If these eyes could bare pain,
They’d express more than could be said.
Countless gazes into silver-lined planes
Leaving me isolated with dread.
My ego and her mirthful vanity
Have always had such decadent separation,
Hollowing the marred lines of delicate sanctity
With nothing more than a glance’s provocation.
O how lost I’ve gotten in euphoria
Following a day’s steady mounting joy—
For it to warp into my self-esteem’s phobia:
A woman’s eyes peering from the face of a boy.
You will find yourself in the bath tub
Not to get clean but so the running water
Covers sounds of cookie bags tearing open
And drowns out the bawling
Instead of drowning yourself
Because your roommate would have to live with that,
and you're not even sure she likes living with you
You will find bruises that you never investigate
Count them against the self harm you must do later
You will sleep through what matters the most
And lie awake when you're alone counting the reasons you aren't worth it
You aren't worth it
You aren't ******* worth it
You will refuse the love you need
They didn't mean it when they gave it to you
But you will accept love that doesn't feel good
And convince yourself that it's more than you deserve
You will question everything beautiful about you
You will starve these questions into submission
Your stomach will empty into a toilet
Where you will look for answers
There will only be acid and alphabet soup
Spelling for you that vomiting isn't beautiful
You will do it again anyway
In hopes you'll earn the love that doesn't hurt
But never from yourself
No, never from yourself.
Meets the eye-
Who you see
May just be
To set you free.
Self-Love is like honey to the soul.
I was in jail the night we met.
The dues I paid still don't explain
How 'twas for you I was meant.
After you stole me away
And showed my mind sweet surrender,
I learned to keep the demons at bay-
They made me a cheap pretender.
In a clairvoyant haze,
I let the light of love hold me tender.
The paths I walk are now paths I raze,
You led me to the root of splendor
And with that I'll do okay.
Why do I continually ****** my happiness into other peoples arms when they can never hold the weight very long?
My entire world I gift without the slightest hesitation
To a person who never asked to bear my burden
Never wanted the responsibility of taking care of my heart
Of course the life dangling from their fingers isn’t important-
-It is not their obligation to fufill
Whenever you are near me next
I will ****** my smile right out of your clumsy hands
And take back the happiness you so shakily held
If it is not already too late...
Don’t put your happiness in other people’s hands. They’ll drop it, every single time.
What makes you shine
Lies not in your gold;
Age yourself like wine
To accentuate the soul.
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually a sense of worth, of value, of relevance... a sense of purpose and place.
The loss of these took me here.
It is not a light that those in the tunnel control... seemingly forever beyond my reach and unable to believe in value, place or worth.
It was never the aim to switch the light off. It was the hand and judgement of others that threw the switch to off. It is why the light and the switch are on the outside of the tunnel and not in the darkness where I am.
If you give no worth...
If you give no value...
If you give no relevance...
If you give no purpose...
Then there can be no place where the light can shine.
Purpose and relevance feed worth and value... in turn self esteem gets fed. It is false that you must love yourself first. Very definitely it is the other way around.
her screams are silent
her mind is violent
insecurities deep inside
slowly eating her alive
her heart starts to race
the color leaves her face
standing in front of the mirror
no one can hear her
“I HATE YOU”
the tears start to stream
staring at her reflection
she looks at the scale
knowing she'll fail
her reflection’s a blur
the mirror mocks her
her stomach starts to ache
causing her hands to shake
consumed by her fears
she wipes her tears
she puts on her mask
and moves onto the next task
time to put on a show
pretending to be whole
she wears a facade
because she is flawed
a broken little doll on sitting on a shelf
no one hates her more than herself
On a stranger's lawn
Dosed to the ears in
It's easy for one
To let go
And float into space
So long as they know Calm
itself by its full name.
Shackle them to the ground
Until the Earth itself
Seems to swallow them
into her fiery depths.
Living under the influence
Is only a jolly trip
When you become