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Kat Oct 2
Lately I have been daydreaming about a perfect life;
I have spent nights listening to music for hours on end and smiling at the memory of former wishes,
And I can’t help thinking, as I attend a club presentation about grad school and take classes and talk to my friends about careers,
How happy I am to be here;

See I spent months avoiding thinking about the future,
Cause it was far too painful to envision what my life could have been
And what it could not be so
I focused on the present moment, away from the metaphorical mountains that I once wanted to climb —
But now I have convinced myself that my suffering has made me who I am,
Has allowed me to have this dream of a beautiful life, and
I can finally see the top of these mountain peaks;
They gleam white with snow, the sun shines bright,
And I think,
How wonderful it is to dream of concerts and travel and cafes and cobblestone streets and campfire songs and kisses in the dark;

But it is hard to see the pathway to my dreams;
They are beautiful but also distant like a mirage and I spend much of my time dreaming but much of my time
Pouring over medical notes and watching medical dramas and reading all about my health conditions,
Cause it’s wonderful to dream and say, “I’ve come so far. I can be patient. It will get better,” and believe it,
Until I am confronted once again with muscles that feel weak and shake and ache,
With the fear of what could happen if I push through it again,
And I am reminded of the days spent in bed unable to stand or walk,
Of typing because it hurt too much to talk,
Of dizziness and sleep and sweat on my skin,
Of hospital rooms and medication and IVs,
Of kind doctors who apologized when they caused me pain and
Kind nurses who helped when I could not stifle my cries —
And most of all, of all the mental pain —
The panic attacks and the suicidal thoughts and the mood swings and the crying spells and the despair that I just wished would end;

And as I listen to my music and dream my dreams I feel the familiar ache of longing mixed with loss,
I think, what is my life but this?
Who am I but a patient, someone who is sick?
I am so happy I am finally sort of happy,
But sometimes I feel I am walking on a ridge that has no end,
Constantly balancing with every step,
But knowing every day I could slip again;
And the snow will numb my hands and the rock will scrape my knees and my stomach will once again feel the fear of falling,
And how hard will it be to climb back up?

So I spend some of my time dreaming of the far future and some of my time stuck in the present and the past,
And I pray that I will look back on this moment,
Years and years from now,
And read my poems and hear my songs and think,
Look at my life.
I am proud.
I am happy.
I am grateful.
And I would not change a thing.
Just some recent thoughts and emotions I needed to get off my chest.
i used to throw bread crumbs into
a pond full of minnows next to a
place where i worked years ago

it kept me cool in the summertime,
pulling the heat out of me and
feeding it into the winds as

a turtle snapped up dozens of fish-babies,
transforming the vision of my frame into
maybe the size of a praeternatural feather

and for a moment,

i dreamt that on a clear night through the
eyes of a barnyard owl that i could
navigate the dark foldings of
space into the beating
hearts of praying
rodents—

blinking back to a view of
disturbed green waters—

i commenced
to waking...

"the frenzy, at rest"
© 2020 by Seranaea Jones
all rights reserved
Nylee Aug 5
Where did you sail
            Inland and
all of a sudden
  out of my dreams
?
Iléana Amara Jul 27
idealism is a fraud;

angels don't cut off demons' horns
nor do they make them do so;

trust is built for decades,
it cannot be rebuilt in a month
after its destruction;

sometimes worn out apologies
are slapped band-aids onto wounds;

love is not a combat of logic and emotion,
whoever wins makes the other go;

hearts don't stay hearts,
they turn into things
when their own beats begin to lie;

we live in utopian daydreams,
with only a few, broken but breathing souls
seeing through the seams.

IA
joan Jun 15
mid-june and in my country, it starts to rain
while in yours, it starts to heat up your days
our clouds present us different things
and i realize,
no matter how much i like rainy days,
i still long for how your sunny days felt like

you make me grow a garden of emotions
daisies and marigolds and honeysuckles
i could list summertime flowers until sunrise
iris, roses, and dandelions
what is more blameless than your hair being swept up by the wind?
any way, the daydream growing in me would either end up overflowing or exploding
and i would want it again

but sun child,
how could i not
when your laughter is of the sea being pulled by the moon
the zeal in your eyes comes in waves
and i am surfing. diving and dipping
in the way your voice sounds when you sing
i pull up to the surface drenched in awe
what is more enchanting than to watch you on the music?
ocean, lakes, swimming pools, rivers
cocktails, shores, names, lovers
there is no greater bliss than the gently delight you bring

"you are so lovely," i tell you at five in the afternoon by the waters
sunset and cold wind is passing by my skin
i am getting drunk on you
the moon glistening on the ocean is
just the stars in your eyes
i can feel the sunlight's warmth seep through my skin to my bones and settle in my chest
any way, it's either gonna overflow or explode
and there's something i want to tell you:
this is how loving you feels like, my love.

it rains in my place and the sun shines in yours
but i get back to loving you
and it was summertime
to my summertime rainㅡksy, happiest birthday. loving you is summertime.
Gigi Jun 11
Feathers flown about
Dark Ravens claw their way out
Above the surface past the overbrush
Wretched, drenched, lash
Out to the epitome of darkness
The King, their Lord it is what they harness
Where the light cannot touch
Wriggling, squirming dying to clutch
Time, tied firmly to roots of their own demise
They seek solitude through a long, blistering ride
One too many flew the coop, itching to touch the sky
But home is too far away in a time not solidified
Feathers flow about in search for something new
Ravens lost in mist searching for what was never true
I get lost in my imagination sometimes thinking it's better, then I realize it's the root of all my depression....
Indulging
In the daydream
This nostalgia of
The present
Reminds me of
Somewhere
I haven't been
With someone
I haven't
Met yet
Sheila Greene May 19
When I was a little girl
          with a goofy grin and pigtails,
   daydreamed about being Queen.
A Queen that controlled everything,
          Love, life, happiness
The illusion was the Queen
    discovering control isn't a thing.
When I was a little girl I often drifted off into my daydreams.  The physical world around me stopped and my mental world would erupt.  Enjoy!
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