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Tea
I made tea today.

I dunked in my
Totally-not-bigger-than-it-should-be-table-spoon of honey.
I poured the milk into the mix
(I know, I know, how could I)

Then i jumped into the cup for an adventure.

Upon entering the steaming silky waters
A school of fish blasted past me

A school....
A class of three thousand people

All looking at me  
The whole world is watching me.

If I fail-
Oh **** what if I fail.

Lost in terror

I smell.

Hmm?

Vanilla spice?

Oh yeah. The tea.
I made tea for the stress.
I have tea.






My tea is cold.




****
Some life’s eternal purpose,
I take notes upon notes on the screen in front of me,
Questioning every little breath I take,
What the **** am I doing here?

Yet, I stand corrected,
As a fleeting moment of grace comes fluttering forward,
Lord knows I haven’t really tried,
To encapsulate this moment.

And so I have another existential crisis,
Where I claim to myself that I know it all,
Without realizing,
I know nothing at all.

Yet, I stand corrected,
Filling my brain with some kind of knowledge,
On a city upon a hill,
My teeth are clean and razor sharp.
i look so good
on paper
every fiber
every inkling
tells a story
my story.

i look again
hoping i'm okay
on paper
as i write
and write
my stories
whose stories
again?

i look again
at the paper
and sigh.
nothing.
writers block @ college apps hah
Remember when life was so easy?
When your biggest fear was the boogie men in your closet or under the bed?
When you did things with no worries?
How optimistic you were?
What happened now?
Why so shallow?
Is it adulthood? Could it be because the way society shape us?
What caused us to to drift apart from who we truly are?
Did we become our own worse enemy?
the early bird gets the worm, right?
wrong.

the early bird inches her way out of her nest in the morning, longing to stay snuggled up next to her lover.

the early bird leaves early so she can afford the rent on her nest that is falling apart.
the early bird goes to work and gets an early start on her day, just to come back home to an empty nest and sleep for three more hours.

the early bird takes long and scolding hot baths to ease her aching joints and to participate in some “self care”, even though it never really works.
the early bird stares at herself in the reflection of the faucet and dissociates.

the early bird takes some sleeping pills and tries to fall asleep at a reasonable time, so she can be an early riser the next day, too.
the early bird tosses and turns.

the early bird thinks about the dishes that are not  done.

the clothes are not washed.

lunch isn’t made for tomorrow.

the early bird has three tests this week in college and hasn’t studied for a single one.

the early bird hasn’t had *** in a week.

the early bird feels unnoticed.

the early bird feels like she is not enough.

the early bird feels like she will never be enough.
this is the first poem I have been compelled to write after about 5 years of not writing.
I wrote this in my bathtub.
There are 7.6 billion fools to this day
and I build an understanding to stand among them.
I came to the haven of insecurity to find the unknown
and to worship the word of my Professors like a *****.
I bow down to the, end all be all, grades of disappointment
As if these C's will give me the edge one day;
the sway over everybody else to secure my existence.
I yearn to matter in anyway possible,
In a society that wants to ***** out my contributions.

Thus far,
I can not compare to the greats in their sepulchers,
Nor can I circumvent my disposition of miniscularity.
But one day when I know what those fancy words truly mean
I will reign down from above
And hopefully take my place next to the others...
Dead and in a grave of my own.
This poem is absolutely my truth! Hope you all enjoy!
Sidney Chelle Dec 2018
today, i return to Massachusetts. i will step out of Logan Airport and breathe the air i haven't breathed in four months. it will taste crisp and cold. i will do my special little breath before the big one when i step outside. maybe the wind will hurt. maybe it will feel good. maybe the hurt will feel good.
today, i will be driven home by someone who drinks Dunkin and softens their R's, just a little bit. just enough for you to notice if you listen. i will look out the window for the one house with the one chimney and i will say "you can turn here."
i will pet my cats and i will lie down in my bed and when i roll over, i won't hit the wall. when i look across the room, i won't see the dark lump of my roommate in her bed. i will not hear her phone buzz quietly during the night. i will not hear people in the distance, shouting and singing and laughing.
and when i wake up tomorrow and sit up, ready to say good morning to my parents and my brother, ready to play guitar and kiss my friends and cook and drive and smile and cry, it will all be the same as before but completely different.
because i am completely different.
"you are of this place. it is changing you."
i am of Pitzer now. i am of California and sun and In N' Out and cacti and mountains and linguistics papers and psych memes and long walks and Laemmle's and McConnell and dry air and sleeping late and ramen and boba and love and friendship now.
i am forever changed.
i am happy.
to be young and free and growing up is the wilderness. we are the wilderness.
"you don't have what it takes to survive the wilderness."
i have explored the wilderness.
today, the explorer and her wild heart are going home.
Justin Zheng Dec 2018
Dear you,

I guess this is an open letter:
wish things could have ended better;

But I guess it's whatever

whatever.

I don't have a set list
I'm just gonna try my best
Limit it to about 4 minutes.



'poetry'

Got my airpods in now
Tryna grind until the end of time
Started with you I guess

True love ain't all about ***
cross my eyes and dot the tears
some wack **** coming from my mind to your ears

your touch got me ****** up
touched my phone took it out and made the call
couldn't control myself because of you

lost all self control; lost my soul


Lost my soul to you
lost it all through you
writing this helps change my views
how can I get through?

push into the obscure
past boundaries, past you

this one's dedicated to you

full stop. get out.
pull over, don't make me shout
r/drama, about to acquire clout.
these words don't make sense when I'm angry.

It's better if I take a breath
And relax
and relax/

Writing is so therapeutic I see
this pen is all i really need.



Man i got some ****** up **** in my head
but i guess thats what this is meant to breed
like, i got bars for days
no worries, i'm okay
gotta share this **** with the world one day.
thanks karthik for being vulnerable
shows that your heart was in trouble
can't even write straight
just gotta do enough
scrape by; get high
no lie i hope this don't die

man i wanna do so much with my life
i wanna graduate from nyu stern
i wanna fly to the moon
i wanna be that man on the moon


Poetry is my Jam
do you Slam?
Chance, man -- I know that man can.
Don't even gotta try
he just gets hella high
he learned how to fly
i Wish we could fly
had vivid dreams.

I wish you well.
not ****
Because I've been there and back
Bipolar; It broke my back.

Do you hear it in these lines I write?
Powerful emotion; primal thoughts of flight?

We are just chickens, you and I.
Do you ever feel that -- in your mind's eye?
Sometimes we feel like we can fly,
others we feel like we about to die.

Thankful for this voice I've found
finally feels like I'm above ground



*
Being Asian
is difficult I must say
dare I say?

*
Jazz vibes
I feel alright
swimming
into the sky
yes, I could close my eyes
but that'd be detrimental to the write

Long form lines to show you I can write
but who am you and who are I/
Binding two making an eye

Mitosis
vibrosis
nothing rhymes with mitosis

*
can you hear it in the voice with which i write
these primal emotions of flight
do you hear me do you hear me
it sounds like
do re me fa so la dee

or something like that

because sometimes x y z or 1 2 3

numbers and words; their meanings occasionally escape me.

*
like 1 like 2 like 3
what is this life that we;
live in like what you and me
are not even petals on this tree
of life you and me
are but atoms you and me
in this life of grandiosity

minimax do you see
compsci is just the start do you see
the matrix maybe not.

*
thoughts of paranoia plague me
afflicted; like a Zombie

punctuation; time; rhythm; rhymes
couples; words; emotes; I'm fine

Thanks for ******* asuking
like all the ******* time.

*
dawg
sometimes i feel like a baby

i wish i could just close my eyes
and be in peace

a scary thought, yes indeed
but what i really mean is sleep

a restless mind; yes indeed

*
I'm just going off right now;
complete disregard for my health right now;

*
i just got the best sleep of my life;
i lie.

don't worry about me;
i'll be fine

just go back to bed
maybe get some head

jokes, don't even own my own bed
a roofed hobo.

**
I got rhymes all night
yea, you know this **** tight
lemme grab it alright
****** chicken choke this mic

like

aight

it goes ******* on and on
this life of ours, it's an endless song
feels like an infinity ****
hurts when you never belong
the beginning
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