know it's all up in my head
Every problem can be solved with time
Rather than force the end

The problem with me is
Whilst I can write
Talking to others about my problems
Is probably my hardest fight

So hopefully I work well
With my new psychologist
And hopefully she doesn't become
An anger antagonist

Puddles, puddles, everywhere
Mini rain lakes that make quagmires

How I wish you were puddles of kerosene
So I could set you all on fire

Sometimes distractions are better than reminders
In a way they can help to guide us
Through emotional turmoil and troubled times
Sometimes it's better to have them as your guideline

Other times, I may say, reminders are best
To ensure that the past is properly laid to rest
That you understand what was, what has been
And fully acknowledge what you have heard and you have seen

Vicious claws
Unrelenting mind
Strength and grace
Efficiency*
~
Black-painted fingernails
Determination sets her jaw
Admirable physique yet graceful in motion
She got to me pretty easily

Funny what one notices
In a girl

Red angry lines scribbled on the page
The story of a lifetime
In each and every poem

Fury of a Tiger
Grace of a Phoenix
Care of a Polar Bear
And Sly as a Mink

Desire to run in the dark
And do so as I please
With ****** on the mind
And an urge to appease

Beneath a full moon
Sharp set of tongue and teeth
Four paws and sixteen claws
Released from their natural sheath

Howl my lustful song
Arched back and raised head
****** dripping fangs and red eyes
Maybe you should stay in bed...

Love is undying,
Love is eternal
A flickering flame
Not an all-consuming inferno

The inferno is lust
Learn the difference

My friends constantly ask me about trust
They ask
"Who do you turn to
When your life suddenly gets ******?"

It's not who I turned to
But what
And suddenly the atmosphere in the room
Gets really hot

Because they realise, and remember
Who they're really talking to
I may be caring on the outside
But inside I'm just as ****** too

I remember reflections
Of my face in the mirror
My hope, my life and my love
Slowly getting thinner

Colder and colder
As the years make me older
Still young and growing bolder
Another file in the folder

Getting back to the subject
I see their eyes widen
As it hits them that
I've done things I can't take pride in

Every day in the shower
A razor in my hand
And red lines on my body, angry
I supply what I demand

Blood turning the water red
As it flows down the drain
Every day I suffered, for you
Mental and physical pain!

So what the **** do I know of trust,
When all I turned to was the blade?
Don't ask me stupid questions
That show my sorrowed shade

I want to forget all these sins
That I have committed
Now I commit them to paper
As my form of punishment

I was weak when you all needed me
And for that I can't forgive
Myself for being so **** stupid
So I suffer as I live

And I'm sorry, mother
For not telling you sooner
I have scars all on my body
Now you know that's ******* super

I apologize Father
You knew but I said no further
That each and every day I
Pledged myself to self-******

I'm sorry Aysha
I tried to stop you from doing it
But now I know better
This is the ******* ****!

My sincerest apologies Georgia
I know I promised
But I did it in the heat of the moment
Not when i was at my calmest

But why should you truly trust me
When I say I am so sorry
I mean I have so many issues
I could be telling stories

Didn't know that my trust issues
Pierced that far into my soul
Bet you didn't even guess that
My thoughts smoulder like coal

Ironic, isn't it?
I just said I was like fire
Yet I am more so like ice
Another ****** for hire

If ever you need words
Put into some order
You can try and trust me
Me and my delusional disorder

This isn't a new story;
In fact it's quite old
I may have mentioned it before
But now this story must be told

All through my Primary years
All I had was sweat and tears
I had no friends and too many fears
I couldn't even trust my peers

I kept my secrets hidden deep;
They began to devour me
I tried to talk to somebody,
Please oh please, anybody!

I had begun to play yard games with kids
Who weren't really my friends
They used and abused me every day
Until I felt like it was the end

I blurted it out to them
"Stop this, I can't take it!
I have Aspergers, *******,
Do you know how I deal with it?"

They didn't know how I did it
They were absolutely speechless
Now I regret saying it
Till then it was only known by teachers

My simple reply
To the question I posed them
"I don't"
And a new level of bullying began

Now "******" actually meant something
"*******" was introduced
I regret ever opening my mouth
And helping these new taunts be produced!

Had to move schools because we were moving house
My first term in new uniform, new school and different people
I had hoped that moving would get me friends and less enemies
But no matter where you go, it seems, people are still evil!

I had a crush on a girl that year
And she was always taken
She swapped boyfriends so fast they called her a ****
If I'm not mistaken

I wrote her letters, I was too shy to talk
And the best bit? She wrote back
I kept her letters to this very day
But I did not know she would betray!

She showed my letters to some guys
These guys who used to tease me
I only found out through a friend
When he said he'd seen the pieces

She'd scattered them at the school pond
I found a piece hidden in the grass
It dawned on me that all her beauty
Hid a ******* *******!

She knew I went down to the pond
I ******* SAID SO, IN MY LETTERS!
She didn't feel guilty then
I thought that she was better!

That friend who told me, by the way
I made halfway through the year
He is and was an absolute legend,
Is my friend Pal Tear

Moving on to Year 8
New Year, New Me, right?
******* hell it wasn't
First term, and already in a fight!

Betrayed again by someone who
I had the trust to call a friend
Trusting others is one of my flaws
So I get stabbed again and again

Year 9 comes around
People look but do not speak
There is no reason to diss me
I'm no longer shy, submissive and weak

Instead they **** my anger
As I found out in Year 10
Thought the torture was over
That it wouldn't happen again!

Food scraps thrown at me
Names called from afar
I pretend I just don't care
But it's all a great big façade

I started to ponder
The sharpness of blades
And how easy it would be to cut myself
And try and replace the pain

For a pain I could tolerate
That in good time I would love
The blade would be my bestest friend
When I'd had enough

And so it came to be
For I got set in bad ways
These old habits die rather slowly
I've been trying, for so many days

I made a promise to a girl
A girl I loved, now all is neutral
That I would try not to cut
That a blade is, by far, more than that kind of useful

I'm still trying to stop
To this very day
But although I do it very little
I still get by with my wicked ways

Rain streaking down the glass,
Blending in with mine
Clouds obscuring, turning grey
Smothering the sunlight

So I lost somebody, huh?
Like any other day?
The world keeps turning,
My tears keep running
As I slowly fade away

I liken myself to a magnet
First attractive, then repulsive
Allowed my trust to turn to lust
My actions, compulsive

So what if I fade away
Who would really know I had gone?
Would they think I was ashamed,
As though something had gone wrong?

Well something has gone wrong!
I can't deny it anymore!
I want you back, I can't keep silent
My mouth has words I need to pour!

I'm sorry for what I did
I know it's not enough
But I can't keep my back turned
I may be cold but I'm not that tough!

So please, just please
Talk to me!
Before I fade away
**For I am my worst enemy!

Construction
Destruction
Death
Resurrection

Collection
Fixation
­Dictation
Relation

Construct
Destroy
Death to all
Recall

Isn't it funny how
Something can be created?
Then at the change of heart
Your mind has destruction fixated?

You call for the heads of those
Who tear apart you world
When they are soon dealt with
The real you is resurrected.

You then collect the pieces,
They are now your fixation
Other are telling you how to rebuild
From friends and blood relation

Slowly but surely,
Piece by piece
You reconstruct the world
That had lain in pieces

Then you destroy it
Because you've had enough
And bring death to all
To vent the life that you made rough

And then you expect your friends
Who you just destroyed
To come at your beck and call
When you pushed them in the void?

Get real
You brought this on *yourself

Hey hey,
I've changed
I'm not the same
No not the same

I still talk too much
About life and such
Things
But it was yesterday, no
Oh no, no no

My sister crying on the doorstep
As I left
Behind
Those familiar times
Familiar times

And I watched, expressionless,
As I left
As I left

So why do I feel this way?
Have I no sympathy?
No feelings, no tears,
Over the years
I refused to look back
Feet set upon my tracks
Feeling guilty and saddened
In my frozen wasteland

What does this mean?
Where is my heart?
Perhaps countless tears
Tore it apart
ripped wide open, left unspoken

Over the years
Reassurance allayed my fears
I knew I'd come back again
again
Knew it wasn't the end
No not the end, no

But still
Those tears,
She shed,
This hollow,
I dread
Like where did
It end
My emotion spent
I'm so cold, so cold!

So why do I feel this way?
Have I no sympathy?
No feelings, no tears,
Over the years
I refused to look back
Feet set upon my tracks
Feeling guilty and saddened
In my frozen wasteland

Frozen over, all snow and ice
Hiding in the shadows, as dark as night
Stars above this frozen wasteland
Where my heart shattered and solitude began

So thaw me out, be my fire
Return my heart, for I require
Those feelings I had, coz' I don't want to die
So please, oh please, please bring me to life

coz I don't wanna die
coz I don't wanna die
coz I don't wanna die
coz I don't wanna die

No not tonight!

So why do I feel this way?
why do I, feel this way
Have I no sympathy?
no sympathy
No feelings, no tears,
Over the years
over the years
I refused to look back
Feet set upon my tracks
Feeling guilty and saddened
In my frozen wasteland

With tears running down her face
And a hollow chest I leave this place
My frozen wasteland

I over-react quite a lot
It's one of my biggest flaws
I get angry real easy
This kid has got some claws

I'm over protective
Just a little defensive
Sometimes, quite offensive
But nobody's perfect

I slink in the shadows
Do you know who I am?
I might say I'm okay
But do you really understand?

I have scars on my body
And one pasted on my face
Ever heard of a façade?
This one is black buttons and lace

Slow stepping dance across the floor
You and I, my suit and tie
I'm in black, you in red
A dress, silky sound, brushes the ground

Gaze into a void so deep
Seemingly innocent, innocence evident
Or as I said, so it seems
Reflecting mine, but I saw no sign

The dance becomes jagged, the dance becomes rough
My suit is ruined, my shoes are scuffed
Your dress, you caress, as it bursts in flames
Unburnt, untouched, the fire you tame

I fall to my knees
You stand over me
On a ground unlevelled
I had my dance with the Devil

I've met a few weird people in my days
But honestly
Trust me
You take the cake

I told you I had a thing for you
Yet it didn't faze you at all
Here I was, trying to surprise
And ending up a fool!

We say ****** things
Like it's just casual talk
Oh how the others stare
At us when we walk!

I love how you simply don't care
No matter what we say
This is something I admire
And I really hope you stay

:)

Whenever I walk out the door,
I don't see people anymore
I don't see kindness I don't see love
I may not see much but I see enough

All I see is snakes and spiders
Spitting venom at the things that divide us
Holding power and mocking those powerless
Rather than focus on what unites us

                  Now it's time to rise up                    
Defend yourself against the venomous
      They may be deadly and corrupt
But it's you and me that can make them stop!

The venom courses through my veins
No antidote for these aches and pains
If you want them to stop then make them stop
Prove to them you've had enough

The venom courses through my veins
Every day it's all the same
They all pretend it's just a game
When they label you with those names

Prove to them you've had enough
Prove to them you've had enough
Prove to them you've had enough
Prove to them you've had enough

Crawling up and down the streets
Not-so-secret brawls in back alleys
They can knock you off your feet
But you must never admit defeat

All have my empathy
All have my sympathy
You know that it's your destiny
To show them what lies underneath

Never admit defeat

The venom courses through my veins
No antidote for these aches and pains
If you want them to stop then make them stop
Prove to them you've had enough

The venom courses through my veins
Every day it's all the same
They all pretend it's just a game
When they label you with those names

Prove to them you've had enough
Rise Up! Rise Up!
Prove to them you've had enough
Rise Up! Rise Up!
Prove to them you've had enough
Rise Up! Rise Up!
Prove to them you've had enough
Rise Up! Rise Up!

*Rise up, never admit defeat
You have what it takes underneath
Can't you feel your heart beat?
You can stop it, you will see....

Hey bro how's it going?
I feel a little ****** to be honest
Oh hey, don't feel bad
You've felt way worse before
Yeah I know man,
But I can't help it
Every time I see her
I just want to hold her

Ah, so it's a girl problem
Yeah I get them a lot
I know, I am you
I just want to be with her,
And give her the world

Hey man don't feel bad
You just gotta be patient
And before you say anything further
I know you ain't good at it,
But you at least gotta try

Good point bro,
Thanks, both of you
No problem
**Any time

Dude, stop looking at her like that
Stop looking at her like what?
Like you wanna get in there
Fine, how's that?

A rather interesting ceiling you got there
How the **** did someone get gum on the roof?
You know it's Grove right?
Oh yeah, I forgot. ******* high-schools

She's talking to you, *******
Oh ****, sorry
"You are weird, you know?"
"Why's that?"

"Talking to yourself like that"
"Eh, tell me something I don't know"
Hey, just joined the party late. What's up?
Just telling Conor he shouldn't stare at girls
Hey, shut the **** up, she's alright
She's also taken, fucko
I'm aware, doesn't mean I'm not allowed to admire
I agree
Course you do, you're a ******* **** too
Am not
Shut the **** up guys, trying to study here

"So, what did I miss?"

It's my friends who taught me
A lot of what I know
It's my friends who showed me
Where I should and shouldn't go

It's my friends who betrayed me
The first chance they got
It's my friends who made me think
That they had won and I had lost

It's my friends who faded away
Without saying goodbye
It hurts sometimes, how heartless they are
And sometimes I struggle to get by

It's my best friends who stayed by me
Who helped me to my feet
My best friends who protected me
And made those cowards retreat

It's my best friends to whom I give my thanks
For giving and giving without end
It almost makes me cry when I
Think of you best friends

I don't mind
If you, in particular,
Waste my time

Any excuse to not do schoolwork
:)

**** it all
**** myself
**** life
And **** the world

I know there are people out there
Who are actually worth a ******* ****
But the rest of them can all burn
Whilst I grind my teeth and let my anger stir

What is it that you see
When you look inside of me?
Is it something crushed?
My soul with dark claws and violent lust?

This little ******
Gives me the strength
To keep pushing through
Yet another mindless day
And as I make my way
I pay my way
Hoping the world ends today

I'm sick of just sitting and doing nothing
I'd much rather be doing something
Perhaps with fire, perhaps with blade
And destroy this ******-up world we made!

Rend it useless, tear it apart
Watch as the blood spurts from the heart
Make the day the night and the darkness strong
And live in a world where I belong!

Everyone looks at me like I'm a freak
And how dare I open my mouth and speak
And sit back down, no-one cares
Yet they are surprised when he dares, oh how he dares!

Hostility to those who waste my time
Who dis both my body and my mind
When I break, then you will see
How I could break you just as easily!

Oh how I hate all this ****
That was written at the bottom in fine print
And the world we exist in as I speak,
And how we must be submissive and meek!

I will not submit to the torture
I will not submit to brainwash
So you can stand and face my fury
Or rip your maps and just get lost!

No energy
Inside me
Trying
Honestly to figure
What it is that motivates me

I know I like to beatbox
I know I like to rap
But how do I find
The gasoline to the generator?

The generator that runs
Deep within all of us
I need it for my schoolwork
But all I feel is a dead buzz

Someone, help?

Rielly on Wheelchairs:

"Now those are my kinda wheelz"

Me on Wheelchairs:

"The hardest part to eat when eating a vegetable"

Empty shells
Filled with hurt
I load them all
And go bezerk

Hold the revolver
To my head
How much pain
Until I'm dead?

Every day
I reload
This empty shells
I unload

Listen to them click
To the floor
Wondering if I
Can take it anymore!