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calypso 1h
living with a roommate can be difficult.
especially when your ongoing disability,
becomes a twenty-questions game.
"why are you not in class"
"why are you missing work"
the constant pestering of her voice,
makes me feel like i am a failure.
i have a disability, and i am not a failure.
i deserve my right to privacy due to my disability.
i do not deserve to be questioned every time,
i feel like death.
my disability, is MY disability.
respect my privacy.
i am ranting to let out my frustration regarding my disability and pestering roommate who cannot understand what my disability entails.
serena Oct 7
hounds chase foxes
round and round
hearts locked in boxes
safe and sound

trees grow skyward
loving the air
my heart's falling wayward
and now i'm scared

what do you do
when you fall for a fox?
no one's got a clue
because that love's locked

secrets and sorcery
and tangles of hair
i don't think she loves me,
but i know that she cares.
i fell in love with a fox
KR Oct 5
The coins jingle on the way down
One hits a rib
And then a spine
The crushing sound of a broken hand
You can not get to the top without knocking others of the ladder
The bottomeless pit that can never be filled
If we did not care, would such a thing become meaningless
You will bleed for a piece of paper that we have all decided is worth something
But you will not bleed for another soul
The familar faces greet you with their stone cold stare
You can not live without work, you cannot work without life
The register sounds, but what side are you on?
Why do we give so much value and worth to something so fickle? We could all wake up tomorrow and decide that it meant nothing, and you know what? It wouldn't.
I see
two bestfriend separated
because one of them chasing fame.

I see
two boys fighting
because they both fall with the same girl.

I see
a groupmate arguing
because one of them always wants it all.
I hate it
I dislike this
Michael Ryan Sep 26
Some days, being me is a burden.
Not onto others, but onto myself.
Those around me do not respect me.
But when they seek memories of better times,
I will be the one they ask to speak.

Education was a tool intent on developing me,
instead it became the ropes that bind me to my family.
These ropes latch me to a home I have outgrown,
but no one allows me to leave.

Instead of vindication
I have found desperation.
Those who know me speak fondly
of my aspirations, but do not realize
that their praise weighs more than,
the stone god was unable to budge.

I lie to you -
true agony is not shelved upon by others,
it is the listless illusions I pander to myself.
The ambitiousness of decision making
and feeling that any course directed by my own hand
will end wastefully.
A few months truly out of undergraduate studies, and I fear that all my time/knowledge will be wasted on a life I do not enjoy.  I want to do things that I am proud of, and helping myself grow as well as helping those around me.  A simple life will **** me.
Amanda Moore Sep 24
Have I made a mistake?
Did I ignore my instinct?
Or have my thoughts just simply taken over?

A question I’ve pondered
A truth that I fear
Is ignorance truly bliss?

Masked resilience
Hopeful lies I tell
Ones I secretly wish to believe

Attempts I’ve made
To fill such fears
Only left creating more

Should I have taken the risk?
Is this regret I feel ?
Am I a visitor in my new home?
Okay, so I tried. And I wasn’t enough. To capture your mind, or heart, or ****, or whatever it is that she captured.

Okay, so I tried. To talk. And you wouldn’t respond. With full sentences. Okay,

Okay, so you miss her. And I ask about it so you tell me. But would you rather stay silent? What do you want? Don’t involve yourself with me. Don’t start this if you don’t wanna do anything but start it.

Finish it, because I can’t. Because I am already in too deep. Because I have felt the end coming many times and waited and waited and waited for it to end but you won’t let it.

Okay, so you don’t care.

Okay, so there is an awkward silence and you laugh harder at some other girls’ joke than you do at mine. Okay, so you are uncomfortable and you get up and you walk away. So you don’t listen to my problems or ask about how I am even though I asked about you. Even though I care. So you started this and you don’t care. So finish it.

Okay, so, you don’t have much of a personality. Okay, so you’re a tough egg to crack. She did. And I won’t. You don’t want me to. You just like starting things. Maybe you don’t know you’re starting them.

So, I don’t understand you like she does, so you don’t even try to connect. Maybe if you gave me answers longer than 2 words I could find out who you are. Maybe, if you just tried. Maybe, if you just ended it and never spoke to me and pretended I didn’t exist, then maybe it would be over. And I would be happy. Not happy.

Okay, so. I love you and I don’t want you to finish it. But I wish it hadn’t started. Because the truth is, it only started for me. So, okay, so.

Okay, so you miss her and as I sit across the table from you and search for the words to make you feel at home you scowl and remember her smile and body and mind. Okay, okay, okay. So I’m delusional.

So, I tell you about how I'm lonely and you do not respond. I say I feel sad and you remain indifferent. So, you don't wanna hear problems that aren't hers because only she is real to you, I guess, emotionally. And other girls who aren't her, are real to you, physically. And I guess, so, I guess I am neither.

A friend? I want to end it. That isn't what I wanted.

Okay, so I guess I have to end it, since you have nothing to end. Okay, so. This is me ending it.

Okay, so...

It will never be over for me.
Is it over for you?
****,
I keep forgetting it never began.

Okay.
this only hurts me.
Arabella B Sep 10
Sitting on her dorm room bed
Three feet from the floor
Not quite happy
But not quite sad
She wants to feel the ache in her bones
The hatred she has for herself
She wants that to come back
she doesn’t want to feel ok
Cause she’s not
Trying to make that decision
To walkout in the middle of the night
While her room mate sleeps
And to never come back
She’s ok right now
But she wants that sadness
The depression to fill her bones
She wishes she could pull the metaphorical trigger
And not live
Oh how she aches
To just want to not be ok anymore
Because when you’re not ok
You feel alive
Or at least she does
It’s terrible beast
She hates when she’s ok but hates when she’s sad
She just wishes she could not exist
That would be her ultimate goal
She types this in the dark as her roommate drifts off to sleep
I know cause that girl is me
Growth.
Going, you know that you have gone.
Walking clockwise around yourself
I’ve learned that I know nothing
Other than that sometimes you don’t need to know

You need to know calculus and how to sing in 2 different languages
You need to know how to dress business casual and shake hands and beam people with your smile

But when do we learn how to comfort ourselves
Comfort found without the BPA of anything above a 0.8
Who taught us that hearts beating fast will become familiar.
Warm, even
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