is not wanting to lose you
            really all that wrong?

is wanting to be by yourside
              really such a crime?

is waiting to see you every night
            really that bad?

i dont need you to breathe at night,
    but your scent makes the nightmares
        alright.

i dont need you to have a good day,
      but your smile makes a cloudy day
          cozy and warm.

i dont need your hand in mine,
     but it does make the walk
            easier and bright.

i dont need you.
        you dont need me.
           cant we be together
                 and let love be kind?

two hands we have,
      one for each other,
              one for the rest of life.

is loving you through it all
       a pressuring act?

is wanting the same
            just the delusional way?

do
    we
         not
              deserve
                            a
                            second
                                       chance
                                               at
                                                 light
                                                        in
                                                           this
                                                                 dark?

they want to take my toys away
'cos I won't play the game their way
but they don't understand my vision
see through my eyes of contradiction
the gatekeepers have closed their realm
standing strong for what they believe in
I know they'll never let me pass
they have a hatred that's deep entrenched
I'll carry on regardless though
in my one man delusional show

I didn't want to sleep when I'm next to you
I couldn't dare to close my eyes
Fearing I might have to sleep away my occurring living action dream
I was afraid, I might have to not see you ever again
Like a dream
It might perish

So I stayed awake
Had a closer look at your features
Tender soft looking expression
Squishy sleepy babyface
Lips that I wanted to kiss more
But I hesitated
I didn't want to wake you up

I felt peace for awhile during that day
Your presence brought peace into my personal territory and it felt nice

I touched your face
Poked your nose
Felt your beards with my fingertips
They went rushing to your chest
Your heart was beating fast
I wished the moment lasted longer

I wasn't sure
If I was dreaming
Or daydreaming
Or going all delusional from my madness
But I loved it, every single second
And I wish it could happen again

But then
I woke up again the next day
Feeling
unhappy
Empty
You weren't next to me
08052021

Written on 17th May 2021
Potatoes Sama 💖

Echoes of that lying indulgence
for the ideal world left out in the open;
calls to you.

And due to the loneliest somber room
you've kept yourself as a prisoner,
all you do is try and grip the walls

Forever looking into the lens
with a filter of that serene land in your head,
a dream that you continue...
to live through.

Sensing a presence in my bed
I plead that this is all in my head

My gut wrenches. Heart
sinks
once my eyes fix upon you I dare not blink

Cold, numbness proceeding
I could never prepare for this feeling

You cannot meet my eyes
now they aren’t closed in sleep.

Mirrors to a soul you violated
You ******* creep

I can’t reject modernity but I also can’t reject tradition - I embrace them both
I listen to psychedelic pop classic jazz nocturne and 90’s rock
I listen to Fiona apple and then to aphex twin
and then to old polish rap  so I can feel like that post soviet building I cross every morning
I am rage I am unstoppable
But you would never get it - because your not a pseudo intellectual 16 year old girl
I am both the best and the worst version of myself

Everyones the protagonist
to their deceptive movie life
made-up delusional illusions
to distract us from the strife.
Delude ourselves into
the minds- 'Hollywood'
hallucinating surrealism
numb & evasive to reality
& the creeping white noise of realism.
We lose track of fleeting memories
as we chase feign & shallow visions,
end up reviling our true form
& make some of the worst decisions.
Are we humour to the gods?
& ideals to the slaves of hell
Are you living in your minds- 'Hollywood'-
       Or are you living your reality well?

✨WAR OF HEARTS

At chasm,
Far deep abyss of despair,
Soaked gloomy atmosphere,
In a vague sparkle,
Arrested were my eyes to see,
My numb feelings jolted,
Salvation without sanatory,
I felt a new being resurrect,
Couldn't hold my feelings anymore,
Submissive,
I wasn't in control.

I was flummoxed,
Something I couldn't explain in fistful words,
Something hadn't felt for long,
Something my heart had long lost tune to,
Nearer I drew stuck,
Pootled in with mixed feelings.

With a gaze of his eyes,
I saw him,
Charismatic inclination,
I could no longer fight my thoughts,
A nightmare all was like alike,
A place of no return in flames,
In his world, I buried my thoughts,
In an ocean of love, lost I was.

Love at first sight the moment,
but wished to be a forever sight,
For in the stars in his eyes,
Was the forever in my heart,

My eyes craved his to see,
My heart wished to rewrite what I thought was lost,
My mind desired to rescript new memories,
To see the beauty in his soul,
Stretching out deep into him,
Dancing in our love,

In his cologne,
He became my body best scent,
Everyday, wishing he'd touch me more and more,
Dining in the thoughts of,
the grab that  I would give him when he is digging deep into me to satisfaction,

An overdose of him I took,
An obsession in my addiction,
That derived me numb,

He was the star that shone among the moons,
A star that had come to recollect my heart's broken pieces together,
To recolor my planet with colors of hope,
To refill it with diamonds where nothing fitted in,

But, the more I fell for him,
the more we drifted apart,
The more it hit me,
we were of two different World's,
Flowing in a whirl of perplexed events,

War of hearts, 
Clashes of cerebrations,
Fight between reality and delusion,
Conflict between heart's feelings and mind's instincts.

Reflection of his face,
Oceans and skies,
Space between fate and destiny,
Fantastical design,
Delusional exception,
Deception world of thoughts,
Dinning imagination,
Mental pictures,
confined behind my desires and wishes.

#brokensouls

©tiana..❣ ft. Abdu_l💎