The eyes you stared
aren't the same shade,
the hands you held
aren't the same size,
your heartbeats
aren't the same rhythm,
and with that,
I'll never replace her

because every time I feel sad,
my mind tells me that it's bad,
to have feelings of feelings suppressed,
there's no difference from the undead.

of course, yes I know,
there's no cure in just one go,
but my heart - even tied with a rope,
there's a glimmer of hope

you said I'm complicated,
i say you're confusing,
you said you don't
know what I'm thinking,
i say you never want to
know what I'm thinking,
you said you rather be friends,
i say I want it to be more,
you said you wanted to talk,
i say I don't really feel like it,
you said you're not prepared
to love anyone,
I say you're just not prepared
to reject me properly.

what's the point
in this game of love,
if both of us can't agree
to the same **** thing.

I'm made from
greed and lust;
I greed for attention,
and I lust for love.

you're my sin,
the reason to believe,
you made me felt
both desires at once-
alluring yet harmful.

Attentive, attentive, I was,
wrapped in your insanity
and hypnotically agreed
to ****** your parents
out of passion and love
for the menacing you.

we escaped chases
like true madmen,
and for a moment you
felt like my forever after.

I wondered why I still love you,
even when I figured that
you sold me out to the cops
and ended up questing for
another partner-in-crime
by yourself.

Maybe that's why
I prefer dogs;
animals probably have
more culture than you.

the way you take
quick glances at my trembling self
by the roadside,
with ear-piercing whistling—
does that excite you
as much as it scares me?

you made me look at
my long-sleeved dress
and ankle-hidden boots;
yet I question,
are my outfits deemed ******
till it entices your manhood?

I grip my bags firmly
and wallow in self-grief
for temporary relief,
as I fear more than just
compliments threw by
preys on the streets.

should you disagree,
of my brother,
whistling and signalling
your blood-sister,

should you disagree,
of my father,
oversexualising your mother,
then don't be a disgrace
to the ladies watching.

you're the diamond in the rough
when it comes to love;
for your smile shines
powering the times
i was not fine.

all you do is teach me,
that frowns are just
smiles upside down;
and all I teach you
is love exists too

a big catch
that is worth it;
that's what you once said
when you attempted
to reel me in

yet I see there's
no longer a bait at
the end of your hook;
perhaps an easy catch
just wasn't thrilling
enough for you

good night, anxiety;
why are you not asleep?
is my mind keeping
you awake?

I am exhausted from your
endless questions about
existential topics,
non-existential topics,
                         worry, fear, pressure

I don't want to talk about
                         my future and dreams,
the things I could had
talked about when
nighttime hasn't arrived

good night, anxiety;
I didn't leave the light on,
just in case you leave
in the loud darkness
but you didn't;
and it's morning again

icarus,
fell to the ground,
because he flew
too close to the sun
and got his wings
melted away.

I,
fell to the ground
because I grew
too close to you,
and got my heart
melted away.

she was the gem
that shined bright
in your eyes;
but today,
you compared
her with trash

one man's trash,
is another man's
treasure;
perhaps you've
not seen her value,
or you're never a
lapidary to begin with

Hello,
it has been a while.

it has been a while,
since emotions
start flowing.

it has been a while,
that sadness has
not called and asked
about my feelings.

it has been a while,
since my fingers
tapped to the
beats of my anger.

it has been a while
since I had a good day;
and it's today.

sol,
an abbreviation of solar,
as I hope to wake up
every morning,
shining bright.

fang,
the marking bore,
by the greatest beasts,
as I hope to stand up
to fight fears,
every day.

but as saying goes,
a strong-willed name
cannot be given to
a weak-minded person

words,
do you know
how toxic you sounded?
it was your spirit of anger;
distinguishable amongst
your flaming passion
of your career.

words,
do you know how
you made a maiden
cry in a filthy land;
and because of your ego,
you have used the kingdom
for your battles without
clear victories.

your words.
they hurt.
sword-wounds
would probably
feel better than
your words.

the school bell rings sharply
at nine-twenty in the morning,
echoes across the classroom,
are the usual 'Selamat Pagi, cikgu'.

fast forward to nine-forty,
boring lessons and classes
requires essay crafting
and dream jobs listing,
instead, we wrote fan letters
to be the filial wives of
members from boybands

fast forward to noon,
we were hooked on stories,
from breakups of social divas
to everyone's future college plans.
those were the days,
that should never end.

fast forward to today,
it's now nine-twenty,
greetings for teachers,
are now meetings with bosses,
essays are now reports,
compadres are now colleagues.

memories are the sweet
in the word 'bittersweet',
and I'm starting
to miss the taste,
every time the clock strikes
exactly at nine-twenty.

the monster under my bed
grasped my hand tight,
for it too,
felt my fear
of loneliness

if the broken you -
can see the beauty
of this                    horrid, horrid world,
then how bad
can the world be?

two beer towers,
two types of taste,
one felt bitter,
one felt sweet,
beer bears sadness,
beer breaks happiness

the first time I
emptied the tower
was the first time
the beer tasted sweet

drowning in my bitterness
of anger and anguish
dazing over my cups,
why did beer taste
sweeter as it brews
through the cracks of
a shattered heart
and bottled emotions

the second time I tried
to empty the tower
was the first time
the beer tasted bitter

laughing with silliness
of joy and appreciation,
couldn't make it past
my third cup,
why do beer taste
bitter when you're
drunk with happiness
with people who matter.

I am glad,
my possible lover,
that you weren't with
someone that I
don't know

but being
happily together now
with my best friend.

how long more can
this game of pretend last,
when it's slowly turning
into reality?

you're slowly erased
from my mind;
that the pain of
the past is not
resurfacing anymore

but maybe—
I overwrote it
with denial,
that I forgot how

love, anger and heartbreak

once looked like on the
blank canvas,
of my healing heart.

would new colours,
be drawn across
anytime soon?

don't let self-worth,
become something
that's not from
your own self,
but from the
opinions of others.