loving you,
is like walking
on a landmine;
suited with a
vest decorated in
dangerous explosives

one wrong step-
                          and it goes 'kaboom',
just like ticks
of warning from
my puny heart

                                    you hold a machine
                                   and prepared to shoot;
                                   as if I've not experienced
                                   the after effects of this war,

just so I could win,
the peace treaty
of your affection

the toughest man I know,
will too, shed tears;
the prettiest lady once told me,
she too feels insecure;
the happiest friend laughed,
at the times she cheated death

I truly wonder
if the reason I'm flawed,
is to make me perfect
one day, someday.

everyone agrees that you're
tasteless and flavourless
when it comes to
choosing the ingredients
to make the dough for love.

similar to a slice of
cold, leftover pizza,
hated like pineapples
as the toppings,
slapped on like a can of
expired tomato sauce,
cut away like
unwanted crustings,
and being as cheap as
a low-quality mozzarella.

definitely
loved by me
but purely hated
by the entire world.

I fell out of love
with the thought of
falling in love.

I wish to be
an infamous serial killer,
that targets love-thirsty men.

I mean,
wouldn't it be interesting
to slash through their hearts,
with sharp, flirtation glances,
or cutting through entrails
to look for stomach butterflies,

what about blowing up their minds,
when I don't respond to convos,
and kneeing them with shrugs
till they beg for attention.

alas,
I was victimised,
before I can even morph into
a cold-blooded murderer myself

I hate it when -
the sun rejected
love from the cloud;
and made it
cry every day
during the monsoon,

And yet
the sun still tries
to shine brightly
over the clouds
as if the storm
never happened.

your love is a decoy,
because you'll always be a boy,
and my feelings,
is your toy to destroy;

that is how
you find joy

my taste buds
are probably ruined
as of today.

how can a lollipop,
so sweet and addictive,
be so bitter and awful
in just less than a bite?

my heart
is probably ruined
as of today.

how can my quick
pounding heartbeats,
be pounding normally
in just less than one love?

my worst heartbreak
is when I learned
to love someone
who isn't myself

let me pause
these daydreams,
and wake up to a reality
where it was never as it seems,
and you were never there to begin

I never heard of
stories larger than skies,
but yours differ,
I want to explore
a galaxy made from
your broken boulevards
I boarded your ship,
and sadly realised
I wasn't your
ideal co-pilot

happy new year,
never thought that
the current me wants to
celebrate another year;
filled with uncertainties -
but countless possibilities

there is no need
to throw grenades
at me; when I am
already a living,
ticking timebomb

I'm addicted to my favourite
non-existent recreational drug,
cueing in; compulsive lying.

The additional side effects
to my mind, soul and heart,
ain't as bad as I thought.

When I'm being questioned
about my troubling mental health,
I lied straight through my teeth,
that nothing could **** me,
yet I wanted to **** myself
the exact same hour.

I once lied to a friend that,
I will stay by her side
but in actuality,
I didn't even want to
stay in this world

But the biggest lie
that ever happened
is by telling myself
that I will soon be alright,
and lying is my only
coping mechanism

I think.

You know what I love
about this addiction,
is that it's a distraction
from the real harm,
which is self-actualisation,
of my ailing self.

The eyes you stared
aren't the same shade,
the hands you held
aren't the same size,
your heartbeats
aren't the same rhythm,
and with that,
I'll never replace her

because every time I feel sad,
my mind tells me that it's bad,
to have feelings of feelings suppressed,
there's no difference from the undead.

of course, yes I know,
there's no cure in just one go,
but my heart - even tied with a rope,
there's a glimmer of hope