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lance Sep 27
i felt miserable,
solemn to the fact,
that giving up
was my harsh reality.

i had dealt with pain before,
but nothing like
the anguish i juggled
in my own hands,
every single dying day,
keeping me up at night.

there’s something about,
sitting all alone
listening to the crickets,
while fueling my addiction,
one cigarette after another.
always finding comfort
in all the worst ways.

Back in eighth grade,
I littered my arms with scars,
told myself no more drugs,
But took them that very night.
always anxious for a way out of my own anxiety,
social and situational always got the best of me.

Took the oath of staying sober,
and picking myself up,
from the debt my heart held that night,
i swore it would stop.

but just like me,
it pushed through,
even when the smoke
filled it’s cavities,
and even when my own head,
lied to me,
over and over again.

My parents always said:

“listen to your heart, and not your head”.
All the burdens in my hands
And all the nightmares I have,
Defines Me.
trying to escape from what I've become
collecting the fragments
just for the pain I need to overcome.
Believe me, when I tell you this
I don't need this, Any of this!
but in this fake world,
can't grasp what's what?
then in the end, all I can feel
is the scars I have,
that you left to fill this void!
wish I had some magic potion,
or some kind of spell to cast upon you,
to stop all the grieving you feed upon.
You pride yourself with your ******* throne,
now its time,
Let me show you how its really done!
The Vault Sep 12
I must not be alone
In the struggle to say no
Catching on my lips
Stuck between my teeth
Which turns to a yes
Before I can think
To not disappoint
To please others
I say yes
Even though
Yes is a bother

Somehow I had it figured out that
If I made it as miserable for you
As it was for me
That then I would have happiness

I stepped into the scene
Chaos in the air as
I prepared to do the deed
Metaphorically raising the axe

But then I looked into your eyes
And saw a piece of myself
How could I let that happen
To another scared soul like me?

Jealousy runs love away from me
It’s hard to want the best for others
But if I knew what I wanted
Isn’t it also what they need?

Do unto others as you
Would have them do unto you
Why does that sound so easy?
Because all I want is a friend

Truth is, I’ve learned so much
But I learned the hardest way possible
I’d rather keep it all to myself
And watch you struggle like I did

Though it makes me feel better
It can only last so long
And it always ends with everyone
Hating me as if I had swung that axe.
Have you ever
Felt like
The words had
Burden within
You so much
That you couldn't
Even write anymore?

By losing all hope
Of the world
Within disparity
Of dried ink
That leaves you
Numb from the inside?
yes, I believe that forgiveness should be given freely
the shedding of unnecessary hatred and the burdens that were never yours to carry
but don't allow the kindness within you to be exploited
you are gentle but you are not feeble
you have full permission to claim your boundaries
to take back your space as your own
disentangle your thinking that loving what hurts you is anything more than self-hatred
Curse, or is it reaping
the debt of my Father’s sins?
lost in the lurch, beeping left
on my Mother’s things. I heard
they’re dreaming theft, but I believe
it’s death. Here lies another king…
The stakes are flames, arrays of desire
an inexplicable functuay of light and pain…
I take the blame for playing with fire,
in this despicable display of
my plight again.
Burdens of the flesh
Burning of the cash
Virgins of the past
Versions of the hags
Curtains when I pass
Searching for finesse
Church is when I rest
Burden is my path
Katrina Aug 12
She carries this lethal weight on her shoulders
and carries on through the day.
Nobody sees the mountains that rise above her head
and almost crushes her with every step.
Her eyes have dried up
She doesn't contain anymore liquid
except when she runs to the corner store
and loads up on her fuel again.
She doesn't seem too notice the weight
when she's floating above the dance floor on a friday night.
Its only when she awakes
the burdens come crashing down
Its only when she awakes
the facade wears off
Its only when she has woken
that she wants to sleep forever.
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