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Empire Mar 14
Why does everyone try to
"Not upset" me?
What the ****?
What's wrong with being upset?
If I don't hurt,
How do you ever expect me
To deal with it?
To learn from it?
To grow as a person?
I know you're trying to protect me,
But here's the thing:
STOP
I'm a big girl
I can deal with it
It's really okay
I know how to cry.
I HAVE to figure some things out for myself.
Empire Mar 12
Just stop
Stop guarding me
Stop speaking for me
Stop trying to protect me
I know you love me,
But my weakness is your fault
So, please
I'm begging
Leave me alone
With my hurts
And let me fail
So that maybe
On my own
I can heal right
For once.
If you try to protect me forever, I'm only going to grow to hate you.
Karijinbba Mar 2
My king of hearts
my twin soul of old
he wrote he "dreamt
that he was a racoon
eating a piece of corn
with a vicarious lady
wearing a black mask
over her eyes!"
but he was wrong about me
I killed no racoon for his fur!
No rich man for his wealth!
No aborted child out of malice
It was medical advice!
just for that belief alone,
he lost me
I lived in a dead calmness
for in childhood trauma
the brain blocks
traumatic events
although a clever brain's, protective mechanism,
inability to examin
ones life timely
derrails life's true destiny
to a place not worth
it's living **** and pain.
Until I woke up,
becoming aware saved me.
I slowly have healed
I love who I was born to be
born a star seed
says my Mayan callendar!
Always flowering!
Proud of who my parents were
glad enemies are all
distant and faint memories!
This my healing art
I share, I love to be free
to choose companionship
or total independance!
My past doesn't hold me back loving others ever.
I am cautious of who I trust
to love!
I am glad my loved ones
came along.
Glad my unprovoqued
enemy's darkness fades
in my spirit's light,
their malice no longer
hinder me.
As for one beloved still
glued in mind from my past,
who loved me back,
If i just didn't find another matching twinsoul,
to share my character's intellectual broadness,
being very sellective
doesn't mean
one is stuck in any past!
Such norrow minded
form of criticism
for being unmarried,
is an **** and unfair
thinking by the
quick judging few.
I had an interesting past
with cruel greedy sick people
and many can benefit from my trips to **** and back without having to go there themselves! But only few gifted intellectuals venture to learn
from people like me
or surely from you too!
with your own
experiences
If I get any pains
from my past
I find healing joy
from the spontaneous
gentle smile of babes cradled
in their Moms embrace
the joyful toddler looking straight into my eyes, smiling with sweetest dancing eyes
looking at me
and quickly
to his Moms eyes
skanning for assurance
and safety as I smile
back at the precious
innocent true smile of a child
Ahhh! If only we all
could embrace our inner
child's spirit soul
to truly connect
with grown ups
heart to heart
without any expectation
or hidden agendas
with just the spirits beauty
of a baby's smile
smiling back ever so
happily and content.

Thanks for reading
Sincearely its an honor
to share my innercore
with the best of earth's
intellectual society of
great poets.
~~~~~
By: Karijinbba
All rights reserved.
Revised 03-13-2019
Your opinion comments loves and likes are apreciated.
I gave him the look like I've done with every guy around you
And when they touch you I freak out
I'm just a little protective...
Karijinbba Nov 2018
My old true love rdd=PC
wrote this poem to me on HP.
~~~~~
"I fall in love."
"Death would be liberating
but I wouldn't suggest jumping off a cliff"
                                               NO
"And for the life of me I hold on
to shaddy realities,
and an odd feeling of never being enough."

"I don't know what will happen"

IT IS ALL OUT OF MY HANDS

IT'S ALL OUT OF TIME"
~~~~
( my spontaniety of first thought)
my response 2018 is:

I fall in love.
and dearest true love of yore
from your holy hands
all your love for me
right into mine has fallen
precious twin flame
and here with me  love won't die
nor can unconditional love
in my hands ever perish

true love needs not be liberated
as no TREASON ever existed
you just got me ALL WRONG!

And since when orphanes in protective custudy hiding for their life after Feds and murderers buchered her family and loved ones in childhood throughout sdolecence years is  a criminal instead of a victim?
On a faulty witness protection program forcing victim to live as an exiled fugitive??
due to a horrendous liss of life

You simply didn't know me
for the task you and your brother assigned to me
and isn't it treason on your part to abandon an amnesic loved one
only because it wasn't written in an old script?
some lovers being in love
feeling betrayed and hurting
do jump off a cliff
like you did.
Still others jump into amnesic shocks becoming like I did
DEATH CALM!
I don't recomment either one!
both are equally distructive
forms of living in denial.
foolish ways to end a heartbreaking tragedy.

We were so identical twin flames from the inside thinking modes
both feeling so small
and never enough for each other!

And both so brightly colored in the outside with Gs light
very rare occurance
a triumph for the finding
worth the fame intended
worth the pain of defeat endured
for the best can only be bought at the cost of great pain and sacrifice!!
my pain went to sleep in an amnesic transformative shock
I have always loved you
and as you see I did jump!
Right into 'death' and 'knife'

Read my birth chart both Death and Knife remain a blessing and a curse to me such mystery
but both protecting me just the same!
two protective mechanisms
per the Mayan calendar

Death saving me from 'death'
and knife'cutting' through my pain a cold ice blade
there transforming me
Death Calm and silent!
I am not insensitive I feel love
death needs not be liberating
my soul knowing true love
will rest in peace with some regrets
I promised our unborn childten that no love fame nor great fortune would be greater then the love I feel for them all
and I kept my painful promise
but it was the end of me

In your eyes
I must have shrank smallest yet
misunderstood I go unless you read me here on HP the final fronteer unless you read
my memoir but we are both running out of time
lovers die in more ways than jumping off cliffs

precious love thank you for loving me
it hurt me very deeply to let you go so long ago
I am the woman who loves you the most in this whole wide world
I could have given my life for just one day though to have understood you
to have known what to do
what not to do,
where to go, where not to go,
what to say, what not to say.
what to think and what not to!
i didn't understand you!
so I feared you
I couldn't fight every greedy jealous woman for your love as the left behind
forgive me please beloved
I felt too small and worthless

I had no idea anyone on earth would love me
much less enough as to jump of a cliff to hurt that much for my life to benefit as new Eve
even changing earth with you
a worlds new adam Back then

I sincerely did not understand what you had planed to do after our loss
Life had only taught me
to feel insignificantly tini especially when being taunted
mistreated and challenged
abandonement syndrome
was my demise
your mind games and head riddles smothered my dreams
of you me for us

loving you more than
I loved myself was understood
very well that's what life
had taught me to do
to let go of everything I ever loved the most
when all life did was take chunks of my family and my life.
You were life's reward to me
without you by my side
I became speechless Dead Calm
stump like on Mothers day.

'sorry' can't depict the black hole
that has swallowed you
and me apart
nor pain depict the bottomless pit that living without you is

I too fell into my death
heartbroken as you announced
a JaneHilton freeway driving
in oposite directions was agony when in your letter
you wrote you had a wife!

I fell into the abyss and I died
I was only nineteen then

Then came **** getting me stranded at the fork road
all the way to **** Greece

smily kind penpal demons helped me up a plane ticket

two in all even married me not to avert authorities of my impending death with their treacherous agendas
IT WAS ALL STAGED
as was much of my life on earth.

I am glad we met
glad we loved each other
near or far
in G
s hands we both are.
excerpt from my Memoar written throughout my life.
arian Nov 2018
"You are my moon
Which keeps me company
When I am alone
With my thoughts at night."

I remember your eyes lighted up when you said that.
I remember the feeling I felt the night you said that.

And I also remember
The days you turned into a cocoon.
The nights where I only focused
My lights for you; to keep you warm.
So you wouldn't feel no harm.

Then you came out of the shell that kept you hostage.
Right away, as you were free, you asked about your age.
I whispered that you weren't as old as you thought you were.
You sighed in blue, changed your color, and stopped your prayer.

But I am still the moon
Floating with my tune.
So don't reach me with your balloon,
Just stay there in your dune.
amber Jul 2018
every day i wake up,
i choose to safeguard my heart.
it floats in a smooth jelly,
easily penetrable.
but each day,
i form a glass jar within,
to encase my fragile *****,
that feels love and pain,
so passionately.

if i let you in,
and you shatter the glass,
please pay close attention.
don't let the shards,
pierce my heart.
the bleeding will not be,
short-lived.
the blood will spill out,
endlessly.
Omni Winters Mar 2018
Why can't you just let go of all fear and thoughts
holding you back from what you crave and seek the most?
The very thing that you've been longing for that has entered your life a little while back and still loves everything that is YOU?
She only wants the best for you..
Even if it means your happiness
doesn't include her.

You're such a prize to behold.
You're her favorite word, her favorite thought and memory, and the dream she goes back to every night.

When she thinks all is lost, the thought of you and the many remarkable things about you remind her why she should keep going.
She would fight for you and unconditionally love you day through night.

Your absence is never easy for her.
Every second away from you continuously causes her heart to break and bury itself into the ground.
The longer you two keep distant, the more it will hurt.
The memory of you starts to fade after a while.
All there is to remember you by
is the happiness she feels when she thinks about you,
the love she has.

No matter how fearful you are,
take that bold move and show her your
appreciation for everything she's done.
She deserves so much for everything she sacrifices.
And it's all for you.

She is protective of you as a mother is protective of her children.
She imagines you in horrible tragedies and always imagines herself fighting to see if you're alright in the end.

That's all she wants.

She wants you to be alright.. more than alright.

Knowing you are happy and well
will make loving you worth while.

She is the brave, empathetic and creative person
you only wish you could be.

You are MORE than enough.
For her and the world.

© 2018 Omni Winters
March 13th, 2018

That last line I either cut out or keep when I share it with people (depending on who I show it to). I do that with a lot of the things I write because you never know how someone is going to react.
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