Will you be my husband?
Be the handsome groom?
Can we walk the aisle right now?
Not someday “soon”?
Will you marry me today?
Make me a happy wife?
Promise me your lips to always kiss
Every day for the rest of your life?
It is a nice day for a proposal
Come on what do you say?
PSYCHE!!! I’m just joking
Happy April Fools Day!

Life is not about money or material things
It's about love and the joy it brings

I do not want to bring you down
I can't help you while I myself drown
I've made some bad decisions
Days are darkening with rapid precision
Tired under so much pressure
Sky collapses crushing pleasure
Feel every text you send
Smile but in reply I pretend
Wherever I go not thinking of you
Ball of longing in my throat for what we knew
Friends reassure I'm better alone
Thought that was true, I still obsess over my phone
I want to call often because I really care
Then you'd see my weakness so I don't dare
Trying each day to keep a safe distance away
You make it hard with each word you say
All I want is to be yours forever
Until I find myself we can't be  together

It seemed yesterday
Heart was happy awhIle
Will it be again?

One billion stories
With thousands of pages filled
Are we but paper?

How can I feel alone with you right by my side?
I am at war with these feelings I hide,
You try so hard, always lend a helping hand,
But when it comes to my soul I fear you don't understand,
I wish you had a mind that worked like mine,
Anxious and uncertain all of the time,
And emotions that constantly go up and down,
With ideas incessantly spinning like a merry-go-round,
Or maybe I just want you to get why
I am easily upset and often cry,
When you tell me I'm crazy that word cuts through my skin,
You of all people should be aware of the chaos within,
But instead I feel in my body there must be something wrong,
Around you I feel like my inner thoughts do not belong,
I know there is no reason for my steadily shifting mood,
But knowing that still does not better my attitude,
I can tell you love and care for me so very much,
But lately I wonder if that is enough,
I find myself trying to be someone different for you,
So we can be happy and not break in two,
But I'm starting to realize and accept
I'll always be like this; insecure, ******-up, a total wreck,
Its not fair to you when you give all you have,
To give up on evolving and only put in half,
You deserve more than what I can offer,
Someone who will aid you to thrive and prosper,
It's clear to see I am holding you back,
A distraction somehow guiding you off-track,
Taking up too much of your time and energy,
Yet when I tell you to go, you say you only want me,
Why is that when I am bitter and cold?
You could find a far warmer hand to hold,
I want you to love me for not despite
My endless flaws that cause us to fight,
I wish I loved you enough to let you go,
It would hurt me but it would be what's best I know,
I am too selfish to say goodbye and depart,
So I continue to break both our hearts,
In hope that your love will make me whole,
Fill up and repair this gaping hole,
I lie not only to you but to myself,
Inside I sense we are too damaged to be helped,
So we live every day with a smile on our faces,
We follow our routine, go the usual places,
But something is off, engraved in each bone,
You're right here so why do I still feel alone?

I know I make you suffer because you remind me all the time
As if yelling words helps me over this mountain that I climb
For a moment why don't you put yourself in my shoes?
Sure if roles were reversed it'd be a different life you'd choose
I want you to be satisfied with me the way I am
And wish you could see that I actually do give a ****
I care about opinion more than you realize
Not able to escape the crushing disappointment in your eyes
Well at least you have made your point crystal clear
Cut ego down daily then have the nerve to say I'm wanted here
I would walk out
Have nowhere else to go
I get high yet somehow still feel just as low
My pillow wet from tears almost every night
Zero point in arguing because you believe you are always right
I wake every morning hating myself more
Isn't your fault but you escalate the war
Internal conflict my ever present curse
Battling with you only makes everything worse
Chasing unrealistic dreams like dog after their tail
Subconsciously aware I am doomed to fail
I wish for once you could take a chance and put some faith in me
Allow room to make mistakes even if you disagree
I know how you feel so there's no need to rub it in
Deragatory remarks remain etched into my skin
I hope someday I will find the strength to rise above
Conquer demons
Discover the parts of me you unconditionally love
Trust when I say I wish I was different just as much as you
It's not that easy to change simply because you want me to
I love you when you make me feel so very bad
And apologize for the countless times I have caused you to be sad
No matter what we go through you will forever be my mom
In the future we can both work on staying calm
I'd corrall moon and stars for you if I thought it would make your smile last
You can't enjoy the present when you're caught up in the past

Live as if flying
Good things are coming your way
Goals within your grasp

Last night evening crept slow
Daylight kissed goodbye
Left the moon hanging so low
At first barely reached the sky
After while climbed darkness's hills
Vibrantly glowing it peered down
The earth bathed in hues of grey fills
Embracing air in which it drowned
Beauty at hour most of world is asleep
Unparalleled by the sun
Blessed seeing dawns guardian instead of sheep
Close eyes when sunrise hits and the moon's work is done

Your journey has come to an end
Mourning for a soul no longer here
Love slowly will help wounds mend
In heart presence will never disappear

We are the perfect pair
Two lovebirds sharing a nest
I make your heart sing, you make my heart fly
Your voice puts my heart at rest.

Please do not be alarmed if I
End up needing more than I should
It's just that life has whittled me down
Rarely do things feel this good

A simple brush across skin
I forget about my past
I cannot think of a single reason
You wouldn't want this to last

Look how much things have changed
I am ready for something real
Take my hand, pull me away
Show me what it means to feel

She was spiraling downward at an alarming rate
Couldn't be reasoned with (though many tried)
She ignored concern
Tempting fate
Behaving as if she had already died

Laughing so loudly
Breath short and scarce afterwards
Making jokes to share

Thoughts of you strike at all hours
Matching memories to mixed emotions
Handsome haunting face appears
Persistent flames burn me with devotion
Inspired inside by inviting eyes
Powerful enough to lock in a gaze
Makes me want to hide within your aura
In a place far from here, get lost in a gaze
Been living a fairytale
Loving through day, all through the night
Evident by how we remove each others clothes
Want you to be the only one who gets to hold me tight
If you are wrapped up next to me in sheets
I look forward to each play-filled day
I can honestly say I am happy with life
If it lasts only a short while that's still okay
Time spent with your hands on my hips
Worth any amount of pain to come
Feelings you rile  within my heart
I will treasure no matter the outcome
I will never forget how your hot breath felt
Tickling my pale exposed neck
Each murmur captured in my brain
Stored in an internal tape deck
Precious moments run around my head
Lips throbbing to touch once more
I will love you until the day I take my last breath
Til the second my still cold body hits the floor

You treat me like minefield
Challenging to navigate
Wrong step will cause me to explode
You take caution with your gait
Got pocketfuls of problems
Neither can seem to fix
Each door we try to open
Leads to wall of bricks
You keep telling me think positively
Optimism is the key to success
When the half-full glass topples over
Still makes the same size mess
Got a fence built between bodies
Separating flaws we don't wish to see
Compatability questionable
Cannot be who you want me to be
Your expectations of me skyscrapers
So high I will never reach the top
To scale distance I'd need to sprout wings
I won't fly because I'm scared of the drop
Good enough worry is not what I am
Painting your colors dark grey
Overhead clouds pour rain and we're drowning
Wouldn't blame you if you decided not to stay

I will spend as much time necessary
Whole life if that is how long it takes
Missing out on things while you miss me
You are worth longing
Persistence
Heartaches

My formless fear grows in size each day
It lives inside
Keeping cursed
Moment is coming for you to be taken away
If it was me I have faith you'd stay through the worst

You are poking at my sore spots
Causing them to redden and swell
Leaving bruises upon ego
Due to show-and-tell

Tear at my facade
Standing there in victory
Watching as I fall down
Laughing while I scramble frantically

I'm screaming at you to stop
In an angry fog
Still love you even full of rage
When you won't say you're wrong

Arms sternly crossed, grow furrowed
Somehow caused me to react
Trapped within the spotlight
Wanting to exit your "concerned" act

Maybe I am just bitter because
You pretend like you care
But really take pleasure in
Exposing secrets stripped bare

It kills my pride to be embarrassed
Here you are mocking
Use my pain for satisfaction
False statements I try blocking

Your voice relentlessly cutting through
Dripping mean drops of bitter defeat
Eyes filled to the brim with resentment
The reason I flee on my feet

Although you are talking out of your ***
I know you don't intend any harm
You just love spreading propaganda
Masking wickedness with charm

Some opinions best left unspoken
Truth lies in your voice
You don't care enough to sort it out
Collect bits of conversation, share It, rejoice

Am I too sensitive, moody, and soft?
Experience should have made me strong
Losses only thinned armor
Eroded by countless decisions wrong

Caught in an infinite power struggle
You fight logic with exaggeration
I've surrendered, white flag waved
A soldier of your own creation

Go stir the *** again
That taunting tone I hate
I love you mom, tell me why
You have to instigate

Stay anonymous
I won't ever be famous
Because all of this

I blame you for the nightmares I experience
The thoughts that fill my weary head
I blame you for the teardrops that fall
The monsters underneath my bed

There was a time I was happy
That was before you left me here
I'm alone, all you've given me
Memories of a wonderful year

It is clear, I can see that you've moved on
No longer need my hand to hold
But wonder if I cross your mind
When stars are out and your bed feels cold

You are the reason things didn't work out
The one who wanted time apart
Now I am the only one in pain
I blame you for this broken mess of a heart

We are truly meant to be with eachother
Intertwined from the start
Destiny pushed us together
The truth is you've always had my heart
I could never lose warm feelings
Enjoy it way too much
Things in life in the way
Never in the way of your touch
Because I have that in my life
Able to stop feeling sad
Knowing you actually care about me
Enough to make my day less bad
There is an endearing mischeviousness
In smile that makes me laugh
Reminding how much I love you
Joy a gift I love to unwrap
I carry love with me everywhere
Tucked away in my chest pocket
Words are valuable and so divine
Voices of angels in my locket
Even when face is stuck in a box
A small
Smudge-filled screen
Clinging to phone as if
In your lap clinging to blue Jean's
You have the charisma
You are smooth
Body and tone
Waited too long to inform you of your skill
Going down you make me moan
Stronger than any satisfaction felt
Never want to leave this bed
Never tire of your caresses
Choosing our path
One step ahead
Come with on this journey
We watch the world around us burn
Whatever you do
I accept it
Can receive the love unearned
I hope you decide what makes you happy
It's me or someone new
Can catch a bigger fish I'm sure
Ran but emotions only grew
See each day as a chance to start over
Will always be welcome in my heart
Do not take the home we made for granted
Know where you are accepted and where you aren't
The best times in life are owned to you
Your life more important than mine
In your mind you are scoffing at me
Bold remarks
Fading lines
Remember words every time you feel weak
Let them nudge
Make you believe
It is you that gives me absolute pleasure
Say yes
All we can achieve
Love is worth the struggle and sacrifice
Know it as well as I do
If we both give 100%
There is no problem we can't work through

Think about your face all the time
Climbing the wall I'm stuck behind
Before you left felt so strong
Now just feel strung along
You spun webs of silken lies
I am the prey you caught that dies
One day say you love me
Next nothing at all
Since I've still been waiting for a single message or call
Something has changed the way that you feel
More likely
Feelings weren't real
Your words can con anybody with enough charm
What do you gain by causing me harm?
**** relationship with stupid mistakes
Suspect are choices you intentionally make
You are a person I don't even recognize
Where best friend stood is a stranger with blue eyes
Happiness stolen by time's vicious stare
****** up to the point beyond repair