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solfang Jul 2018
when will I ever,
accept the acceptance
of letting go?
There are things in life that I can't get over.
solfang Dec 2017
I'm addicted to my favourite
non-existent recreational drug,
cueing in; compulsive lying.

The additional side effects
to my mind, soul and heart,
ain't as bad as I thought.

When I'm being questioned
about my troubling mental health,
I lied straight through my teeth,
that nothing could **** me,
yet I wanted to **** myself
the exact same hour.

I once lied to a friend that,
I will stay by her side
but in actuality,
I didn't even want to
stay in this world

But the biggest lie
that ever happened
is by telling myself
that I will soon be alright,
and lying is my only
coping mechanism

I think.

You know what I love
about this addiction,
is that it's a distraction
from the real harm,
which is self-actualisation,
of my ailing self.
sometimes things aren't the way I want it. And lying makes me believe that there's still hope in this world
solfang Apr 2018
Maybe that's why
I prefer dogs;
animals probably have
more culture than you.

the way you take
quick glances at my trembling self
by the roadside,
with ear-piercing whistling—
does that excite you
as much as it scares me?

you made me look at
my long-sleeved dress
and ankle-hidden boots;
yet I question,
are my outfits deemed ******
till it entices your manhood?

I grip my bags firmly
and wallow in self-grief
for temporary relief,
as I fear more than just
compliments threw by
preys on the streets.

should you disagree,
of my brother,
whistling and signalling
your blood-sister,

should you disagree,
of my father,
oversexualising your mother,
then don't be a disgrace
to the ladies watching.
It was a sunny afternoon, and I was wearing a formal knee-length skirt and a loose, long-sleeved blouse. And then there's the cat-calling.
I can't believe I'm drenching myself in sweat to avoid this— and it still happened.

Just stop.
solfang Dec 2017
is an antidote,
to the toxicity
of hatred,
rooted in
your heart
it's not easy, but you can try it out
solfang Dec 2017
The eyes you stared
aren't the same shade,
the hands you held
aren't the same size,
your heartbeats
aren't the same rhythm,
and with that,
I'll never replace her
solfang Jul 2021
i want you to
sleep through the rain;
you once said this weather
reminds you of pain,
the misfortunes that it carries
in its tiny droplets,
almost felt melancholic

I, too,
have the same fear
when the roaring thunder
comes roaming
above my head,
I close my eyes
and lie on my bed

But like what you once said,
we can only believe that
the storm will pass
and we'll be awake someday
I'll be by your side and I will hold your hands, okay?
solfang Apr 2020
a big catch
that is worth it;
that's what you once said
when you attempted
to reel me in

yet I see there's
no longer a bait at
the end of your hook;
perhaps an easy catch
just wasn't thrilling
enough for you
suitors aplenty, yet they seem to disappear the moment I return their affection.
solfang Nov 2020
for you to write something
so beautiful and open,
how many times has your heart
been broken?
to everyone who might be reading this, your poems are as beautiful as your souls. Be strong, and choose to be the heroes of the battles that you may or may not have won
solfang Dec 2017
because every time I feel sad,
my mind tells me that it's bad,
to have feelings of feelings suppressed,
there's no difference from the undead.

of course, yes I know,
there's no cure in just one go,
but my heart - even tied with a rope,
there's a glimmer of hope
because every time I feel anxious, or depressed.
my heart says wait, and I wait.
solfang Jan 2020
I'll go back to my roots,
and sprout up new strength;
and when I blossom again,
it'll be done beautifully,
for the bees and butterflies,
and the gardener who believed in me.
started a new job; previous job took away my spark, but it's time to shine once again. During this period, I'm glad I had great support from people around me.
solfang Feb 2020
is my body gravitating down,
or levitating up?

either way my body
is out of control,
and I'm stuck in the middle
trying to figure out
where my feelings for you
is taking me
Not sure if this feeling will take me somewhere good, or it'll just spiral downhill from here.
solfang Dec 2019
your love is a decoy,
because you'll always be a boy,
and my feelings,
is your toy to destroy;

that is how
you find joy
Boys will always be boys– because real men knows how to handle things with care
solfang Apr 2020
not only did you break my heart,
but also my writer's block;
let this help me tell our stories
in the form of scattered poetries
solfang Mar 2020
you told me
I smelled like butterflies;
perhaps they've escaped
from your stomach
and metamorphosed
into this fluttering feeling
you're having for me
So recently, someone told me I smelled like butterflies (I'm not kidding).
I guess they were just flustered and messed up flowers with butterflies.
solfang Mar 2019
I killed my cactus,
distressed and helpless;
it'll never survive regardless.

I watered it more than I should,
for some reason it withstood;
as more affection is never no-good,
but intentions are often misunderstood.

one time I changed its ***
and had a second afterthought.
I then changed its soil,
yet I'm stuck in a turmoil.
these weren't the changes I seek,
for I loathe its spines -
so cluttered and bleak.

maybe I should have gotten
a tiny potted succulent,
or plants with stinger;
perhaps I never even had
the green fingers.
I have friends who were stuck in an unconventional relationship - abusive.
they believe they were changing each other for the better but couldn't differentiate their wrongs and rights.
side note: was asking opinions on what hobbies I should take up, some friends suggested caring for succulents - told them I couldn't even keep a cactus alive.
solfang Apr 2020
I can't afford to
hurt myself anymore;

my heart shatters
into tiny shards
each time it breaks;
and I've lost
too many pieces
to mend it again

my heart
no longer has a place
in my body;
it always chooses
to come and go
to find love
with pain

I've spent hours
waiting for it to
skip back in glee;
but my heart
always returns
with nothing but
sad, sad memories

when my
heart breaks,
my soul does too;
and I can only afford
to lose one,
but not two
when will it be the right time to let go?
solfang Dec 2017
everyone agrees that you're
tasteless and flavourless
when it comes to
choosing the ingredients
to make the dough for love.

similar to a slice of
cold, leftover pizza,
hated like pineapples
as the toppings,
slapped on like a can of
expired tomato sauce,
cut away like
unwanted crustings,
and being as cheap as
a low-quality mozzarella.

loved by me
but purely hated
by the entire world.
Literally wrote this because everyone thinks I've poor judgement when it comes to pizza topping choices. (p.s : it's pineapples)
solfang Nov 2019
he swore that I am his world,
something you couldn't do;
he worshipped me as if I was his,
something you couldn't do;
he told me I was his sun, moon, stars
something you couldn't do;
he said he loved me and only me,
something you couldn't do;
but the one who stole my heart,
my laughter, and my love,
it was you
something he couldn't do
I hate one-sided feelings; I wish I can do something about it.
solfang Jan 2018
there is no need
to throw grenades
at me; when I am
already a living,
ticking timebomb
spare me your shades, spare me your hates.
solfang Nov 2020
last night,
I dreamt of you;
in the dream,
we were holding hands
while walking down
the park we frequented,
we were laughing,
and your presence felt stronger
than the times
we were once together

and even in the dream,
I was well awake and aware;
that this is nothing more
than a dream
my dreams are personalised; often enough, it is about things I can never achieve or desires that I have never gotten. This is written for an old crush I longed to have a chance, but I've learnt to let go
solfang Sep 2021
I didn't realise
it was temporary,
or perhaps it was
always sympathy;
either way
our love was unhealthy,
and my heart is now
left empty
Yet another unsurprising heartbreak
solfang Apr 2020
a girl can dream
for her prince;
but fairy tales
just don't exist
solfang Jun 2019
I'm incapable of feeling feelings,
but that's okay.
these feelings are feelings
I have to pay,
what more can I say?

when feelings are allowed to feel,
that's when it's harder to heal,
my emotions are now sealed,
it'll never be concealed.

I can't feel happy,
even when days ain't ******;
I can't feel sad,
even when everything goes bad;
I can't feel love,
even when I can see doves;
I can't feel feelings,
this is what I'm dealing.
This poem is the side effect of taking anti-depressants.
My therapist said if I'm okay with the numbness.
Casually, I told her these feelings I'm feeling are the reason why I'm sitting here with her today.
solfang Aug 2018
I fell out of love
with the thought of
falling in love.
I think there's a phase in life where you'll stop fantasizing about love and focus more on what's really revolving around you
solfang Jul 2018
how can I envision the future,
when I'm stuck in the present,
dwelling on my past.
I find it hard to plan or foresee my future because I can't handle the things on my hand now. I blame my past memories for all of this
solfang Jul 2018
how long more can
this game of pretend last,
when it's slowly turning
into reality?
I can't pretend to like adulthood anymore. It's tiring.
solfang Apr 2020
she was the gem
that shined bright
in your eyes;
but today,
you compared
her with trash

one man's trash,
is another man's
perhaps you've
not seen her value,
or you're never a
lapidary to begin with
thought of a relationship my friend had, and it didn't last.
guess I knew why
solfang May 2019
hey mutual,
how are you doing today?
glad you got away
from the abuse he gave,
and the mean words he said.

I remember you,
defending the bruises
and the scars he left,
they were all blue.

you were in love
with the idea of being loved,
you weren't in love,
with the idea of getting hurt.

we're no longer mutuals,
you're no longer mutuals
with him too,
and that's okay.

I'm glad that help is on its way.
I was mutual friends with this ******* Facebook; constantly saw her updates on her abusive relationship. Last we got connected, I figured she got out of it, and that's more than okay.
solfang Jan 2018
good night, anxiety;
why are you not asleep?
is my mind keeping
you awake?

I am exhausted from your
endless questions about
existential topics,
non-existential topics,
                         worry, fear, pressure

I don't want to talk about
                         my future and dreams,
the things I could had
talked about when
nighttime hasn't arrived

good night, anxiety;
I didn't leave the light on,
just in case you leave
in the loud darkness
but you didn't;
and it's morning again
can't sleep these days, my teeth are gritting.
anxious yet I don't know why
solfang Mar 2018
I'm made from
greed and lust;
I greed for attention,
and I lust for love.

you're my sin,
the reason to believe,
you made me felt
both desires at once-
alluring yet harmful.
I just want attention.
Simple as that.
solfang Sep 2018
how grieving
can a heartbreak be,
till one swears off love
I hate rainy seasons— those are the times when I think of the love that never happened.
solfang Mar 2020
our heartbeats
can never be in sync;
for I know mine
will always be beating
faster than yours
solfang Jan 2021
my body recognises
what heartbreak is today;
my vessel is leaking tears
and I can't seem to fix the hole
that once made me whole

am I broken everywhere,
or just missing a part,
I can never tell,
for I've finally lost my heart

if love is this painful,
I shall learn to grief
or my feeling that was once hopeful,
might end up turning hateful
Let me know your experience post-breakup, and how long it took before you felt whole again
solfang Apr 2018
you're slowly erased
from my mind;
that the pain of
the past is not
resurfacing anymore

but maybe—
I overwrote it
with denial,
that I forgot how

love, anger and heartbreak

once looked like on the
blank canvas,
of my healing heart.

would new colours,
be drawn across
anytime soon?
recently I don't feel pain anymore, but could it be because there are new feelings? hmm...?
solfang Feb 2018
it has been a while.

it has been a while,
since emotions
start flowing.

it has been a while,
that sadness has
not called and asked
about my feelings.

it has been a while,
since my fingers
tapped to the
beats of my anger.

it has been a while
since I had a good day;
and it's today.
Minus the tiredness, it has been a great feeling these past few weeks.
solfang Mar 2020
they call it the honeymoon stage
as it's supposed to taste sweet
but why does mine taste like
a different kind of bitter?
choices were made, but were those the right kind?
solfang Dec 2017
fell to the ground,
because he flew
too close to the sun
and got his wings
melted away.

fell to the ground
because I grew
too close to you,
and got my heart
melted away.
similarly, both of them are irreparable.
solfang Jul 2019
I like how you're
the sunlight that
lands on my face
during warm winter days

I like how you're
the meaning to
the sun in sunflower,
and the breath
in a baby's breath

I like how you're
the laugh box
in my body,
and the batteries
are still running

I like how you're
the happy ending
to fairy tales,
with prince and princesses
but no villains

I like how you're
just the way you are
so I can write this poem
in remembrance of you
I like how you're reading this.
Warming up my brain for something more maybe.
solfang Feb 2018
there are no longer
monsters under my bed.

the last time I saw it,
was the last time
I held my milk bottle tightly
in my grips;
but it still left me.

the monsters under my bed
packed and went away,
when I turned twelve
and turned off my nightlight.

the monsters,
       said goodbye to me,
as I stared at the ceiling
the night after my
first heartbreak

I miss the monsters
the ones hiding under my bed;
every night,
as I turned off my lights,
I almost forgot about them

the part of my innocence.
the purity that went away.
One night, I closed my eyes.

My heart tore for I recall the days where I fear that I would not be able to imagine monsters under my bed anymore.
solfang Sep 2018
I was told that
you do not like
my disjointed arms,
my geekish look,
my elongated legs,
my unruly manner.

I never knew
I am imperfect,
until you
pinpointed my
obviously beautiful flaws.
allow me to love myself the way I want.
solfang Aug 2020
they say
time will heal your heart;
yet both are infinite
feeling lost.
solfang Apr 2019
my head is numb,
and I'm here to express;
it's looking real glum
I think I'm depressed

I'm taking meds,
wouldn't budge from my bed,
my eyes scream out sad;
this feels really bad.

everyone says,
"it's going to be okay",
but they are not here to stay,
who gave them a say?

I think I'm depressed,
feeling kinda gray,
perhaps I'm feeling stressed,
but it's just like any other day.
big mood.
solfang Dec 2017
happy new year,
never thought that
the current me wants to
celebrate another year;
filled with uncertainties -
but countless possibilities
happy new year guys! had a hunch that it's gonna be a great year ahead
solfang Aug 2019
just imagine if it was us getting old together,
just imagine if it was us getting together,
just imagine if it was us,
just imagine.
[warm up post] just imagine if I've more ideas for this.
solfang Dec 2019
a lesson to learn,
a passion to return,
a new love I yearn,
my trust, for him to relearn
the feeling of hurt; love itself is a process, and whether if it progresses, it's a different story to tell.
solfang Apr 2020
let it go,
and it's going
to be okay;
my mind gently
comforted my
broken heart

my mind chooses
what it wants to see;
but my heart
knew exactly
what it felt
my feelings right now
solfang Nov 2019
i don't deserve love
because i gave
mine away
so easily
to the wrong one,
when the right one
fought for it
so badly
sometimes I wonder, have i found the right one - but pushed them away, thinking they are the wrong one?
solfang Dec 2017
Attentive, attentive, I was,
wrapped in your insanity
and hypnotically agreed
to ****** your parents
out of passion and love
for the menacing you.

we escaped chases
like true madmen,
and for a moment you
felt like my forever after.

I wondered why I still love you,
even when I figured that
you sold me out to the cops
and ended up questing for
another partner-in-crime
by yourself.
this poem is inspired by a dream I had a week back.
solfang Nov 2019
if love at first sight exist,
why are you still here?
go find love.
solfang Nov 2019
love at first sight
only exist to me
because it's you
You made me believe what I never believed
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