I feel trapped.

Like a small mouse with its leg stuck under a metal bar

In a glass jar, lid ******* on tight.

Screaming.

No one can hear me

Goosebumps caress my body  

Fully.

Wholly.  

You look into my eyes; seeing dark grey clouds

Heart hardly pumping as my eyes bore into yours

I am dead.



Barely breathing

Glazed eyes pool

Salt dripping off eyelashes

Curves aching as nails dig deeper

I crumble under the touch

Blank face.

Blank heart.

I am dead.

is this what support feels like?

a stranger tapping on my back
helping me gather all of the things
slipping out from my fingers
that I never even noticed were missing

I lust for someone who doesn't care.
I care for someone who doesn't love.
I love someone who doesn't feel.
I feel for someone who doesn't care.
And so the cycle continues
Because I'll never be enough.

I feel nothing,
I am made of rubber and spice.
I sway meaningless to meaningful songs,
laugh without a sparkle in my eyes.

I feel nothing,
I talk and laugh all day,
I sit and stare at night.
I am this loud silence deafening the earth.

I feel nothing,
Violins playing in cemeteries,
skeletons dancing to merry tones.
I look at them with dead eyes.

I feel nothing,
I am numb.
I am the sun and the moon.
The dark and the light.

I feel nothing,
I am not present here.
I am a forgotten corpse,
mistakenly breathing and emptily alive.

As I think of this world
That includes the people I do not adore
I second guess myself
And if my surroundings are enough
I look to the right of me
And see displeasure in the wannabes
Then look to the left
To recognize the ones with no depth
Truth is I don’t know anything
But this feeling of company is way to uneasy
So I structure my soul to distance itself
From people and their drawn attention to chaos
They call me emotionless and unfree
But it’s way more logical to be an absentee
And disregard the scattered pieces of my breaking heart
From the boundless interaction of humanity’s scars

She's dead..
With every single breath she takes,
With every word she utters.
She's dead..
With every thought, every idea
Her dead soul lives,
Lives and how shall her soul ever exist..

L
I
E
R

     F
    A
    K
    E
          R
          U
          D
          E
    ­                B
                    R
                    O
   ­                 K
                    E
                    N
  ­                           E
                             M
                             O
                             T
                             I
                             O
                             N
                             L
                             E
                             S
                             S
                                        L
                     ­                   O
                                        S
  ­                                      E
                         ­               R
                                                ­      M
                                                       E



These are the words that define "ME".

             ~your smiling queen :)

i've found my place
i've stopped the chase
to find my one true passion

to teach and to learn
vicariously earned
my words now have meaning in turn

lovelessly ominous
with my own fear of loneliness
now filled with the laughter of the previously unheard

become content with myself
i don't need just one help
where I was once was lost I've now found that

if there's one thing i've learnt
through my journey of growth
it's how to fill silence with friends and unknowns

for now though

by occupying my time
my eyes will keep dry
cause a busy day, keeps the emotions astray

You told me not to be “sensitive” 
So here I am trying to deflect,
but I end up absorbing the pain of your words,
the intricacies of this world,
pretending not to care about what is said 
and has happened.

I hold the tears in,
place a mask on my face,
and a lock on my lips
so that none would spill.

But now I feel numb
unaware of how I feel
and unable to cry.

Now, here you are
calling me emotionless.

I guess there was no in between;
either a heart of ocean
or a heart of stone.