hitting save on another task as my spotify playlist sways in the background. my yawn reaches my stomach. my dark circles bring a great contrast to my greyish-bluish eyes. i'm learning french again. maybe because it's supposed to be the language of love and maybe because i want to watch Plein Soleil without subtitles.
it's june still. my ex who said she was still my friend went to a pride parade without me. it's fine, maybe i'll get to wear my colors on my sleeves next june. maybe i'll meet some queers in college. if i ever finish my housing application.
california state university northridge. blissfully away from home, but achingly not far enough. beautiful to it's core and yet i can't shake this churning anxiety in my fingers, in my brain, in my heart. i wish everything wasn't online so maybe this yellow brick road winding me to my future would feel more real.
this town is so ugly. it's not big, not small. it isn't even pretty if you genuinely enjoy the look of washed out suburbs. all the colors are dulled by the sun, and not in the soft pastel way. it's like the skies rained gallons of bleach, if it ever once rained here. this place is full of skeletons hanging on to purgatory.
but i'd suffer damnation if i said i wasn't scared out of my mind about leaving it.
Don't overthink, don't tense your nerve'... Not only our tangent is different but I'm also standing alone upon a messed up curve..! I'm an unsocial guy and it's very well known... Don't try to find me out, I'm lost in the illusion of my own..!
It's not so easy for me to walk on the given way... It's not so easy for me to give instant reply on — what you say..! It's not so easy for me to follow your set norm'... Whenever I try to do so... I'm stopped by my inner storm..!
I'm the one who tries to live under the table... In the company of yours, I find myself uncomfortable..! I run away, whenever I hear your call... It's very tough for me to be friend with you all..!
It will take some time for my shyness to end... It will take me some time to make new friend'..! So give me my time to stand with you all, on the same line... Until that moment, let me live in the space and thought of mine..!
Hey everyone, I hope u all are good. Wasn't active here from past few days coz of the reopening of my university campus but now I'm back. It feels so good and relaxed to be here. As I'm back now, I'll start exploring HP again...
[Ignore it...(just wanted to share somewhere) Went to my clg last week for the very first time...I'm about to complete my bachelor's till next year but when I entered, I got the feel of a fresher. Everyone appeared as a stranger to me and cuz of my shy nature I didn't get the opportunity to interact with others. Although I don't like to make friends yet I think interaction is important. But I think I'm little different and I need my time to be comfortable even to interact with my classmates (physically).]
Anna and I were sitting on an outdoor bench. To get some fresh air, our classes are virtual this week and we were feeling claustrophobic. I was working on a poem idea on my iPad and Anna was uploading an assignment with her computer.
The bench is by a walkway and there were a few people passing by. I asked Anna, “What’s an alternative word for paralysis?” And three rando students walking by answer my question, in less time than Anna can even look up from her Mac.
“Tetraplegia,” says a ******* the far side of the walk - who passed us right to left - her friends laughed at her for answering my question. “Palsy,” says a guy who was passing the other way, on our side - he didn’t even look up from his phone. And last, a guy behind the girls says, “standstill.”
I just look up and smile - I love this place. Everyone’s friendly and collaborative. There’s an almost homogeneous curiosity about the world.
“Maybe I should create a sidewalk, crossword-puzzling channel on Twitch?” I ask Anna, who just shakes her head, “No.”
BLT word of the day challenge: homogeneous: "of the same or a similar kind or nature."
Broke as hell Blue light eyes Pity be pity see Pushing till they pull Color coded notes on fire Scholar of all that is okayish Handicapped lockjaw zombie Swimmers in the styrian river of Dante’s Inferno A stop sign growing in the middle of the street Thousand yard letter grade stare 12 missed assignments Experienced Naivete Dementia in progress Last year’s Amnesia Crossing busy streets Vegetative