They don't understand, no they don't
It's not that high, maybe from where you are
From the hole that I'm in, it is
It's not just the height, it's also the depth that I'm in

They don't understand, no they can't
It's not that deep, yes, from your comfort it's not.
It's so deep and dark I can't see the supposed ladder Infront of me
They don't understand, maybe they will never .

Maybe it's all an excuse, maybe it's not that deep
Maybe it's not that high and I can reach out
Maybe my hands aren't that crooked that I can hold on
Maybe my feet aren't that broken that I can stand and walk
Maybe my heart isn't shutting down
Maybe I'm not drifting out of consciousness.
Maybe just maybe I'm not dead

Stay positive you said
                                         This copse lives

Fog seeps through every inch of me
Distorting my views of
You
Cleansing me of each thought of
You
These bleak misunderstandings of
You
Because it was really never actually about
You

I'm just scribbling in the wind
Babbling to dead trees
I wonder why I even begin
painting portraits no one sees

I'm just spitting into a void
Barely whispering from a well
I wonder if anyone hears my voice
It's becoming hard to tell

A man can't help but keep it all together,
You can't see my pain,
Because i don't show it,
That doesn't mean i don't have any pain,
I suffer each and everyday,
But i will always smile and laugh thru it all,
I keep my emotions hidden away,
They can't be found but they haven't drowned.

Don't be fooled by strength,
I am human and i feel as well,
I just can't show no sign of weakness,
I will remain strong even through the pain,
Those tears be shedding inside me,
That's why you can't see my tears,
Best to believe i be going thru it daily.

Don't be alarmed if I'm laughing and smiling,
I finesse the pain with laughs and smiles,
Many don't know what I'm suffering with,
I tackle my problems and fears on my own,
It be overwhelming at times,
But that's the only way i know,
They be telling me to talk to someone,
But I'm not into talking about sh*t,
I have my own process.

To understand me,
You have to understand my life,
You have to walk in my shoes,
You have to wear my clothes,
You have to be in my position,
You have to be in my head,heart,spirit and soul.

I'm misunderstood you could never understand,
My life isn't your life,
We have lived totally different lives,
Don't compare my life to your life,
I won't compare my life to yours.

I picked a grape, from a cluster at a deli
you know…to sneak a taste before I buy
A lady scorned, “yuck, ain’t that dusty?”,
and ******* her face like I was going to die

“Hey, what’s up?”I said “I gave it a rub
and I’m not going to buy unless I try,
a lick with my lips, is as good as a scrub”,
and I gave her a wink of my eye

But she wasn’t impressed by my address
and was weirded out by what I meant
She quickly called the police for my arrest
and accused me of sensual harassment

When the police arrived at the crime
I quickly swallowed the pips
For a pinch of a grape, I’m paying no fine
no matter what she claims I did with my lips

But in the meantime
we must be content,
I say, to be misunderstood for a while.
We are all very anxious to be understood,
and it is very hard not to be.
But there is one thing much more necessary;
to understand other people.

Screaming
They do not hear this
Because they're too busy
Doing worthless ****
And pretending that they exist

For a moment you think
You ******* Elon Musk this is a simulation
And this is my realisation
Call me Nick Bostrom and my thought
Is Blood sweat and simulated tears
Because

I observe a figure walking down a street
And in my disorientation I stare at them
Unflinchingly and they stare back and laugh
Like they know me so I'm like what the ****
Who was that guy I'm so confused I swear

**** **** kick a brick that forms part of a wall
Ye Olde England see an Olde man screaming
Abandon hope! Sinner Jim Whitney
Call me Charles Mingus you are the Sinner Lady
And I play my saxophone for you

Sign this page and hand yourself to God
And through this holy book this ancient relic
I save you for you are a sinner
You Jim Whitney repent to rejoice in heaven
There you'll find Dante and Milton
Writing free verse poetry with Christ himself
Resurrected and now

Save the Children with Unicef
Or buy the Big Issue
Would you like a Burrito or a coffee
Or take this money which I loan thee
**** that I feel like you owe me
And I'll spit on your grave and tax your family
Call me Milton Friedman welcome to the economy

Or would you rather let it all go and find the Dharma
There's a Pure Land temple only a train journey away
Come I'll take you there find Abhidhamma
I know you're lost in this postmodern age

Sickness disorientation your mind so blurry
This disorientation the unfocused intensity
Feeling like you don't exist and everything is
So horribly sick and

Walking down a street in all your disorientation
And you're half dead half asleep half existent
Wanting a ******* coffee but you have no money
So you settle for an energy drink that tastes like ****

But you need the caffeine so you can't complain
And your miserable face and ridiculous gait
Is the elephant in the room you ******* good for nothing
******* and why are you even here
Pseudo intellectual half wit

Stop reading Camus you miserable ****
Start watching Love island like any normal
******* miserable person that lives
On this sceptered isle to paraphrase
Shakespeare and revel in your heritage

Aren't you proud to be British
No what is worse what is worse
To be British or to be human
Why am I associated with that flag
That flies on the tower of the house of God
That I observe as I squint my eyes

The Sun is hot but I am cold
I'm very cold so I wear a coat
And a passerby says what the ****
And the wall is my glue yes the wall is my glue

**** look they opened the coffee shop
I want a coffee this energy drink
Tastes like ****
So throw it away
Like life and

Laugh at the pathetic little joke
From a pseudo intellectual
Pseudo poetic poet that cannot write
About this ache they feel…

All this disorientation…
None of it interpretable.
And this poem is never-ending
Unless it just ends.

I try to write from different perspectives
Think outside of my box and be more objective
Give every style of writing a chance
Be open to learning an alien dance
I appreciate effort and creativity
Even if it's subjects that for me don't come easily
I try to write and read from different perspectives
But one thing remains constant
I feel rejected