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99
mjad Jan 12
99
Of the 100 thoughts I have
You are 99

I wish you were here
I also wish you could get off my mind
mjad Dec 2019
It will all stop abruptly
I'll be hit with a lack of presence
New cold hands
No more forehead kisses
No more late night cuddles
That get us in trouble
Because we sleep all night
And miss class the next morning
The drives around town when the sun is down
Unplanned pizza stops
With jam sessions in the car after
All will become a thing of the past
I don't want to believe it will happen
But I know that you will leave
Walk out my room, and never drive back
Exiting abruptly
i wrote this two months before it happened
mjad Aug 2020
I look back on the way my heart jumped
The way he made my love filled blood pump
And I fail to understand
I do not know how I loved everything so small, even holding his hand
How can love just come and go?
When he stopped loving me, how did I not know?
His eyes must have sparkled at the idea of leaving me
My absence was the reason he smiled gladly
I never looked for the signs of this
I was the definition of ignorance is bliss
My heart knew all along
But my brain was saying it had to be wrong
When they say trust your gut they never say which one
mjad Jul 2017
The sun shines on everything
It doesn't choose where not too
The rain pours on everything
It doesn't choose where not too
Our words affect everyone
We don't have a choice of who
mjad Aug 2019
im honestly terrified of liking you again
holding hands and talking in bed
id rather i just remain more than a friend
i dont want to know your weaknesses
your favorite food and candies
or the reason youre upset at your family
i just want to know your cologne
and eliminate the feeling of being alone
mjad Mar 2020
I would never admit it
But I do think it
I know you will always be in my life
Because I worry
With all the pills you pop
That one day you won't talk to me
Not because I'm blocked
But because you won't be alive to talk
mjad Mar 2018
i gave you almost everything i could
but for you almost was not enough
i hope you loved what you had while it was good
because no one will ever be me and i hope that truth is tough

no one will give you the goosebumps i did when i brushed my fingertips up your spine
no one will give you every ounce of their undivided attention and time
no one will trust you with everything and never lie
no one will hold your head on their chest while you cry

no one will give you everything you didn't deserve
you will always remain the way you were
never changing and always waiting for things that aren't yours
i hope you like being hers

because you will never again be mine
our paths will never cross and our stars will never align

and you will never be treated like the king that you are not
but i will always remain his queen while I remain in your train of thought
mjad Apr 2017
we are alone
among ourselves
screens and pages
people and places
billions and more
but we are alone
in the only world
we will ever know
that we treat
as though we own
but we do not
it cares for us
with air and light
its nature and might
is not ours
and we are alone
billions of stars
look down at us
I envy where they are
in the unknown
Thanks for all the positive feedback:)
mjad Oct 2018
He only goes with "skinny *******" or so his friends say
But it's alright, I don't go with guys who call girls "*******" anyway
mjad Apr 2018
I don't want to see you later,
or in heaven or hell,
or anywhere in between.
mjad May 2020
Wrapped like a present
I'm scared of what's inside
I'm in your arms
But what's in my heart?
mjad May 2020
I could really use one of the many conversations we used to have right now

But you aren't here
And you don't want to be around
mjad Nov 2018
the fire left sparks on my sleeve
You stood ten feet across from me
on the other side of the flames
they reflected in your eyes
the ocean blue turned arsony
and I could see all our memories
burning
mjad Nov 2018
Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear
Baby
Words I want to hear
Tell me
Tell me that you love me too

Put your hand on my thigh now
Get my Snapchat
Baby
Send a pic like that
Show me
Show me you wanna **** too
Inspired by Paul Anka's "put your head on my shoulder" how young couples communicate "love." Then the first stanza vs. now the second stanza
mjad Apr 2018
Sing your favorite song to me again
Let your voice glide through the air
Hold my hands and sing to me
This is all too much to bear
mjad May 2017
I have a lover
he is the kind others dream for
he makes me feel a way
I did not know before
he makes me think in a way
I feared thinking before
He treats me in a way
I was not used to being treated like before
He makes me want to love him
like I have never loved before
and I love him
like no one has before me
like no one ever will
because there will be no after me
mjad Aug 2018
In between a rock and a hard place she was stuck,
Literally she was crushed between a freeway divider and a semi truck.

Native American so her roots didn't connect her to heaven.
He was a self proclaimed athiest at the ripe age of seven.

A short belief in an afterlife as maybe a wolf or an eagle
seemed too childish so he gave up on it before he was legal.

Visiting a slab of shiny stone in between two pine trees;
The wrong one but he doesn't care he sits down waiting to freeze.

Smoking a joint forgetting the new one while trying to keep all of her.
Exposion to death at a young age has no real cure.

Step brothers have no sympathy saying it's time to growup,
Girlfriend doesn't know when to stop bringing it up.

The clouds float on by. . .
He wishes he could die.

Staring at a shiny engraved stone with tears to the brim,
Hating all that his short seventeen years have shown him.

His only desire at the moment to just see once more her face,
He was caught in between her rock and his minds hard place.
my exes mother died and I tried to express his struggles of depression...I can't do his emotions justice
Big
mjad May 2020
Big
wheels turn
eyes grow big
just found out
what you did
mjad Apr 2017
What can I say besides
I'm sorry
I don't look like the other girls
The ones you assure me
Don't compare at all
To my own beauty
The beauty I fail to see
What can I say besides
I'm sorry
My self esteem won't let me believe
I know it's unattractive
My never ending negativity
You say you love me
But I don't see what you see
I wish I was more for you
More for me
And I could say I love you
Back to my own body
mjad Nov 4
bonfire's on a chilly night
warmly bundled into hoodies
joy in everyone's eyes

we'll talk all night
the ups and downs
so in love with life

the laughter echoes
phones tucked away
our youth is safe
mjad Nov 2019
i downed half the bottle
and out my words came
full throttle

i apologise
mjad Sep 2017
Emotions are so overwhelming
Even in their simplest essence
They build and break and destroy
They shape and form and create
The hardest thing about emotions
Is having no control over what to break
And no control over what to create
Because sometimes
A heart can break
And the only thing created is a tragedy
mjad Aug 2020
He would let me break every bone in his body
Just for me to let him love me

But then I'd break his heart
mjad Jan 2018
Oneee                          
       Twoo                
             Threeee

In then out
Breathe, don't shout
Think, don't fight
It will be alright
mjad May 2017
"You are too young,"
"You do not mean what you say,"
Our parents and our friends,
they fail to see our love
but, my goodness is it ever bright.
How could they not see it?
Best friends turned lovers
is so perfectly right.
mjad May 2018
I brush my lip gloss sparkles
Off of your chin
As if I am brushing away
The last hour of sin
mjad Sep 2017
My edges may be burned,
But I can set your whole life on fire,
And I will take everything that you have not earned.
mjad Nov 2017
The world spins
It spins and spins
We never question
Or doubt or fear
What would happen
If it suddenly halted
We are too busy
Walking and talking
Loving and hating
To think about words
That we don't want to hear
The end is inevitable

My sorrow grows
It grows and grows
I never question
Or doubt or predict
What would happen
If it suddenly stopped
I am too busy
Sulking and sobbing
Raging and ranting
To think about anything
That could be a bit joyful
Happiness is invisible
mjad Jun 2019
The rain isn't bad unless you're stuck outside,
but then again you can look at it from California's eyes:
a blessing from the skies
mjad Sep 2020
I ask if I'm too much for you to handle
I'm a forest fire that you see as a candle
Cat
mjad Aug 2019
Cat
i just realized that tonight might be my last
to spend in bed with my obese cat
purring under my arm
because now im an adult
and my life will move on
no more crying too
or talking and cuddling
and holding in front of a mirror
so she can see her reflection
no more petting or kissing
or waiting to scoop up when i come home
because now im an adult
and my life has to move on
and im moving out
a kiss on my finger
one last cuddle by my face
as she walks on my keyboard
as i type  this
accidentally hitting space
the saddest of goodbyes
that i'll ever have to face
true story
:(
mjad Oct 2018
You run around
Shouting catch me if you can
Sticking your tongue out
Catch yourself a nice ***
Don't like the way she dress tho
And shes a bad kisser
You'd rather hit and miss her
Speed off in a Caddy
She don't call you Daddy
Caught another she a real ***
Running round your mind tho
Punch her heart after ***
Save feelings for the next
Run and catch her if you can
I just can't say no
Catch me if you can tho
mjad Jan 12
I'm staring at my ceiling
Overwhelmed with feeling
I know you'll text me tomorrow
And I'll respond
We'll talk far too long

Is it talking so long that makes it wrong?
Or is it how much it feels right?
mjad Feb 2020
There is a trend of a chain hanging off a man's neck
Tickling the face of the girl underneath him
But you don't wear jewelry
You don't need to with me
Your hair tickling my face is all I need
mjad Nov 2019
"That car's mine,
the one on the right."

"I'm aware,
we've done stuff in there."

"oh yeah, it's been a long time,
but that could change tonight."

"I have him waiting for me."

"But you aren't dating technically. . ."

I walked back inside to the one waiting
Kissed him
As if I hadn't just changed
The amount of time
Since something happened
With a man that wasn't mine
mjad Dec 2019
We deserve better
He doesn't see it now
How he let us down
She will find out
That I was there too
Taking space in his mind
Popping up on his screen
Not trying to be mean
But sis
He was cheating
mjad Jul 2018
I cover your face
With little chlorine kisses
While your eyes drown me
Haikus have never been my best work
mjad Apr 2019
long dark hair
chocolate stare
tan soft skin
dripped in sin
tempting voice
i hate boys
mjad Oct 2019
I sleep over
I talk to his mom
I've met his dad
I'm too far gone
He holds me
Even in stress
Plants kisses
On my head
I hold his hand
Take care of him
When he can't stand
Jack too strong
Something's wrong
I like him
But I lost my voice
I can't say it
It's not my choice
mjad Feb 2018
I love the way your hips move when I push up against you
But I like the way he whispers into my ear, "I love you"
I like the way you attack me with hugs
But I adore the way he talks about love
I can't choose between the refrain and the melody
Something so loud and something so sweet
And both are written beautifully just for me
mjad Sep 2017
I wish my tongue was not a dagger
I wish my brain was not a sword
If only I could keep my tongue and mind from clashing
If only they would say the same words
mjad Aug 2020
I don't want him to close his eyes and only see me
A first love is never over
It's just in disguise
Hiding behind the comfort of closed eyes
mjad Jun 2019
My stomach is in a knot
Because as my lips are being traced by yours
My name is on the tip of your tongue
But you don't spit it out
You complain about the song
nothing new
mjad Apr 2019
Never let him tell you
What you just cannot do
Where you just cannot be
Who you just cannot see
Never let him tell you
What you should wear today
Who you should listen to
Be who you want to be
See who you want to see
Go where you want to go
He does not need to know
Tell him he can't tell you
Who you choose to talk to
He does not control you
...sonnet?
mjad Jan 2018
they come and go
i never say no
hold my hand
grab my waist
pull me under
hold my face
bite my lip
have a taste
no time to waste
all the same
copy and paste
mjad Apr 2019
He is what he seems.
Covered screen. Left you on seen.
just like all the rest
...haiku?
mjad Aug 2020
I should go to sleep
I get my dose of nicotine
Try to push you away
But you crash into my dreams
mjad Apr 2020
The name pops up on my screen
It's been months, but I never leave you on seen
It's a habit I just can't kick
And you're a person I hate to miss
I close my eyes and feel it all
The years of tears
From laughter and love
To heartbreak and hurt
All from you
And you always pop back up
Texting to talking to drives
To parking spots and rendezvous
It's always you
Then yelling and screams
More tearing at the seams
You'll never hear my name
And be able to close your eyes
And not see me
Or hear me
My words in your ear
Hands on your face
In love or pity
In passionate routine
A forever
That you thought was me
Is only a cycle of names on a screen
And I'm not the one that goes back
I'm the one that's gone back too
It's not me
It's you
mjad Oct 2019
I don't know where to start
Everyone thinks he will break my heart
He's selfish and tall
Just like the rest of them all

But yet he's different
We ****, then we hang
We chill with the gang
He listens when I talk
He let's me tell him when to stop
But yet I find myself craving
A label; something self damning
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