I will not waste time counting losses They only bring me down If I allow my brain to think In my thoughts I'll surely drown
I have built a bridge over memories To escape rapid flow A rail so I don't tumble Into dangerous swells below
As long as I remain detached Distant from usual pain I am able to harness meager cheer Keep myself from going insane
I feel a strengthening in my blood A wanting no longer there I have laid away former distractions In favor of clean vacant air
I have done away with disorder At least the negative kind I am going to forget my bad habits Regain the lost parts of my mind
No more whining or self-deprecation Or wanting to change who I will be I am tossing out the mocking past Finally embracing beautiful me
Reading this now if course brings thoughts of recovery and addictiin to my mind but this was waaaay before I ever did real drugs. It was written about my insecurities and accepting myself for the imperfect mess I am.
I used to filter my words and actions to meet other's demands. Thankfully, I've gained confidence in who I am. Because, I would rather be myself, frankly. I'd rather have my flaws than yours and boast about my imperfections than pretend to be this socially acceptable girl. Trust me, I'm far from perfect. This I know. And I'd rather be that than put up a show.
I used to crave for acceptance, but instead I felt pushed away by cliques and clichés, realizing that pretense came with no gains. Now the filter is gone, and I'm sticking with those who've been with me all along. I choose to be myself today. My life is better like that anyway.
Not quite sure why I began writing this poem, but towards the end I express some feelings I had in high school when I always seemed to be trying to impress people. College has taught me the value of being myself and I am moving towards being more comfortable in my own skin.